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Hello all,
I don't really know the best way to say this as I'm still in shock myself but back at the end of March I had a knock at the door from two policemen who arrested me for "assault by penetration" and who then took me down to the police station to be questionned for roughly 3 1/2 hours about events on that day. This in itself was traumatic enough as I have never been in trouble with the police at all in my life and ironically enough had an interview with the police shortly after graduating university for a police officer position.
I have a couple of questions about events on the day that I would like to put to people, some questions about what happens next, and some about the polices conduct during and following the interview as there are a few things that I think are slightly odd but which may be perfectly normal to those in the know.
So a few background details...
I've been in a relationship with my current g/f for just over a year and although I'm not proud to say it back at the beginning of the year things weren't great and I had cheated on her with another woman on 3 occasions - (I had seen this person 4 times - but on 3 occasions sexual activity had taken place, however on no occasion had penile penetration taken place - this fact is not contested by the person accusing me). On the Saturday night we had been talking on the computer about what turned each other on and she had said that she found it hard seeing me and then knowing that I would be going home to spend time with my girlfriend and that she was envious of her and the relationship we both had - I didn't think anything of this at the time but shortly after the second time of seeing her she had also made a comment over MSN along the lines of "I've been wondering what would happen if I sent your g/f a message on facebook telling her about us". Also on the Saturday night she had mentioned that she liked rough sex and liked being dominated, and having her hair pulled, and that she wanted to be fisted. She also mentioned that she had rough sex with a previous partner and that he had left her with bruises on her arm and cheek and that her mum had asked her about these - her response to me was "I guess thats what you get when you like rough sex". On the Sunday morning I was on the computer and she had invited me round to her house for some "hard sex" - I initially refused saying that I wouldn't be able to explain where I was going to my partner as she was still at home - her reply to this was "It's not like you to pass up the offer of hard sex". As time past my partner left and I agreed (stupidly) that I would go round to her house and see her, she had stated at this point that she didn't want to be fisted however I was trying to be dominant and had said something like "you'll do as you're told" (I would like to make it clear at this point that I had absolutely no intention of doing anything that she had said she didn't want to do but was trying to be dominant as she had said she liked).
During my time at her house she was bent over the sofa and was fingered from behind with 4 fingers (sorry to be graphic but it's important to her accusation) she then said stop at which point I took my fingers out and she went forward and was crying on the sofa. I put my arm around her to comfort her and asked her if she was ok at which point I saw that she was bleeding from down-below. After getting her some toilet paper I asked her again if she was ok and she replied "don't worry I'll just plug it up" and slightly later "I don't suppose I'll see you again after this" - we then had a cuddle and she leant over and kissed me and so I kissed her back which then led to her carrying out further sexual acts on me - at that point I asked her if she was ok with me doing this and she said "yes". After everything had finished I left on good terms with her and said that I would talk to her later on in the day to make sure that she was ok and I left with a hug and a kiss as was normal on previous times I had seen her.
Cue Thursday evening then when two police officers turned up at my door to take me to the station.
The main accusation that she is making was that she had told me to stop when she was bent over the couch and that I hadn't and that I wasn't just using 4 fingers but I was trying to fist her. She had then lashed out at me and kicked me in the testicles to get me off. (I have since been to my GP after the interview to check me for any signs of bruising or swelling and he found nothing) and this led to the bleeding that she received down there. She then claims that everything that happened afterwards was done by myself and that she did nothing. Since the accusation has been made by her I have received threatening emails and messages from her friends however when these have been reported to the police they have taken a note but said that they can't take any further action.
The questions I have regarding the case are:
As there were only two of us at the flat on that day I can't prove my version of events and neither can she so it will be one persons word against another - I'm presuming this will be alls that is required for the case to go forward to trial? I'm worried that the prosecution will take the line of "she has a cut, there was blood so it must have been against her consent"
Similarly after the event instead of screaming for me to get out, or calling the police there and then, she told me "don't worry about it I'll just plug it up". and then kissed and cuddled me. As no-one else was witness to this I'm worried that she may deny that this happened.
The other Jeremy Kyle style twist in this is that I have not long found out that she had recently been in a sexual relationship with my best friend, and that she knew about his friendship with me. Reading up on rape etc court cases there is a restriction on questioning people on their sexual history however I feel that this may be important to assessing her character as from talking to him recently it transpires that she has been threatening to get her friends on him as well.
Questions I have with the police are
When I was at the station having my interview the buzzer came on the tape indicating that it was near the end of the tape. The officer questionning me then proceeded to round up the interview and draw it to close. I felt that I still had some information I wanted to tell him but that the interview was cut short due to the time running out on the tape.
The police called me on the following Tuesday to say that they would be seizing my computer, at this point I stated the above to them and that I had some more information I thought was relelvant to the case and his response was that he "would have to think about the appropriate forum for it to be aired". I have since still to hear anything from the police and feel that information that could be important to my defence is being overlooked.
Another issue I have when reading the PACE notes is that police shouldn't try and persaude you to not have a solicitor present during interview. During the ride from my house to the police station they were telling me about the process that would be taking place and that as it was only going to be giving my version of events that I could be waiting a long time in a police cell for a solicitor to turn up for something that was just them my account of things. Naively I did the interview without a solicitor as I just wanted to get out there (sounds like a stupid excuse but I suffer from chlostrophobia and wanted to spend as little time as possible in the cells).
Also, I know its probably a petty thing but when I was arrested it was for "assault by penetration" - this to me implied that they thought I had commited the offence, whereas surely it should have been "on suspicion of assault by penetration".
So.....then I move on to the constant waiting and not being able to live my life as normal as I should. I've been off work for 4 weeks, put on depression tablets, valium, beta-blockers and referred to specialist crisis teams and counsellors due to my poor mental health since all of this has gone on. I've had to cringe with embarrassment when telling all of my family members and girlfriend about it as well as telling my manager at work. When I've talked to my solicitor about this he had said that this could last up to a year!!! Is this uncommon as I've had about as much of this as I can handle.
It seems from looking on the internet that there is (rightly) a lot of help out their for victims of rape and sexual assault but very little for those that have been falsely accused of it.
As things stand I was released on police bail until the middle of May - the police called me up two days before this date and have extended it until mid-July.
I don't really know the best way to say this as I'm still in shock myself but back at the end of March I had a knock at the door from two policemen who arrested me for "assault by penetration" and who then took me down to the police station to be questionned for roughly 3 1/2 hours about events on that day. This in itself was traumatic enough as I have never been in trouble with the police at all in my life and ironically enough had an interview with the police shortly after graduating university for a police officer position.
I have a couple of questions about events on the day that I would like to put to people, some questions about what happens next, and some about the polices conduct during and following the interview as there are a few things that I think are slightly odd but which may be perfectly normal to those in the know.
So a few background details...
I've been in a relationship with my current g/f for just over a year and although I'm not proud to say it back at the beginning of the year things weren't great and I had cheated on her with another woman on 3 occasions - (I had seen this person 4 times - but on 3 occasions sexual activity had taken place, however on no occasion had penile penetration taken place - this fact is not contested by the person accusing me). On the Saturday night we had been talking on the computer about what turned each other on and she had said that she found it hard seeing me and then knowing that I would be going home to spend time with my girlfriend and that she was envious of her and the relationship we both had - I didn't think anything of this at the time but shortly after the second time of seeing her she had also made a comment over MSN along the lines of "I've been wondering what would happen if I sent your g/f a message on facebook telling her about us". Also on the Saturday night she had mentioned that she liked rough sex and liked being dominated, and having her hair pulled, and that she wanted to be fisted. She also mentioned that she had rough sex with a previous partner and that he had left her with bruises on her arm and cheek and that her mum had asked her about these - her response to me was "I guess thats what you get when you like rough sex". On the Sunday morning I was on the computer and she had invited me round to her house for some "hard sex" - I initially refused saying that I wouldn't be able to explain where I was going to my partner as she was still at home - her reply to this was "It's not like you to pass up the offer of hard sex". As time past my partner left and I agreed (stupidly) that I would go round to her house and see her, she had stated at this point that she didn't want to be fisted however I was trying to be dominant and had said something like "you'll do as you're told" (I would like to make it clear at this point that I had absolutely no intention of doing anything that she had said she didn't want to do but was trying to be dominant as she had said she liked).
During my time at her house she was bent over the sofa and was fingered from behind with 4 fingers (sorry to be graphic but it's important to her accusation) she then said stop at which point I took my fingers out and she went forward and was crying on the sofa. I put my arm around her to comfort her and asked her if she was ok at which point I saw that she was bleeding from down-below. After getting her some toilet paper I asked her again if she was ok and she replied "don't worry I'll just plug it up" and slightly later "I don't suppose I'll see you again after this" - we then had a cuddle and she leant over and kissed me and so I kissed her back which then led to her carrying out further sexual acts on me - at that point I asked her if she was ok with me doing this and she said "yes". After everything had finished I left on good terms with her and said that I would talk to her later on in the day to make sure that she was ok and I left with a hug and a kiss as was normal on previous times I had seen her.
Cue Thursday evening then when two police officers turned up at my door to take me to the station.
The main accusation that she is making was that she had told me to stop when she was bent over the couch and that I hadn't and that I wasn't just using 4 fingers but I was trying to fist her. She had then lashed out at me and kicked me in the testicles to get me off. (I have since been to my GP after the interview to check me for any signs of bruising or swelling and he found nothing) and this led to the bleeding that she received down there. She then claims that everything that happened afterwards was done by myself and that she did nothing. Since the accusation has been made by her I have received threatening emails and messages from her friends however when these have been reported to the police they have taken a note but said that they can't take any further action.
The questions I have regarding the case are:
As there were only two of us at the flat on that day I can't prove my version of events and neither can she so it will be one persons word against another - I'm presuming this will be alls that is required for the case to go forward to trial? I'm worried that the prosecution will take the line of "she has a cut, there was blood so it must have been against her consent"
Similarly after the event instead of screaming for me to get out, or calling the police there and then, she told me "don't worry about it I'll just plug it up". and then kissed and cuddled me. As no-one else was witness to this I'm worried that she may deny that this happened.
The other Jeremy Kyle style twist in this is that I have not long found out that she had recently been in a sexual relationship with my best friend, and that she knew about his friendship with me. Reading up on rape etc court cases there is a restriction on questioning people on their sexual history however I feel that this may be important to assessing her character as from talking to him recently it transpires that she has been threatening to get her friends on him as well.
Questions I have with the police are
When I was at the station having my interview the buzzer came on the tape indicating that it was near the end of the tape. The officer questionning me then proceeded to round up the interview and draw it to close. I felt that I still had some information I wanted to tell him but that the interview was cut short due to the time running out on the tape.
The police called me on the following Tuesday to say that they would be seizing my computer, at this point I stated the above to them and that I had some more information I thought was relelvant to the case and his response was that he "would have to think about the appropriate forum for it to be aired". I have since still to hear anything from the police and feel that information that could be important to my defence is being overlooked.
Another issue I have when reading the PACE notes is that police shouldn't try and persaude you to not have a solicitor present during interview. During the ride from my house to the police station they were telling me about the process that would be taking place and that as it was only going to be giving my version of events that I could be waiting a long time in a police cell for a solicitor to turn up for something that was just them my account of things. Naively I did the interview without a solicitor as I just wanted to get out there (sounds like a stupid excuse but I suffer from chlostrophobia and wanted to spend as little time as possible in the cells).
Also, I know its probably a petty thing but when I was arrested it was for "assault by penetration" - this to me implied that they thought I had commited the offence, whereas surely it should have been "on suspicion of assault by penetration".
So.....then I move on to the constant waiting and not being able to live my life as normal as I should. I've been off work for 4 weeks, put on depression tablets, valium, beta-blockers and referred to specialist crisis teams and counsellors due to my poor mental health since all of this has gone on. I've had to cringe with embarrassment when telling all of my family members and girlfriend about it as well as telling my manager at work. When I've talked to my solicitor about this he had said that this could last up to a year!!! Is this uncommon as I've had about as much of this as I can handle.
It seems from looking on the internet that there is (rightly) a lot of help out their for victims of rape and sexual assault but very little for those that have been falsely accused of it.
As things stand I was released on police bail until the middle of May - the police called me up two days before this date and have extended it until mid-July.
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