Falsely accused, need advice and comfort from anyone basically

[Farve]

I wished I could find a forum like this for the US, but I couldn't and I googled all over the place to find a place like this.

I had a false rape report filed against me recently and I came to this forum after googling for advice.

The girl filed this report more than a month after we had a sex. All my friends know she's bull****ting, but I'm in the US and I'm worried of the system taking the female's side over the males.

I'm 21, soon turing 22. She's 20. I'm part of fraternity that is respected by many women on campus for being gentlemen. We party a lot but we protect and take care of women.

So about the story. She and I partied on holloween night, knowing each other for three days. We connected that night in what I thought was love at first sight. She got intoxicated and got me highly intoxicated with her bacardi limon. We made out in front of everyone on the dance floor all night at the party. One thing lead to another, we end up having sex in the car. My friend pushed us into the car because there were cops in the street where we were making out. Then she drags me back to bed in front of my friend where she literally grabbed my hand and pulled me to my bedroom.

Problem now is she claimed she blacked out and didn't remember. I told her two days later that we had sex. I explained everything that happened that night because she didn't remember half of it. She was shocked and I was shocked that she didn't remember. But we she never once complained and we ended up dating a short time before she put drama between my friend and I by pitting us against each other not telling us who she wanted to be with. She ended up picking me, but never once was I mad or angry towards my friend probably because I'm older and more mature than he is.

Things ended up fine. We went on dates, kissed, held hands all that. We'd start from the beginning because of our big reputation for only making out with each other in public when we were drunk. We started going on sobre dates and talked about having kids with each other (Her idea), met my parents and everything. We talked openly about sex and joked about her raping me that night.

Then things didn't work out in her mind for some reason. She switched a 90 degree on me and told me she only wanted to be friends one day. Less than a week after that, I catch her making out with another one of my friend on my couch at 4:00am in the morning. She said she moved on from me to him in front of all my friends. It was a joke. She's dating him now.

I took a picture of her and him and posted a bulletin on myspace making fun of her calling her the mattress. She hated me for it.

Now she's filed a report calling the incident where she blacked out and didn't remember us having sex, rape. Words on the street is she filed the report but doesn't want to go through with the charges. Her brother and parents are forcing her to do it. They're flying out here just to take me to court after New Years.

I have a friend who who witnessed us having sex in the car with nothing forced, screams blah or anything. The same witness saw her hold my hand and drag me back to bed.

I have other friends who witnessed her making out with me all night at the party and her giving me shots of limon.

Then I have more friends who witnessed us going out the days after I told her about the entire night.

I'm wondering how much these witnesses will help and how bad my situation is? I'm stressed out thinking about going to court, lawyers, reputation etc. and how much the court will be on her side because she's female even though I know 100% I'm innocent. Knowing your innocent doesn't ease the pain and anxiety. I've been indefinitely expelled from my fraternity because of our laws until I'm otherwise proven innocent in court or she drops the charges which will take a year. I'm being removed from the best people of my life.

My parents told me not to worry about it. I've been thinking of getting legal advice but they told me it's not necessary and expensive. They said I will be proven innocent. But a false charge of one of my distant friends last year had him in jail for a year before all the charges were proven false and dropped. I doubted him then because I didn't know him, but now that I'm in this situation I feel so badly for not understanding. It's ruined his reputation and I don't want to go through the same thing.

[Not Guilty]

Do Not Hesitate

Hi and welcome. This forum is for those falsely accused. Now some, and I am one, were falsely accused and imprisoned. I understand the frustration and fear you are sensing and now it is the, "Well I have witnesses and they will say."Well there are certain rules of evidence that your legal advisor (and yes do not hesitate getting one of those) will tell you about. Now their are rape shield laws operating in the US so some of the things you mention here may not be allowed in evidence. I had a similar allegation made and there was evidence that showed this woman lied and continued to lie to save her own skin. But all it takes is a guilty verdict on one count and your life is ruined. That is all it took for me, even though I was found not guilty of other counts and all related to one incident only - that is the jury did not believe her. In my matter they determined that there was consent and then withdrawn, but sadly that was not the evidence of the woman who made the allegation. Now the justice system is very fickle and you have to place your faith in a jury that don't know you or the woman, but they make the pre-determination that a woman would never lie. You have to prove your innocence, they don't have to prove your guilt as they already have an allegation and the preconceived notion that a woman would never lie. Well they do. I was a police officer for a number of years and personally investigated two matters that ended up false - one led to a poor man loosing his family and his job, only to have the victim come into the police station and confess she had lied. By then the stigma had been attached and he lost everything. Now if I had known back then what I know now, I would not have served 18months in gaol. I would have left no stone un-turned. If I were you I would get to a solicitor straight away and know what you are facing. Secondly your family obviously don't want to panic you but it will be you doing the time if you are convicted. Secondly, if a conviction is recorded it takes all sorts to have a conviction overturned on appeal. But the worst is to live with the thought that someone's lies has destroyed your life. To live with such a stain on your name, no matter what anyone says, cannot be removed. It has been eight years now and it still is soul crushing what has happened to me. Don't let it happen to you - fight now and prepare. Do Not Hesitate.

[Saffron]

Hi Farve

Sorry to hear what you are going through. Unfortunately it is far more commonplace than most people would ever imagine.
I agree with Not Guilty - please please get yourself legal representation! You only get one shot at clearing your name, and if you don't manage to do it you will find it extremely difficult to secure an appeal, let alone have the guilty verdict overturned.
the witnesses to this girl's behaviour could potentially be very useful. However, I know that the laws are different in the US to the ones we have in the UK so I can't advise you whether their testimony will be admissible. This is precisely why it is so important that you get a lawyer - it is equally important that you choose one who is experienced in allegations of this nature. A standard criminal lawyer will not be experienced enough.

Write down every single detail you remember about the night in question, and ask your friends who witnessed the sexual activity to also write a statement. Do not, under any circumstances, give these to the police. The police have been known to "lose" vital evidence that could clear you. Give them to your lawyer.

I do understand how frightening this all is, which is why it is vital to get yourself legal representation. Your parents probably trust the justice system, which is why they don't feel it is necessary, but trust me, it is. Having a decent lawyer could make the difference between you spending years in jail for a crime you did not commit, and being acquitted.

Good luck. Let us know how you get on.

[Farve]

Thanks for the advices guys.

I'm particularly sorry about your story Not Guilty. That's not something easy to deal with.

I am still waiting for a letter in the mail letting me know if the charges have been pressed or not.

I'll update as soon as I hear something!

[Farve]

Hey guys. I'd like to update on what's happened.

It's good news.

The woman in question came to my doorsteps and formally apologized to me for making up all her lies. Her guilt was too much for her to handle and she basically came out with every thing. There was no papers filed to the police or anything she admitted.

It was interesting to hear her reasons for doing it. The two main reasons I found out was that she wanted to be respected and she felt like she was in control.

I was completely infuriated at her before we spoke...but my emotional side overcame me and I pittied her instead. It started out with screaming, but then it continued on like I was scolding a child? I started to understand why she went to such extremes. But never did I give her the thought that it was right. I accepted her apology in the end.

I however still feel scarred and injured inside. Although I've been saved from going to court things still don't feel ok.

My name is still tainted. A large number of people in my community (boy do words spread fast) still believed I raped her. I was kicked out of my fraternity and the decision for me to have my membership reinstated is still up in the air. I can't trust people the way I used to anymore. I look at people and I fear their worst intentions upon me. People whom I thought were friends I found out were confirming the rumors.

I've felt only worse after hearing her apologies. It's not enough. For the past two days I've been ridden with anxiety and pain inside. Can I not just be satisfied that I wasn't falsely accused and sentenced to jail? I couldn't imagine how others that were sent to jail felt.

[Not Guilty]

That's Great

It is good to hear - but feel no pity. This woman has lied and no matter how you pretty it up, was prepared to destroy your life. As far as getting on with your life, trust me, you will forever be looking over your shoulder. How easy was it to lie? Ask yourself, and others on this site, how easy was it for these people to lie? No compunction, no guilt - just easy. I can tell you why it is inconceivable for us to lie like that - we have a higher moral fibre than those that have lied and it would be completely out of character to even contemplate doing something like that to a fellow human being.
In my matter, I am talking about a woman who was studying to be a police officer. She lied and I live with that. And I have fought this matter because that's what I do - as my name is all I have. I enlisted experts that have worked with the FBI, written books that are referenced by numerous Police Departments all over the world. And this is what one expert said about my matter,
The total volume of the red flags and inconsistencies in this case, and the failure of investigative efforts to resolve them, indicates an overall investigative incompleteness with respect to establishing the events that actually occurred. It is furthermore unclear how law enforcement investigators could find these red flags and inconsistencies acceptable. Until these red flags and inconsistencies have been investigated and resolved, it is not possible to establish or infer a reliable understanding of the events that took place.

It would be remiss of this examiner to fail to note the following: this pattern of investigative and forensic inaction is common in cases where the authorities do not believe the complainant’s statements to be true, or feel that investigative and forensic efforts may reveal conflicts with the complainant’s statement that will be harmful to the successful prosecution of the case.

Now that is one of many shortcomings of the system - reasonable doubt - what a joke. But by my rant you will also note that I am not over it - I am bitter and angry, after eight years the hurt does not leave, the fear does not leave, the gut wrenching fear that you can be put into gaol at any given time because someone can say you did something and they will be believed (why not, it has happened before). "Good luck with everything and don't be in a position to have anyone do that to you again.