Should I approach the police if my ex is emailing me accusing me of rape?

[anonynoi]

So I left a ****ty relationship about 7 months ago now, my ex has gotten in touch via email (I slowly blocked her on everything else).

She's been in touch a number of times, at first just to sort out finance stuff, slowly getting weirder, accusing me of having personality disorders in random emails at three in the morning, telling me I manipulated and controlled her. I told her to stop contacting me, she went away for a few months. Out of the blue today she started up again, accusing me of rape now. I've still got all the messages where you can see her lies escalating in those early emails , accusing me of different stuff (lying, manipulating her, being controlling, then after all these months out of the blue, rape).

I made it clear she was lying and told her to not contact me again with he threat of a restraining order and/or slander charges. Should I got to the police before she does? She might not, it might just be some massive attention grab, she had bad abandonment issue so me leaving must have been really hard. If I approach the police I'm scared they'll go to her for a statement and it'll back her into a corner where she feels she has to carry on with the lie.

[TerrifiedinScotland]

I suspect you've probably answered your own question there - I'd probably suggest against going to the police for the very reason they'd need to begin investigating it if the matter is raised. As hard as it may, hold fire and see if anything materialises and just ensure you keep a detailed record of any evidence you have for your own sake

[Peter1975]

I’ll Just second terrifiedinscotlands advice. Keep everything, Do not go to the police. The only crime she is possibly committing is harassment and by reporting this you could in effect report yourself for rape.

Pond would be the one to advise on instructing a civil solicitor to send cease and desist letters and what have you but again, you should consider how she might react to that.

Should she escalate her complaint to the police, your priority will be A good criminal solicitor, preferably one that specialises in sexual cases. See the specialist sols thread and google map in the useful information section.

Hang in there.

[Franticwithworry]

I third the advice not to approach the police. It won't just run the risk of backing your ex into a corner it will guarantee that the police begin their own investigation and that will put you through misery even if she decides she doesn't want to co-operate with them.

As the others have said, keep a close hold on anything more she sends you, but block her as much as you can and get yourself a good false accusation/criminal solicitor if the police do end up contacting you. Chances are they will tell you that they 'just want a little chat', but be sure not to do anything other than arrange a time and place for that without a solicitor present.

If you cut off the attention she may well just give up. Her abandonment issues are something SHE has to deal with and false accusations are not going to get you going back to her. It sounds as though you've been as kind and gentle with her as you can. Now is the time to start looking out for yourself. Disappearing from her life entirely, by blocking her from everything is a good plan, harsh as it may seem and difficult as it may feel.

Hang in there and there is support here whenever you need it.

[Pond31]

Pond would be the one to advise on instructing a civil solicitor to send cease and desist letters and what have you but again, you should consider how she might react to that.

Hang in there.

As usual Peter1975, TerrifiedinScotland, and Franticwithworry have given good advice. Just follow what they have said. Don't reply to her contacts and keep records of everything she says. If you instruct a solicitor to take action against her then she might report you to the police to counter your actions, so I would sit tight. Also gather any evidence from old texts, Facebook Messages etc not just this new odd stuff. A two year old message on a date you supposedly raped her, proving you were 100 miles away or showing a positive contact may come in handy.

So sit tight and hope she gets to a better place in her life.

Pond31

[Bob1234]

My apologies i am late to this thread. However the advice given above by the regular posters is spot on. please do not approach the police with anything which may aid them - they can twist and turn matters like anything ( i know first hand). Make notes on everything so far and keep any evidence

Best of luck
Bob