Complicated- Fun night went so wrong

[hpos]

Hello,

I have been a browser of these forums for a couple of weeks now and I honestly am very sad reading your stories whilst they offer the support which is greatly appreciated.

A couple of months ago I was involved in a drunken threesome in which the other girl went to the police the day after and reported the guy for rape. first the police were really fast dealing with the case and initially took all my bedding and took my DNA, but when questioning me about the night and confirming I thought it was consensual they completely slowed down. It took them ages for me to do a statement which in the end was done via email although they originally wanted it done by video.

Even the morning after when the boy had gone and she had already told me she didn't want to have sex with him, but then made jokes about being raped and made a pass at me for sex, which is not something you do. Just this whole thing has made me anxious, she seems to have no thought for her actions. He has a good job, which is all dependant on what happens and I have also had to inform work due to the nature of my job.

I was after some sort of timeline, which was the reason I found this sight but after reading, this could take a long time. I don't have contact with either person now but she has tried to get in contact even despite being told by the police not to. I honestly feel so bad for him, I wish this was over.

A question though, If this does go to court i'm assuming as it stands I'm a witness for the prosecution? should I approach the defence?

[Peter1975]

Welcome to Dm hpos...

This is a bit of a strange case..... Are you saying that she had consensual sex with you but this other guy joined in uninvited or what?

The investigation may take some time sadly and you should be prepared for that but some cases are disposed of fairly quickly.

You are a witness. Whether you are called by the defence or the prosecution would depend on your statement and who it is helpful to but you would be cross examined by the other side whatever. As long as you told the truth in your statement and don't need to add to it then there is no need to approach the defence as they will get a copy anyway should charges be brought.

I would just write down everything you can remember from the night just in case and keep a notebook with you.

[hpos]

Hi Peter1975, thank you for the welcome.

There has been no complaint made against me, just the guy, I had sex with him and then he had sex with the other girl. The thing is I actually asked him to stop at one point because I was feeling sick and he did not hesitate, got off me straight away. I have no doubt he has done nothing wrong. She knew what we were going to do when we got back to mine, she's lied to the police saying she didn't kiss him in the club but again a mutual friend has confirmed this and i'm sure they will have it on CCTV.

Thank you for clearing up the defence/prosecution, I guess I will just have to wait it out, I know how rotten I feel, not half as bad as he probably feels As a witness do you think I have the right to keep asking how far they have got? ect

[Peter1975]

Hmmm...

How can you be sure he did nothing wrong with the other girl?

As a witness you can only say what you saw/did..

Her behaviour the next day does seem strange but "joking" about being raped and then reporting a rape are not necessarily contradictory, she might have felt raped but told you in a jokey manner out of embarrassment for instance.

The kissing in the club perhaps undermines her version of events somewhat but again, she may just have felt embarrassed. Consent can be withdrawn at any time and just becuse she kissed him in the club doesn't mean she agreed to have sex with him..

You could try and contact the officer in the case (OIC) for an update but they won't be obliged to tell you anything. Witness support will be in touch if the case goes to court. Most cases do not.

[hpos]

Nfa

It was a very complicated situation and I felt like it was consented being in the same bed and participating with both of them. I have read another story on here since about being involved and I think that is what scared me the most. If she really felt like she was raped then I never even noticed and did that make me just as bad. I even asked during was she okay ect.

Anyway I am back mainly to up date. Today the news was NFA, which will allow our lives to move on. I want to thank people for sharing their experiences as it honestly gave me hope and support.

The investigation only went on for 2 1/2 months which was quite a shock as I was expecting a long wait. Good luck to everybody for the future.

[stalked]

Thank you for sharing your experience hpos and for coming back to update. Interesting to get this perspective from a 'neutral observer' on the complexities of consent and how complaints can emerge even when the contemporaneous signals do not appear to indicate a lack of consent. It's not often that the events giving rise to a complaint are witnessed by an independent party.

Anyway, judging by your earlier account of the night, the Police/CPS reached a reasonable conclusion - and relatively quickly.

[Franticwithworry]

Excellent news! I’m so pleased for you. Please be gentle with yourself as getting back to normal can be an emotional rollercoaster. It’s great to break out the bananas for you -