Husband accused, worried for him.

[Worried Wife]

Back in 2001 before my husband and I met, he was dating a girl of 15-16 when he was 21-22 and living with her family. They were together for about 2 years and the relationship broke down at the end.

A year later, we met and four years later we married - very happily. We are hoping to start a family this year, but..

The girl he was dating has now started to accuse him of raping her. We have not been in contact with her, and out of the blue she began to send these nasty messages. I know my husband inside-out, I know that he would never have had it in him to do such a thing. They did have sex but it was always with her consent - but she claims it was not! She is now claiming that she is going to a solicitor.

My husband is absolutely terrified, and I am worried for him too. He says that the law in this country is stacked up against him, even though we know he would never do such a thing. I love my husband more than anything and the biggest fear we both have is being seperated from each other for any period of time. Worse, we are afraid this would jeopardise our ideas of having a family together.

Please, any advise you can give we would be greatful for.

[webmoo]

Hi,

Sorry this took a while to get approved - it disappeared from the mod queue and I have no idea why - I have just run some checks and found about 8 posts all waiting to be approved that weren't showing up in the queue. Odd. Please accept my apologies!

[Rights Fighter]

You do not say whether he has been charged, interviewed or what has happened.

I cannot PM or email you as you are not a registered member with a clickable link.

[harmony09382]

how can you say that you know he would never do such a thing?

the scum that attacked me is now married and i bet his new wife knows nothing of the disgusting things i've managed to find out about him. I just wish i knew it all before hand - i would never ever have let him befriend me and avoided all this suffering.

of course not all men are like that and if you've found a good one, keep hold of him and i wish you the best of luck.

[Saffron]

Hello Harmony

Please remember that the basic tenet of this forum is that everyone is accepted as telling the truth (unless there are strong suspicions otherwise). Asking a poster how they know their partner is innocent is not helpful or supportive. If your dad, brother, partner had been accused, would you automatically assume they were guilty, or would you stand beside and support them?

I know that you are hurting from your own experience, and do not wish to upset you. No-one will question you in such a way, so please grant the same respect to others.

thanks

Saffron

[harmony09382]

Apologies - was just venting!

[friday]

i may be misunderstanding but if he was having sex with her when she was 15 and he was over 16 then it is statutory rape, even if she consented. i'm not sure how she would prove he was having sex with him if it was in 2001 but obviously if he admitted to having sex when he knew she was under 16 then he has admitted he broke the law.

[Saffron]

Harmony, thanks for the apology....venting is good, and even encouraged, just try to make sure you do it in the appropriate thread.
S x

[frankgallagherwasere]

was dating a girl of 15-16 when he was 21-22

I think you will find that this falls into a black hole somewhere as the legal guidelines are actually blur due to his age !! I did meet people inside for underage sex, however they tended to be older (mid 30s plus) those younger were often accused of physical not just consentual rape so there for a just reason - and treated by many accordingdly. However there were a few youngsters inside for such but the girls were younger, parents hadnt approved and brought the charges and their history suggested the police wanted them off the streets.

There is also a question of inappropriate behavour with a minor, which is what they threw at me, when I said but the accusations didnt happen they argued that I had allowed the situation to happen? Like no, there friends of our son and his friends - its not right in my eyes to simply not allow them in? Ok in hindsight I would now say that IS the appropriate thing to do as we wouldnt be in this mess, but I guess thats live !!

One does see the pattern of people falsely accusing others where there was a relationship, close and things didnt work out, where probably that person is still in love or has memories and its like if I cant have him no one can, not applicable in our case (although it could be argued there is a certain truth somewhere) however there was a friendship that was closer than she had with her own mother !!

If it was me sitting on the Jury Id go for not guilty as there was a relationship at the time he was young and her accusations were a little late in the day to say the least. Id actually ignore what the law states and take a common sense approach. She should grow up and find someone else to replace his memory, but hey there is a think called compensation - money talks louder than words !!

[friday]

^under criminal injuries compensation authority guidelines (2001) there is no compensation if a girl under 16 reports having sex with a man over 16 (statutory rape) unless the sex was non consensual.

[Rights Fighter]

Could you provide us with the link to this statistic please Friday? That would be an interesting one to keep under my belt. I know that some make false allegations in the hope of getting "paid" and deny that the sexual relationship was consensual when in fact, it was.

[friday]

i have the cica guideline (2001) on my bookcase (currently trying to sort that out) but it is online, along with cases of appeals. trying to find it online. i can only find 2008 guidelines under publications but on page 79ish it says that under 18s must be non-consensual. its quite a useful website but its changed layout and i can't find anything.

[friday]

page 5 on http://www.cica.gov.uk/Documents/Pub...eme%202008.pdf
(c)
in a claim arising out of a sexual offence, was the non-consenting victim of that offence (which does not include a victim who consented in fact but was deemed in law not to have consented); or

[Rights Fighter]

There used to be a "shopping list" of how much somebody bent of making false allegations could make. One only had to type in "compensation for sexual abuse" and up would pop up the list from the CICA. I pointed this out to an MP and suddenly and very mysteriously the link disappeared!

The vast majority of people I know who were sexually abused as a child and/or as an adult do not go after financial reparation although of course some might do.

[friday]

i am not aware that was ever online. to claim compensation from cica you must have reported to police and fully cooperated. unlike court, however, it based on the balance of probabilities rather than beyond reasonable doubt. standard compensation for rape is £11000 although it may be more if you can prove it caused a permanent mental illness confirmed by diagnosis and prognosis. this isnt easy either. i am fighting to argue that my hospital admissions were caused by the rape (after the rape my mental health deteriorated and i was sectioned numerous times, however the cica do not recognise this).