Total Shock I can't cope

[Franticwithworry]

Police forces can work together if necessary. London police could ask the Suffolk police to visit her for a statement, or they could talk to her over the phone if they want. What they will choose to do is anyone's guess, but I'm sure they want to close cases and they'll do what they need to. :-)

The thing is, people do stop co-operating with the police and cases do get closed because of or in spite of that, so I don't think you are reliant on the police doing anything in particular. It's really just a waiting game. I hope time will help the nightmares go away, but if not, perhaps some counselling would help?

I have the bananas ready and have every confidence that you will get them.

[Peter1975]

It's quite possible, if plod are doing their job, that the investigation into witness intimidation will be conducted by the police liasoning with SS and looking into the background of the woman which should reveal her nature and previous behaviour which will hopefully result in a speedy decision.

Enjoy your time with those children and give them all the love they deserve. I too am waiting with the banana's

[Nosleepforweeks]

It's quite possible, if plod are doing their job, that the investigation into witness intimidation will be conducted by the police liasoning with SS and looking into the background of the woman which should reveal her nature and previous behaviour which will hopefully result in a speedy decision.

Enjoy your time with those children and give them all the love they deserve. I too am waiting with the banana's

I am in need of some guidance.

My FA has been calling and texting all weekend, saying 'OMG I can't believe you faked it for all those years' This is in relation to her receiving a copy of my family court statement which states that due to some side effects from an anti depressant I was on a while ago, and due to the fact I did not find her physically attractive anymore, I was prescribed medication from my GP to help with libido.

I've blocked her number, through my provider. She's still calling the landline. I called 101 on the back of my solicitor's advice to report her under section 1 of the Harassment Act 1997 however, that would result in the police taking a statement and possibly arresting/cautioning her. Due to her state of mind and the fact she has already falsely accused me and apparently retracted her statement, I said I did not want Police attending my home as I have lost a little faith and she is too unpredictable and if she makes another FA, the kids will be removed again. I also contacted the OIC directly by email politely explaining this, said it was nothing personal, but I just want this harassment to stop. The Policeman on the 101 line said it's common for FA's to harass their 'suspect'. Strange.

Then after blocking her number, I get a threatening call from her best friend, who, let's just say, along with her Husband, are not on the right side of the law for all sorts of reasons and have been on national news. I received threats saying 'Don't get us involved or something bad will happen'

They were mentioned on my family court application because that's where my FA took my kids too for 28 hours, without my consent and was reported missing. Let's just say that her best friends house is not the kind of place you'd want to bring kids due to someone in the house being an IV drug user.

So I don't know what to do. Sit tight and keep ignoring the calls from her friend? Block her friends number? Her friend and co know my address. Should I shoot another email to the OIC saying I've now received a threatening call from her friend, who's husband is a convicted criminal?

My criminal sol is on holiday until Sept.But still replying to emails. My family solicitor is back in office tomorrow. I've emailed them both detailing everything that's happened this weekend.

[Nosleepforweeks]

Hi Peter, and everyone else,

Also, she's only been in the UK for 10 years. Originally from Thailand. So her arrest for the GBH on me is her first in THIS country. She does have child abandonment on record though from family courts.

[Franticwithworry]

I think that you're along the right lines with this.

Yes, for some reason FA's often harass the accused and it seems to me to be one factor amongst several that distinguishes the false from the genuine and makes the accused, in fact, the victim, but the authorities only focus on the claim of sexual misbehaviour and often fail to look at the bigger picture unfortunately.

So, yes, block anything and anyone who is causing issues, keep your solicitors appraised. I'd consider leaving any communication with the OIC up to the solicitor unless advised otherwise. Ask directly if you should inform him yourself or not.

Finally, I suggest keeping a diary/ journal again of all that has happened up to blocking and beyond if necessary. It saves having to remember anything later if it's needed.

[Nosleepforweeks]

I think that you're along the right lines with this.

Yes, for some reason FA's often harass the accused and it seems to me to be one factor amongst several that distinguishes the false from the genuine and makes the accused, in fact, the victim, but the authorities only focus on the claim of sexual misbehaviour and often fail to look at the bigger picture unfortunately.

So, yes, block anything and anyone who is causing issues, keep your solicitors appraised. I'd consider leaving any communication with the OIC up to the solicitor unless advised otherwise. Ask directly if you should inform him yourself or not.

Finally, I suggest keeping a diary/ journal again of all that has happened up to blocking and beyond if necessary. It saves having to remember anything later if it's needed.

Hope I haven't shot myself in the foot by informing the OIC that she and her friends have been harassing me. The calls continued,from different numbers, and to the landline too. I called 101 and then the Police came round, I said I don't want to make a statement as if she's arrested again then she may make some other insane allegation up. It was just logged as a harassment complaint. And off the Police went.

Still without closure but I've accepted the situation for what it is. I just hate being left hanging like this. All I've got is HER word that she retracted her allegations and an email from my family solicitor confirming that my FA confirmed she called the police to admit her allegations were false but left a message as she couldn't get through to the OIC. Then she told me (on the one occasion I did pick the phone up on the landline) she has told the OIC that she admitted to them she lied. As I'm typing this post, the landline won't stop ringing. I've put it on the lowest volume.

She's obviously seen my statement for the Non Molestation/Occupation orders and child arrangements orders as she was sent a copy. And the one thing she focuses on is the fact I stated that I had low libido and seeked assistance from my GP in regards to this, but never told her as it would have sent her into a jealous rage, e.g. 'Don't you fancy me no more, is it because I'm fat' and that kind of stuff. The truth was I just didn't feel like it. Nothing more nothing less. But she would emotionally persuade me, so I was people pleasing. In fact, there was more pressure from her (emotionally at least) to get intimate than there ever was from me. My GP can confirm this, as I reported it to her at the time, monthly when I saw her. Yet I'M the one facing FA's

[Nosleepforweeks]

I also got a bit frustrated with the Policeman on the 101 line, who had a bit of an attitude. I said I'll be making a complaint to the IPCCas soon as this is dealt with. Just been a bad day emotionally.

Looking at these kids now and the thought that I could potentially lose them (if charged) after caring for them for nearly 2 years is very hard to deal with. Remember I was in this position before when she was rightfully arrested for GBH on me and then low and behold 4 police men take my children from me and arrest me for FA

[Franticwithworry]

I doubt you've done yourself any harm, but now you've got a solicitor its best to go throught them. Giving the OIC evidence can backfire but reporting harrassment usually gets the 'nothing can be done' response. It's grossly unfair/unreasonable/inequitable when they are keen to jump on the accused if it's the other way round.

If you can settle in for the long haul, anything less will be a pleasant surprise. Hopefully your solicitor will liase with the OIC to get confirmation of the complaint being withdrawn But as theyve said they have their own checks to do and there's no telling how long they will take.

I'd keep a count of the number of phone calls in that diary too. Every little detail might come in useful later, you never now. Better than to have the details and nit need them than the other way round. If it will be useful, your solicitor will want it.

Her reaction to the non-molestation statement isn't surprising either. If you can, try to let it wash over you. Her feigned outrage is another form of harrassment and is best ignored if you can. The more she behaves like this the more she is playing into your hands in terms of showing her unsuitability to care for the children, so, as I say, document everything, ignore her outbusts and those of anyone she drags into this, keep in communication with your solicitors and batten down the hatches for at least a few more weeks.

We are all here for you when the going gets rough - its a soul-destroying situation when it pierces the cracks and gets to you - but you've got this far and there's every possibility that the worst is over.

Hang in there. We're with you!!!

[Franticwithworry]

The potential for you losing those children is very tiny, it really is. Apart from anything else the 'issues' relate to adults and not to children. Its going to be very hard, nay, impossible, to convince a judge that you are an unfit parent, especially when their mother handed them back to you.

Think positive! :-)

[Nosleepforweeks]

The potential for you losing those children is very tiny, it really is. Apart from anything else the 'issues' relate to adults and not to children. Its going to be very hard, nay, impossible, to convince a judge that you are an unfit parent, especially when their mother handed them back to you.

Think positive! :-)

Frantic I agree. So does my family solicitor. When I ask if there's any possibility we'll not get the child arrangements and Non Mol orders she looks at me like I'm mad.

It's what the social worker said that concerned me. I asked him what he thought about the FA, now that apparently she's retracted her statement and he said that 'It's in the back of his mind' and then I asked him what if I'm charged and he said things may change then. What he meant I don't know. All I know is he said he was happy with the children's routine and care and he will NOT be pursuing any emergency care proceedings. Maybe the fact I have a good family lawyer and Barrister plus going to the high court shows him I'm serious about raising these children in the best possible way I can.

My worst nightmare, I get charged, she sneaks back and takes the kids. The rational side of me says:

No Rape ever happened. I didn't even want to be intimate with her

The dates she alleged I done these offences don't add up. I have 2 witnesses for the first date who were in the same house at the time

Everything I've told the police, I have evidence for. She has no evidence, no forensics, no DNA, we didn't even have sex on one of the times she alleged (she alleged 3 times)

It is so plain to see that she made these allegations to get out of GBH charges. If it happened then why the hell didn't she report it before? If the first alleged FA took place in November 2014, the SAME week I met her, then why continue in to a relationship with me for nearly 3 years, have 2 kids and play happy families?

Not that it matters but I discovered she done some sex working as well as being a beauty therapist. But I'm not judging her for that or using it against her. Money can be addictive. I get that.

When I asked my lawyer/Barrister if this will go to crown he said 'it won't'

Surely, surely my barrister would tie her up in knots if it ever reached a court room? Not just because he's one of the best out there, but because her allegations are just plain weak and don't make sense.

By reading these boards, it really does seem to be like Russian Roulette as to whether they'll charge me or if it will be put to the CPS or NFA'd or even flipped to PCJ charges for her (I know the latter is very hard to achieve, but it would be the ultimate justice, and believe me, I am not a revengeful person at all)

And there are many other points too which I can't think of right now.

The other day, I was sitting in my car with my 2 children in the back. My 19 Month old was having a bit of a tantrum because I put the child lock on the window as he knows how to open it. he was crying screaming in fact. I was taking a quick call from my solicitor. I told my son to stop with a raised voice.

Then I get home, receive a call from the nursery head teacher. She says a member of staff heard me shout at my son and I was on the phone. I asked her politely what the problem was, as I said stop as a form of discipline as it's a word my son understands. And he did stop. And after the pile of shizzle my ex has left me in, it's quite understandable that I am and will be receiving and making phone calls to my legal team and all sorts of places. Sometimes I may have to take calls while the car is STATIONARY if it's from my solicitor. I'm not her only client. The Nursery teacher then backed off as I asked her what legislation or child act does asking my son to stop in a raised voice come under? I used to be a safeguarding lead for a whole borough as my line of work was with the NHS/addiction services before I resigned due to my ex partner being incapable of caring for two children.

They are going to have a professionals meeting in Sept to discuss what support I may need. I've already told them: a day's extra nursery for my son would be nice. Apart from that, I'm pretty good. They'll probably make me attend some sort of stay and play once per week or something.

[Franticwithworry]

It's understandable to worry, but from everything you describe and the way you deal with things, you have less to worry about than most.

Remember too, that knowledge is power and you have a lot of knowledge. :-)

Returned to say - I don't mean the above to sound patronising - worry is part of what keeps one meticulous and vigilant. You deserve a little self-confidence that's all.

[Nosleepforweeks]

It's understandable to worry, but from everything you describe and the way you deal with things, you have less to worry about than most.

Remember too, that knowledge is power and you have a lot of knowledge. :-)

Returned to say - I don't mean the above to sound patronising - worry is part of what keeps one meticulous and vigilant. You deserve a little self-confidence that's all.

Thanks Frantic.

I know a little, but I have learned a lot from these boards as FA's are something new to me. In regards to say, child safeguarding I know more. I just will not give up as I am a believer in justice and the safety of my children.

[Nosleepforweeks]

Just been informed by family Solicitor that the final hearing for child arrangements/custody could take up to 6 months. The Non Molestation/Occupation order will be in a matter of days/weeks at most. Hopefully that will be granted. Also we've put in a prohibited steps order which will give me interim custody until the final hearing.

Bit disappointed with this as my family solicitor thought the hearings would take place quicker. So as well as the FA stuff with the police dragging on, so is the family stuff now.

Nothing I can do I suppose. Just got to wait. The fact I have no legal document in my hands to stop her taking the children is making me feel uneasy.

[Franticwithworry]

Just been informed by family Solicitor that the final hearing for child arrangements/custody could take up to 6 months. The Non Molestation/Occupation order will be in a matter of days/weeks at most. Hopefully that will be granted. Also we've put in a prohibited steps order which will give me interim custody until the final hearing.

Bit disappointed with this as my family solicitor thought the hearings would take place quicker. So as well as the FA stuff with the police dragging on, so is the family stuff now.

Nothing I can do I suppose. Just got to wait. The fact I have no legal document in my hands to stop her taking the children is making me feel uneasy.

Nothing in law is quick, unfortunately, but the prohibited steps order will be as good for you as a custody order until that is in place. Pretty much everything is a waiting game to some extent. Don't forget she has no more right to take the children than you have to keep them, in fact less than as she has already stated that she cannot cope with them and there are court proceedings in progress. She would need to kidnap them to get them. So long as their nursery know that they are not to be collected by anyone other than you or someone you designate there should be no problem. Nurseries and schools deal with those kinds of requests all the time. Anyone who babysits for you too, should be told and trusted not to hand them back to anyone but you.

You don't need a court order for that, you only need for the nursery and babysitters to understand that you have day to day care of the children and no-one else does. (Not that I'm thinking that you are planning to have a night on the town leaving them with a babysitter who doesn't understand or know your situation, I'm just covering all bases. :-))

Try not to worry if you can. If she wouldn't come up for hearings or take up the offer of an access visit with the children, she's not likely to travel up to get them or to even want them again. The prohibited steps order should give you the reassurance that you need and that will be a lot sooner than 6 months.

[Nosleepforweeks]

Nothing in law is quick, unfortunately, but the prohibited steps order will be as good for you as a custody order until that is in place. Pretty much everything is a waiting game to some extent. Don't forget she has no more right to take the children than you have to keep them, in fact less than as she has already stated that she cannot cope with them and there are court proceedings in progress. She would need to kidnap them to get them. So long as their nursery know that they are not to be collected by anyone other than you or someone you designate there should be no problem. Nurseries and schools deal with those kinds of requests all the time. Anyone who babysits for you too, should be told and trusted not to hand them back to anyone but you.

You don't need a court order for that, you only need for the nursery and babysitters to understand that you have day to day care of the children and no-one else does. (Not that I'm thinking that you are planning to have a night on the town leaving them with a babysitter who doesn't understand or know your situation, I'm just covering all bases. :-))

Try not to worry if you can. If she wouldn't come up for hearings or take up the offer of an access visit with the children, she's not likely to travel up to get them or to even want them again. The prohibited steps order should give you the reassurance that you need and that will be a lot sooner than 6 months.

I know. The thing that worries me is that it gives her more time to prepare. I've been asking my solicitor a lot of questions and she's backed off a bit, probably because there's nothing we can do until it reaches the courtroom.

I will definitely tell the nursery that I should be the only one picking the kids up when they re-open in 2 weeks.

Hopefully this Non molestation order is granted. If not then it's a massive blow. But the local authority know that she's been out of the borough for over a month so just waiting for the child benefit to switch to my name then she can be taken off the flat here. But they already know she no longer lives here.

Thing is, just say she turns up, calls the police to say she still has a right to live here (which is unlikely) I don't feel as though I've got enough meat on the bone evidence wise until I get that Non Mol order. Yes she handed the kids back to me, but she could deny saying she couldn't cope and/or go through social services to see the kids?