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Hi all,
I'm 27 turning 28 this year and I have been tormented and falsely accused of rape by a girl since 2013.
I am from the UK but studied in America for university, where I met the girl who is accusing me of rape.
I moved back to the UK in 2014 after graduating. My ex has continued with her false allegations, mainly over social media. I have done my best to ignore her, in hopes she would move on, but she has just messaged me again the other day over Instagram, commenting my posts accusing me of raping her, also messaging me in private, and also messaging my friends telling them I raped her (she has been doing this constantly since 2013).
I have spoken to my father about this over the years multiple times but he always advises me to just ignore it and not go to the police. Yesterday, I went out to lunch with my father and explained she messaged me and my friend again, and told him I feel I HAVE to go to police this time. He then said something that crushed me into nothing: "Are you sure you didn't rape her?".... I just couldn't believe he said that. Especially in a restaurant full of people. This was the second time my father has asked me that when I bring up the story to him. My own father doesn't believe me. It makes me feel so empty and lost, like I just want to die
.
Here is the context of everything:
I am from the UK but studied in America for university (4 years). Towards the later part of my time in America, I met a girl from the same University as me and we began seeing each other.
She had just come out of a bad relationship, and would often flirt / hook up with other guys behind my back. I started to feel she didn't really "want" a boyfriend and that she was just looking for some kind of personal retribution for how she was treated by her last boyfriend.
Seeing all these red flags, I still remained with her - I was in my early 20s, not very confident and never had a REAL meaningful girlfriend and really wanted one. She would cry her eyes out to me every time she made a mistake, begging me to forgive her, always reminding me of how her father allegedly molested her when she was young, making me attribute her wrongful actions to her troubled past. I had never dealt with such an issue or met anyone who had been through it, so I felt really sorry for her and wanted to be there to help her.
I also have a twin brother, whom she would always flirt with. My brother never respected me dating her as he could see she wasn't faithful. On Valentines day, her and I had a nice night, and we slept in the same bed together. In the morning, I woke up to her not in my bed. My bedroom door then opened, with her walking into my door sheepishly with a smile on her face. She then proceeds to tell me she hooked up with my twin brother in the middle of the night.
Of course, I was furious and we started arguing loudly - but it was as if she was getting joy out of me being angry. She then admitted she was "happy" I was angry because it showed I "cared" about her. She admitted to me how she had planned the whole incident for 2 weeks prior with her friend, also admitting she had discussed her plan online with a chatroom full of strangers. This was a huge red flag, but me being the naive me at the time, I forgave her and stayed with her.
Fast-forward months of her making mistakes and me constantly forgiving her, we reach the point where she accused me of rape. Just before the day of her accusation, I had messaged her telling her that I thought it best we break up, as I did not want to deal with her constantly cheating on me at that point in my life anymore and that I just wanted to grow as a human being as I felt we were stuck on "pause". It was a very mature message.
We spoke on the phone and surprisingly, whilst she was in tears, she seemed to be understanding and mature about it too. She begged to see me one last time to talk things over (which I didn't really have an option for - when I declined her requests to come to my apartment, she showed up to my apartment uninvited anyway). So, I agree to meet up.
She comes over, and immediately starts flirting with my twin brother HEAVILY. She literally rolls back on the chair in front of him and lifts her legs above her head so you could see everything. I was so annoyed at this point - because clearly she was somewhat mad at the break up and was trying to piss me off again, not fix things.
We all sat together and had a casual drink, I had one drink and told them I was going to sleep - I wanted to see if she would follow me to bed. She didn't, so at that point, I knew she was probably going to hook up with my brother, and I literally just did not care anymore. It was set in stone for me at that point, that we were over.
I fall asleep, and I wake up to her shaking me awake, begging me for a threesome. I wave her off me and tell her I want to go to sleep (at this point, I really was not phased by what she said as I was used to her antics).
Next morning, she wasn't in my bed, but soon walks sheepishly into my room with a smile on her face. I knew exactly what she was trying to do this time and that she was trying to evoke a reaction out of me, so before she could even speak, I told her, "I know you hooked up with him, I don't care" and her sheepish smile suddenly dropped into an angry frown.
She takes a few seconds and yells out: "SO YOU RAPED ME!!!!!!" and I just could not believe what I was hearing. I can't even remember what I responded to her at the time but I just couldn't believe it. She then proceeds to tell me that I "passed" her onto my brother, which means I raped her.
She then calms down and becomes OK again and drops the ridiculous allegations and doesn't bring it up again. We don't see each other for some weeks and then she calls and texts me begging me to see her again "one last time". I ignore all her messages and calls so she starts sending me messages of how she is going to kill herself and how her family will blame me for the suicide.
She then texts me that she had taken all her medication at once (she is bipolar). Since she had faked suicide to me many times before, I didn't believe her and continued to ignore her. However, as hours went by it played on my mind, "What if she DID kill herself?" and of course I started to panic. I spoke to her father mentioning she needs help as she claimed she took all her medication, to which he told me not to worry as she usually does this.
Still panicking, I called her apartment building to see if the security could check on her - before I could give the security my contact info, he rushed off the phone to go check on her. A few minutes later, she appears online on Skype and starts messaging me angrily saying that I shouldn't have sent someone to check on her and now her whole apartment building will think she's crazy.
We ended up talking for 3 long hours, convincing me to go see her the next day ONE LAST TIME for final closure. I felt trapped and agreed to see her one last time. I told her I wanted to bring the security guard a gift for checking up on her, but for some reason, she BEGGED me not to, as it would be "embarrassing" for her - so obviously, I don't, for her sake. It seemed odd to me that she was so adamant on me not getting him a gift.
The next day, I walk across to her apartment (she had moved to the apartment building directly opposite my street earlier that year) and the same security guard who checked up on her is at the desk, and asks if I was the guy who called him last night. First thing I did was apologise to him that I couldn't say thank you that night - but he cut me off really angrily and seemed furious that I didn't call back.
Again, I apologised but he was furious and kept cutting me off - at this point I was shocked that he was so angry at ME for asking him to check up on a SUICIDAL person! He then flat-out refuses me entry to her apartment for no reason, and I ask him why? And what policy is refusing me entry? To which he tells me, "Get the f**k out before I call police". I was so confused, frustrated and angry at the time, I admittedly told the security guard "You're full of ****, you're just bored of your job!"
He then immediately pulls out a small wooden baseball bat, comes around the counter, and shoves me with his hands telling me to get out. I couldn't believe what was happening, so I put both hands up (to show Im not a threat) and told him "Are you really going to assault me?" and then he pushes me again really hard, telling me to get out before he calls police.
I reach for my phone and told him I was going to call police myself because he just assaulted me, and before I could type "911" I just see a flash and wake up on the floor. After waking up, I immediately assumed he hit me with the bat. I reach for the pain on the back of my head with my hand, and all I feel is wetness. I look at my hand and it is completely covered in blood. I look up in shock at him just staring at me with the bat in his hand, and I tell him "Are you serious?!"....
I start to stumble up disorientated but as I stumble up, the blood starts dripping off my chin, so immediately I knew I was bleeding a lot, especially since I had quite a bit of hair on my head. The security guard quickly ran over to my phone on the floor and takes it and puts it in his pocket, refusing to give it to me whilst still telling me to get out..
I couldn't stay there and argue with him for my phone back as I was bleeding so much, so I felt the quickest option would be to ask someone on the street for help. I leave the building and ask so many people to call for medical help (at this point both hands and body are covered in blood) but no one stops to help - everyone is shuffling away from me in shock. So, I go back inside to try get my phone back, and he still refuses to give it to me, waving the bat in my face repeatedly telling me to get out.
I flipped out at this point feeling like I was about to die, screaming at him that I'm going to die unless he gives me my phone back. He finally gives me my phone back but shoves me out the door. My phone dies just at that moment (what luck) and I start begging people to help me again. FINALLY, these two girls and a guy end up helping me, and called an ambulance and police for me. I ended up going to hospital to get 6 staples in my head without anaesthetic, they release me, and I walk all the way home from hospital with blood all over me.
The whole time I was sitting in the hospital bed, all I was thinking was "she's probably going insanely mad because she thinks I stood her up". So, as soon as I got home that same night, I call her, I tell her what happened, and she hangs up. Didnt know if it was a mistake or if she was angry, so I call her back.
Halfway through rolling the story out again, she dismisses the conversation and hangs up. At this point I believe she's angry, so I call for a THIRD time and QUICKLY roll out the story again, but a man responds this time, saying "She knows what happened already dude, she doesn't care" and she's laughing her head off in the background.
My blood began to boil. Part of me believed she set it up, part of me just couldn't believe she was laughing at such an incident. She went from a suicidal wreck who "needed" me, to laughing about me almost dying - I was so angry and confused. I kept asking the guy who he was, and he told me he was another security guard in the building - I asked him if it was his job to hang out in other people's apartments and he told me "Oh are you threatening me now?" in a condescending way so I immediately said I'm taking this all through the legal route via lawyers and hung up.
She immediately texts me saying she laughed because she was shocked and that she can help me. I ignored her COMPLETELY from that moment onwards. I missed my graduation due to my injuries, I get lawyers involved, and I return home to the UK. The security guard was charged with "Assault with a Deadly Weapon" however I do not know the outcome of his case. My ex was never brought into the trial process as she was not part of the incident.
Since returning to the UK, she has non-stop harassed me, my friends and my family over Social Media with her accusations of rape that she had brought up that night she slept with my twin brother. I DONT KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS FROM ME. I DID NOTHING WRONG TO HER BUT BREAK UP WITH HER FOR CONSTANTLY CHEATING ON ME.
Her allegation has shifted to one thats more specific: that my brother and I gave her a "Spanish Cocktail" and made her "black out" in my apartment, to which she woke up with my penis in her mouth. It makes me sick to even type that - but what's more sickening is she is telling the whole world this, including my family. What makes me even more sick is the fact I DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH HER THAT NIGHT.
I feel trapped because I have no idea who she has told. I have had to DRAG it out of family members who keep quiet about receiving the messages, which is so humiliating for me as that tells me they believe it. It's so hard to go through because people she messages don't actually know her - they are receiving a random message from a girl they have no clue about - so of course they will naturally believe the girl, regardless of their relationship with me.
I feel like I have been at her mercy for these 5 years, constantly on edge, constantly filled with anxiety, constantly anxious of when she will "message people next". It has also destroyed my work life and my future relationships.
I have saved and printed most her messages throughout the years. The messages include what I explained above, to her threatening to throw acid in my face, her wanting to "slash" me around my penis, her calling me racial slurs, her lying about her mother dying, her telling my friend that her 90 year old grandmother should die.
I also have one key message from her, which is her admitting she can't come into my life and yell "RAPE". The only thing is, as she constantly makes multiple Social Media accounts to get around me blocking her, a lot of these accounts just appear as "Facebook User" or one of her totally made-up names, so I don't know how they can pin-point it to her?
Whilst I have all these saved messages from her, I am so damn scared to go to police because every time I look online for help, all I get are stories of how men in the UK are mostly charged over false allegations with 0 evidence from the girl.
ANY ADVICE ON WHERE TO GO FROM HERE, would be so appreciated.
Thank you.
I'm 27 turning 28 this year and I have been tormented and falsely accused of rape by a girl since 2013.
I am from the UK but studied in America for university, where I met the girl who is accusing me of rape.
I moved back to the UK in 2014 after graduating. My ex has continued with her false allegations, mainly over social media. I have done my best to ignore her, in hopes she would move on, but she has just messaged me again the other day over Instagram, commenting my posts accusing me of raping her, also messaging me in private, and also messaging my friends telling them I raped her (she has been doing this constantly since 2013).
I have spoken to my father about this over the years multiple times but he always advises me to just ignore it and not go to the police. Yesterday, I went out to lunch with my father and explained she messaged me and my friend again, and told him I feel I HAVE to go to police this time. He then said something that crushed me into nothing: "Are you sure you didn't rape her?".... I just couldn't believe he said that. Especially in a restaurant full of people. This was the second time my father has asked me that when I bring up the story to him. My own father doesn't believe me. It makes me feel so empty and lost, like I just want to die
. Here is the context of everything:
I am from the UK but studied in America for university (4 years). Towards the later part of my time in America, I met a girl from the same University as me and we began seeing each other.
She had just come out of a bad relationship, and would often flirt / hook up with other guys behind my back. I started to feel she didn't really "want" a boyfriend and that she was just looking for some kind of personal retribution for how she was treated by her last boyfriend.
Seeing all these red flags, I still remained with her - I was in my early 20s, not very confident and never had a REAL meaningful girlfriend and really wanted one. She would cry her eyes out to me every time she made a mistake, begging me to forgive her, always reminding me of how her father allegedly molested her when she was young, making me attribute her wrongful actions to her troubled past. I had never dealt with such an issue or met anyone who had been through it, so I felt really sorry for her and wanted to be there to help her.
I also have a twin brother, whom she would always flirt with. My brother never respected me dating her as he could see she wasn't faithful. On Valentines day, her and I had a nice night, and we slept in the same bed together. In the morning, I woke up to her not in my bed. My bedroom door then opened, with her walking into my door sheepishly with a smile on her face. She then proceeds to tell me she hooked up with my twin brother in the middle of the night.
Of course, I was furious and we started arguing loudly - but it was as if she was getting joy out of me being angry. She then admitted she was "happy" I was angry because it showed I "cared" about her. She admitted to me how she had planned the whole incident for 2 weeks prior with her friend, also admitting she had discussed her plan online with a chatroom full of strangers. This was a huge red flag, but me being the naive me at the time, I forgave her and stayed with her.
Fast-forward months of her making mistakes and me constantly forgiving her, we reach the point where she accused me of rape. Just before the day of her accusation, I had messaged her telling her that I thought it best we break up, as I did not want to deal with her constantly cheating on me at that point in my life anymore and that I just wanted to grow as a human being as I felt we were stuck on "pause". It was a very mature message.
We spoke on the phone and surprisingly, whilst she was in tears, she seemed to be understanding and mature about it too. She begged to see me one last time to talk things over (which I didn't really have an option for - when I declined her requests to come to my apartment, she showed up to my apartment uninvited anyway). So, I agree to meet up.
She comes over, and immediately starts flirting with my twin brother HEAVILY. She literally rolls back on the chair in front of him and lifts her legs above her head so you could see everything. I was so annoyed at this point - because clearly she was somewhat mad at the break up and was trying to piss me off again, not fix things.
We all sat together and had a casual drink, I had one drink and told them I was going to sleep - I wanted to see if she would follow me to bed. She didn't, so at that point, I knew she was probably going to hook up with my brother, and I literally just did not care anymore. It was set in stone for me at that point, that we were over.
I fall asleep, and I wake up to her shaking me awake, begging me for a threesome. I wave her off me and tell her I want to go to sleep (at this point, I really was not phased by what she said as I was used to her antics).
Next morning, she wasn't in my bed, but soon walks sheepishly into my room with a smile on her face. I knew exactly what she was trying to do this time and that she was trying to evoke a reaction out of me, so before she could even speak, I told her, "I know you hooked up with him, I don't care" and her sheepish smile suddenly dropped into an angry frown.
She takes a few seconds and yells out: "SO YOU RAPED ME!!!!!!" and I just could not believe what I was hearing. I can't even remember what I responded to her at the time but I just couldn't believe it. She then proceeds to tell me that I "passed" her onto my brother, which means I raped her.
She then calms down and becomes OK again and drops the ridiculous allegations and doesn't bring it up again. We don't see each other for some weeks and then she calls and texts me begging me to see her again "one last time". I ignore all her messages and calls so she starts sending me messages of how she is going to kill herself and how her family will blame me for the suicide.
She then texts me that she had taken all her medication at once (she is bipolar). Since she had faked suicide to me many times before, I didn't believe her and continued to ignore her. However, as hours went by it played on my mind, "What if she DID kill herself?" and of course I started to panic. I spoke to her father mentioning she needs help as she claimed she took all her medication, to which he told me not to worry as she usually does this.
Still panicking, I called her apartment building to see if the security could check on her - before I could give the security my contact info, he rushed off the phone to go check on her. A few minutes later, she appears online on Skype and starts messaging me angrily saying that I shouldn't have sent someone to check on her and now her whole apartment building will think she's crazy.
We ended up talking for 3 long hours, convincing me to go see her the next day ONE LAST TIME for final closure. I felt trapped and agreed to see her one last time. I told her I wanted to bring the security guard a gift for checking up on her, but for some reason, she BEGGED me not to, as it would be "embarrassing" for her - so obviously, I don't, for her sake. It seemed odd to me that she was so adamant on me not getting him a gift.
The next day, I walk across to her apartment (she had moved to the apartment building directly opposite my street earlier that year) and the same security guard who checked up on her is at the desk, and asks if I was the guy who called him last night. First thing I did was apologise to him that I couldn't say thank you that night - but he cut me off really angrily and seemed furious that I didn't call back.
Again, I apologised but he was furious and kept cutting me off - at this point I was shocked that he was so angry at ME for asking him to check up on a SUICIDAL person! He then flat-out refuses me entry to her apartment for no reason, and I ask him why? And what policy is refusing me entry? To which he tells me, "Get the f**k out before I call police". I was so confused, frustrated and angry at the time, I admittedly told the security guard "You're full of ****, you're just bored of your job!"
He then immediately pulls out a small wooden baseball bat, comes around the counter, and shoves me with his hands telling me to get out. I couldn't believe what was happening, so I put both hands up (to show Im not a threat) and told him "Are you really going to assault me?" and then he pushes me again really hard, telling me to get out before he calls police.
I reach for my phone and told him I was going to call police myself because he just assaulted me, and before I could type "911" I just see a flash and wake up on the floor. After waking up, I immediately assumed he hit me with the bat. I reach for the pain on the back of my head with my hand, and all I feel is wetness. I look at my hand and it is completely covered in blood. I look up in shock at him just staring at me with the bat in his hand, and I tell him "Are you serious?!"....
I start to stumble up disorientated but as I stumble up, the blood starts dripping off my chin, so immediately I knew I was bleeding a lot, especially since I had quite a bit of hair on my head. The security guard quickly ran over to my phone on the floor and takes it and puts it in his pocket, refusing to give it to me whilst still telling me to get out..
I couldn't stay there and argue with him for my phone back as I was bleeding so much, so I felt the quickest option would be to ask someone on the street for help. I leave the building and ask so many people to call for medical help (at this point both hands and body are covered in blood) but no one stops to help - everyone is shuffling away from me in shock. So, I go back inside to try get my phone back, and he still refuses to give it to me, waving the bat in my face repeatedly telling me to get out.
I flipped out at this point feeling like I was about to die, screaming at him that I'm going to die unless he gives me my phone back. He finally gives me my phone back but shoves me out the door. My phone dies just at that moment (what luck) and I start begging people to help me again. FINALLY, these two girls and a guy end up helping me, and called an ambulance and police for me. I ended up going to hospital to get 6 staples in my head without anaesthetic, they release me, and I walk all the way home from hospital with blood all over me.
The whole time I was sitting in the hospital bed, all I was thinking was "she's probably going insanely mad because she thinks I stood her up". So, as soon as I got home that same night, I call her, I tell her what happened, and she hangs up. Didnt know if it was a mistake or if she was angry, so I call her back.
Halfway through rolling the story out again, she dismisses the conversation and hangs up. At this point I believe she's angry, so I call for a THIRD time and QUICKLY roll out the story again, but a man responds this time, saying "She knows what happened already dude, she doesn't care" and she's laughing her head off in the background.
My blood began to boil. Part of me believed she set it up, part of me just couldn't believe she was laughing at such an incident. She went from a suicidal wreck who "needed" me, to laughing about me almost dying - I was so angry and confused. I kept asking the guy who he was, and he told me he was another security guard in the building - I asked him if it was his job to hang out in other people's apartments and he told me "Oh are you threatening me now?" in a condescending way so I immediately said I'm taking this all through the legal route via lawyers and hung up.
She immediately texts me saying she laughed because she was shocked and that she can help me. I ignored her COMPLETELY from that moment onwards. I missed my graduation due to my injuries, I get lawyers involved, and I return home to the UK. The security guard was charged with "Assault with a Deadly Weapon" however I do not know the outcome of his case. My ex was never brought into the trial process as she was not part of the incident.
Since returning to the UK, she has non-stop harassed me, my friends and my family over Social Media with her accusations of rape that she had brought up that night she slept with my twin brother. I DONT KNOW WHAT SHE WANTS FROM ME. I DID NOTHING WRONG TO HER BUT BREAK UP WITH HER FOR CONSTANTLY CHEATING ON ME.
Her allegation has shifted to one thats more specific: that my brother and I gave her a "Spanish Cocktail" and made her "black out" in my apartment, to which she woke up with my penis in her mouth. It makes me sick to even type that - but what's more sickening is she is telling the whole world this, including my family. What makes me even more sick is the fact I DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH HER THAT NIGHT.
I feel trapped because I have no idea who she has told. I have had to DRAG it out of family members who keep quiet about receiving the messages, which is so humiliating for me as that tells me they believe it. It's so hard to go through because people she messages don't actually know her - they are receiving a random message from a girl they have no clue about - so of course they will naturally believe the girl, regardless of their relationship with me.
I feel like I have been at her mercy for these 5 years, constantly on edge, constantly filled with anxiety, constantly anxious of when she will "message people next". It has also destroyed my work life and my future relationships.
I have saved and printed most her messages throughout the years. The messages include what I explained above, to her threatening to throw acid in my face, her wanting to "slash" me around my penis, her calling me racial slurs, her lying about her mother dying, her telling my friend that her 90 year old grandmother should die.
I also have one key message from her, which is her admitting she can't come into my life and yell "RAPE". The only thing is, as she constantly makes multiple Social Media accounts to get around me blocking her, a lot of these accounts just appear as "Facebook User" or one of her totally made-up names, so I don't know how they can pin-point it to her?
Whilst I have all these saved messages from her, I am so damn scared to go to police because every time I look online for help, all I get are stories of how men in the UK are mostly charged over false allegations with 0 evidence from the girl.
ANY ADVICE ON WHERE TO GO FROM HERE, would be so appreciated.
Thank you.
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