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  • feeling really low...

    I have always been better at giving advice than receiving advice and I guess thats why its hard to take some positive steps to overcome this mental state I am in right now.

    If I could curl up and die right now I would. I feel worthless. I would never kill myself but I would not mind if I died right now. I think all the abuse I have put up with has finally got me. Its like all the time I was pretending it was not that bad and it was normal I seemed to be able to carry on with life at a rapid speed. Too fast in fact and now it is my time to crash and lick my wounds. Its just everything feels so hard. I love my house to be very clean and I have not wahed the pots today, the washing machine has broken and the vacuum cleaner and in a way I dont give a damn and dont have the energy to go about getting them fixed. I am really fed up. I have started a new med that has not kicked in yet, I have tried to stay well away from meds but this time I think I need them or I might go off the rails.

    Sorry for moaning I just needed to offload...
    Life is full of options is just choosing the right one thats hard....

  • #2
    oh isi - it all comes at once doesn't it? I think you know that when the meds kick in you'll feel much better, so hang on in there. Dark thoughts will happen after what you've been through and I hope that they pass soon.

    Please remember that we don't like it when you hurt, so keep posting and let us know how you're getting on.

    I shall be worrying about you know.
    Last edited by RFLH; 4 October 2009, 11:01 PM.
    And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the world round .... and laughed and laughed and laughed ..

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    • #3
      you aren't moaning. just letting us know how you are feeling. you know we are always here to listen.
      don't feel bad for needing medication. everything you have been thorugh has not only affected your mind but also your body. you brain will have changed slightly (the brain has large amounts of pasticity, meaning it is constantly changing). if you need medication to help your brain back to its former state then you should take it without feeling you are in any way weak or feeling bad. would you feel bad if you had to take medication for any other medical illness? to be honest i would be more worried if everthing you have been through had not affected you.
      so many people take psychotropic medications but people don't like to let people know. i often wonder how many people who have only met me when i have been more "normal" realise that i take medication daily and am likely to take it for the rest of my life. my mum used to be so against me taking medication but now she says that it is no different to someone with diabetes taking insulin.

      sorry for my rambling. i need to go sleep. but first take my meds
      "I dreamt I went to the doctor's and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd been sitting in the f**king waiting room half an hour." Sarah Kane (4.48 Psychosis)

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      • #4
        p.s. don't worry about the dishes and vacuum cleaner today. what you consider "mess" is probably still far cleaner than many people's houses.
        "I dreamt I went to the doctor's and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd been sitting in the f**king waiting room half an hour." Sarah Kane (4.48 Psychosis)

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        • #5
          and don't forget if you haven't any spare cash to replace them - try Freecycle, we've furnished most of our house with lovely things and its not cost us a bean.
          And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the world round .... and laughed and laughed and laughed ..

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          • #6
            Hi,

            Thanks for the replies, I am on my sofa under a blanket with yet more time off work. I am just feeling really bad that I cant even work at the moment. I want some normality back in my life and feel like I am letting everyone down in the process. I have been off work for some time now and I know I have definately needed it. The meds are not a problem for me either, I work in the medical field and work with many people taking meds for all kinds of reasons. I have stayed away from them because I tend to try a more natural, holistic route first but it did not really work out. So the meds it is. Its just finding the right one that is the problem, I am now trying a fourth med...due to nasty side effects from previous meds so fingers crossed.

            Thanks for caring x
            Life is full of options is just choosing the right one thats hard....

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            • #7
              Hey Isi

              Sorry I am late in replying. Don't feel bad about being down! And you certainly shouldn't feel bad for asking for support - that is what we are here for. You are one of the first people here to offer support to others, and in turn we are always here to listen when you need a hand.

              The washing machine and vacuum are a bugger, but as RFLH says, they can be replaced very cheaply. And blimey, you should see the state of my house! There are two dead daddy-long-legses on the kitchen floor that have been there since Friday but I haven't got round to hoovering yet. A bit of grub never hurt anyone. And think how good you will feel when you do get around to cleaning.

              So for the meantime, take a bit of time off, stop being so hard on yourself, and try to relax.

              I am sending you hugs and positive thoughts.

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              • #8
                I could always lend you my dyson - its not used often!!

                Have as many duvet days as you like - don't add the pressure on to work or it'll take you longer to feel better.

                ps - when you find out what normal is, please could you let me know and I'll change my life accordingly!
                And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the world round .... and laughed and laughed and laughed ..

                Comment


                • #9
                  i always used to feel bad when i spent the whole day in bed watching jeremy kyle and loose women so 5 mins before my boyfriend came back i used to attempt to put the bed away (sofa bed) but the flat would be a complete tip. it took him becoming extrememly depressed to realise that i wasn't being lazy but physically couldn't get up/wash up etc.

                  you will find the right medication for you, it is just unfortunate that it is trial and error. i've taken 10 medications in different combinations to find the combination that makes me feel "normal" again. hoping you will find yours a bit quicker than that.

                  if you ever want info on a particular medication/group of medications or want to check your dr is following protocol in his/her decision of what to change the med to (e.g decision to try another ssri rather than a tricyclic or 3rd generation ssri) then i have lots of useless info (i am considering going into psychopharmacology after my degree)

                  hope you feel better soon. i think they should prescribe chocolate on the nhs
                  "I dreamt I went to the doctor's and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd been sitting in the f**king waiting room half an hour." Sarah Kane (4.48 Psychosis)

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                  • #10
                    quite right and crisps!
                    And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then made the world round .... and laughed and laughed and laughed ..

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                    • #11
                      oooohhhh yes please chocolate and crisps anyday although my waistline is pretty chunky at the mo from slobing around all the time.

                      I have tried 3x ssri now I am trying an snri which is much better but I feel off my head which would be great if I was clubbing 24/7 but I actually need to communicate efficiently due to the nature of my job. Not have the attention of a 2yr old not to mention the pysical impulse to move every 2mins.

                      I think I should really see a psychiatrist to get to a harmonious state of existence. I seem to be very susseptible to side effects.

                      Duvet days could not come at a better time especially with the weather like it is.

                      Saffron I hate daddy long legs and I am so glad we have a dog so she can gobble them up before I see them. And RFLH thanks for the advice on the freebie place I shall check it out x x x
                      Life is full of options is just choosing the right one thats hard....

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                      • #12
                        my ex found that when he started taking an anti-depressant. he was sat at his desk at work and felt like he was coming up on ecstasy!
                        "I dreamt I went to the doctor's and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd been sitting in the f**king waiting room half an hour." Sarah Kane (4.48 Psychosis)

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                        • #13
                          My husband says that I have Insect Tourettes....I don't mind spiders and other bugs that crawl, but I cannot bear the ones that fly. Particularly Daddy Long Legses - I can be sat watching telly with the windows open on a warm evening, and all of a sudden one flies into my face! Gross. R catches them in his bare hands and throws them out of the window. My cats are not interested in trying to catch them - they set their sights a bit higher, and I am usually presented with a pile of mouse entrails on a twice daily basis...why play with a daddy-long-legs when mice are so much more fun and provide a filling meal at the end? Eurgh.

                          And no, I haven't got round to hoovering yet....

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                          • #14
                            lol, Friday yes it is a bit like that, but what goes up must come down. So back to the GP this week to most likely try another med. Swings and round abouts it is.

                            I still feel really crappy and now I have this awful cold its just topped it for me. I just want to stop being miserable and irritable. Its driving me nuts.
                            Life is full of options is just choosing the right one thats hard....

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                            • #15
                              Stop taking the Meds..

                              Isi , you have helped me more than anyone, Thankyou xx But don't be fed up ...."Always Look On The Brightside of LIFE....de dum de dum la la la..with your help I am now doing a video statement, open my windows and back door, to let fresh air in...Please excuse my way of writing but Im going to college taking English lit course, so I will be able to write proper soon!!! cheer up xx

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