EX Boyfriend accused of rape

[sleepless20]

Thank god I have found this website. I wish I had found it earlier.

Well, about 8 weeks ago me, 20, and my partner, 22, were going through a bad patch in which we were growing apart. It was just a general case of not getting on, he seemed to enjoy spending more time with his mates than me.

Anyway, we were trying to make things work after 2 and a half years together and going through a lot together. We seemed to be getting on. On this particular Tuesday afternoon we decided I would go home as we didnt want to push it too much while we were seemingly getting on.

This is when things took a drastic turn. On my departure my then partner decided he would go out with his mates and have a drink, which was fine with me. Later, that evening I spoke to him briefly but his battery went dead.

Next thing I know his mum rings me the next day saying he was arrested during the night from home. I assured her he will have been up to no good with his mates and he would be home later that day. He wasn't. I continually rang the police station and they told me they couldnt tell me anything as he was over 18. Until I got through to a lovely lady on custody who told me she could not give me any details but he was not there and was unlikely to be home. This is when I knew he had been remanded. But what for ?

After 4 days of deliberating about his whereabouts. We had gone to the local school to pick up his daughter. This is where we heard the gossip he had "raped" a local women, 26. We were mortified. In the meantime, I had recieved a letter off him asking me and his mum to go and see him. So without delay this is what we done.

The second he saw us he broke down in tears. He was pleading his innocence. He maintained he was really sorry for cheating on me but it was not like she was saying. I can honestly say I believe him. However, he also understands that I will not put up with cheating and we are not a couple anymore but I will support him 100%.

He claimed that he was at her house alone with her, which he admits he should not have been. They had been drinking together. She had provided all alcohol, which was a banned substance called Abesynth. One thing led to another and she is now claiming rape. He also claims that after the whole thing he told her it was a mistake and that he loved me. She said that she was going to tell me as she is well known to myself. She also became very upset and felt used. This is very understandable but claiming rape seems a little extreme.

Since he has been remanded the woman in question has been into my place of work, shouting the allegations. Would a rape victim do this? She also made threats to myself but while the case is going on I am unable to retaliate without being prosecuted for intimadating a witness, and she well knows it. Anyway i'm a firm believer in karma and it takes a bigger person to walk away.

Anyway, he is at crown court on Monday (1st Sept) but we are unsure what for. We are not entirely sure whether it is for his trial or some sort of hearing. It seems a little soon for a trial as it has only been about 8 weeks. Some people on here have waited some 10 months. I am really confused. He has a barrister but has had no contact with him. What is likely to happen and will he remain on remand until he is either convicted or cleared ?

Is there a case for rape? We are all terrified of what could happen. You hear it all the time about people being falsely accused and convicted. It is so tragic, these people lose their freedom, because of stupid lies.

Can anyone help ?

Regards,
R XX

[lemming]

Sorry the reply has taken so long...

I hope today went alright, or at least that your ex-boyfriend et al have a better idea of what's going on.

Have the police spoken to you yet? If not you (and everyone else) need to speak to your ex-boyfriend's solicitor asap, otherwise there's a chance the police will use you as a prosecution witness then drop you at the last moment to prevent the defence from cross-examining you (where it becomes clear you're a defence witness, not a prosecution witness!).

He'll need a solicitor who's experienced in these cases - make sure credentials are checked. The sooner the better, in case the solicitor needs to be changed.

Forgive me if I've got this slightly wrong (my memory has started going already!), but remand is usual only in more serious cases (eg flight risk, allegations of violence etc) - is your ex fully aware of all the allegations against him? Again, I might be wrong, but if he was due in Crown Court today that would mean he's been charged? It is too soon for a trial - perhaps it was to hear his plea? Any sol who encourages him to plead guilty should be ditched straight away - the ramifications are immense for an innocent person.

Make sure you write down every single detail you remember from the past eight weeks, however insignificant. Keep your ear to the ground for local gossip - some people do admit they were lying, so it's worthwhile checking silly things like facebook and bebo, along with general chitchat. Do not approach this girl directly and make a log of everytime she contacts you. If it's in work see if you can get CCTV footage and witness statements.

Don't post too many details on here, the plod do check this site and you'd be amazed at what can be twisted and used against you. It's an awful time for all of you - and he's VERY lucky he has your support.

Phew! Hopefully others will be along to give you more useful advice/correct mine! I seem to ramble a lot nowadays...

[Rights Fighter]

Hi

As Lemming said, you need to be very careful what you post on this site as anybody could be lurking - including the police.

As he also said it is quite unusual for somebody to be remanded into custody unless there were threats of violence, (or violence alleged or otherwise) or a possibility to witness intimidation.

Does this guy actually remember what happened?

Her behaviour does not immediately reflect that of a rape victim as such, some people will shout and rant believing that the more often they repeat the allegation the more they think people will believe it. Most victims will withdraw into themselves - this is one of many problems that faces genuine victims which renders them unable to come forward to get rightful justice.

However, Lemming also said:

Any sol who encourages him to plead guilty should be ditched straight away

These days it is very difficult to change representation as this requires a transfer of funding and judges are reluctant to allow this. It is incumbent on the solicitor and/or barrister to provide the defendant with his options - plead guilty and "earn credit" (a lesser sentence) or don't plead guilty and feel the full of the judge's sentencing powers if found guilty. They HAVE to do this by law.

It is not in the barrister's financial interest to take the matter through the trial process and a minority will often "encourage" a guilty plea in order to duck out of the trial. However, it is up to he defendant to refuse this, if he is not guilty.

If an innocent defendant feels that he is being pushed into a guilty plea he is is within his rights to tell the court that he has no confidence is his barrister. However this could result in him having no representation at all (in some circumstances). In the old days this meant he could cross-examine his alleged victim but I have an idea that this has now changed and he would now be left without that opportunity. At that point another barrister might be found for him but it is unlikely that an adjournment of a suitable amount of time would be given.

I attended such a trial in 2003 and he was given 6 weeks to find a new barrister and solicitor. Fortunately I found him a solicitor within a few days and 6 weeks later he was found not guilty. He was lucky.

These days I doubt a court would be so patient. I've heard of cases where a barrister who happened to be in the court building was called to take the case immediately, with a few hours notice, or within a couple of days, if the defendant was lucky.

The odds are stacked against an in innocent defendant in that situation.

Absinthe was banned many years ago for several reasons. One was that is a poisonous substance that caused people to behave in an overly sexual manner. Try Googling it!

[lemming]

Thanks RF! I hoped you'd be along with the correct stuff!

Although... Absinthe is alive and well and still on sale. It was banned in this country, but that was a while ago now. The ingredients have changed a bit, mainly the removal of Hallucinogenics - Van Gogh famously drank it during the whole slicing off his ear phase.

It's still a very potent spirit, though, so I wouldn't be surprised if his memory of that night is very patchy.

[sleepless20]

Whoa

Happy days !

After 4 agonsing days we finally got a verdict of NOT GUILTY !!!!!!

I hope this is an inspiration for everyone out there

R XXX

[Journalist]

Journalist wishing to interview someone whose partner was falsely accused or cleared of rape

I'm posting this message from the London features department of Splash news in the hope you can help me with an article I'm currently looking into.

I'd very much like to interview someone whose partner has been falsely accused or cleared of rape for a feature I hope will highlight the damage such claims have on the wrongly accused loved ones.

If you the partner of someone who has gone through this or have gone through this yourself and your partner would feel comfortable enough to talk about your experiences, please do get in touch.

Splash is an international news agency and here in the features department we write strong human-interest pieces for the British national newspapers and magazines and numerous international publications.

Many Thanks,
Kara Dolman
Feature Writer

0207 078 8962
kdolman@splashnews.com