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Originally posted on old forum on Saturday, December 13, 2003
Hi
I don't really know what to write really, I'll start from the events of two nights ago.
I was just about to go to my bed the other evening when I was called by a close friend. He told me that a girl whom I had met once was accusing me of rape and that she had made a complaint to the police.
I initially thought it was someone?s idea of a sick wind up but he was serious. Nine months ago he had called me and invited me over to his place for a drink, I rarely see him so after a bit of convincing I drove over to see him, he lives in a nearby town so i would have had to stay at his place.
When I got there he was there as was his girlfriend and his girlfriends friend and another couple of guys. We sat and watched videos and had a couple of drinks. I don't drink very often and I was tired so I only had a couple of bottles of beer.
At the end of the evening the two other guys left, leaving me my friend his girlfriend and her friend. He and his girlfriend went into his room and her friend went though to his bedroom, I was briefly on my own and decided to go and join them. We all sat for a while talking and then sleeping arrangements we discussed - and it was agreed that the girls friend and I could share the other room. My friends girlfriend jokingly said remember and get a goodnight kiss, thinking it would be funny I lifted the friend into the other room and put her down on the bed, clothed, and I got into the bed too, I asked if I could give her a goodnight kiss and then we kissed, I don't remember but I think my hand wandered to her breast, then she said that she just wanted to go to sleep, so I took that she wasn't interested and said goodnight, she fell asleep quite quickly and I tried to sleep beside her. I'm not used to sleeping with anyone else in the same bed, so I couldn't sleep. I covered her with the quilt and lay down trying to drift off.
I watched the sun come though the blinds and decided there was no further point in trying to sleep - so went though to the living room to have a cigarette and wait for my friend to wake up. When there was signs of life in his room I went though to speak to him and his girlfriend. Awake her friend came though and we all sat talking - I don't remember much but I'm sure her friend and I had our arms around each others back as we all talked. With the friend now up and out of the bed - I decided to try and sleep - which I did. When I awoke the only people left in the flat were myself and my friend.
The next thing I heard about the friend was that she was seeing someone - I had asked after her as I thought she might like to go out sometime and my friend ask his girlfriend to find out if there was any interest. Thinking nothing of it I left it at that.
The next mention of it was the phone call I got two nights ago.
After my friend had called, I got a phone call from the girl I've been seeing for the last couple of weeks, she could tell instantly I was distressed so I told her what had been said. She had had a glass of wine after work so couldn't come over- so I went through and picked her up. this was about 2am.
She couldn't believe it, and on the journey back to my place she told me she had also been a victim, not of an accusation but of rape. She told me that she wouldn't spent any time with me alone if I had even seemed capable of it and she was angry, when she had been raped she had to prove that she had and that girls that "cry rape" just cause more harm to the process of helping real victims.
I never slept that night, I felt sick and couldn't stop worrying I still can't. I wanted to go straight to the police and find out what the hell was going on- I would have too but she told me to wait for the morning.
When the morning came I called my friend, asked him exactly what had been said. He told me that he was to go to the police station to make a statement, I went through to his with my girlfriend and went with him to the police station.
I won't go though what was said at the interview - most of it I have said already, but when the accusation was read out to me I couldn't stop myself bursting into tears. I had been accused of undressing her, inserting my fingers up her, then taking a knife and cutting her, then raping her. Even now the thought makes me sick to the stomach. The police released me without charge, I gave them all my contact numbers and took the officer that was in charge of the case's details. They told me that they wouldn't contact me until next week as they had other people to speak to and they hadn't been prepared for me coming in.
My girlfriend has been so supportive, I've only told one family member - my big sister - she came round and I burst into tears as soon as she asked me what was wrong. I haven't spoken to my parents as I don't want them to worry.
I took my girlfriend home and as soon as I got in and was alone I couldn't stop thinking about it. My best friend came round and stayed with me he's now gone home and I've never felt so alone. I haven't slept for two days, I haven't eaten. I don't know what to do now. I went online to see what others have done in my position but have found no comfort.
What do I do now.... I work for the government - so I could lose my job, in turn my home. I also run a scout troop - which I will also lose. My friend has said that the girl is a heavy drinker and not the most stable of people and that this has to be a cry for help.
I'm sorry this has been such a long post, and I'm sorry for the victims from both sides if it has reminded them of the past, but I don't know what to do... I'm 23 and I feel like I'm on my deathbed
I've included my email address (kg010c0478@blueyonder.co.uk) , if anyone has any advice please please get in touch.
Hi
I don't really know what to write really, I'll start from the events of two nights ago.
I was just about to go to my bed the other evening when I was called by a close friend. He told me that a girl whom I had met once was accusing me of rape and that she had made a complaint to the police.
I initially thought it was someone?s idea of a sick wind up but he was serious. Nine months ago he had called me and invited me over to his place for a drink, I rarely see him so after a bit of convincing I drove over to see him, he lives in a nearby town so i would have had to stay at his place.
When I got there he was there as was his girlfriend and his girlfriends friend and another couple of guys. We sat and watched videos and had a couple of drinks. I don't drink very often and I was tired so I only had a couple of bottles of beer.
At the end of the evening the two other guys left, leaving me my friend his girlfriend and her friend. He and his girlfriend went into his room and her friend went though to his bedroom, I was briefly on my own and decided to go and join them. We all sat for a while talking and then sleeping arrangements we discussed - and it was agreed that the girls friend and I could share the other room. My friends girlfriend jokingly said remember and get a goodnight kiss, thinking it would be funny I lifted the friend into the other room and put her down on the bed, clothed, and I got into the bed too, I asked if I could give her a goodnight kiss and then we kissed, I don't remember but I think my hand wandered to her breast, then she said that she just wanted to go to sleep, so I took that she wasn't interested and said goodnight, she fell asleep quite quickly and I tried to sleep beside her. I'm not used to sleeping with anyone else in the same bed, so I couldn't sleep. I covered her with the quilt and lay down trying to drift off.
I watched the sun come though the blinds and decided there was no further point in trying to sleep - so went though to the living room to have a cigarette and wait for my friend to wake up. When there was signs of life in his room I went though to speak to him and his girlfriend. Awake her friend came though and we all sat talking - I don't remember much but I'm sure her friend and I had our arms around each others back as we all talked. With the friend now up and out of the bed - I decided to try and sleep - which I did. When I awoke the only people left in the flat were myself and my friend.
The next thing I heard about the friend was that she was seeing someone - I had asked after her as I thought she might like to go out sometime and my friend ask his girlfriend to find out if there was any interest. Thinking nothing of it I left it at that.
The next mention of it was the phone call I got two nights ago.
After my friend had called, I got a phone call from the girl I've been seeing for the last couple of weeks, she could tell instantly I was distressed so I told her what had been said. She had had a glass of wine after work so couldn't come over- so I went through and picked her up. this was about 2am.
She couldn't believe it, and on the journey back to my place she told me she had also been a victim, not of an accusation but of rape. She told me that she wouldn't spent any time with me alone if I had even seemed capable of it and she was angry, when she had been raped she had to prove that she had and that girls that "cry rape" just cause more harm to the process of helping real victims.
I never slept that night, I felt sick and couldn't stop worrying I still can't. I wanted to go straight to the police and find out what the hell was going on- I would have too but she told me to wait for the morning.
When the morning came I called my friend, asked him exactly what had been said. He told me that he was to go to the police station to make a statement, I went through to his with my girlfriend and went with him to the police station.
I won't go though what was said at the interview - most of it I have said already, but when the accusation was read out to me I couldn't stop myself bursting into tears. I had been accused of undressing her, inserting my fingers up her, then taking a knife and cutting her, then raping her. Even now the thought makes me sick to the stomach. The police released me without charge, I gave them all my contact numbers and took the officer that was in charge of the case's details. They told me that they wouldn't contact me until next week as they had other people to speak to and they hadn't been prepared for me coming in.
My girlfriend has been so supportive, I've only told one family member - my big sister - she came round and I burst into tears as soon as she asked me what was wrong. I haven't spoken to my parents as I don't want them to worry.
I took my girlfriend home and as soon as I got in and was alone I couldn't stop thinking about it. My best friend came round and stayed with me he's now gone home and I've never felt so alone. I haven't slept for two days, I haven't eaten. I don't know what to do now. I went online to see what others have done in my position but have found no comfort.
What do I do now.... I work for the government - so I could lose my job, in turn my home. I also run a scout troop - which I will also lose. My friend has said that the girl is a heavy drinker and not the most stable of people and that this has to be a cry for help.
I'm sorry this has been such a long post, and I'm sorry for the victims from both sides if it has reminded them of the past, but I don't know what to do... I'm 23 and I feel like I'm on my deathbed
I've included my email address (kg010c0478@blueyonder.co.uk) , if anyone has any advice please please get in touch.
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