Autistic son FA of rape by my step daughter

[Heartbroken mum]

My step daughter is a known liar and manipulator. She was last visiting us in May when she told my son she was self harming and being bullied at school.

My son told us what she said because he was worried she was suicidal. We confronted her about it and she told us that she was being bullied by the whole school including her friends for being gay. She made us promise not to tell her mum because her mum was against her being gay and that her step dad was homophobic.

We went into school and spoke to the Head and he asked us if she was telling the truth because there was no signs of any of the bullying allegations being true. Her dad had to tell her mum what was happening and mum said that it was all lies and she'd done similar before. She hasn't visited since.

Then out of the blue on 13th sept i had social services knock on the door telling me to remove my son from his home because there had been a serious allegation made against him. I have a 3 year old too and ss told me that my son is a danger to his little sister. They wouldn't tell me anything but i had to take him to his grans, where he still is now, straight away.

He is 19 and has autism so the sudden change in circumstances and all of the not knowing has badly affected him. I had to call the crisis team out as he was suicidal. He isn't suicidal at the moment but his mental health isn't good. He had to stop attending college, he couldn't see his 17 1/2 yo fiancee without ss supervision. Ss said he had to stay away from everyone under 18 'for his own safety to prevent any further allegations being made'

Ss investigated our parenting abilities and have now placed my daughter on a child in need plan.

My son still isn't allowed any contact at all with his little sister. He can't even step foot in his own home.

I am seeing him every night for an hour and it is destroying me a little more each time i have to leave him.

He had to go in for voluntary questioning and they let him come home afterwards. There has been no arrest, no bail, no anything. They said he is still being treat as voluntary. What does that mean? Is it a good thing?

During the interview they told us what the alleged offence is. My step daughter (14) told a friend at school that my son raped her in my house on 3 seperate occasions.

The friend told a teacher, the teacher reported it to SS who then passed it on to the police. She can't remember days or times or even if it was this year or last.

She is posting highly sexual pictures on social media at the moment with references to pornography web sites, masturbation, sex toys, oral sex etc.

My son and her have never been left alone in the house and if they went into each others rooms the doors were always open. We have a small house and thin walls and i never heard anything.

The allegations she has made, if they had happened she would have needed urgent hospital attention for.

She would have been in horrendous pain.

There has never been any signs of anything like that and there was never any change in her mood or attitude.

I can't believe this is happening. I don't know what i'm feeling from one moment to the next.

The DC is coming to my house this week to interview me and her dad. I have a list of her lies and manipulative decieptfull behaviours wrote down.

I am still in shock and the worst part is because of that wicked evil childs lies my son can't even come home for me to support him. I don't even know if i will be able to spend christmas with my two kids together. I am heartbroken and so angry too.

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

You are indeed in an awful position and don't know what to say to help, though I know many members of this forum are mums who are supporting their sons through similar allegations and may be able to offer coping stratagems .

Unfortunately the police are obliged to initially investigate every allegation made to them, even if they seem improbable, provided it is possible that it could have occurred.

Social services work under a different criteria, their own usually, and there is very little you can do about their decisions, though again many members have had dealings with them and may be able to advise further.

[Franticwithworry]

My heart goes out to you. I can imagine that your son's autism is making an impossible situation even more impossible to deal with. Social Services are a law unto themselves and its vital that you co-operate with them at all times. It's essential that they believe that you understand the potential risk to your daughter and are prepared to do what's necessary to protect her.

There are people on here who I am sure will help and support you through their own experiences with their own small children. It really depends on the reasonableness or otherwise of the social workers. Its not quute the same but I did hear recently of a young man whose bail conditions kept him out of his home and away from siblings. The police wanted the bail conditions to remain but a judge allowed him home. Again, it's not exactly the same, but just indicates that common sense CAN prevail.

Social Services need to be convinced that you can protect your daughter from the risks as they perceive them. A lot depends on the social worker assigned to you and the relationship you can build with them.

Hopefully it will be seen sooner rather than later that your step-daughter's allegations are not credible. It boggles my mind that there is no mechanism for believing the victims of compulsive liars; they are as entitled to be believed as anyone else in these awful situations.

to you and yours.

[Heartbroken mum]

Thanks for your replies
We are 5 weeks into this nightmare and i have co-operated with ss with every request they have made. We were assessed and two weeks ago were told that my daughter has been put on a child in need plan. I was glad of that as it was close to being taken to a child protection conference.
We have had the DC out to our house today to take a statement from me and her dad. Thankfully her dad told the DC that he cannot believe my son would do such a thing. We were asked if we noticed any changes in her behaviour and we both said no. That there has not been any indication of anything at all.
These past 5 weeks feel like an eternity and it's hard knowing that we are only at the beginning of a long road.

[Franticwithworry]

Its good to hear that statements are being taken from you and your husband who are supportive if your son. All to often they are only interested in potential prosecution witnesses.

It truly is a horrible, horrible waiting game, but perverse as it sounds, the waiting does get easier. Be sure to take care of your mental health, all of you. The waiting can still take its toll if you don't take care and there's no shame in asking for help if you need it.

[Peter1975]

I'm not surprised you are heartbroken, what a horrible situation.

Most interviews are voluntary these days, an arrest and bail are costly and more paperwork for the police. In days gone by he would have been arrested and bailed with a condition not to contact the complainant or not to be in contact with under 18's but SS now usually take on this role as they are supposedly better at child protection. I do hope that your son had an appropriate adult and solicitor present for the interview.

There should be no reason for your son not to be able to spend some supervised time with his sister, but he will have to stay at his Gran's for the time being. At least he is safe there.

As FWW says, a lot depends on the SW and your relationship with them.As they were thinking of escalating the CIN to a CPP, I can only imagine that you have protested his innocence rather take the "risk" seriously which would worry SS that you can not be a "protective factor", making you unsuitable to supervise.

SS do not know whether he is a risk or not, it's the fact that he might be that will concern them and they need to see that it concerns you too. While you can believe in your sons innocence, you must recognise the possibility that he is not and show that you would be alert to any warning signs. You may have to undertake courses to do this, I believe there is one online that you can complete. Protecting your daughter from any possible risk needs to be your priority and you need to show SS this.

Do you have a family law solicitor? I'm afraid there is no legal aid for this.

As for the allegations, the previous incidents with the school and the statements you and her dad have made will count against her credibility and while there can be no guarantee there will not be criminal charges, she doesn't sound like she will be a very convincing liar, it's possible that she will undermine her own story in interview. It's doubtful that she intended to speak to the police rather than simply gain sympathy from her friend with a tall tale. More common than you think sadly.

This will be a bumpy ride but many have been down this road and will help you through. Hang in there.