Falsely accused and scared

[Ty130188]

I'll keep this brief...

I can thank good old Tinder for this one. So I met a girl for coffee, shes 29 years old. We got on really well and spoke via phone and WhatsApp for a few days. Then agreed to get a hotel for the night.
Said night consisted mainly of social drinks and lots of CONSENSUAL sex which shes admitted to in her statement. We spent the morning cuddling and she even asked me if I wanted to be in a relationship with her, I did not answer her....we then left the hotel together in the morning and can probably be seen cuddling and kissing in the car park to prove my case.

Problem arises early hours of said night, the pace picked up and she told me to stop, I opened my eyes to see she was crying so I got off instantly...she then consented to having sex with me a couple of times after the "rape" not more than 1 hour later...

I am a respectable member of my community, a father to a 2 year old boy and trying to get my life together for my son. I've no previous convictions for any form of assaults or violence.

I have zero faith in our justice system as I've known innocent guys be prosecuted and do 8 years. Instantly telling myself I will have to do time for a crime I did not commit. I have been completely compliant with the police, surrendering my phone, DNA tests etc etc and I've been released under investigation.

I'm petrified. Any advice will be muchly appreciated!!

[Peter1975]

welcome to DM TY, although I’m sorry you need to find yourself here.

I’m afraid that yours is a tale we hear far too often but as a way of some reassurance, the vast majority of these cases end with no further action and I don’t expect that you’ll end up in court. While I cannot guarantee this, there is plenty of hope to hold on to.

Legal advice is always the priority. You don’t mention whether you had a solicitor at interview but whether you did or didn’t, you should consider if there is anything you might have forgotten to mention in interview and decide whether it is worth making representations to the police / cps via your sol. Never speak to police or give them evidence without legal advice. If we can recommend a solicitor in your area then please ask or see the thread and or google map.

The possible cctv footage you mention for example will obviously need to be obtained before the hotel delete it. There is no guarantee the police will do this. If you have both agreed that you parted on good terms the police may not see it as a reasonable line of enquiry and save themselves the bother but I would still say that it’s possibly helpful to your defence. You can obtain any cctv footage of yourself under the data protection act too ( sorry for lack of links, I’m away from the computer but google should put you right)

Write everything down in a timeline, details can sometimes be important. The best solicitor in the country can only act on the information they are given.

If you can stalk the accusers social media and take screenshots or have someone you trust do this on behalf then do so.

Under no circumstances should you make any contact with the accuser.

After legal advice, the next most important thing is to draw support from family and friends that you trust who can be vital in maintaining some sense of normality during what is inevitably a stressful and trying time.

Have a root around the site, you will see there are more than a few members that have trod the path you are now on. You are not alone.

I would suggest you seek out CH’s comprehensive thread “ what happens now” in the useful information section as a starting point.

Keep posting for support

[Franticwithworry]

Hello TY. There's not much to add to Peter1975's excellent advice, other than to confirm that your feelings of fear and panic are normal under the circumstances but they will subside in time.

It's a horrible process that you're having to go through, but rest assured that you are not alone and there is help and support here as and when you need it.

From a personal point of view it's important to keep your daily life as normal as you can and to pursue the things you do as you normally do. Don't let this rob you of pursuing other joys in your life, like enjoying your son and so on. Two-year-olds can be especially delightful.

Keep browsing and keep posting and hopefully you will have a resolution to this before too long.

[Ty130188]

Thank you for the in depth replies guys.

It's a horrible event to go through as you may be aware.

There was a solicitor present but only the on duty free solicitor. Wasn't a great deal of help to be honest and just took down my side of the story and advised what/what not to say.

Since the arrest happened a week ago, I've felt a lot more depressed and even had facial hair fall out...

My best friend who is female and a rape victim knows I'm not that sort of person and I do not condone it in the slightest. She told me to stay positive as I know I'm innocent. That's all well and good....but I'm not the judge unfortunately and our justice system is, well....****.

I'll keep you guys updated as and when I hear anything. I just want my bloody phone back haha

[Franticwithworry]

I just want to pop in here and encourage you to talk to a specialist solicitor, especially since you weren't particularly impressed by the duty solicitor. Like any professional, they can't all specialise in everything so it's no reflection on them, but I do think you will feel much more comforted if you have a chance to talk your case over with someone who deals with lots of these cases.

I'm so glad to hear that you have a supportive female friend too. This sorry state of affairs is, sadly, enough to make your hair fall out, but hang in there. It's early days yet and you well feel less panicked in time.