Please please help me!

[trail_hound]

Hi, new to the forum as of a few minutes.

I'm in the most awful situation.

I broke up with a girl around two weeks ago, we have known each other for about two years and have been going out for around 12 months. The relationship has been one of the most turbulent and awful ive ever been in, throughout there have been problems and i feel as if i have been ground down into a ball. as my second week away from her is setting in i feel as if im coming back to reality and feel like ive been in a bubble or brainwashed by her for the last year. Im sure she is mentally ill and i have had the brunt of it all, there is constant mood swings, aggression towards me and bullying / psychological damage throughout. I consider myself very strong minded but she has chewed me up and spat me out.

Before meeting her i had never heard of the word narcissism, but am now fully aware that she has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder which has killed me. I could go on and on and on, however am not here to rant.

Two weeks ago we officially broke up, i have told her over and over that i am not happy but she somehow pulls me back. i live in the same city as her and she has stripped me of all of my friends.

me and her had a huge argument at her flat and i left in tears, i went to a coffee shop and sat to try and rel\x before i set off on the train home. i saw her walk past the window so i laid low, on her way back from her trip to the shop she spotted me and came in, she stood there and would not go, i told her i had txt another girl and we were over. She instantly went in a huge rage, she then came back 20 seconds later and told me that if i anted a war she will crush me, she said she is going to go and tell the police i raped her. i am still cold inside and absolutely ****ting myself.

she left the shop shouting at me youve raped me youve raped me. i felt panicked and ran out and flagged down a nearby police officer which looking back might not have been wise as i had no legal representation at the time but felt it was the right thing to do. As soon as she said he would go and tell the police ive raped her i turned my phone on and recorded everything in an attempt to try and catch her admitting it as a stunt to **** me over but she went off up the road and i never got it, i gto all of the police etc etc etc recorded however.

the police had to take me to the station due to the nature of everything, at this stage i feel i am ****ed, in the hands of a narcissist and have nowhere to run. she is so up and down and has admitted to have bipolar and be crazy and have a NPD and i am in her hands, so it feels.

the police tried contacting her several times when i was at the station and she ignored it all as she knows the severity of her stunt and that i will get done for rape which is not what has happened.

i was released as there was no evidence.

since then she has tried to lure me in, i have declined and now things are getting so nasty. she knows she can have me and so is now willing to destroy me. the last 3 days have been hell, constant emails telling me im a rapist, saying im scum, i should rot, i need to go to jail, she told me she has told her mum and sister im a rapist and have been abusing her! wtf can i do?? pleas help me. do i need a solicitor now? and if so what kind? I can travel for a good one im genuinely ****ting myself, she keeps threatening to go to the police and 'crush me'.

Please let me know asap, i have spoken to nobody about this just writing a diary.

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

You understandably feel you are in an awful situation but if I take a step back and summarize it might not seem so bad...

Your relationship has broken up and the ex is displeased and has tried to get her own back by accusing you of rape: this is a common theme on the forum but more usually after 'one nighters' which the female had hoped would lead to more. However in your case she hasn't actually gone to the police herself.

You have reported the accusation to the police: we normally advise against this because, as you have found, the police then commence an investigation on the basis the incident may have occurred. From your account it appears you have been released without charge or bail but presumably still 'under investigation' ?

The ex is repeating the accusation to others, but again, significantly, not to the police.

You asked what you should do now.....I'll leave it to wiser heads than mine to suggest what you do about the relationship with your ex (but my instinct would be to resist responding to her taunts as I suspect that any kind of apology would simply give her more ammunition to beat you with) but as for consulting a solicitor, there is probably no need at this stage (as you said yourself, you ought to have done this before going to the police!)

If it reassures you there is no harm in speaking to someone (there is a link below to firms recommended by members) but the advice will probably be sit tight (no contact with accuser!) and wait to see what happens.

If the police do subsequently want to interview you then it is important to have legal representation and in this instance it will be in your favour that you reported the accusation first!

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ist-solicitors

[Peter1975]

Hello Trial hound and welcome to DM.

I am sorry to hear of your troubles but I hope that CH's calm advice has given you some reassurance.

I'm afraid that this is such a familiar tale and there are no easy answers when unstable people are prepared to use the R word but from what you say it would seem that there is no need for you to worry too much at this stage.

Having come across a couple of unstable people myself I can sympathise with how frustrating and frightening it can be but you have to realise, as I'm sure you, that there is simply no reasoning with them. They do not see the world as we do, find it impossible to accept any blame and have zero empathy.

Steer clear is my advice and do not respond to any of her provocations but keep all of those emails and texts safe just in case.

As a precaution, it might be beneficial for you to write out a timeline of your up and down relationship and search your old messages for other instances of her narcissistic and controlling behaviour - and the names of anyone that witnessed any of this.

Also keep an eye on her social media if possible and take screenshots of anything you think may help or get someone you trust to do this for you.

Keep these to yourself and do not share them with the police without first taking legal advice.

I would echo CH's thoughts that there is probably not much a solicitor can do for you right now but I think it would help put your mind at ease to talk to one or two. All of Rights Fighters recommendations in the thread above have excellent reputations so I would try them first.

I would caution you against trying to take any civil action against her as this may only embolden her to make her accusations officially to the police.

It's possible that if you don't react she will get bored and no doubt move on to her next victim.

Probably the most important thing you can do is draw some support from family or trusted friends and try to maintain a normal lifestyle, keep busy, active and healthy.

If she thinks she is going to destroy you then your mind needs to be set to make sure this doesn't happen.

Also at issue is the ending of a damaging and emotionally draining relationship and you may find some counselling beneficial here. It's good to talk.

Keep posting for support.