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  • Grey Area? (very long)

    Hi there,

    I am not a victim of rape, nor have I ever been falsely accused. I am posting a message here for advice on something that I have stumbled across that may or, importantly may not be, serial rape. There is another component that I will mention later if you like which, I believe, makes what is going on wrong regardless, and I welcome your comments on all aspects of this though I think the rape aspect is the most relevant here.

    Here is the story as I saw, and in the order that it happened to me and I'll tell you what I believe actually happened should you wish to hear. This is a complex story and I will not fit it all in here, so I have merged some events. I'll try and leave out what's not relevant. Please feel free to pick holes and I'll try to plug the gaps if I can.

    It all starts in June of last year when I was Internet dating. I was contacted by a Russian woman living in the UK and we arranged to go on a date. We got on well and had three more dates, one with a female friend she wanted me to meet. At this time, she went back to Russia to fetch her daughter to the UK.

    She had told me that she had been ill, beaten up by her ex husband and her daughter had gone to stay with her grandparents in Russia and now she was going to get her before the school term started. Everything was fine, she texted and emailed I miss you's from Russia. When she returned, I tried to arrange to meet her, but, although she assured me by phone that there was nothing wrong, I didn't actually meet her again for five weeks after her return. This was with her daughter in tow.

    This meeting was odd because she told me that I had to meet her out of sight of the new apartment that she was living at. She stated that her landlord had imposed a women only rule in the place (archaic, I thought). Slightly suspicious, I asked if he was married and she said yes. So I imagined a situation where she had a room in a married couples house which was how she presented it.

    To cut a long story short, this continued for some months with gaps of one week to a fortnight between dates, with everything being fine and normal on the actual dates, just with the long gaps between. She told me that she was studying for an English exam and could not spare the time ? I checked and Russians do study far more hours than western students normally do. At this time, she told me that she had taken a job with her landlord doing translation work (I recall her fretting about it) and this involved frequent travel to London too ? so it was even harder to meet.

    Another strange thing about this whole relationship was that there was no sex, even after six months, which I put down to her being Russian ? stupid I now know, but I thought they were very strict about that sort of thing though I was willing to live with that.

    At Christmas, we had been invited to stay with her best friend and it all went incredibly well ? or so I thought, her daughter started calling me dad and we seemed to be getting much closer. Except she actually disappeared half way through the holiday going back to her apartment and would not let me visit.

    This all continued for about another six weeks, with her getting closer and closer, staying weekends etc. Though no sex.

    Throughout all of this time, her landlord/boss was always in the background and she seemed to be at his beck and call ? answered his every whim. On more than one occasion, she had told me he was a ?very bad man? but would not be pushed any further about why. And she would never tell me his name.

    This actually made me very curious about him, though I trusted her and figured that I would not spy as that would be wrong.

    At Russian Christmas (about two weeks after ours), I had agreed to take her and a friend to London to a Russian Orthodox church to celebrate. When I got to the apartment to pick her up (she had actually said that I should drive up there), there was a real commotion going on and she asked me if I would mind driving another lodger from the place to the coach station as her landlord had thrown this woman out. The woman in question got into the back seat of my car and made a call. She was Lithuanian and though I couldn't understand what she was saying, I thought I heard the words Police and Embassy, though I thought nothing more of it. My girlfriend said that she was at the house to be taught English. She explained that is what the company she worked for did, they offered a whole package for people who are trying to get into the country as teachers, doctors and nurses (on the Highly Skilled Migrant Program), what she and her boss did was (for a fee) bring them in to the UK, do all the necessary paperwork, train them in English to the required level (there's an exam immigrants have to pass I believe) and place them in Schools or Hospitals. A complete re-location package.

    Early in February, she gave me her business card. By this time, she still hadn't told me her boss's name, so I thought I would find out by looking at the company registration on the Internet. I looked up the company, and rather than finding his name on there listed as a director, I found my girlfriends name, the name of the friend I had met months back and a woman partner who also had a Russian name that I had never heard of.

    All of this came as a complete shock as my girlfriend had never mentioned that he had made her a company director. ?He made me sign some papers? is how she explained it. I explained to her how he was probably ripping her off ? a company director has no special financial privileges and is responsible for the good running of a company - as he was not a director, he did not want to be responsible (even though he was in charge). At this point - and this was all done in the form of a blazing row - she told me what had been going on. ?There is a lot of sex going on?. She told me that he was some kind of sex addict and that he was ?importing? women for sex. She said that he brought them into the country and promised them that in return for the services I mentioned above that he required sex from them. Until the completion of their stay with him, he can ask them for sex at any time.

    Now this is an important point ? the way this is described to me, he does not force them physically.

    If they refuse, he simply throws them out (like the Lithuanian woman).

    I asked my girlfriend why she stayed there, and she says that he had her paperwork, passport, visa etc. and that she can not leave him until she gets them back. She assures me she is in control of the situation and please just let her deal with it. It would take about a month. She tells me that there are two ways through the course, one is to pay your way with money (she says this is what she did ? no I didn't believe her) and the other is to pay with sex.

    OK, maybe you don't believe me, I think the police didn't. If so treat it as hypothetical. Certainly it is all hearsay and couldn't go near a court.

    Is this rape? These women are brought into the country without knowing what is going to happen to them. It is not until they are in the house that he gives them the choice. They are in a strange country with a strange man. The options are to go back to where they came from or consent to sex. Many of these women are desperate to leave the countries they came from. He also does not tell them he is already married and to Russian woman that fact is very important as far as consent is concerned.

    I also wonder if they do all consent. If not and they are raped, what are they going to do ? they are from countries where men's attitude to women is completely different and domestic violence is rife, the police are simply there to pay money to and they can't even read the signs or use the phones. They are in the middle of the countryside too. This all happens within one or two days of them getting to this country. If he did rape them, he could almost certainly talk them out of a complaint even if they were going to make one.

    I am about one third of my way through this story and it is already too long. I think you'd better say if you want to hear the rest. I have told the police, but to say they didn't do a proper investigation is a major understatement. They have not spoken to any of the women who stayed at the place (I don't know exactly how many, but double figures almost certainly). I worked out what was actually going on with the help of two other women ? the police have not spoken to them despite being given an address. They simply made an appointment to see him, and my (now ex) girlfriend and the original friend I met ? all (I now know) complicit in what went on ? they all denied knowledge and that is the end of it as far as the police are concerned. It hasn't even been recorded as a complaint (they need one of the non-English speaking women they haven't spoken to to make a complaint apparently), so if any further allegations are made, whoever investigates them will know nothing of what I have said. Apparently the police visited the house where all this happened a couple of years ago too, but I am not sure if a complaint was recorded then either.

    You may not believe what I have said, at the moment it feels like no-one in authority does, but I know it is the truth and that is what truly terrifies me and still keeps me awake at night four months later. There is more and worse to say, maybe that will stretch your credulity, so maybe you would just like to discuss whether or not this situation, if the woman consents, is rape.

  • #2
    I would say rape is quite likely to have happened. It sounds akin to trafficking or forced prostitution. There's an organisation called the Poppy Project that helps women who've been involved in forced prostitution, where you might be able to get advice on what to do: http://www.poppy.ik.com/
    My self-help articles on problems ranging from depression and phobias to marriage difficulties, to looking after children and teenagers, to addictions and destructive behaviours like anorexia, to bullying, to losing weight, to debating skills: http://broadcaster.org.uk/self-help
    And my article: How to Avoid Falling for Many False Claims or Fears of the Supernatural

    Comment


    • #3
      Still long...

      Thanks for the quick reply, I will get in touch, though I do not think that the cap fits in this situation, they certainly might be able to speak to the women in question ? though the ones still in this country are now on their way to becoming teachers, doctors and nurses.

      He was not in fact holding my girlfriends papers she was actually there willingly. This is, I think, where I might stretch your belief limits. And please, please say if you don't believe what I say, I have had both police and now social services go ?suddenly quiet? on me and I do not know if they are doing anything or simply don't believe me. I won't be upset, I just want to know how people are reacting. I know I'm not mad, but I could be mistaken.

      He actually helps the women and many of them are grateful for what he does for them. He is not a pimp. Though I think he scares or threatens them. My ex girlfriend described him as an evil genius ? and that is exactly what I think he is. I'll tell you a little more of the story to explain why.

      In the same final argument, my ex girlfriend told me that he had approached her (11 year old) daughter and offered to show her himself having sex with one of the other women in the house. She apparently had already been warned to go and tell her mother if anything like that happened and so she did. Mother says she went up to him a told him to leave her daughter alone. She said that this was a risky thing to do and she was very close to being thrown out.

      I managed to persuade her to leave his business card with me ? with his name on. She also told me some more things about him and begged me not to go to the police. At this stage, I was scared for the little girl ? who slept two unlocked bedrooms down from this man. But I did, after eight months, have his name.

      I looked it up on the Internet and, after much searching, discovered that he had previous convictions and was indeed a multiple rapist ? though not in the usually imagined sense. At this stage, I was truly terrified for the little girl and called my girlfriend and told her what I had found out. She, bizarrely in my mind, acted as though I was being really inconsiderate (I had called her at work), by calling to tell her that her boss, the man she slept in the next room to, was a convicted multiple rapist and I had to work really hard to persuade her to meet me the next day. I could not understand this. She assured me that he was on holiday and not due home until the next day, so they were both safe. She also agreed that if I could prove to her that he was a rapist, she would leave.

      I met them the next day and she was extremely hostile to me though agreed to come to my place to look at what I had found (by this time, I had original Times newspaper reports on his rape trial and radio reports I had found on the net). She was convinced. But incredibly, she still refused to leave ? remember what he had said to her daughter.

      I told her that if she went back, and I would take her back if she wanted to go, I would have to call the police. She decided instead for me to take her to her best friends place (the one we had spent Christmas with). This is a long drive and it was about four in the morning by the time we got there. I left her there and at that point the relationship was over.

      I went to the police anyway (I believe there are some things you simply must report, regardless of loyalties) and was not inspired, as they spoke to me for about ten minutes ? this story takes much longer to tell than that.

      The same day, I got a phone call from the best friend I had dropped my ex girlfriend off with. She told me that in fact, my ex girlfriend was seeing this man and that I was a kind of backup position in case he didn't work out. He is a very wealthy man and she was chasing the money. After I had dropped her off, she had taken my girlfriend to B&B the next day. She had at Christmas already decided that she wanted nothing more to do with her.

      I told the best friend what I had found out and she told me that at that point they had both started planning what they were going to say to the police the very next day. They spent all day preparing. She actually told me what they were going to say, and what the police eventually, weeks later, told me were the reasons why they were not proceeding. If the police had spoken to her (as I asked them to) before they had spoken to the landlord or my ex girlfriend, then they would have known that they had both prepared responses.

      It doesn't get any worse after here (than child abuse ? I still can't believe that I am saying this), though there is more to tell

      I agree with you in that I believe he is committing rape, but to prove it in a court of law is almost impossible.

      The police have already investigated and given up and I have told social security about the girl, but I am unwilling to take this further. I complained against the police many years ago and had problems because of it and I have also heard similar stories from a friend who did the same. That is I think my only real option from here. I have to be honest, the only reason I am saying this here is because of the little girl. I don't think I can do anything about the women. I feel that what he is doing is abhorrent (he deals with schools daily ? that's his job) and I can prove nothing. Except that he is a convicted rapist. Unless someone else talks to the police, he has gotten away with it and if he is not interested in an eleven year old, he will certainly be interested at thirteen, or whenever puberty is.

      If you believe me, What can I do? Should I do anything?

      Comment


      • #4
        Would you consider it worth complaining to the Police Complaints Commission? Also, have you spoken to the boss of the people in social services who appear to be ignoring you?

        The work of the Poppy Project might not be appropriate for these women and the child in itself, but they may be able to refer you on to other organisations that might be more appropriate, or they may be able to give you a few general ideas about what you could do. I'm not sure if they would, but it might be worth a try. If you do try them, let us know how helpful they are.

        I'm not sure if your MP could help, but they might be worth a try.

        Failing the alternatives, it may just be worth contacting a reputable media organisation like the Face The Facts programme on Radio 4. It's a long shot, but they might just be interested in exposing what's going on, which may make the police and social services feel compelled to get involved. If the programme did decide to investigate it, perhaps as part of a wider investigation, I expect they wouldn't say anything that might identify you if you asked them not to. It's also possible that if you asked them if they had any suggestions as to what you could do, they might be able to refer you on to people who might.
        My self-help articles on problems ranging from depression and phobias to marriage difficulties, to looking after children and teenagers, to addictions and destructive behaviours like anorexia, to bullying, to losing weight, to debating skills: http://broadcaster.org.uk/self-help
        And my article: How to Avoid Falling for Many False Claims or Fears of the Supernatural

        Comment


        • #5
          You could try phoning the NSPCC for advice on what to do: 0808 800 5000.

          Kidscape might also be able to help: 020 7730 3300.
          I will call Social Services first though they said they would talk to me if anything happened. If they are doing nothing then I will try the NSPCC. There may be something civil I can do.

          I have mailed the Poppy Project and someone is going to call me. I'll let you know how I get on.

          I have also been told he is dangerous, though no confirmation from the police about that, despite asking. I have had to move out of town. If he is convicted for a second time, he will probably go to prison for the rest of his life. A good thing, but I think it will leave me in danger.

          I have actually met another Russian woman, living in Russia, through the "Best Friend" I mentioned, and my main concern with reference to the Police Complaints Procedure is that they can interfere in Visa applications etc. That is where my reluctance lies. I think if the Poppy Project can talk to any of the women and get a complaint, maybe that is a way forward - I think it is the only way the police will act further, so there is no point in complaining because there simply isn't enough to proceed with unless one (or probably more than one) of the women complains.

          Thank you for your reasoned advice, by the way I can't in all conscience leave the issue of the women alone even if I say so out loud. I just can't leave him raping women. My ex girlfriend said to me that what he was doing wasn't illegal and spent some two weeks trying to persuade me of that fact - that is what still clouds my mind. My friends have been telling me to walk away from this for six months now, and I would have been happy to if the police had done a good job and he was under arrest now.

          Comment


          • #6
            I have also been told he is dangerous, though no confirmation from the police about that, despite asking. I have had to move out of town. If he is convicted for a second time, he will probably go to prison for the rest of his life. A good thing, but I think it will leave me in danger.
            If social services or the NSPCC, or the police - if they finally got involved - could be instructed to say that any investigation they were carrying out was being done on the basis of an anonymous tip-off, would the man have good reason to suspect it came from you? You wouldn't need to be a witness at any trial if they had strong evidence of wrongdoing from the victims, or from a search of the house.

            I suppose saying the information came from an anonymous tip-off might make things worse for the people in the house, if he isn't arrested straightaway and he suspects one of them. It might be worth discussing with the people in social services etc. who you speak to how they intend to go about investigating the situation without risking putting anyone in danger that way, if they do investigate it. Maybe they have procedures in place to limit the risk, but I think it would be worth checking.

            It may be that the women would be more willing to complain if they knew of alternative, affordable ways they could achieve their aspirations, so they don't think they'd lose out on their studies and be left unable to find accomodation if he was arrested. It might be worth raising that issue with the Poppy Project.
            My self-help articles on problems ranging from depression and phobias to marriage difficulties, to looking after children and teenagers, to addictions and destructive behaviours like anorexia, to bullying, to losing weight, to debating skills: http://broadcaster.org.uk/self-help
            And my article: How to Avoid Falling for Many False Claims or Fears of the Supernatural

            Comment


            • #7
              I am not sure if there are currently any women in the house. He already knew that I was probably going to the police. I am certain that there will be again though. My ex told me that he actually has multiple houses ? at least three and that he keeps women in more than one house actually fetching and carrying them about. I don't know if the police know that, despite me trying to tell them. I think in prison, he learned a few things probably from people in organised prostitution. What he is doing is very carefully thought out and I think there are even women (certainly men) who go through the process that he does not touch and who do pay money. It is all done through a legitimate company that does legitimate work.

              My ex told me of a girl that she knew that was coming to the house and said that she was going to pre-warn her about what was going to happen and let her decide if she wants to come ? that's how I know that he does not tell them before they get to this country.

              I'll complete my story to make things a little more clear. And try to stretch your credibility barrier even further.

              I spoke to the best friend and we compared stories, finding out a lot of worrying stuff. She also mentioned someone she knew that my ex was talking to and said she would call her. They had actually stopped talking to each other because of things my ex had said which had caused a rift between them. This third person was also quite worried about what was going on and had much she wanted to get off her chest also.

              There then followed a series pennies dropping as things I had seen months before were re-interpreted. That was a horrible time for all of us as we realised that there was rape taking place and then possibly child abuse.

              This is the story that we pieced together between the three of us.

              My ex is actually quite a piece of work herself.

              Back in June of last year, at the same time that my ex contacted me on the Internet, she was also contacted by the landlord. He offered to show her sex between himself and another woman (The woman I met). She went to do this willingly and apparently was able to watch and join in at her leisure, which she did (she told all this to her other friend). At this time, I was doing normal dating stuff with her. Here we enter the first grey area. The landlord then offered to pay for her to go to Russia and get her daughter back ready for the school term in return for her to come and stay with him and the other woman that was staying at the place (his wife lives elsewhere, not with him, and does not use his name, by the way).

              She decided to move in and then went to Russia to get her daughter back, after she returned, she moved in with him, with her daughter, and I believe paid the price for the favour he had done for her. I didn't see her for five weeks. I don't know what happened to her, but shortly after this the other woman moved out and started a teacher training course. My ex says that it was at this time that other women started arriving, but I think she was just on the same conveyor belt and it had been going on for some time before she arrived.

              A week or so later, my ex tells me that he is threatening to throw her out and that she does not know what to do. She says that she can stay there if she works for him, but does not want to. I offer her to move in with me, but she refuses ? too soon she says. A few days later she says that she is working for him and can stay there indefinitely. She tells me she is doing translation work for him and gets ?100 every time he takes her to London (1-3 times a week). Wow I think ? good money (and yes, I wonder if it is prostitution). She takes a few trips to her best friend and apparently passes out business cards amongst the Russian women there (there is a small community of Russians in that area) saying that if they have any problems, of any kind, get in touch.

              One woman has divorce problems and gets in touch. She meets with Landlord and my ex who advise her to forge evidence of being beaten up by her husband and report him to the police, they will show her how to do it ? for a fee. She says that she can not afford to pay and is advised that it's no problem, she can just pay with sex. Just come and stay at the house for a couple of weeks. No the police have not spoken to this woman. I saw another woman at Christmas who was, I later found out an illegal and was going there for help. She will never testify.

              What she is actually doing is getting women for him. That is why she won't tell me his name at this stage. That was the job she was fretting about, you don't fret about translation work at ?100 for half a day. He is also getting women from Russian marriage agencies and importing them, choosing specifically nurses, doctors and teachers. I think they are taken to London first (or maybe arriving at the airport?) and my ex acts as a translator for him there, smoothing the way possibly, saying that everything will be ok and to just ?go with the flow? for a month or so and they will come out the other end with a visa, an English qualification and a placement at a school or hospital.

              This goes on for some months. All through this time, my ex has her own agenda basically financial (and no I am not being the rejected boyfriend here), she is actively dating still and seeing three or four men. She is also into stranger sex and meets guys from the Internet purely for sex. I think she lives some kind of double life with a legitimate boyfriend (see later for why) and does what turns her on as well. She once said to me that she sees herself as a Footballers Wives/Sex in the City kind of character. Except it's obviously all screwed up. I have no problem with that, if that's what she wants to do and it's between consenting partners. I don't like that she involved me, but it's not the first time it's happened to me (I am unlucky in business too ? go figure) and I have gotten over it.

              I am not sure at what point, but sometime throughout all of this, she falls in love with him (she tells someone this at Christmas). Quite what kind of a mind she has I do not know, I challenged her about him quite early on and she assured me throughout that there was nothing going on. She is a compulsive liar and a truly good liar at that. Later she said to me ?it's only sex, they don't matter? though she tells her friend that she is actually jealous of every one of them as they come through. She is expected to teach them English. At the end, she goes to stay with friends (including me) whenever he brings a new woman to the house, but returns whenever he tells her to (this is what happened at Christmas, he had a new woman for her to look after). It almost sounds like a conveyor belt. Truly sick.

              Throughout all of this, the story she tells me is that she is doing translation work and English teaching for women that are paying, but things aren't adding up and I am suspicious as is her best friend who is being told that she wants to marry this guy (in true Russian fashion) and how wonderful he is. She invites her best friend up to stay with her, but her best friend says she is suspicious and refuses.

              After I discover he is ripping her off, she gets worried and self preservation kicks in. Firstly, she tries to ?come over? to me, saying that she wants to move in, she also says that she wants her mother to stay for the summer (that she certainly can't do at his house) and can she stay with ?us?. I was her legitimate front for friends and relatives. But at about this point I find out about the stranger sex and the other men (she left her email open on my computer in case you are wondering how), she realises that I am not an option. She goes back to him and tells him that I have been spying on him and that I have found out what he is up to (in fact, of course, she told me). So, to answer your point, he does know it's me that told the police ? she told him. He also had ample time to get rid of any evidence. At this point, I don't know that she is helping him and I believe she is a victim of him (I think he has her papers).

              After this she wants to stay with him because he is very good with the law. He's been through it all before and is a very clever guy anyway. That is why I can't persuade her to leave him. It takes the threat of me actually going to the police to do that.

              She has no problem with what he is doing, when I tell her he is a rapist, she said ?stupid women, they should have just enjoyed the sex?. Unbelievably horrific. Her daughter sleeps in the same house as this guy. She also made that point to her best friend (her best friend threw her out).

              This all sounds so paranoid, I will not blame you for not believing me. But like I said, I am not lying and the story fits the facts.

              He knows it's me, my ex told him so and she also pre-warned him that the police were coming. She has been helping him all along with her own agenda. A woman helping a man to rape. She thought she was in control of the situation but it's gone pear shaped on her and self preservation is all she's interested in. To her that means denying everything. The police were quite accusing towards me when they took me in to the final meeting where they told me that were no longer investigating. She had spoken to them and made it look like I was the rejected lover who was jealous. I will tell you exactly what she said if you ask, but this is already too long again.

              What I do hope is that I become the least of his worries. So that his attention is entirely on the authorities. I will not go to the tabloids, that is a double edged sword especially with me needing visas etc, but the BBC sounds like a possibility. Long shot though ? they've got very big fish to fry already.

              Your point about assuring the women that they can still achieve their aims is valid, and one that makes me despair. They do not have to go through this ? they are allowed in on the the Highly Skilled Migrant program. It's that simple. My ex said that he has ?friends? in the home office and immigration and can speed paperwork through, but I think that is just a con for the women. She tells them that he has a special service to offer, but in reality he hasn't, just hiring a translator to fill in the forms is all you would need to do. There are other companies offering the same service legitimately (for money only), anyway but they are a rip-off really. These women do not have to pay this price, but he puts them into a position where they can not refuse him and he pays ? that's why it's legally grey. How can we communicate with these women and warn them of people like him. I think the Poppy Project really can help with this one. I suspect that the key there is education and communication back in eastern Europe.

              One thing ? pure speculation ? that really worries me is that he seemed to loose interest with my ex after about two months (nearly threw her out), but he was still helping her daughter six months later, with getting her places at a posh school, riding lessons, ice skates, ice skating lessons and more. He also bought her a pretty dress at Christmas ? which I noticed she refused to wear - her mum made her, took a photo and then let her take it off. I believe he pays for what he does in his own warped way ? what was he paying for?

              I also remember an incident where the daughter spoke to me, out of the blue, about putting food where babies come from (she was then 10 years old). Her mum looked shocked and told her off. There's more here, but I can't say without identifying him other than to say that mum told me that he was talking with her about it. I know his past, that's terrifying.

              Also notice that the offer he made to my ex ? to watch him having sex - is exactly the same offer he made to the 11 year old girl.

              Other women that come through the place have children also.

              The last communication I have with my ex is a solicitors letter stating that I threatened her (by saying that I would go to the police) and that I kidnapped her and took her to her best friends place (stopping at services on the way? Yeah right) and that I must have no further communication with her ? which I haven't, even though she last tried to communicate with me. It also says that she is currently not staying with him but that she intends to move back in with him. With her daughter.

              As I re-visit all of this, I realise that this is a horror story. I did nothing wrong, just go on a date!

              See how long it takes you to read (let alone understand) all of this and see if it is longer than the 15 minutes (in total) the police spent talking to me.

              All of this happened in February, and I am trying to move on, but in this current position wth him walking free and the little girl going back, I just can't.

              Comment


              • #8
                pete i think you are extremly brave and if was in your shoes i would fight and fight like hell for this little girl god only knows what is going to happend to her this sicko needs locking up and all the others like him........ there are to many b..... getting away with crimes like this keeps us updated x

                Comment


                • #9
                  Maybe the police don't know his history, and if you present them with print-outs of incriminating information from newspapers, they'll take it more seriously and advise you on whether they can help with your safety issues.

                  I think that various organisations, like UNICEF, are beginning to set up programmes in Russia to try to protect the most vulnerable children from being taken to other countries to be sexually exploited, but I'm not sure there's any scheme around that would warn all children against such situations as the one you described.
                  My self-help articles on problems ranging from depression and phobias to marriage difficulties, to looking after children and teenagers, to addictions and destructive behaviours like anorexia, to bullying, to losing weight, to debating skills: http://broadcaster.org.uk/self-help
                  And my article: How to Avoid Falling for Many False Claims or Fears of the Supernatural

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                  • #10
                    I gave the police a newspaper article I had found on the web about an incident that occurred in 2000. It explained enough for them to know that he had a past that should have been looked up. I think they must have checked him out. He was not on the Electorial Register where he is living, but like I said, very clever and he is probably registered somewhere else as well as on the sex offenders register probably - will he be on there?

                    Looking at it from the Police point of view, I can understand that they thought they couldn't proceed. The only way this is going to court is if one or more of the women makes a complaint. He has been so clever in his choice of victim. But they should have at least spoken to them!

                    Thank you for your words of support Maria, you have no idea how much it means to me just to be believed. I feel like a boy who is pointing at a burning building with passers by just patting me on the head. As far as personal safety goes, they did talk about getting me shot, but I am NOT going to leave that little girl in danger. How can I? I think that if there is a constant trickle of people paying attention to him for the next few years, she should be safe. I will not break the law, but there is still plenty I can do within the law.

                    If he gets me shot now, that would be a big mistake because the police will know exactly who did it and never let up on him.

                    I believe that there should be a blacklist of people like him that alerts Women to his behaviour. I am not sure of the law, but maybe you can name him in Russia and tell women what he is. I am thinking of emailing all of these marriage agencies and telling them about his previous convictions. That would be legal I assume?

                    I wonder about my ex girlfriend, is she a victim in any way? When I first spoke to the police, I thought she was and said so to them. I had to call again when I found out that she was helping him, which probably didn't help my credibility, but when there is the welfare of a child at stake, they should have taken me more seriously. Like I said, I spoke to them for about 15 minutes in total 10 for the first meeting and 5 when they told me they weren't proceeding. I tried to call them three or four times, but they never returned my calls. the guy I was talking to was more slippy than a bar of soap and you could tell he was mentally switched off after about 30 seconds. He just said "Yeah... Really... Oh..." A lot. I couldn't believe it. I gave him the address of the best friend - who was willing to talk - she had overheard them talking about getting me shot and what they were planning as replies when the police spoke to them. She had two other names - the other friend and the woman who had been advised to falsify evidence and pay with sex.

                    I am currently working away (in the town I had to leave) so I have not spoken to the Poppy Project or Social Services. I wil let you know what happens though.

                    Thanks again for your support.

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                    • #11
                      I've come across an organisation in Russia it might be useful for you to contact for advice on how to spread the word about the man; they might be able to help: The Angel Coalition - Anti-Trafficking Coalition of Russia and the CIS.

                      Don't forget the NSPCC. If they can't help you themselves, they may be able to refer you on to an organisation that can.

                      If the man committed the previous offences for which he was caught before the Sex Offenders Register came into being, then I don't think he'd be on it, unfortunately.

                      If you're going to contact the agencies to warn them about him, it might be best to just send them newspaper clips rather than to give them any personal details of your story that would allow the man to identify you if word got back to him.
                      My self-help articles on problems ranging from depression and phobias to marriage difficulties, to looking after children and teenagers, to addictions and destructive behaviours like anorexia, to bullying, to losing weight, to debating skills: http://broadcaster.org.uk/self-help
                      And my article: How to Avoid Falling for Many False Claims or Fears of the Supernatural

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                      • #12
                        5 Years after

                        Hi there,


                        I suppose I would like to finish this story, at least from my end, as, having just re-read it, there's stuff that needs to be explained.


                        Did the man in question get caught? No.


                        Is he still free? As far as I know, yes.


                        Is he still raping women? Probably, though I don't know for sure.


                        Is he still using this method, probably not. Variety is the spice of life, after all. This guy's got an imagination.


                        So very little actually happened from my perspective after this, most of the organisations mentioned just referred me back to the police. However, having emailed the Angel Coalition in Moscow, they in turn got in touch with Scotland Yard and an officer from there emailed me. He was from Operation Pentameter which was the anti-trafficking unit at the time, before they set up a proper task force. He called, asked me a few questions and then went to speak to the officers who had carried out the initial investigation. After a couple of weeks of digging about, he called me back and told me he was satisfied that they had carried out a good investigation.


                        And that was that.


                        The ex girlfriend seemed to try and "bump into me" a couple of times after we split up (outside my work), but well, she had lied constantly throughout our "relationship" and I wasn't going to go back to that! Plus she had sent me (quite obviously under the guidance of the rapist) a solicitors letter warning me away.


                        Good news is that the guy from Operation Pentameter strongly implied (as he couldn't legally tell me) that this man is on the sex offenders register, with all that entails - which isn't much really! But it helps.


                        I have to confess that I simply can not believe that the police did such a bad job. I strongly suspect that they were watching this guy, probably before I reported the incidents I did, there's just no way they would have treated the whole thing so trivially, with him being a convicted rapist already. It's just too odd!


                        The lady from Social Services did say that if any of them went to his house, they would only go in there with a police escort, so it just shows how seriously they saw him.


                        The little girl? I have no idea, I wasn't allowed to go near. The officer from Operation Pentameter told me that social services had spoken to her and that they could find no signs of sexual abuse. God I hope that's true. She's now what, 15? 16? If her mother kept her promise to go back to this guy, god help her daughter.


                        I'd just like to say thank you to those people on here who helped me through all this. Plus all of you who've actually got this far through the tomes that I seem to write when I am stressed!


                        So here, five years later, the story ends for me. I did my bit and I think the guy got away with it. Will I stop thinking about this? Ever? Hell no.



                        Thanks,


                        Pete

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                        • #13
                          Hi Pete, thank you for the update. I'm sure that this man must have been in the papers since, they aren't as clever as they like to think.

                          In the last five years there have been more laws passed to protect children - you can go and get this mans name checked by the police under Sarah's Law.

                          It never ceases to amaze me that where the evidence is as obvious as a pikestaff the police won't/don't do anything if it means them having to proper work, but when it comes down to a load of tosh they dash about interviewing anything that's not nailed down.

                          I can see why you can't just let this go. I can see why you want closure. I can see why you want someone to listen and I can see why you want someone in authority to help. Try your local MP, it may seem far-fetched, but sometimes they can get things moving.
                          And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the world round .... and laughed and laughed and laughed ..

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