shattered

[david]

(Posted on old forum on Tuesday, May 11, 2004)

I have followed the thread of messages on this site, with great sympathy for victims of sexual assault, even more for those falsely accused because I fall into that category.

My life, once normal and content, is now in limbo and I live in what I can only describe as a 'shadowland'. My story is not one of a contested consensual act, the events complained of never happened at all, they were totally fictitious, and that is a hopeless defence because there is nothing to say other than they never happened. I cannot say: 'we had a few drinks, went back to my flat etc etc.? Not a damn thing happened at all.

I read so much from genuine victims about how they feel their life has been damaged beyond repair, they suffer depression, have flashbacks, contemplate suicide. Well I feel exactly the same, I take anti-depressants, beta-blockers for anxiety attacks. I am under a consultant psychiatrist thanks to a sympathetic GP. I drink too much, sleep badly and wake early feeling un-refreshed by the experience of sleep and wonder how I will cope with the day ahead with the nightmare still fresh in my mind.

I am shattered, both mentally and physically and I don't know if there will ever be respite.

I can only say that the falsely accused suffers every bit as much as a victim,..... maybe more.

Shattered

[maria]

Hi David,
I really feel for you my son went through a similar thing... things will get better for you I hope .... I still don't believe in the justice system. If you need to chat email me.
Take care stay safe
Maria (Mariariley@aol.com)

[Snoopyseed]

(Posted on old forum on Thursday, May 20, 2004)

Dear shattered,
I just want to let you know how sorry I am that you have had to go through such a terrible ordeal, I have also come across a lot of men recently who have said the same thing as you and just wondered, if setting up a support group for people falsely accused of rape would maybe help give you something positive out of the experience. You could also campaign to get the system changed, and make punishments to women found out to be falsely accusing men of rape severely punished for their lies, not only is it offensive to someone who truly has been raped but it has a devastating effect on those people falsely accused. You can do something to move forward and campaign to stop silly childish women who think its funny to accuse men of rape falsely such as asking the government to come down hard on those that are proved without a single shred of a doubt to be lying. Not only would this give you something to focus on but it may help with your depression to turn something so bad into something that will help you and help others in your situation.
Snoopy

[SJC]

(Posted on old forum on Friday, May 28, 2004)

Dear Shattered.

I can only pray for the same outcome as the one that my husband and myself got. Our story is almost identical to your own. He was accused of raping a woman who was and still is a complete stranger to us. She lived round the corner from his parents and attended the same school - that is the extent of our knowledge about her. But she obviously knew him at some point because she could give his name, his address and occupation and a simplistic description of the inside of his parents home where the alleged attack took place.

She waited 18 years, got married, had 2 children, then decided (for reasons still unknown) that she had to report him for rape. He was arrested 3 weeks after our wedding, and was charged 2 months later. He was totally innocent, had never been in trouble with the police before, and scared beyond belief.

The total sum of evidence against him was her statement and statements from her parents that on the surface backed her claims. Her physical description of him was totally inaccurate, as were many of the other claims, but he was charged on the basis that it was a black and white situation, she said one thing, he totally refuted the claims, so it was obvious someone wasn?t telling the truth. We found out 2 days before the trial started that if he had said that he had had sexual relations with her and he thought it was consensual, he would have not been charged. How absurd is that?

At his trial, the whole of her story was totally disproved - but the case could not be dismissed under British law because there as no direct evidence to disprove her claims. After a 4 day trial, the jury took 45 minutes to acquit him. But, we suffered beyond all belief. The stress nearly destroyed our marriage, he still does not sleep - suffering nightmares and constant depression. We both have lost all trust in people we don?t know (and some we do) and it has changed him from an outgoing and confident man to a shadow of his former self. He was front page news in the local and regional press, named and shamed even though he was innocent all along. The woman, meanwhile gets total anonymity for the rest of her life, gave evidence from behind a screen, so we did not even get to see her lying in court. She has claimed compensation through the criminal injuries compensation scheme - which could run to tens of thousands of pounds because of her 'suffering'.

But, we have refused to let this destroy what we do have. Gradually the clouds are lifting and things do not seem so bad. It is 9 months since the trial, and I still wake up with cold sweats, seeing him standing so vulnerable in the dock, hearing those words I couldn?t bear to imagine would never be said - Not guilty. I thought I was going to lose him through no fault of either of us. My poor husband is still in a dark place, 9 months on. But, things will get better. It is a long hard journey though. Hold on in there. You are innocent, but you will have to go out there and prove it yourself; because belief me - no one will do it for you. But, believe in yourself, find a good solicitor and make notes of every single, seemingly unimportant detail you can come up with. It might just be the turning point that will prove your innocence. In Hubby's case, a photograph he took of a park, from an angle described by the accuser, proved that she was lying, because it did not show what she had described. That was the first thing that started the ball rolling to prove that she was lying, which was enough to provide some reasonable doubt, which is ultimately all you need!

As a women, I can imagine the trauma that genuine victims feel. But, I still cannot accept that this woman has accused an innocent man and has caused so much pain and suffering, yet is immune from prosecution, and we are unable to seek any form of retribution, compensation or whatever. That is injustice.