Accused of grooming online

[Jmm]

I'm sorry that this isn't specifically rape or a legal accusation. I just don't know where else to go.
I'm so frustrated and tired. Someone I used to be friends with when we were both teenagers is now accusing me of being a sexual predator who groomed them. It's not true. They've been going on about it for two years now. They're telling all my friends and acquaintances about it, some of them have turned against me, I already have such a small social circle and it's steadily shrinking and I feel so alone. I've told my friends my side of the story. I've just tried not to give them attention because it feels like as soon as I do it the situation would blow up. I'm honestly too scared to confront them. I know this person is mentally disturbed. What lengths would they go to keep the lie alive? Will they ever just stop?
I want it to end already.

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

This is by way of giving your post a 'bump' as I don't really know what to suggest what you could do to cope with this situation; as sadly it seems to be a case that they are enjoying making you feel uncomfortable.

It's a strange thing to say as I've always considered grooming to be of someone younger and not particularly close to the perpetrator while in your case you say you were both teenagers and friends.......just a thought, and pondering about a motive, were you perhaps in a relationship and then you moved on, and this could be a misguided attempt to get you back?

[Franticwithworry]

Hi Jmm. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. My husband was accused of grooming a young relative, so I know how traumatic this can be. Lives are ruined because of sexual allegations of all kinds, not just rape or assault, so here is a good place to be. The emotional support you need is just the same.

Unfortunately, though what she is doing is harassment, there isn't a lot you can do about it without risking her escalating her accusations. If you contact the police, that will trigger an investigation, and if you ask a solicitor to send her a 'cease and desist' type letter, that might just get her back up. YOU know the truth and quite honestly, it sounds as though she is spreading rumours with the sole aim of making your life a misery. The friends you have lost through this are not friends and I'm wondering - is it possible to increase your social circle to include people who won't be mutual friends, people who have never heard of her and are not likely to?

You are wise not to confront this girl and you sound quite young still. I know it sounds difficult, but your best defence at the moment is to ignore what is being said as far as possible. You've told your side of the story and from now on if your response, in life and in your head, can be 'this is nothing to do with me' it will help you to keep calm about it all. Don't cross bridges until you get to them. She hasn't made it official yet and in the grand scheme of things isn't likely to.

Casehardened is right - this could be a misguided attempt to get your attention and to get you back. Try to treat it all with the contempt it deserves. Your friendship with her is done and what she does now will ultimately make her look foolish. Concentrate on the friends you have and try to make new ones, and pop back her for support whenever you need it.

[Peter1975]

Good advice as usual from CH and FWW.

I will just add that electronic evidence such as text messages, facebook messenger, snapchat, whatsapp or emails etc should always be preserved, so if you perhaps still have your old phone that can show this alleged grooming for what it really was, it may help.

Good luck