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hello,
i am suicidal,, wrecked with worry, and at my wits end, i need some advice
i apologize for any bad spelling or grammers i am in tears,,and shaking
first let me say im the eldest of 10 children,,im only saying this cuz,,i learned to wash,,cook,,clean etc, from a very early age and fend for my family
i had a very bad marraige,,my wife didnt cook,,clean etc,,but because i did it all, i didnt see a problem
or the fact that she slept around,,that was easy i just slept on sofa
the only good things in my life are my 2 children they are now 21,,20 boy and girl
in 1998,,after putting up with debt through drug abuse thats the wife using,,seeing my kids,,unfed unclothed and lying in there urine stained sheets i decided to leave,,and take my kids
the wife of course was not willing to give up the kids,, so we settled on one each,,i moved not too far from the family home,,with my daughter,,so that her schooling could continue,and that i would at least see my son,,which i didnt
i was in my new flat,,decorated,,clean,,and light years away from the slum,,that my daughter was used too
for 6 months,, i got uniforms for school, for my son also,,and felt at last i could turn around the last 10 years or so
i was reported to CSA,,first by my wife,, that knocked my money down to £40 a week
i was pestered by the wife,daily,,she wud fone my friends and cause so much grief,,i managed to keep house going
it was in last few months,,at the flat that my daughter started telling me of the horrors that she had been through,,staying over strangers houses and more,
running round streets at 1am,,scared
,and at one point even asked me for sex
my mother had recently died,,and i had already lost a younger brother
im sorry but i lashed out and beat her
then when dust had settled,,i asked the wife what all the **** was about,,and why my own baby was asking me for sex
i was told by my wife,,and it pains me to quote "just give it to her!!!" with that i threw the wife out my house,
i thought that was that,,but no
i had a friend in ipswich that was going through some grief,,so i went down for a week over xmas time 2000..to help out,,i passed my daughter to my wife on the understanding that i wud return
on the return trip back to birmingham,,my friend said,,dont go mad at your misses,,
i wondered what the hell she was talking about
apparently she and my wife were talking daily on the fone ,,this i did not know
i got back to my flat,,to see it trashed,,it was like it was robbed
i had no choice but to return to ipswich with my friend,,i was gutted
the wife foned daily,,saying my daughter was kicking up a stink didnt wanna go school and more
i dont blame my daughter,,she for just a short time had got a decent life and was now back in hell,,and i feel guilty as hell for leaving my kids
6 months later i got a call of my wife saying that my son was having sexual allegations against him
i left what remained of my stuff at ipswich,,and came to birmingham
was one of wifes druggy friends making allegations,,and i didnt sign on,,or anything as my wife was claiming after years of telling her to,a disability allowance
i just made sure i was there to protect both my kids when social services came down
my son made a pretty stinging remark to the handicapped officer in the case and for one second he just looked at him, at that point i was fearing to lose my kids,
the officer left
i shouted at and beat my son,,as my brother was handicapped and had died,,im sorry but at that point it was too much
the wife pulled kids out of school and they never went back,,since
those are the only times i ever,,ever hit my kids,,coming from a home where i was beaten daily for what brothers or sisters did,,i didnt want the same for my kids
it wasnt long before the wife was getting back to her usual ways
trying to get rid of me any way she could
i had promised her if my kids got into trouble i would take them both of her and go ipswich
she made arrangment to get a place,,turned down 4 moves,,and more
my friend in ipswich offered me and kids a home,,but the wife wrecked that
then when i went to help another close friend,,the wife moved,,i didnt want to know where,,her home had all my stuff from flat in it,,and, again i lost all
i had no choice but to move in with close friend, the wife popped down every week,,didnt let me see kids,,also threatend if i ever came down to her home she wud tell police i raped my own daughter
my friends daughter,, also accused me of this,,and after a major row i was kicked out of friends
with no where to go,,i went to wife home,,i was there 3 days,, when my friend begged forgiveness
and asked me back
3 yrs now,,i hadnt signed on,, so i moved back to friends signed on,,wanted to get some independance
as u wud expect i hadnt in all those years had time to get over grief of family deaths,,let alone the other family deaths that had happenned,,during these past few years.
my friend was also told about the police being informed if i came down
time went on,,all i wanted from wife,,was my few possesions,,that i had left of my mom and brother
few photos and that, wasnt much,, but i never got
then wife got pregnant,,no not mine,, when she was about to give birth ,
she told me i cud have the kids and my stuff,,cuz she setting up new home with new boyfriend and baby,
she moved yet again
for 3 yrs i never saw or heard from them
as if that wasnt enuff,,my friends daughter claimed rape,again,and ran off,she was 17
1 yr later had a fone call from her boyfriend threatening to shoot her own mother and me
i stood my ground but my friend who was severely depressed and under medication,,was so fearfull we left the house,,all the stuff in it and headed out of birmingham with a bit of money and a bag
wasnt long before we were coming back,,no one helped us,,no help anywhere,
we were not gay or lesbian
we were not druggys
we were not alcholics
we were not foriegn
,i didnt know where to go,
,so i begged her son to allow us to live, in a single room bedsit with him
we were there a year and a half,
then a letter was popped through his door,,it was my daughter,,asking for me
my wife had died,,and she was left bringing up the baby,,the baby was 3 yrs old
i did what i could,,i didnt go funeral as none of my family were there only the wifes,,and lets just say i didnt get on with them
i did what i could sent my friends son down with money and that,,my daughters boyfriend was moaning about that,,so that stopped
then we got an offer of a flat,,nice place,, so at least i thought i could help my kids more,,
and the little boy was a lovely kid,,i took too him instantly,
so for past 2 yrs i have been helping, my daughters abusive boyfriend was a control freak,,was extremely cruel to the baby ,,my daughter and my son, living there scott free not paying a cent
i had to listen to the stories of my wife beating my daughter severley,,at one point knocking her out
i had to listen to how my daughter has been raped 6,7 times by youths round the area and police think she lies
how her boyfriend was murdered in the house
how her mother died,,from smoking cannabis and more
and how much she loves her present boyfriend
was a period of 6 mnths when i wasnt allowed down,,tho his family were
so after all this i threatend to go kick him out
thats when the fone went dead
no emails no contact no nothing,
then yesterday i was arrested,,rape and assault of female under 16
the baby is in a home,,baby well he is 5 yrs old
i have never heard such shocking allegations in my life,,the things i am supposed to have done,,i feel sick
i broke down during interview
apparently my wife and daughter went to police station in 2005 ,,but daughter didnt want to give video evidence
now both my son and daughter have
i didnt want the duty soliciter,,i dont know what to do,,
all i tried to do was protect my kids,,and also protect the little baby from this bully
im planning with my misses to save sum money,,run off and live as long as we can on streets,,when thats done,,we going to take pills and kill ourselves,,i cannot live with this horrendous accusation against me
i still love my kids,,of course,,but i dont want to live life forever with this **** on my head
i desperately need sum sorta advice,,the wait and see,,attitude,,is not for me,,
life has been so full of misery for me and my friend,,we just wanted some peace ,,live out our old age ,,that it seems is too much to ask
im only 44
heres hoping the light at end of tunnel hasnt gone out
and i dont want all these people,that do bullying to get away with it,,ok the wife is dead,,but somehow her legacy to give me as much pain as she can lives on
yours depressed devoted dad
i am suicidal,, wrecked with worry, and at my wits end, i need some advice
i apologize for any bad spelling or grammers i am in tears,,and shaking
first let me say im the eldest of 10 children,,im only saying this cuz,,i learned to wash,,cook,,clean etc, from a very early age and fend for my family
i had a very bad marraige,,my wife didnt cook,,clean etc,,but because i did it all, i didnt see a problem
or the fact that she slept around,,that was easy i just slept on sofa
the only good things in my life are my 2 children they are now 21,,20 boy and girl
in 1998,,after putting up with debt through drug abuse thats the wife using,,seeing my kids,,unfed unclothed and lying in there urine stained sheets i decided to leave,,and take my kids
the wife of course was not willing to give up the kids,, so we settled on one each,,i moved not too far from the family home,,with my daughter,,so that her schooling could continue,and that i would at least see my son,,which i didnt
i was in my new flat,,decorated,,clean,,and light years away from the slum,,that my daughter was used too
for 6 months,, i got uniforms for school, for my son also,,and felt at last i could turn around the last 10 years or so
i was reported to CSA,,first by my wife,, that knocked my money down to £40 a week
i was pestered by the wife,daily,,she wud fone my friends and cause so much grief,,i managed to keep house going
it was in last few months,,at the flat that my daughter started telling me of the horrors that she had been through,,staying over strangers houses and more,
running round streets at 1am,,scared
,and at one point even asked me for sex
my mother had recently died,,and i had already lost a younger brother
im sorry but i lashed out and beat her
then when dust had settled,,i asked the wife what all the **** was about,,and why my own baby was asking me for sex
i was told by my wife,,and it pains me to quote "just give it to her!!!" with that i threw the wife out my house,
i thought that was that,,but no
i had a friend in ipswich that was going through some grief,,so i went down for a week over xmas time 2000..to help out,,i passed my daughter to my wife on the understanding that i wud return
on the return trip back to birmingham,,my friend said,,dont go mad at your misses,,
i wondered what the hell she was talking about
apparently she and my wife were talking daily on the fone ,,this i did not know
i got back to my flat,,to see it trashed,,it was like it was robbed
i had no choice but to return to ipswich with my friend,,i was gutted
the wife foned daily,,saying my daughter was kicking up a stink didnt wanna go school and more
i dont blame my daughter,,she for just a short time had got a decent life and was now back in hell,,and i feel guilty as hell for leaving my kids
6 months later i got a call of my wife saying that my son was having sexual allegations against him
i left what remained of my stuff at ipswich,,and came to birmingham
was one of wifes druggy friends making allegations,,and i didnt sign on,,or anything as my wife was claiming after years of telling her to,a disability allowance
i just made sure i was there to protect both my kids when social services came down
my son made a pretty stinging remark to the handicapped officer in the case and for one second he just looked at him, at that point i was fearing to lose my kids,
the officer left
i shouted at and beat my son,,as my brother was handicapped and had died,,im sorry but at that point it was too much
the wife pulled kids out of school and they never went back,,since
those are the only times i ever,,ever hit my kids,,coming from a home where i was beaten daily for what brothers or sisters did,,i didnt want the same for my kids
it wasnt long before the wife was getting back to her usual ways
trying to get rid of me any way she could
i had promised her if my kids got into trouble i would take them both of her and go ipswich
she made arrangment to get a place,,turned down 4 moves,,and more
my friend in ipswich offered me and kids a home,,but the wife wrecked that
then when i went to help another close friend,,the wife moved,,i didnt want to know where,,her home had all my stuff from flat in it,,and, again i lost all
i had no choice but to move in with close friend, the wife popped down every week,,didnt let me see kids,,also threatend if i ever came down to her home she wud tell police i raped my own daughter
my friends daughter,, also accused me of this,,and after a major row i was kicked out of friends
with no where to go,,i went to wife home,,i was there 3 days,, when my friend begged forgiveness
and asked me back
3 yrs now,,i hadnt signed on,, so i moved back to friends signed on,,wanted to get some independance
as u wud expect i hadnt in all those years had time to get over grief of family deaths,,let alone the other family deaths that had happenned,,during these past few years.
my friend was also told about the police being informed if i came down
time went on,,all i wanted from wife,,was my few possesions,,that i had left of my mom and brother
few photos and that, wasnt much,, but i never got
then wife got pregnant,,no not mine,, when she was about to give birth ,
she told me i cud have the kids and my stuff,,cuz she setting up new home with new boyfriend and baby,
she moved yet again
for 3 yrs i never saw or heard from them
as if that wasnt enuff,,my friends daughter claimed rape,again,and ran off,she was 17
1 yr later had a fone call from her boyfriend threatening to shoot her own mother and me
i stood my ground but my friend who was severely depressed and under medication,,was so fearfull we left the house,,all the stuff in it and headed out of birmingham with a bit of money and a bag
wasnt long before we were coming back,,no one helped us,,no help anywhere,
we were not gay or lesbian
we were not druggys
we were not alcholics
we were not foriegn
,i didnt know where to go,
,so i begged her son to allow us to live, in a single room bedsit with him
we were there a year and a half,
then a letter was popped through his door,,it was my daughter,,asking for me
my wife had died,,and she was left bringing up the baby,,the baby was 3 yrs old
i did what i could,,i didnt go funeral as none of my family were there only the wifes,,and lets just say i didnt get on with them
i did what i could sent my friends son down with money and that,,my daughters boyfriend was moaning about that,,so that stopped
then we got an offer of a flat,,nice place,, so at least i thought i could help my kids more,,
and the little boy was a lovely kid,,i took too him instantly,
so for past 2 yrs i have been helping, my daughters abusive boyfriend was a control freak,,was extremely cruel to the baby ,,my daughter and my son, living there scott free not paying a cent
i had to listen to the stories of my wife beating my daughter severley,,at one point knocking her out
i had to listen to how my daughter has been raped 6,7 times by youths round the area and police think she lies
how her boyfriend was murdered in the house
how her mother died,,from smoking cannabis and more
and how much she loves her present boyfriend
was a period of 6 mnths when i wasnt allowed down,,tho his family were
so after all this i threatend to go kick him out
thats when the fone went dead
no emails no contact no nothing,
then yesterday i was arrested,,rape and assault of female under 16
the baby is in a home,,baby well he is 5 yrs old
i have never heard such shocking allegations in my life,,the things i am supposed to have done,,i feel sick
i broke down during interview
apparently my wife and daughter went to police station in 2005 ,,but daughter didnt want to give video evidence
now both my son and daughter have
i didnt want the duty soliciter,,i dont know what to do,,
all i tried to do was protect my kids,,and also protect the little baby from this bully
im planning with my misses to save sum money,,run off and live as long as we can on streets,,when thats done,,we going to take pills and kill ourselves,,i cannot live with this horrendous accusation against me
i still love my kids,,of course,,but i dont want to live life forever with this **** on my head
i desperately need sum sorta advice,,the wait and see,,attitude,,is not for me,,
life has been so full of misery for me and my friend,,we just wanted some peace ,,live out our old age ,,that it seems is too much to ask
im only 44
heres hoping the light at end of tunnel hasnt gone out
and i dont want all these people,that do bullying to get away with it,,ok the wife is dead,,but somehow her legacy to give me as much pain as she can lives on
yours depressed devoted dad
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