Falsely accused yesterday.....need reassurance

[aussieguy]

Hi all,
Im a 23 year old full time worker from Australia, who as of yesterday have been accused of raping a girl i had consensual sex with a week ago.

I have been in to the police station and cooperated with everythign they have asked with me, and was quite honest and truthful throughout the interview process.

I won't go into too much detail as im sure im not allowed to talk about the investigation, but a friend and I went back to a girls house, orginially hoping that maybe both of us would "get lucky".

My friend decided against it and left, which made things less awkward. As soon as my friend left, the girl pushed me up against her wall in her room, closed the door and turned the light of and started kissing me. She then practically threw me to the bed, and we had sexual intercourse twice, with about 10 - 30 mins between encounters.

Throughout it all, she never said anything like "no" or "stop" and when i asked her if she was on the pill, she said yes, so i then proceeded with intercourse.

The worst part of the story here is i have a girlfriend, so when this girl asked me questions such as do i have a gf, and what my name was, i was very coy and steered away from questioning. Its one of the biggest mistakes ive ever made, and now i just really hope that the detectives follow through their investigations and realise that im telling the truth.

I gave a dna sample willingly, but i doubt that will change anything as my dna would be present due to the fact that we had consensual sex.

I left about 3 hours after the second encounter, in quite a hurry, as i had to get home so that i could shower etc, and get rid of my guilts of cheating on my girlfriend. I know its not the moral thing to do, but that doesnt mean that i should get accused of rape when in fact it was consensual.

My only saving grace at this point in time, besides hopefully the evidence discounting any wrongdoing, is that my mate was there and when interviewd by police, said she was comfortable in our company. As in her statement, when my friend left, she stated that she said "Why don't you **** off as well". Which my friend can deny ever happened. Which means already there are holes in her story.

I am hoping that when they go back to her and ask her additional questions, she slips up or they realise there is no charge, and at least i can move on and live life, with a totally different view on things.

It puts everything into perspective, and now i realise how amazing my girlfriend is, along with how much i have taken my freedom for granted.

Im into Day 2 since being accused, and i cannot stop thinking about it, hence why i have to get it off my chest here on a forum.

The detective, off tape, has said a few comments to me that put my mind at ease, but i cant help but thing negative and assume she was just trying to make me feel comfortable so that i would say something that i shouldn't.

She mentioned to me the following:

I asked her how often false accusations are made, she replied "Every other day"

At the end of the interview, off tape, she said "now Owen have you learnt the moral to this story?" and i said "i should be faithful to my gf" and she replied "yes, and don't pick up *******s from the pub".

I also asked her how long it would take for the investigation, she replied about a week or 2, she just needed to tie up a few loose ends etc etc.

Her colleague who sat in on the interview, also stated to me that "I seem like a genuinely nice person, that has just made a bad choice" and that "at this point in time they believe me and my innocence".

Oh how i wish i had a tape recorder, but as i didnt, that can be taken with a grain of salt as it was off record.

I guess i just needed to talk to someone, and hear from other people, because atm the only people that know is my mum, sister and step dad, and there are some things i just needed to talk about with someone outside of that circle.

I look forward to your responses.

[kskc]

i think you are very lucky. my husband got falsely accused for sexual assault on friday and he's still in custody. in the uk now, there's no such thing as innocent until proven guilty, once they see u with the police that's it, everybody will immediately make up their mind that you are guilty. u haven't even had a court hearing???
once the police hear the girl's side of things, they won't even take into account they guy's side.
has ur gf stood by u?
i stand firm by my husband because i know what he's like. the magistrates go by statements written on paper and what the character of the victim.

i'm just as lost as you. but seems u r lucky

good luck anyway/

[aussieguy]

Thankyou for your reply.
I have not had a court hearing as I haven't been formally charged yet of the crime. I'm hoping that it never comes to this as then I can quite easily see my world crumbling down.

I haven't told anyone besides my family as I am well aware that if other people knew, they would just make their own assumptions.

If charges are not laid, then I can learn and move on with my life without many people knowing.

The detective said about 1 to 2 weeks would be all it took to make a decision so I have a very nerve racking time ahead. I just go to work as usual and yet and live normally but I cannot seem to get it off my mind. Its always eating away at me.

The sooner it is cleared up the better.

[kskc]

u haven't had a hearing yet? were u even kept in custody?
my husband has been in police custody since last friday, we had 1 hearing where i heard the allegations against him and bail was refused.

i just went to prison to visit him and i wouldn't wish that experience on anyone. my first visit was wednesday and it was so awful. i couldn't believe he was actually there. are your family supportiing you?

i agree about other people making their assumptions. you can't trust anyone. i've had to tell my boss, as i was taking alot of time off work to go to court and well, i was too ashamed to go out. i kept thinking every girl i saw was her.

well good luck. i think u brave to go to work. i think it's safe to say my husband has lost his job over this.

we've had our fair share of bad luck but this is icing on the cake.

i'm in a hole and dont see any way out.

i hope u ok. i know the waiting is the awful part.

good luck and take care.

[Unregistered]

Aussie Guy

Hang in there and stay mentally tough. It sounds like the Police believe you and despite many of the negative sentements on this forum, if the police believe you are not guilty it is more than possible that they will not bring charges. In the UK the police rely on the Crown Prosecutors (CPS) to make decisions but the CPS rely heavily on the Police. In my opinion the best policy is 100% honesty and openess (no matter how embarrassing or degrading). It sounds like you answered all the questions during your interview which is very important. I think simply taking a "no comment" stance damages your chances if you are genuinely innocent. Keep your head and try to find close friends and family to speak to. Remember you are innocent and don't get sucked into negative thoughts or worse case scenarios, you MUST simply move from stage to stage in this process, one at a time.

[flemma]

surely, if rape had occurred there would have been signs?i.e brusing or marks? (although dont uote me on that)which they would correspond to her story, so say for example i she said she was scratchin you etc there would be signs and if there is not then her story is less likely to be believed. was she very drunk at all?because if she was, her reasoning may be that she was too drunk to fight you off?is there reason for her to accuse you?im guessing by the fact you havent been taken in is a good sign
good luck

[aussieguy]

surely, if rape had occurred there would have been signs?i.e brusing or marks? (although dont uote me on that)which they would correspond to her story, so say for example i she said she was scratchin you etc there would be signs and if there is not then her story is less likely to be believed. was she very drunk at all?because if she was, her reasoning may be that she was too drunk to fight you off?is there reason for her to accuse you?im guessing by the fact you havent been taken in is a good sign
good luck

Hi Flemma,
As far as im aware, she said that i was pinning her legs down and telling her to "take it". From the sounds of it, there was no scratches, no bruising etc just her allegation along with her clothes. Of course DNA results will prove i was there, but i have already provided an explanation saying that i was present and that consensual sex took place.

We both had a bit to drink, but i was quite lucid, and i asked her questions such as "are you on the pill" to which she said "yes", along with other things such as choice of positions etc. So she was answering me back in the way in which i would believe she knew what she was doing.

I have spoken to the detective today, as im finding it hard to cope with this whole waiting aspect. The detective even said to me "If it puts your mind at ease, i haven't got enough evidence at this point in time to warrent a charge."

I am not sure where you guys are from, but in Australia, they will arrest and question the accused, and then if i was cooperative and they knew where i lived etc, and not a threat to flee the country, they would continue their investigations. Once complete, the Detective will then go to her boss, explain the case and the statements and evidence, and going on what the detective says and the evidence, the boss will then make a decision as to whether or not there is enough evidence to get a guilty verdict at court.

I am confident that no charges will be laid, but i can't help but think about what would happen if they were, because if charges were laid, then i would surely lose my job, my girlfriend, and a lot of other people close to me will start to question my character.

To answer your question as to why she would do this or did she have any reason to accuse me..........I would like to think i am a good looking guy, this girl is definately not the type i would go for, as she has a reputation of being quite easy, and is definately not easy on the eye. After we had sex twice, she tried to get my details such as phone number and name etc, but because i have a gf, i didn't want to give her this information as i wanted to make sure my girlfriend didn't find out. (as bad as that is, i have more things to worry about now).

From my opinion, this girl may have thought that something else may occur or maybe she was annoyed at how abruptly i left in the morning, so my only reasoning is that she wanted to get back at me or maybe get attention.

Other than that, i have no idea why a girl would make such accusations, but she has.


To answer the other persons question, yes my family are sticking by me, however i can tell how disappointed they are. I mean cheating on my girlfreidn was the first thing, but then being arrested for allegedly raping a girl is a much bigger issue. Luckily i am close with my Mum, and she would defend me to the end of the earth.

The two hardest things of this has been 1. Keeping quiet about it to my girlfriend, as she doesn't know. Once it boils over, i will most likely admit to a one night stand with another girl, and move on from there. I will not mention the rape allegation as i am innocent, and don't see as to why i should bring it up. It only puts doubt in peoples minds.

2. Not telling people at work, my mates etc why im so down atm. My work asked if everything was ok, i said yes it was, and its tough to put on such a brave face, as if everything in my world is perfect, because at the moment im at the top of the rollercoaster of life, waiting to see if its going to stop at the top, or spiral downwards and send my life into a spin.

I appreciate peoples comments as it takes a massive burden off my chest to be able to speak to total strangers who can sympathise with me.

Thankyou

[Unregistered]

its sounds like an awful situation to be in, i really dont know what i would do. by what you said though, it sounds as though you will be ok, there seems to be little evidence.Just to think, you are innocent so there cant be evidence of something you ddt do!tell work you are having family problems or something so as to explain the time off work and the emotional behaviour changes etc, i dont know i its wise to kep this from your gf tho, i know she wnt b happy, but if you see it being a long term thing, this isnt something you can hide, because shel find out and it will make it 10x worse in yrs to come when she finds out then. but i guess you do what you think feels right. im in england by the way, i guess its a pretty similar system. good luck with it all

[Unregistered]

I heard somewhere that they made an investigation/survey on a campus which said half of alleged rapes were false. Some women obviously don't know the harm they cause when they do this.

[aussieguy]

I heard somewhere that they made an investigation/survey on a campus which said half of alleged rapes were false. Some women obviously don't know the harm they cause when they do this.

thanks for all your support guys, it's now been a week since i was accused, and i have since spoken to the detective once.

I spoke to her about how i was feeling and the affect this is having on me, and she told me just to take it easy, and to "not do anything silly" e.g. Suicide. I'm not at that stage, but it did help for me to talk tot he detective.

She also said to me "if it puts your mind at ease, at this stage i don't have enough evidence to warrant a charge"

I am confident that no charges will be laid, as i haven't done anything wrong and the evidence should back that up, but you cannot help but think "what if charges were laid".

Anyways, the detective said either way i should find out in the mail within a week or two from when i was first arrested, so by the sounds of it, shes pretty much wrapping up her investigations.

She mentioned that she is waiting back on DNA results, although they won't change anything because i had already explained that it was consensual sex and placed myself at the alleged crime scene.

I am really pissed off at the girl that has accused me however, and if i had it my way, i would love to have a chance to let her know how much this has affected me and how low i think she is for what she has done.

Most women don't realise what affect it has on people, and to me, false rape accusations should carry a jail term, however they are very hard to prove unless you practically get an admission.

In my case, my thoughts are that she thought it would be a good idea at the start, to get a bit of attention and maybe get back at me, but now she is in so deep that she has to just ride it out till its over. Which is quite selfish.

If charges are laid, i will defend them vigorously, if no charges are laid, i will be seriously contemplating a restraining order, as i do not want to be anywhere near someone like that, and open myself up to more accusations.

Anyways i will keep you all updated, and fingers crossed that the justice system does their job, and doesn't lay charges.

[Unregistered]

Just arrested for rape

i was bailed yesterday for this allegation, even though there was no sexual contact! I cant believe it We were in bed together, and hugged/lay close after a night of heavy drinking and dancing together. In the morning, still drunk/half asleep I rubbed her leg, bum. She now says that she was asleep and i was trying to have sex with her. Her story has changed. Now she says we did have sex! I was drunk, but i would know if we had sex. At no point was there force or any physical trauma.
I told everything to the police, gave all the samples they require, but like you, even though you know you are right, it feels so scary.
I am moving to another country in dec but they still gave me bail and did not withhold my passport. Can this be a good sign?
I think they believed me too, but you just dont know. They told me it would take longer than your did to find out, like end of dec.
it is the worst situation to be in, the police came to my work and arrested me there

[Unregistered]

how come this process happened so quickly? other threads speak about months? I am on day 5 and cant cope with waiting...

[shaun]

hey i was falsely accused of rape a year ago know. all i can say to people tha get falsly accused is it is not a nice thing to happen it killed me inside, i took it bad i could not eat,sleep, work or an thing i justwas like a cabbage, i would say dont do that cos it dint help. i got accused of some 1 i worked with so i was not allowed to work. i lost everything. cos i lived in the hote were i worked. so all i can say is i am here for ppl that get acused to talk to me contact email is shaun.moulson@live.co.uk. i hope every thing works out ok

[Unregistered]

The two hardest things of this has been 1. Keeping quiet about it to my girlfriend, as she doesn't know. Once it boils over, i will most likely admit to a one night stand with another girl, and move on from there. I will not mention the rape allegation as i am innocent, and don't see as to why i should bring it up. It only puts doubt in peoples minds.

I strongly disagree with this as its too big of an issue to keep from your girlfriend.

My partner also cheated on me and then the girl accused him. He didn't tell me the truth at the beginning either as he thought it wouldn't go any further but he was so wrong. Anyway he did eventually tell me and although it was hard, and still is as he has since been convicted and is in prison, we are trying really hard to make a go of it and he says without my support he doesn't know how he would have coped.

I know it might not be the same for you however i remember how hard it hit me as it was such a shock and you will need as much support as possible and keeping it a secret won't help.

It is such a difficult time and in our case it was printed in our local paper along with all of his details just after he was arrested so everybody found out and we've since found out who our true friends are and he's even had family disown him.

I hope it all works out for you as i wouldn't wish what we are going through on my worst enemy.

~J~

[Rights Fighter]

Keeping quiet about the rape allegation is a form of a lie - if/when the lady concerned finds out about it she could well believe the allegation as you will have "lied" in effect, by not telling her about it.