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I'm not sure this is the right material for this forum but I it might strike a chord somewhere.
Firstly I'm sorry if this is badly spelled or doesn't make much sense. I'm outside of half a bottle of Bourbon and I am not making the best sense of my life.
My story tarts abiout a year ago. I met tis girl through friends and totally fell for her. We atarted seeing each other, not very seriously and things moved slowly forwards. At my instigation. I was (and am) in love.
I found she was depressed, badly. A cutter and an attempted suicide, she as pretty messed up. Despite all of this I was hopelessly in love with her. Things were going OK, until I messed up. Twice.
First was a party for a friends birthday. She got wasted on booze and her prescription pills and I didn't realise. She was insatiable for sex, but was far more out of it than I realised. We had unprotected sex, and her first ecepreince of anal sex (at her instigation)
Afterwards we had a great haeart to heart and I admitted parts of my past, including some time seeing hookers.
Following this, at her instigation, I had a test for VDU and came back clean.
We started seeing each other again and became aware of her cutting herself, and extended depression. I was supportive as hell and things grew, We had dates, and sex and things were great. She threatened to eviscerate me over my snoring and I worshipped her in all things.
Then came a night when her depression and her pills got the better of her, and terrified she had taken an overdose I rushed over. We cuddled and talked for a while until she demanded I spank her. I did. Hard. This was at her insistence, but she was off her face on pills and I didn't realise. I spanked her hard, as she called me a pussy and yelled at me to do it harder. Eventually she called it a day and I wrapped her in a blanket and took her to my place for cuddles and sleep. No sex, just concern she would top herself.
A few weeks later she tells me she is not able to be a girlfriend and just wants to be friends
After that she tells me I went over the line and abused my position as boyfriend
Fast forward 3 months of me confessing my love for her, but understanding her depression and I get a phone call from a joint friend. Asking me if I, as he claimed, raped her.
A month later and she admits to this same friend that we had sex whilst she was wasted and she felt that I took advantage. Fair, since I was the only sober person at our last two major encounters.
However, I am not a rapist. I have never hurt a member of the opposite sex. But I have no idea how many of my friends think I am an abuser. How many she has told I took advantage of her and ****ed her silly.
I'm angry, hurt and I feel cut off from off my friends. I mean, I was the sober one, the one in control but I love this girl with all my heart. I would do anything for her. And she has labelled me the most despised name possible.
What do I do? I love her but I hate what she has done.
Firstly I'm sorry if this is badly spelled or doesn't make much sense. I'm outside of half a bottle of Bourbon and I am not making the best sense of my life.
My story tarts abiout a year ago. I met tis girl through friends and totally fell for her. We atarted seeing each other, not very seriously and things moved slowly forwards. At my instigation. I was (and am) in love.
I found she was depressed, badly. A cutter and an attempted suicide, she as pretty messed up. Despite all of this I was hopelessly in love with her. Things were going OK, until I messed up. Twice.
First was a party for a friends birthday. She got wasted on booze and her prescription pills and I didn't realise. She was insatiable for sex, but was far more out of it than I realised. We had unprotected sex, and her first ecepreince of anal sex (at her instigation)
Afterwards we had a great haeart to heart and I admitted parts of my past, including some time seeing hookers.
Following this, at her instigation, I had a test for VDU and came back clean.
We started seeing each other again and became aware of her cutting herself, and extended depression. I was supportive as hell and things grew, We had dates, and sex and things were great. She threatened to eviscerate me over my snoring and I worshipped her in all things.
Then came a night when her depression and her pills got the better of her, and terrified she had taken an overdose I rushed over. We cuddled and talked for a while until she demanded I spank her. I did. Hard. This was at her insistence, but she was off her face on pills and I didn't realise. I spanked her hard, as she called me a pussy and yelled at me to do it harder. Eventually she called it a day and I wrapped her in a blanket and took her to my place for cuddles and sleep. No sex, just concern she would top herself.
A few weeks later she tells me she is not able to be a girlfriend and just wants to be friends
After that she tells me I went over the line and abused my position as boyfriend
Fast forward 3 months of me confessing my love for her, but understanding her depression and I get a phone call from a joint friend. Asking me if I, as he claimed, raped her.
A month later and she admits to this same friend that we had sex whilst she was wasted and she felt that I took advantage. Fair, since I was the only sober person at our last two major encounters.
However, I am not a rapist. I have never hurt a member of the opposite sex. But I have no idea how many of my friends think I am an abuser. How many she has told I took advantage of her and ****ed her silly.
I'm angry, hurt and I feel cut off from off my friends. I mean, I was the sober one, the one in control but I love this girl with all my heart. I would do anything for her. And she has labelled me the most despised name possible.
What do I do? I love her but I hate what she has done.