Falsely accused of Digital Penetration??

[Teh_Jawshy]

I'm a 19 Y/O Male who has just come out of a short-term relationship with a Female due to doubts about my sexuality.

Long story short; she had known for awhile that I was gay, though I doubted it and we had stayed together - We went on a night out together, in which I had shared her bed to which I woke up to accusations that I had apparently groped her and so forth in her sleep - To which I have no acknowledgement of, yet I can remember the entire night, bar that. And she can remember none of the night, bar that. She has accused a man in the past of doing this, but only to me and not officially on police records after they had separated also.
I went for a walk with her after work one night, after she had made un-official allegations to me and I had ended it with her that night because I openly told her that I was gay and it wasn't fair to stay together. She had then gone home and told her parents that I had attempted to 'rape' her; following this, her father showed up on my door step to make me aware of the accusations and I had a civil chat with him about it as did my father, before getting in his car and phoning her mother who was accusing me of all sorts (Which weren't presented in any form of statement) - A day after this, the Police showed up on my door-step, arresting me under suspicion of 'Digital Penetration' as my Ex was, and still is a virgin as we never had ANY sexual activity / intimacy in the short time we were together and took me in for questioning and I was released under investigation, they kept my Phone in which has messages of her saying how she's "Willing to give me a second chance" and what not which is unusual to say to someone who you had accused of such a crime - I have never, ever, had any issue with the police before. Her and I both work in a very small town with her shop several doors away from mine and her mothers right next door - The whole incident has made me sick to the stomach, unable to eat, leave the house and so on. I made it clear in my investigation that if I had taken her so called 'forgiveness', would I really be sat in that room now??

With the police being in possession of my phone, they will have access to my gay-dating apps, and so forth would they not? My mind is honestly all over the place and this is only day 3 of the situation. Although no charge has been made as of yet, is it worth preparing a solicitor? Preparing myself? Because I've read so many articles on men who are FA and how the 'victim' often prevails. I was just wondering if there's any effective advice I can gain from anywhere before I lose my mind?

Thank you.

[Fusiondoe]

Hi Buddy

Welcome to the forum, although it’s sad to see yet another victim posting here.

Now is the time to look for a specialist solicitor in your area. I am sure rightsfighter or one of the others can assist with this as they generally have a wide knowledge of solicitors.

At this stage there isn’t much you can do, it’s a waiting game now.

I would advise you write down the events of that evening including every tiny detail so you can provide your solicitor with this.

Somebody else will come along in a minute I am sure who is better advised then myself... However keep your head held high, you are innocent and you know you are and the truth always outs.

[Teh_Jawshy]

Hi Buddy

Welcome to the forum, although it’s sad to see yet another victim posting here.

Now is the time to look for a specialist solicitor in your area. I am sure rightsfighter or one of the others can assist with this as they generally have a wide knowledge of solicitors.

At this stage there isn’t much you can do, it’s a waiting game now.

I would advise you write down the events of that evening including every tiny detail so you can provide your solicitor with this.

Somebody else will come along in a minute I am sure who is better advised then myself... However keep your head held high, you are innocent and you know you are and the truth always outs.

Thank you for responding, I've been in touch with several solicitors around my local area. All of which are informing me of Legal Aid and so forth, however they are offering consultations for a set-price +VAT and I'm wondering if it's worth it as a decision is yet to be made?
A further question is as they're in possession of my phone, all of my Online Banking and work details reside within that phone; is it a case of waiting for the decision to be passed before retrieving it?
Thanking you.

[Casehardened]

We went on a night out together, in which I had shared her bed to which I woke up to accusations that I had apparently groped her and so forth in her sleep

I went for a walk with her after work one night, after she had made un-official allegations to me and I had ended it with her that night.

How the case progresses depends on the time that has elapsed between these two dates i.e. if she went to the police within a day or so of the incident allegedly occurring then it is possible that the lack of your DNA will be significant.

If several days later then DNA may not be relevant and it will be a case of evaluating the two statements and, as FD mentions, it will be a waiting game.

This link may answer some of your questions:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

[Teh_Jawshy]

How the case progresses depends on the time that has elapsed between these two dates i.e. if she went to the police within a day or so of the incident allegedly occurring then it is possible that the lack of your DNA will be significant.

If several days later then DNA may not be relevant and it will be a case of evaluating the two statements and, as FD mentions, it will be a waiting game.

This link may answer some of your questions:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

Thanking you for that link, I had a look at it and it's settled me a tad bit.
With it being early days, I've formed a list of the events that took place that night as well as any former motives that may be relevant to this entire situation.
She's had an ex partner as-well that she's accused of this to me personally, however I made sure to include it in my statement and she was questioned about it, just wondering if that will go in any favour?

Thanking you all!

[Teh_Jawshy]

Solicitor wise?

Hi, I've had a question in mind that I haven't answered yet - But should I still be in contact with the Duty Solicitor from my interview? As I received no post-interview talk, advice and what not. Basically a pat on the back and a "you're going home."

I'm not really sure what to make of any of this, as I said - first time going through anything like this and i'm absolutely petrified.
Thanking you all!

[Pond31]

Hi, I've had a question in mind that I haven't answered yet - But should I still be in contact with the Duty Solicitor from my interview? As I received no post-interview talk, advice and what not. Basically a pat on the back and a "you're going home."

I'm not really sure what to make of any of this, as I said - first time going through anything like this and i'm absolutely petrified.
Thanking you all!

Hi Teh

I am replying here to the message you posted on another thread. Unfortunately yes you may feel like your life is falling apart, you may loose family, friends, career and hope! But we are here to support you. I feel that FA's see us quite guys as easy targets for false allegations. They think that we cannot stand up for ourselves and will hide away in our rooms.

But they are wrong. You can look after yourself Teh. Don't hide in your room. Go out, hold you head up high and keep on with your life. If you need support you can use here, or seek help from family and/or you local mental health services.

This website is an excellent place to learn how to look after yourself and gather evidence to support your case. It may take time to resolve itself but never give up hope.

Pond31

[Casehardened]

Hi, I've had a question in mind that I haven't answered yet - But should I still be in contact with the Duty Solicitor from my interview? As I received no post-interview talk, advice and what not. Basically a pat on the back and a "you're going home."

The duty solicitor is there basically to ensure you are treated fairly in the interview by the police and receives payment from the legal aid system purely for attending the interview rather than for any 'aftercare'. Therefore after the interview he closes the file and moves on the next case, though obviously in the unusual instance of you being required to attend a second interview it's useful to get the same solicitor to attend that one as well.

This system does work quite well in that if you are subsequently charged you can then appoint a specialist lawyer (regard the duty as the legal equivalent of a GP)

[Teh_Jawshy]

Thanking you all.

Thank you everyone who's shown support and advice so far - It's still early days and my mind is understandably boggled! I've been having trouble sleep, eating and going about my everyday life because of this cruel act of revenge directed at me! I'm still young, with many many years ahead of me all that involved a career within my store and community that I have worked towards for years !!

It's nice to hear from others who have been or are in a similar situation to myself, I feel less lonely in this situation than I did prior to finding this forum and all of it's support - I have more questions such as how long does it usually take for the Police to get back in contact, for the case to be passed onto the CPS and how long would I be awaiting a decision?
As they've taken my phone for evidence, I am having a difficult time dealing with work and personal affairs as they were all primarily on that phone, was wondering if there's any advice on that also?

Thank you!

[Franticwithworry]

Hi, I've had a question in mind that I haven't answered yet - But should I still be in contact with the Duty Solicitor from my interview? As I received no post-interview talk, advice and what not. Basically a pat on the back and a "you're going home."

I'm not really sure what to make of any of this, as I said - first time going through anything like this and i'm absolutely petrified.
Thanking you all!

There's no need to be in contact with the duty solicitor; sometimes they give feedback, sometimes they don't. Their only remit really is to make sure that you are treated properly during the interview and to advice you how to deal with it if necessary. After that it's 'hurry up and wait'. There's nothing more for any solicitor to do unless and until you are charged, for the most part. Now is the time to research and choose a specialist solicitor so that you can instruct them immediately if a charge should come and the good ones will answer any questions along the way if you have any, but generally it's just waiting to see what the police will or won't do. it is petrifying, but the panic will subside. Concentrate on keeping your life as normal as possible and your mental health as strong as possible and you won't go far wrong. there are so many of us going through this that you aren't alone and there is lots of support when the inevitable 'wobbles' come along. I hope you have some support in real life too, that helps immeasurably, but if not, there is always someone here. Hang in there!!

[Franticwithworry]

Thank you everyone who's shown support and advice so far - It's still early days and my mind is understandably boggled! I've been having trouble sleep, eating and going about my everyday life because of this cruel act of revenge directed at me! I'm still young, with many many years ahead of me all that involved a career within my store and community that I have worked towards for years !!

It's nice to hear from others who have been or are in a similar situation to myself, I feel less lonely in this situation than I did prior to finding this forum and all of it's support - I have more questions such as how long does it usually take for the Police to get back in contact, for the case to be passed onto the CPS and how long would I be awaiting a decision?
As they've taken my phone for evidence, I am having a difficult time dealing with work and personal affairs as they were all primarily on that phone, was wondering if there's any advice on that also?

Thank you!

The wait time can range from a few weeks to many months I'm afraid. There's no real way of knowing how long it will all take. It varies from force to force and officer to officer, though I hope with all the current publicity they will be mindful of the long waits. In the meantime, there's nothing stopping you asking the police if they will download the information and give you the phone back asap, explaining that you need it for work. Of course, they don't have to do that so if not, getting another substitute phone and asking your provider for another SIM card is an option. Unfortunately, there's lots of things that make an accusation the ultimate in inconvenience and to say that you are at the mercy of the authorities is something of an understatement. Concentrate if you can on making sure that you eat and get enough rest, keeping things as normal as you can. It will pay you in the long run.

[Peter1975]

Hello and welcome to the forum Teh Jawshy, although it is always sad that anyone should find themselves here.

It sounds like you did well in your interview mentioning her previous allegations

The others have all given good advice. Write everything down. Get your parents to write everything down too. Keep a notebook with you in case things spring to mind. Stalk her social media and take screenshots. Do not contact her or any of her family. If we can recommend a solicitor in your area then please ask. (a rough area is ok)

It's up to you if you wish to pay for pre charge legal advice but if you think of anything important that could prevent a charge or you get revealing screenshots of her social media for example then I would contact the duty solicitor as a first port of call. - It's true that they only get paid for advice and assistance at the police station but most shouldn't mind giving you some free follow up advice. It's best to email rather than call so that there is a record of what is said.

My advice would be for you to email the officer in the case (OIC) and ask nicely for your phone back. If the data can be downloaded then they should do so and return your device. There is usually a backlog though so don't expect to see it for at least a couple of months. A temporary replacement would be prudent. An iphone might restore your messages through the magic of the cloud so you can save them (I can't remember)

It pays to take the position that you are helping police with their enquiries so always be polite and that might encourage them to act professionally and perhaps even with some sympathy.

As FWW says, these things can take some time so it's important to keep your head on straight, keep busy, active, healthy. Try not to spend every minute mulling things over. Difficult I know but necessary.

You will find many many stories on here that mirror yours and you will see that in the vast majority of cases the police or cps decide not to charge.

The truth is on your side and the odds are in your favour. Remember that.

[Teh_Jawshy]

Hello and welcome to the forum Teh Jawshy, although it is always sad that anyone should find themselves here.

It sounds like you did well in your interview mentioning her previous allegations

The others have all given good advice. Write everything down. Get your parents to write everything down too. Keep a notebook with you in case things spring to mind. Stalk her social media and take screenshots. Do not contact her or any of her family. If we can recommend a solicitor in your area then please ask. (a rough area is ok)

It's up to you if you wish to pay for pre charge legal advice but if you think of anything important that could prevent a charge or you get revealing screenshots of her social media for example then I would contact the duty solicitor as a first port of call. - It's true that they only get paid for advice and assistance at the police station but most shouldn't mind giving you some free follow up advice. It's best to email rather than call so that there is a record of what is said.

My advice would be for you to email the officer in the case (OIC) and ask nicely for your phone back. If the data can be downloaded then they should do so and return your device. There is usually a backlog though so don't expect to see it for at least a couple of months. A temporary replacement would be prudent. An iphone might restore your messages through the magic of the cloud so you can save them (I can't remember)

It pays to take the position that you are helping police with their enquiries so always be polite and that might encourage them to act professionally and perhaps even with some sympathy.

As FWW says, these things can take some time so it's important to keep your head on straight, keep busy, active, healthy. Try not to spend every minute mulling things over. Difficult I know but necessary.

You will find many many stories on here that mirror yours and you will see that in the vast majority of cases the police or cps decide not to charge.

The truth is on your side and the odds are in your favour. Remember that.

Thanking you so much! Sorry for my late reply as I've only just had the capability to leave my home after feeling intimidated on my way to work and so forth so that's a step for me atleast right? - A solicitor in the Cheshire area would be much appreciated, though I believe I'm eligible for legal aid in this circumstance?
I have acquired some evidence and such even before a charge has / has not been made, even with a type-up of the events that had happened that night with links back to possible motives as well as annotations of messages between herself and I where she was trying to infer that I was responsible for instigating what had supposedly happened to her. This whole limbo thing is absolutely petrifying to someone who has spent his entire life being the nerd who keeps his head buried in a book and I'm trying to hard to wrap my head around this all but I just can't.

Thanking you!

[Peter1975]

Thanking you so much! Sorry for my late reply as I've only just had the capability to leave my home after feeling intimidated on my way to work and so forth so that's a step for me atleast right? - A solicitor in the Cheshire area would be much appreciated, though I believe I'm eligible for legal aid in this circumstance?
I have acquired some evidence and such even before a charge has / has not been made, even with a type-up of the events that had happened that night with links back to possible motives as well as annotations of messages between herself and I where she was trying to infer that I was responsible for instigating what had supposedly happened to her. This whole limbo thing is absolutely petrifying to someone who has spent his entire life being the nerd who keeps his head buried in a book and I'm trying to hard to wrap my head around this all but I just can't.

Thanking you!

Yes, that's a step in the right direction. It's very common to feel paranoid or that strangers are staring at you when you are accused so you are certainly not alone there but it's often just in your mind. I would recommend a trip to the doctors if you feel so anxious that you can't step outside and a call to the police should anyone actually threaten you. Remember that you haven't done anything wrong and can walk proud.


Legal aid for pre charge advice outside of the police station interview room is means tested and you would be ineligible if you earn more than £99 per week but as I say, the duty solicitor may give you some follow up advice but this won't be limitless since they are essentially working for nothing. Likewise, any other solicitor will give you ten minutes or so and possibly an opinion on what you should do with what you have typed up but otherwise I'm afraid you will have to pay for a good chat and for them or anyone else to act on your behalf.

You will almost certainly be eligible for legal aid should you find yourself charged though, unless you earn a great deal of money. Don't worry about that now, it might never happen.


I'll ask RF if she knows of any sols in Cheshire but the nearest I can see on THIS GOOGLE MAP are in Manchester. The bottom two were recommended by PAFAA's ever reliable legal advisor I believe.

It sounds like you have done good work typing up events and your thoughts. Do not give this to the police without taking legal advice. It may just be a waiting game for you sadly but the majority of cases do not go further than an investigation so try to stay positive.

You are not alone.

[Teh_Jawshy]

First month.

It's been a month since the FA was made, and to date I just feel numb, still no word back... I have SO much going on in my life at the moment - Having come out as gay, my ex partner (The one prior to the FA) has gotten in contact with me to inform me that I'm due to be a father in a few months time; the FA knew of her pregnancy however we both had doubts due to her persistently changing stories; the FA had accused me of wanting to get back with my ex-partner during the break up when in actuality it was about my sexuality. But, for any future use - Could the FAs knowledge and controlling accusations be used at a later date as a motive for her actions?

Thanking you.