Terrified

[Soscared]

Long story but here goes my husband and I are seperated but remain very close friends which works out brilliant for our 3 children. We both come from very close families. Anyway 4 month ago he was arrested on suspicion of rape of his brother 16 year old step daughter, this he strongly denies. The night of the alleged attack he was there drinking with his brother and wife and stayed the night which he has done thousands of times. The next day she claimed he had done this to her and the police were contacted etc. He was interviewed and bailed, she had all the forensic tests etc done. I cannot say if he is innocent or not only those 2 know. I cant see why anyone would lie but then this girl has been huge trouble since she joined the family and is not your typical 16yr old. Scary thing is we once said a few yr back after watching her shamelessly flirt with her step dad that shes they type of girl who would sleep with someone then cry rape. Little did we know it wud b my ex. But i also cannot deny the reason my ex is my ex is because he has a drink and drug problem so hes by no means perfect! Anyway since his interview he has literally answered bail three times n each time hes in and out in 5 mins and bail has been extended. Surely the forensic evidence if any should be bk now over 4 month later? They have done nothing no more interviews, character checks nothing. Im petrified that if he has done it what will happen to us his wife and kids. Our teenage son i know will get **** of his friends and people will judge us even tho we cant of helped this we werent to know but this is the world we live in now. So scared for my children

[Franticwithworry]

Hello soscared. I'm sorry it's taken a little while to get a response to your post. Things are extra quiet on the forum at the moment.

However, first and foremost congratulations on creating a stable and loving environment for your children in the face of separation. That's no mean achievement. I know from experience how destructive issues with alcohol can be, but that doesn't make him a bad person or for that matter, a sex offender. People do daft things when they are drunk, I know, but he's not automatically guilty because she says so and it sounds as though you know her well.

Unfortunately, the police work at a snail's pace when it comes to these kind of cases, so hunker down for the long haul, especially in these difficult times. I hope that you've had a chance to browse the site, perhaps your ex too, and take some of the very good advice offerered - he needs to make notes of the night in question, get himself a good lawyer with experience of these kinds of cases and keep himself busy and occupied with other things to take care of his mental health, and that last part is true for you and the children too. Please be reassured, and reassure your son too, that it's not a foregone conclusion that this will all become common knowledge. His friends won't necessarily get to know and you will be surprised where support may come from. It surprised us and though my husband's case went all the way to charge and court appearances, nothing hit the press. Yes, people judge, but sometimes they judge in your favour.

Please continue to pop in here and take heart from some of the experiences of others. There are also several very good pages you could join on Facebook if you are active there. acccusedme is the most populated and active and you'll get lots of more immediate support there too. There's also Falselyaccusedsupportandchat that you might find helpful too.

Hang in there. Sorry you had to join this awful club.

[Soscared]

Thank you so much for replying to me it means alot!
My kids dont yet know anything they have no idea and I would love to keep it that way. However if for whatever reason he has done this (although theres so many reasons I fully believe he hasnt) and hes charged and sent down then the oldest at least will and if it goes into the press so will everyone else and that fear of my son being bullied cos of his dads mistakes has given me the worst anxiety ever. My daughters are only 3 so they will hopefully know none the wiser. I keep thinking shall I just pack up and move city. Start new where no one knows us. Then I think why we havent done nothing wrong and if we move and hes really innocent im punishing him already by taking his kids away that will worsen his mental health futher.
Why does this take so long to sort its crazy surely if he done it she was tested the very next day the evidence woud be there. Like I dont know how much longer I can carry on like this.
Hats of to all you other guys who have lived through this and made it out the other end. Xx

[Franticwithworry]

You are braver than you think and stronger than you know. Truly.

Please try to not cross bridges until you come to them. Look at the bridge and decide how you will probably get over it if you have to, and then put it to the back of your mind until later. You have more than enough to think about at present. The workings of the 'justice' system are a mystery to us all, and not a lot to do with justice, unfortunately. Protecting your children is a priority but it does leave you carrying the whole load. Please take care and be gentle with yourself. Everyone asks 'why so long' and there are no sensible answers I'm afraid. It just does and it varies from police force to police force too. That said, some people get it all dealt with quicker than others, so it's just the luck of the draw. Some OIC's are more helpful than others.

You will live through it and get to the other end too, as will your ex. I hope he's getting some support too and please point him in this direction if needed.