Tweet
Hi everyone – looking for a bit of advice, it's so hard to talk to anyone about this in real life, as I’m sure you all know. About a month ago, my boyfriend was contacted by a friend of his that he had an on-and-off fling with in the past. She accused him of making her feel uncomfortable one night – four years ago, at uni – when they were sharing a bed, he was drunk and got too pushy and touchy-feely with her. He was very upset but apologised, she accepted and it looked like that was the end of that.
However, he couldn't stop thinking about it – he doesn’t remember being forceful with her (just drunk and silly), but he took the accusation really seriously. He couldn’t live with thinking that he might have been in any way violent or threatening, so he messaged her again a few days later asking for details of what happened exactly. She responded saying “I can’t believe you’re asking me to clarify the difference between good rape and bad rape because you feel bad about the fact that you raped someone. I know it must be hard to deal with the fact that you forcibly had sex with one of your closest friends against their will but this is the finest example of rape culture I’ve ever seen.”
My boyfriend may have somewhat hazy memories of the night, but he knows they did not have sex and he didn’t – and would never – force her to do anything. He replied saying that she couldn’t just accuse him of something that never happened, and they’ve since stopped speaking, but we’re so worried that she’s going to go further with it.
We were both in the same class as this girl at uni, and she’s a very erratic and selfish person. She also has quite serious psychiatric problems, which I hate to bring into the equation, but I do worry that if her mind isn’t in the right place, she’ll do something horrible. She seems bitter and resentful that my boyfriend has managed to do really well, has a good job and a relationship. My boyfriend is terrified of her jealousy, and that one day she’ll snap and bring this “rape” case to the police, with the intention of ruining his life.
Sorry for the long story – I know it’s a really strange situation, but I was wondering if anyone has been through something similar? Is there any kind of preventative action he can take to protect himself before she goes to the police or makes some kind of public claim?
My boyfriend is the kindest, gentlest person I know, and I hate seeing him like this. Any advice would be really welcome. Thanks so much.
However, he couldn't stop thinking about it – he doesn’t remember being forceful with her (just drunk and silly), but he took the accusation really seriously. He couldn’t live with thinking that he might have been in any way violent or threatening, so he messaged her again a few days later asking for details of what happened exactly. She responded saying “I can’t believe you’re asking me to clarify the difference between good rape and bad rape because you feel bad about the fact that you raped someone. I know it must be hard to deal with the fact that you forcibly had sex with one of your closest friends against their will but this is the finest example of rape culture I’ve ever seen.”
My boyfriend may have somewhat hazy memories of the night, but he knows they did not have sex and he didn’t – and would never – force her to do anything. He replied saying that she couldn’t just accuse him of something that never happened, and they’ve since stopped speaking, but we’re so worried that she’s going to go further with it.
We were both in the same class as this girl at uni, and she’s a very erratic and selfish person. She also has quite serious psychiatric problems, which I hate to bring into the equation, but I do worry that if her mind isn’t in the right place, she’ll do something horrible. She seems bitter and resentful that my boyfriend has managed to do really well, has a good job and a relationship. My boyfriend is terrified of her jealousy, and that one day she’ll snap and bring this “rape” case to the police, with the intention of ruining his life.
Sorry for the long story – I know it’s a really strange situation, but I was wondering if anyone has been through something similar? Is there any kind of preventative action he can take to protect himself before she goes to the police or makes some kind of public claim?
My boyfriend is the kindest, gentlest person I know, and I hate seeing him like this. Any advice would be really welcome. Thanks so much.
Comment