If you're going to seek revenge, then you better dig two graves

[Pond31]

ok it puzzles me why is a 'retired' police officer working on you case and asking to do interviews? Are you sure that he is not working as a private investigator for the FA's.

Anyway, I am sure your mum will be at your side and not support the FA's lies. As your said in your original post your ex-wife seems to be acting out of spite. I used to work for the CSA and know how vindictive Parents With Care can be when money is missed. I have many stories of them using the kids to blackmail the other parent, seeing the kids as cash cows and spending the money they got on themselves not the kids. I do remember one PWC who demanded we chase the other party for 10p he missed in a payment of several hundreds of pounds and another man who got a call from his sons school saying that his son turned up with only one leg in his trousers. He asked us why was he paying money if the PWC was not taking proper care of the kids and we could do about it. The answer was nothing. So yea I recognise your story with you ex-wife and actually you ex-partner as well.

I used to believe that the police were generally decent and upheld the law. This website and the stories I have read have destroyed that idea.

[OEN34]

The retired officer is one they use to go and get statements off people victims have made reference to. He's not conducting the whole investigation, just getting a statement off my mother.

Apparently it's quite a normal thing - saves the OIC or any other officer wasting time they haven't got going round to people's houses getting statements that they know will hold no worth to the FA's case.

[OEN34]

So, we're edging closer to the ten month mark and still not heard anything. I have been very cordial and patient about the whole thing; not pestered my solicitor much - I have allowed it to run it's course, if you will.

I chased my solicitor two weeks ago for an update and he phoned me a few days later saying the CPS have asked the OIC to 'further investigate', send the information the CPS require back to them and apparently I'm not far off a decision. I've had no call from the OIC to ask me any further questions, so perhaps the digging he needs to do will actually work against the FA's. I live in hope.

As patient as I am, I'm about ready for this to be done and dusted now and to move on with my life, but as usual, acceptance is key in all things, especially something out of your control.

[Pond31]

So, we're edging closer to the ten month mark and still not heard anything. I have been very cordial and patient about the whole thing; not pestered my solicitor much - I have allowed it to run it's course, if you will.

I chased my solicitor two weeks ago for an update and he phoned me a few days later saying the CPS have asked the OIC to 'further investigate', send the information the CPS require back to them and apparently I'm not far off a decision. I've had no call from the OIC to ask me any further questions, so perhaps the digging he needs to do will actually work against the FA's. I live in hope.

As patient as I am, I'm about ready for this to be done and dusted now and to move on with my life, but as usual, acceptance is key in all things, especially something out of your control.

Well I do hope that the CPS will make a decision soon but don't be surprised if they don't. The CPS asking the OIC to investigate something further is often a polite way of saying that the paperwork from the OIC is not up to scratch. Poor police paperwork is one of biggest reasons for Charge Decisions delays. You are right to be patient but it comes to a point that you have to push them a little, so they don't think they can get away with simply leaving your case at the bottom of the pile.

Pond31

[OEN34]

Well I do hope that the CPS will make a decision soon but don't be surprised if they don't. The CPS asking the OIC to investigate something further is often a polite way of saying that the paperwork from the OIC is not up to scratch. Poor police paperwork is one of biggest reasons for Charge Decisions delays. You are right to be patient but it comes to a point that you have to push them a little, so they don't think they can get away with simply leaving your case at the bottom of the pile.

Pond31

The thing is, I can chase my solicitor as much as I like, but how do I know he's actually chasing the OIC to chase the CPS? I tend to chase once a month, but all the OIC tells my solicitor is that it's with the CPS - something I knew anyway, so it's hardly breaking new ground telling me that, is it.

I chased my solicitor yesterday and he replied saying the OIC is a little concerned as one of the FA's is saying I am driving past her house and that I've also got someone to pass a message to my eldest son at his school.

I find her desperation to muddy the waters and her evident internal misery being portrayed outwards in my direction quite adorable.

[Franticwithworry]

It's a waiting game, but if the CPS have got your file, it's on the home straight for a decision, even if it takes a while. Some cases take much longer than yours to get to the CPS. Chasing about once a month sounds about right and while you can't be sure that your solicitor made the phone call or whatever, you simply have to trust them. That's why I always suggest to people that they chose their solicitor based on how comfortable they feel with them as well as how experienced they are.

This whole sorry saga comes down, one way or another, to having trust in your legal team.

Rely on cliches if you have to - one day at a time; patience is a virtue, that kind of thing, and if you can, live your life as if it's not happening. That way, when you get the call, it's a pleasant surprise.

In the meantime

[OEN34]

It's a waiting game, but if the CPS have got your file, it's on the home straight for a decision, even if it takes a while. Some cases take much longer than yours to get to the CPS. Chasing about once a month sounds about right and while you can't be sure that your solicitor made the phone call or whatever, you simply have to trust them. That's why I always suggest to people that they chose their solicitor based on how comfortable they feel with them as well as how experienced they are.

This whole sorry saga comes down, one way or another, to having trust in your legal team.

Rely on cliches if you have to - one day at a time; patience is a virtue, that kind of thing, and if you can, live your life as if it's not happening. That way, when you get the call, it's a pleasant surprise.

In the meantime

Yeah, I agree, it really is a case of getting a feel how your solicitor plays his/her role. It also depends how your relationship is with him/her, too. In my case I feel I get more attention from him being in contact once a month as I think he respects I'm not peppering him on a weekly basis so acts accordingly. Right, yeah, it is a case of trusting your solicitor, and if he doesn't contact the OIC, well then there's little I can do, and I'll never know anyway

As I said in the other thread I replied on; being gentle to ourselves is crucial, and not kidding ourselves that nothing is going on is also important, too, in my eyes. It's finding that neutral place, I find. Accepting what is, knowing any mind-waffling IS suffering and leads to anxiety, and allowing whatever emotions appear, to be as they are and remain as present as possible with them without any dialogue or story attached to them.

Peace & Blessings

[Franticwithworry]

Yes, I agree, OEN34. I don't mean to imply that I think anyone should pretend that it's not happening, and I'm sorry if I've given that impression. That's damaging and frankly, impossible. Of course, something like this will take over your life in some ways and at some times. What I'm meaning is that I think one should carry on with everyday life as far as possible - not turn into a hermit or put things on hold that needn't be.

We only get one life. Live it as much as you can and don't let this crisis constrict you more than it has to. Of course there will be times when it all feels overwhelming. The trick is to not be overwhelmed but to find a safety valve so that life remains bearable.

[OEN34]

Yes, I agree, OEN34. I don't mean to imply that I think anyone should pretend that it's not happening, and I'm sorry if I've given that impression. That's damaging and frankly, impossible. Of course, something like this will take over your life in some ways and at some times. What I'm meaning is that I think one should carry on with everyday life as far as possible - not turn into a hermit or put things on hold that needn't be.

We only get one life. Live it as much as you can and don't let this crisis constrict you more than it has to. Of course there will be times when it all feels overwhelming. The trick is to not be overwhelmed but to find a safety valve so that life remains bearable.

Oh, I understood what you meant, I was just emphasising the point to any other readers out there

And yeah, if you feel overwhelmed, then that's perfectly fine - be overwhelmed, allow it, but be sure to be present with those overwhelming emotions and focus on what you're feeling, not the War & Peace story your mind is writing.

''This too shall pass''

[Franticwithworry]

Oh, I understood what you meant, I was just emphasising the point to any other readers out there

And yeah, if you feel overwhelmed, then that's perfectly fine - be overwhelmed, allow it, but be sure to be present with those overwhelming emotions and focus on what you're feeling, not the War & Peace story your mind is writing.

''This too shall pass''

Of course, and I'm sorry. I tend to forget sometimes that this is a forum for the wider world and get sucked into thinking that I'm having a conversation with someone, - which I am but I'm not.

I hope you have a good day today.

[OEN34]

Of course, and I'm sorry. I tend to forget sometimes that this is a forum for the wider world and get sucked into thinking that I'm having a conversation with someone, - which I am but I'm not.

I hope you have a good day today.

Ha, I know what you mean! I'm the same!

You too, have a great day

[OEN34]

Another month down and heard nothing, which doesn't at all surprise me.

However, today I received a letter from the Constabulary's Legal Dept giving me the opportunity to attend a hearing at the Family Courts in relation to an application for disclosure. There's a witness statement from a DC (not the same one who is conducting the actual investigations) who was based in the Vulnerability hub unit at the local station. She basically says there's an ongoing investigation etc etc, and they would like disclosure on an application made to the Family Court by me, plus supporting documents as the date of the allegation was around the same time as the court application.

- I made an application to the Family Court to see my (then) newborn son as my ex was refusing access to him without her being present. She gave no examples why she did not want me to have him alone. The application was made in May 2017.

- Received a confirmation letter from the Family Court giving a date to attend a first hearing in July 2017.

- Four weeks out from the first Family Court hearing I received a knock at my door from CID asking me to attend a voluntary interview.

I'm not sure what to make of the letter, although I have spoken to my solicitor and he asked me to email him some pictures over so he can ask the OIC. I wonder if the CPS are wanting clarification of the court date as I made it very clear in my interview that one of the FA's motives was to refrain me from seeing my son and that she didn't think I would proceed with court in an attempt to do so, and that I suddenly received a knock at the door four weeks out from the first hearing.

- The OIC who has done the witness statement to the court has made reference that the timing is very similar between the court application and the FA's allegation and the information may assist in supporting factual evidence for/against the victim/accuser.

I'm hoping this may indeed go in my favour and against hers as dates do not lie.

[Franticwithworry]

An interesting development OEN34, and I hope for you that it all goes in your favour. It's impossible to second-guess what's going on but as you you say, dates don't lie. I hope your solicitor can sort it all our for you and that there is a satisfactory solution.

[OEN34]

An interesting development OEN34, and I hope for you that it all goes in your favour. It's impossible to second-guess what's going on but as you you say, dates don't lie. I hope your solicitor can sort it all our for you and that there is a satisfactory solution.

Thanks!

I've looked at the application form in more detail and the Police Lawyer has to input some information as to why they seek my court application etc and it mentions the CPS requiring further information so I'm pretty sure they're wanting this, which stands in very good stead for me.

The witness statement accompanying the application form isn't a proper witness statement as such, it's a statement requesting Family Court documentation written by a Detective Sgt. Anyway, the wording is very interesting at the bottom of the statement:

''It is therefore necessary to examine any documentation held by the Family Court in respect of this application to determine if there is anything that may undermine the prosecution/assist the defence''

Sounds like it's beneficial towards me, that. It could've said ''to determine if there is anything that may assist the prosecution/victim and negate the defense''.

[OEN34]

Well, a year has passed and I'm still waiting. I accept this is normal, and overall I'm handling this extremely well, though last week I felt frustrated with it all, just wanting it over, which is perfectly natural.

You know, we suffer when we want things to go the way we want them to, so it comes down to having expectations; that's suffering. My advice would be you cannot control the uncontrollable and to learn to be okay with that, though it is something I've focused on for a long time.

I emailed my solicitor and stressed how shambolic the whole justice is, which he agreed, yet there is little he can do other than sell me his line that he'll speak to the officer and ask him to chase the CPS.

Sadly, I know it is lip service.

One thing for sure is that the ''suspect'' gets completely left in the dark. They get no updates.

Despite all this I feel in a good place. My exercise and self-worth have increased, and this whole ordeal has really allowed me to soul search and find out more of who I really am, and what I really want.

And obviously my choice in women will change dramatically too!