Advice please??

[Unregistered]

Hi,

I have been on police bail since November for an alleged rape that did not even happen. To cut a long story short I was away with a female work colleague on business we both had too much to drink and ended up in bed but nothing happened as we did not have condoms, we had a shower and bath together and she kissed/licked me down below. The next evening she was moody/hungover and I left her too it but got drunk again and then sent her some texts saying how much I liked her, she knocked me back so I wound her up by suggesting we had sex the previous night. She went mad and informed work & police that she thought she had been drug raped as she couldn't remember a thing. My bail has been extended once already while the police do a forensic analysis of her phone and i'm left sat in limbo...what do i do now? Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Regards,

SD

[webmoo]

Note: Moved as this message was initially posted in the wrong forum category.

[Rights Fighter]

For once I am dumbfounded! This will be her word against yours plus the evidence of the text telling her you had sex with her. I doubt there will be any tests done by now but hopefully she will have undergone an examination which hopefully will not produce any DNA - it really depends on how quickly she acted, and whether she had a bath.

To be honest I don't blame her. If somebody told me that they'd had sex with me and I didn't know I think I'd have reported the matter too.

I wish you the very best of luck. Which part of the UK are you in by the way? I might be able to find a solicitor experienced in these matters. We can't call it a false allegation in this situation because she has obviously believed your text message.

I can't understand the need to wait for the analysis of the phone as you have already admitted sending the text. Was there anything else in the text message? I'm not asking you to post it here by the way! Just trying to work out the importance of that evidence as you have admitted it.

[Unregistered]

Bristol/Bath area. She didn't report it till after about a week and a half and no tests were done immediately. She already told the police that she didn't feel as if she had sex that night and that she was fully clothed in the morning.

[Rights Fighter]

KELCEY & HALL - Head Office


Phone Number: 0117 927 9604
Fax Number: 0117 925 0609
Web Site: http://www.kelceyandhall.co.uk

Fosters Chambers
17 Small Street
BRISTOL
AVON
BS1 1DE
ENGLAND

Ask to be put through to Ian Kelcey

RF

[Unregistered]

Victom

What this message doesn't tell you is at home he had a loving partner of 9 years and 2 beautiful children waiting for him.
Still together (just) mainly for the kids. All this has destroyed me. Surely I am the real victim in all of this..........
This is what allegations and drunken actions do to other people, there are never just 2 people involved.

[Saffron]

Yes, the partner suffers too.
I can totally empathise with you, because the same thing happened to me. an allegation against my husband, trial, imprisonment, and a period of separation. However, I believe 100% that he is innocent. The fact remains that he stupidly allowed himself to get into a compromising position with another woman. yes, it hurts, but while the trial was going on i always said that nothing i could do would hurt him more than he is already hurting. maybe i am too easy-going, but what could hurt him more than the injustice of a trial, conviction and imprisonment for a crime he did not commit? what could hurt him more than leaving our son behind?

yes, he was unbelievably stupid. he betrayed your trust. but does he really deserve for his life to be ruined because of this? and it will be ruined - he won't be able to get a job, a mortgage, home insurance, car insurance, anything like that!

I do sympathise with you, because i have experienced something remarkably similar. If you would like to PM me, feel free.

Saffron

[utterlydestroyed]

Saffron

You are a Star!

Such strength, I tip my hat to you!

[Saffron]

thanks!
It wasn't easy, but we are finally finding a good place in our lives...nearly 4 years on...I always think that anything worth having is worth fighting for. we all make mistakes, after all.

[Rights Fighter]

What this message doesn't tell you is at home he had a loving partner of 9 years and 2 beautiful children waiting for him.
Still together (just) mainly for the kids. All this has destroyed me. Surely I am the real victim in all of this..........
This is what allegations and drunken actions do to other people, there are never just 2 people involved.

I'm a little confused. Was the above written by the alleged victim or his partner?

I have an idea this might be the "suspect" or "defendant's" partner?

If I am right then, yes you too are a victim because you have to cope with the infidelity. If the children are his then they too will become "victims" of this sorry affair due to the "knock-on effect". The infidelity is a betrayal in itself of course. However you now have to decide whether you want to support his innocence (as he says he is) and deal with that betrayal and/but support him if you believe he has not done this or:

you distance yourself from the whole sorry mess.

Nobody can tell you what to do.

What you can do is to come back here and keep voicing your feelings and concerns. There will always be somebody here to read/listen.

Take care

[JustConfused]

Victims

Yes I am his partner, and yes they are his children.

I want to support him for the sake of the children so they don't have to grow up with a convicted rapist for a Dad.

But he broke my heart.

[Rights Fighter]

If you would like somebody to talk to please PM me your landline number or email address and I'll get back to you.

[JustConfused]

Victims

For now I shall support him as it may all be taken out of my hands soon enough. As time goes on and I keep reading this forum I can't help but think it is all going to go the wrong way. I am not the type of person to put my head in the sand although he is. What preperation can be done right now for possible trial etc.

He ended up resigning from his job and got a new one and is still on pre-charge bail.

xx

[Rights Fighter]

If he was a away on some sort of business trip then I wonder whether others were there to see how they were together were prior to the alleged rape. Does she remember the bits he admits too I wonder?

His only defence is that it didn't happen and that the text was sent as a "joke". She can't remember and didn't feel as though she had had sex from what I understand so it's really up to the CPS to decide whether there is a case to answer. I really can't see any other way out of it.

I feel so sorry that you have been dragged into this sordid little "affair". I hope you will be able to move on from this dreadful incident in your life.