Help - In bits

[sbc201]

Hi,

I met a girl in a pub a few weeks ago, we were texting and agreed to meet up last minute on Saturday, she asked to come back to mine. She was very touchy feely throughout the evening in the pub. When we got back to mine she was all over me and we had sex.

On Sunday morning I was arrested on suspicion of rape. This was a highly embarrassing ordeal witnessed by my neighbours. Then when I went to the station, it was even worse. Being put through the Crime Scene checks is as humiliating an experience that I have ever had.

I was interviewed under caution, stupidly I didn't ask for a duty solicitor.

When I got home I saw the police had taken my bed sheets

The girl in question has stated that she gave consent for oral and digital penetration but not for penetrative sex, this was despite her being on top of me throughout and asking for me to have sex in other positions.

I've been released under investigation but now I have to go through the process of telling my loved ones. This is despite me being completely innocent. As the police seized my phone my loved ones have been frantic with worry because they couldn't get hold of me.

I also work as a contractor so I'm worried the police could just turn up and arrest me in front of a client.

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome to the forum, though of course sorry that you have needed to find us......

You are certainly not the first to find yourself in this situation and happily most folks who have posted on this forum have found that the accusation against them is (eventually!) dismissed in one way or another and they then move on with their lives.....by this token there are presently few active members , however someone may be along to offer encouragement and support.......

In the meantime you may find this link useful:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

[Peter1975]

Hi,


I was interviewed under caution, stupidly I didn't ask for a duty solicitor.


I've been released under investigation but now I have to go through the process of telling my loved ones. This is despite me being completely innocent. As the police seized my phone my loved ones have been frantic with worry because they couldn't get hold of me.

I also work as a contractor so I'm worried the police could just turn up and arrest me in front of a client.

Welcome to DM Sbc201.

You are far from the first that didn't ask for the duty solicitor, the desire to just get out of there and not have to wait longer than necessary is something the police sometimes exaggerate.

It's not the end of the world but I would urge you to contact a solicitor or two and have a chat with them. There is no legal aid for pre charge advice but it may be worth paying a decent sol to make representations on your behalf if you feel you didn't give a full account or forgot to mention anything in interview that could be important.

Our list of recommended sols is on this thread: ( Rights Fighters recommendations are the best )

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...commended+sols

They are plotted on a google map HERE

It may be difficult but confiding in and getting support from loved ones you trust is the best thing you can do.

Write everything down. Details can be important.

You won't be arrested again for the same offence.

Keep cool.

[ppm]

Hi,







I met a girl in a pub a few weeks ago, we were texting and agreed to meet up last minute on Saturday, she asked to come back to mine. She was very touchy feely throughout the evening in the pub. When we got back to mine she was all over me and we had sex.

On Sunday morning I was arrested on suspicion of rape. This was a highly embarrassing ordeal witnessed by my neighbours. Then when I went to the station, it was even worse. Being put through the Crime Scene checks is as humiliating an experience that I have ever had.

I was interviewed under caution, stupidly I didn't ask for a duty solicitor.

When I got home I saw the police had taken my bed sheets

The girl in question has stated that she gave consent for oral and digital penetration but not for penetrative sex, this was despite her being on top of me throughout and asking for me to have sex in other positions.

I've been released under investigation but now I have to go through the process of telling my loved ones. This is despite me being completely innocent. As the police seized my phone my loved ones have been frantic with worry because they couldn't get hold of me.

I also work as a contractor so I'm worried the police could just turn up and arrest me in front of a client.

I feel so sorry to see you case but looking around, it is frightening for a male/dad to be apart of this world. Telling your loved ones will help and you hope and believe that they know you and will believe you. Good luck in your fight. I can see light for you.

[sbc201]

Contacted the police this evening to see if they have an update. The PC who is making the enquiries was not available, so I've asked to be e-mailed regarding an update.

I know it has only been a week but it feels like months already. I've lost a stone in a week.

[Franticwithworry]

Hi there. It will get better, it really will. Don't give yourself a hard time about not having a solicitor. It's a normal reaction of an innocent person who isn't familiar with the legal system. Hunker down for the long haul as it can take some time for these cases to be resolved, but the majority by far go no further. As Peter says, you won't be arrested again in relation to the same enquiry, but if you're asked to meet with the police again because they have more questions to ask you, be absolutely sure to take a solicitor.

Talking to friends and family is embarrassing but will be helpful. We were pleasantly surprised where support came from when we needed it. You need support in the 'real' world as well as on here. Please don't be afraid to ask for help from your GP if you are finding it hard to cope. The shock of a false accusation is a genuine brain trauma that not everyone can cope with alone and the chances are your GP will have come across this situation before. If s/he isn't helpful, find another.

Hang in there and come back here as often as you need to.

[Peter1975]

Contacted the police this evening to see if they have an update. The PC who is making the enquiries was not available, so I've asked to be e-mailed regarding an update.

I know it has only been a week but it feels like months already. I've lost a stone in a week.

Hang in there sbc..

emailing the officer in the case ( OIC) and being patient is generally the best way.

Hopefully your nightmare will be over soon.

[sbc201]

Weekly update, haven't heard back from the OIC.

I keep fearing the worst. I honestly just wish the lady would tell the truth and this nightmare would end.

I'm really struggling to sleep and in my mind I keep fearing the worst.

I haven't told my family, I just can't face it right now. I've told some close friends who have been really supportive.

I can't face going back to my home, so have been staying with a friend at weekends.

I do understand the police have a job to do, however this has consumed my every waking thought.

Does anyone know how long it takes for the police to conclude an investigation relating to consent typically?

[Casehardened]

Your reaction is 'normal' as many members would confirm, many have passed through it and moved on but their accounts which remain on this database will say more or less what you are feeling now.

This unpleasant experience is a first for you and has come out of the blue and the outcome is presently unknown, it would be surprising if you weren't thinking about it all the while.

Every day that goes by without any contact from the police is a day nearer to a stage when the accusation isn't taking over your life, though it is likely you will never completely forget!

[JustMe1991]

Weekly update, haven't heard back from the OIC.

I keep fearing the worst. I honestly just wish the lady would tell the truth and this nightmare would end.

I'm really struggling to sleep and in my mind I keep fearing the worst.

I haven't told my family, I just can't face it right now. I've told some close friends who have been really supportive.

I can't face going back to my home, so have been staying with a friend at weekends.

I do understand the police have a job to do, however this has consumed my every waking thought.

Does anyone know how long it takes for the police to conclude an investigation relating to consent typically?

As someone who is also currently waiting for the police to do there job. I was voluntary interviewed at the end of September. I'm still waiting for a follow up and return of my mobile phone. I've been told like you have to sit tight and prepare for the long haul. My ex's cousin has just received a NFA last week and he was waiting 11 months for the letter. So I'm preparing to sit waiting for something to happen within the next year.

Like yourself I'm like an emotional bulldozer. but I've told my immediate family and my sons mother who all believe I'm innocent and is one of the best things as I can go to them when I'm feeling low, so I would recommend talking to your family or if you would like to talk to myself don't hesitate to contact me and we could fight this together.

Keep your head up, We will get through this!

[sbc201]

This evening I got a reply from the OIC, the long story short is; the investigation is still ongoing, however the supervisor has been asked if a final decision can be made or if further enquiries need to be made.

I have replied asking if they have finished with my phone, or alternatively I can order a replacement sim card.

Not sure what this means, probably another sleepless night with me running everything through my head including all worse outcomes again.

The wording of the e-mail has scared me, 'to see if a decision can be made about how we proceed' I'm probably just over thinking, but I can't help it.

[sbc201]

Ok, have had another e-mail, saying I can collect my phone at anytime.

I'm not sure what that means other than they have downloaded all of the contents?

[lifeonhold]

Hi sbc201,

Keep positive, I had over a year of waiting for a decision. I knew I was a good person and was innocent
That massively helped me get by, also just living my normal life not going down a dark path.

Keep healthy and exercise. Like the others have said it’s a long old journey before you get a decision.

I would suggest to leave the police to there job and get on with your life. unfortunately they don’t make these decisions over night.

Remember once this is over ‘ which it will be ‘ you’ll be able to get through anything as this is one of the hardest thing a man can go through in his life.

[sbc201]

So I collected my phone on Friday from the property office. Spent the weekend looking through it, made me feel terrible - your google history doesn't read great at points when you look back at it. I questioned everything and how it could be looked at (like looking at porn etc)

I also noticed my FA had not blocked me on WhatsApp. I reread the messages we exchanged. All looked pretty ok.

I searched through all my messages on my phone sent to my pals. Thought a few looked pretty questionable read in isolation so I didn't sleep.

This morning, I received an e-mail from the OIC. It basically said that the OIC had attended my address but I was not in, would I be at home this afternoon?

I then received a call from a number I didn't recognise, I answered and it was the OIC, the update was that there would be no further action. The case didn't meet the evidential test. I asked for him to email this across to me and he did within 5 mins. Our conversation was actually a nice conversation (considering the circumstances) He asked if I was ok, understood how stressed I was etc. They had looked at the CCTV in the pub (thank god it was there) and he said it was basically her word against mine which wasn't strong enough to bring charges. He said that the decision had been communicated to her and although he said she could appeal the decision, he felt it would be highly unlikely.

Obviously I'm massively relieved and despite the fact I knew I had done nothing wrong I really feel like I'm very lucky. I was arrested early November and I've had a NFA by the 2/12 (email letter was dated 1/12) to read that some of you have had to wait over a year, I'm not sure if mentally I would have been able to keep it together. I really hope my fellow falsely accused get their justice sooner rather than later.

This site is an unbelievable resource and did give me hope when I feared the worst.

I will continue to log in to post messages of support to those who are falsely accused.

[Casehardened]

Brilliant News!! Obviously the correct decision has been made but, as you mentioned, it is amazing that it has happened so quickly; I guess different forces have different priorities and resources.

You can now move on with your life, but you will probably never forget this experience, however if that means you approach your next relationship with some caution and circumspection that will be no bad thing

In the meantime here are the customary bananas.....