False rape allegations NFA now social services are trying to use them against me if anyone has been through same need help or advice please???

[Dm190]

Hi I’m a dad of a 6months old boy, 5 years ago I was accused of rape by an ex partner the day we split coincidentally after being arrested and questions I provided evidence of her lying (a video she recorded on her own phone and had deleted from the night in question) I was bailed as they went to investigate if what I said was true and two weeks later NFA. This allegation has been used against me to drag my name through the dirt as my ex partner continued to tell people it was true and what not it was a hard time life.

It was tough to start off with but things got better as time passed and the whole situation was something I’ve always felt to be honest about and open just in case it got brought up in future IE a new relationship and something had been mentioned or would be later mentioned about the allegation.

So fast forward a few year meet a new partner things are great to start with but do not work out she’s pregnant with my first child we decide to split but keep the child, great fantastic co parenting isn’t so bad I have something that’s mine and no one can take away from me. We split when she was 3month pregnant fast forward again.. he’s born things are great the first month I visit around hers she comes to mine to my family everything’s dandy he gets to 1 month and she says I can have him 2 evenings a week for a few hours life’s good.. 3 months old I’m aloud him over night twice a week life’s great.

Then around 3 months ago I met with an old sexual partner for a few drinks she’s a little bit wilder than most and is into some pretty kinky stuff and with my experience from my ex ex partner and the allegation she accused me off I know better to be safe than sorry.. cut a long story short we had sex she performed an act with a bottle and we had sex through out the night during this time I made videos which she consented to.

At the end of the night she left happy as Larry I called her a taxi gave her a kiss and her taxi fare and out the door she went and that was that, we spoke the next day everything’s cool, we are not close friends more like casual booty calls so no need be on one another’s case she has an a constant on/off relationship and when they argue or split I’m her go to for a week or so.

A month later my ex partner/baby mother contacts me saying social services have contacted her and said it’s something about my history and that a meeting would have to be put in place about the welfare of my child. At this point in time I was shocked and so was she I had been open about the previous allegation with my ex partner but didn’t see why that would be reasoning for them to get involved so I could only think that maybe my ex had saw me happy with my child on social media or what not and reported with allegations of what had gone on before to try and make things difficult.. a week or so later my partner meets with the social and the social address why they are there, my ex partners allegations get brought up and my partner says me and him have already spoke about this and I have no issues nor would I ever have about him around me and definitely not my child and the social worker then says well just because he didn’t get charged doesn’t mean he hasn’t done it.

Which in my eyes is pure defamation against my name how can someone with that sort of power and authority use derogatory terms against someone they have never met and can clearly see from her paper I had been questioned without charge and no further action was taken so she asks to have an appointment with me. Of course I accept what else can you do in a situation like that even though I don’t want to because I believe there presence is ludicrous and not needed it’s best to work with them and clear things up.

So the social worker arrives at my house a few days after meeting with my child’s mother and the first thing I address was how she thinks it’s acceptable to say what she did to her “just because he didn’t get charged doesn’t mean he didn’t do it” and how she could make such a claim when it’s there in black and white NO CHARGE, NO FURTHER ACTION.

She sat with a smug face and says well that isn’t the reason why you have been brought to our attention and she shows me a paper stating an allegation has been made from a female of another allegation of rape with details relating back to the other girl I spoke about earlier on of how she was forcibly filmed and raped with a bottle and she began to question me about it at the time of her asking and still to this date 3 months down the line I have not been questioned or arrested about the alleged allegation and I believe this is a situation that I should only speak to with a solicitor (which I have done so) and the police rather than a social worker who has already clearly made it clear that she doesn’t like me and doesn’t want to get to like me from the remarks made to my ex partner when she had met with her.

So after our meeting is almost finished she says that the only way I can continue contact with my child is if it’s supervised by his mother or my mother and father or contact centre would be my only option if I didn’t abide by the rules which obviously I didn’t want so I agreed just so we could get the ball rolling she then informed me that she was going to have to meet with my child’s mother and tell her about this accusation and I told her then and there that this was not acceptable I haven’t been arrested for this matter let alone questioned or nothing has even been mentioned to me about it so how is it right for her to speak about this with someone I haven’t been with for the last year but she said that it’s her job to inform her and she left.

Since then contact with my son has been hard as she has took it the wrong way and said that the social worker had described it as a disgusting act and made me sound like a disgusting person she wouldn’t let me have contact with my boy at her address and at times it difficult for my mum and dad to be around at the nights when I usually have him so it’s resulted in me just having daytime visits which breaks my heart.. nothing more than I want than to be able to put him to bed and wake up to him and his huge smile.

This has continued over the Christmas and new year period as I only got to see him for an hour on Christmas Day and not at all on New Year’s Eve as my parents were away on holiday. Things haven’t got better they’ve just got worst since then I haven’t heard from the social in the last month or so and I’m really struggling dealing with all this I have spoken to a criminal lawyer about the charge she spoke about and they said there is nothing on the system and I spoke to a family lawyer and they said the same so I’m at the total end of my tether I’m a great dad and love my son all the world he’s my only reason for getting up in the mornings and has been my strength ever since I found out we was having a baby and I feel like this has all been stripped from me and I’m helpless in knowing what to do or how to address this I’ve been searching online but can’t find anything regarding a case like this and would like to know if anyone has dealt with anything similar or could help me in anyway possible and also if the social are aloud to use these things against me when they hold no truth nor charge and even though I know the accusations can not be taken off my record but wether I can stop authorities notifying other parties IE partners about them.

Many thanks from a sad dad that just wants time with his lad.

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

I've edited your post to put in paragraph breaks (maybe you'd composed it on a mobile?) as a single block of text is difficult to read and comprehend and you may not have got any replies; however I have not changed anything else.

[Dm190]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

I've edited your post to put in paragraph breaks (maybe you'd composed it on a mobile?) as a single block of text is difficult to read and comprehend and you may not have got any replies; however I have not changed anything else.

Thank you very much

[Peter1975]

Welcome to the forum DM190, although I am sorry to hear about what you have been going through.

I'm afraid that a SW can and often do behave like this, their job is child protection and for the sake of the child, they are trained to believe every allegation.

There is every likelihood that your ex is being pressured or bullied by the SW to limit contact with you and this is something you will have to work out with your ex.

My advice is for to keep your cool and always be polite with SS or you will just give them more reason to dislike you and treat you badly. It may be for the time being that you have to accept supervised contact, you might even welcome it as you will wish to prove to others that you are a good father that is no risk to his son.

Legal advice is always recommended if you can afford it, I believe you can ask for a different social worker for example and you can complain about their conduct and challenge their findings but you need advice from someone more experienced in these matters.

I don't see what consensual activity has to do with anybody else but that is not what the SW has heard and is acting on, which begs the question, why has this woman contacted SS? Did you fall out? Has her on/off bf found out about you? Rather odd the police haven't been involved.. ( SS might inform them so be prepared ) .. Seems deliberately maliscious to me.

Make sure you keep those videos safe along with any texts, emails etc.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, You may find some more help regarding SS involvement on the separated dads forum

http://www.separateddads.co.uk/forum/index.php

Other fathers rights groups such as families need fathers and fathers4justice may also be helpful.

Accused.me.uk has a large facebook forum that may have some helpful people too but proper case specific legal advice is always the best bet, there is no one size fits all solution.

I would suggest that maintaining a good relationship with your son's mother should be a priority. Remember that she is likely to resent having SS involved through no fault of her own and make allowances. She will want to protect herself and your son from SS involvement in her own way and it's perhaps a good thing that she is not protesting your innocence ( I know it's not your fault either )

Lastly, try not to despair. I know how upsetting this must be for you but it won't be forever. Keep cool.

[Dm190]

Welcome to the forum DM190, although I am sorry to hear about what you have been going through.

I'm afraid that a SW can and often do behave like this, their job is child protection and for the sake of the child, they are trained to believe every allegation.

There is every likelihood that your ex is being pressured or bullied by the SW to limit contact with you and this is something you will have to work out with your ex.

My advice is for to keep your cool and always be polite with SS or you will just give them more reason to dislike you and treat you badly. It may be for the time being that you have to accept supervised contact, you might even welcome it as you will wish to prove to others that you are a good father that is no risk to his son.

Legal advice is always recommended if you can afford it, I believe you can ask for a different social worker for example and you can complain about their conduct and challenge their findings but you need advice from someone more experienced in these matters.

I don't see what consensual activity has to do with anybody else but that is not what the SW has heard and is acting on, which begs the question, why has this woman contacted SS? Did you fall out? Has her on/off bf found out about you? Rather odd the police haven't been involved.. ( SS might inform them so be prepared ) .. Seems deliberately maliscious to me.

Make sure you keep those videos safe along with any texts, emails etc.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, You may find some more help regarding SS involvement on the separated dads forum

http://www.separateddads.co.uk/forum/index.php

Other fathers rights groups such as families need fathers and fathers4justice may also be helpful.

Accused.me.uk has a large facebook forum that may have some helpful people too but proper case specific legal advice is always the best bet, there is no one size fits all solution.

I would suggest that maintaining a good relationship with your son's mother should be a priority. Remember that she is likely to resent having SS involved through no fault of her own and make allowances. She will want to protect herself and your son from SS involvement in her own way and it's perhaps a good thing that she is not protesting your innocence ( I know it's not your fault either )

Lastly, try not to despair. I know how upsetting this must be for you but it won't be forever. Keep cool.

Thank you for your reply, very helpful with regarding to what you said about the girl who I had sexual relations with it is being said the police have contacted the SS and that the girl has said to the police whatever she has and it’s noted on a record for the SS yet I have never been questioned let alone arrested and this is the reason why SS are saying they are involved.

So that’s why one of my questions was is this aloud and is there anything I can do to get that taken off as I said no arrest no questioning even the solicitors I’ve contacted have said they’ve got my file up and can’t see anything on there it’s all so confusing how can they just go off hear say and how can the police contact the SS when surely the girl in question must of said something which somehow didn’t make sense or discredited her statement (for example slipping up on lies whilst giving statement) or they would of pull me in? If what she has said is to be true then it’s a serious charge and surely and arrest would be made ASAP.. it all just seems abit fishy and wrong to me I don’t get it.

But with all this being said it’s enough for the police to contact SS and give them the details even though nothing seems to be getting pressed about it. Do you get what I’m saying? If so what are your thoughts?

[Peter1975]

Yes, I get what you are saying, although I seem to have misunderstood that there was no involvement from police..

I would be expecting them to contact you and arrange a voluntary interview at some point, although they don't seem to be in a hurry about it.. perhaps as you surmise, they don't find her very credible.

SS are concerned only with child protection and it is the duty of police to inform them of possible risk for which SS will carry out their own assessments.

Try and look at things from a third party perspective. For example; imagine your ex has a boyfriend that is around your child - he was previously accused of rape but no case was made against him - you don't know why.. and now he has been accused of doing something else....

You would be concerned and so will SS ... even if he definitely committed a crime, it will be many months if not years before he is even charged... do you really take the risk? .. SS definitely won't!

you would also expect an innocent, reasonable man to want to explain himself and understand why protective measures should be put in place.

Those protective measures won't be forever.

I know it's difficult but try and keep calm and always keep your cool. You still have contact with your son so I suggest you make the most of it. Frankly, I know of more cases I wish to think of where all contact has been lost, don't let this be you.

And I will repeat.. you need to be prepared to be open and honest about how and why these allegations have been made... is your friend with benefits is simply covering for herself? Or is there perhaps a reason she has done something so hateful? Providing a motive in these cases can be very valuable.