Anonymity for accused - what about innocent men?

[Anon]

Speaking as someone who is about to be questioned and possibly charged for a rape and child abuse that is a complete and total fantasy story - I know that if I am charged and have to face a public trial for disgusting crimes that I am completely innocent of, I can never face my children again, will lose my job, and I am better off dead than having everyone look at me for ever after (even if I was acquitted) thinking "but maybe he DID do it, maybe he IS a pervert".

Think about that when you argue against defendants' anonymity. Some women DO tell lies, some men ARE innocent victims of this and face public ruin just through being accused and tried.
Some men get as far as killing themselves - I'm considering it.

[Catherine]

Dear Anon, yesterday my husband was in court accused of rape, like you he is innocent. We fully appreciate how you feel as this is hell for us. I to have thought of taking my life and that is a normal feeling for what you are going through. You will get through this. You may think that suicide is the answer because the pain will be over, but it truly is not the answer. While it would take you out of the picture your family will be left to face the ridicule. People will say you must have done it because you took your life because you could not live with the guilt. You are obviously a loving father so please think of you children. I hope that you have good support from your legal team. It is mine and my husbands? intention to find some good from all this pain we are going through by offering support to people like yourself. If you feel that we could be of help to you post a note and we will contact you. We will keep you in our thoughts.

[Heartbroken]

Dear Anon and Catherine

I have only just found this site, and have read your stories with great interest and sympathy. My partner has also been falsely accused of raping a girl in a hotel room, and it is tearing him apart. He has tried to take his own life and is suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome. Our case is at committal and it is unlikely this nightmare will end until April at the earliest. My greatest concern is for our child, who we love with all our hearts, and who is the only thing that makes us smile at the moment.

I have sworn that when this is all over, we will do something about the ridiculous laws, which allow the accused to be named while the accuser remains anonymous. False rape allegations are far more common than most people think. I understand that the defendant is named in order to encourage more abused women to come forward. If this is so, why are the accusers not named to enable men who have previously been falsely accused to come forward? False accusers disgust me, mainly because they cause infinite grief and suffering to those they are making the allegations against, and not least because they discourage people who have truly been raped from coming forward.

Please remember you are not alone. I have been promised that there is light at the end of the tunnel - personally I can't see it at the moment, but apparently it is there. My thoughts and best wishes are with you.

[survivor]

We need anonymity for the accused. A petition was sent to parliment recently but was thrown out and branded as "sexist".

[Heartbroke]

My son has just gone through what you are going to go through i pity you my heart goes out to you i'm a bag of nerves now and so is my son his life is now ruined and he has to face the public he has been named an shamed big style up here he was a very popular young man very out going but now i don't know how he will end up keep it as quiet as you may it will get out even if you move just stay strong my friend and the friends who know an love you will stand by you take care

[peter]

Dear Anon,

My wife of five years is now accusing me for rape because she has been caught having an affair, when were still living together. Now we live separately but she still comes down to my house and my work place, but her parents doesn?t know this because they are the one that tell her to have affair or leave me, and also on her phone the parents have already know this guy from her work place so I don?t know who really plan all this with her to come and have sex with me and accused me for rape because after having sex with me she said that I would just charge you for rape I thought that she is having a laugh and when I ask her about what she said, she told me that she is just joking not knowing that she is going to come and have sex with me again, the third day and the day after she accuse me of rape after seeing me with another woman, (who is just a friend). Now am waiting for the police to finish there investigation, which I don?t really have no idea what is going to be, am really scared of this because is going to damage my life, separated for 8 weeks now but she has been to my place and work more than 20 times but without her parents knowing about her been with me even she has been with me for 4 hours driving from Crawley to London twice and she has to lie to her parent that she is in Crawley.

Can you believe this because she ask money from me and I collect my money back too. ?380.

Note from webmaster: This post has been edited. It included specific details of the person concerned, enabling very easy identification of the parties involved. These details have been removed in accordance with our usage policy, as detailed in the FAQ.

[stuart]

Hello everyone,

After reading these pages on the wrongly accused I can only express my heart felt sympathy. I was wrongly accused 8 years ago of indecent assault (groping a pregnant lady?s chest area) I wasn?t even there!!! I volunteered to do an ID parade and got picked! For 2 years and 15 court cases later and several beatings! I was finally found a unanimous verdict of not guilty. My heart goes out to the victims, as justice was right for me but wrong for them, even after the pain the emotional scars and loneliness I still suffer today. I wish I could say that things get better for me they didn?t, I have tried committing suicide on 3 occasions been on tablets which have made me worse for 4 years and still no luck. My advice would be get the best medical help (counselling, not tablets!!!&#33 there is early, along with the love and support from family and friends. I hate the thought of anyone suffering what I?m going through.
Best wishes