Total Shock I can't cope

[Nosleepforweeks]

It gets worse,

Just received a call from social services. My partner has taken the kids out of the area. So now I have no social worker in my borough, and I'll be contacted by a different social worker in the area my partner and kids have fled to. They can't confirm where they are.

[Franticwithworry]

It gets worse,

Just received a call from social services. My partner has taken the kids out of the area. So now I have no social worker in my borough, and I'll be contacted by a different social worker in the area my partner and kids have fled to. They can't confirm where they are.

Try not to fret too much - it will make you ill and you need all your strength to fight for your children. The Social Worker in your area has to send the information they have to the new area because there is background. They are supposed to work together but you may have to be 'on their backs' to get things done. I've never heard of a GP being asked to fill in a form in relation to DV but I don't know everything. All I can suggest is that you ask and if you get refused, ask why and get back to the solicitor who gave you the advice, or ask another. Unfortunately, poor advice in this area is rife and you just have to keep going. To the best of my knowledge, this is a family law matter, there is domestic violence involved with you as the injured party so you will get legal aid. If the first solicitor you have called isn't being helpful, and you're feeling fobbed off, call another. There's nothing wrong with calling another anyway, for a second opinion on your situation. The law is so complex that different solicitors have different ideas on how to handle the same situation.

If the OIC is not returning your calls, it's ok to go up the chain and ask to speak to a more senior officer. The welfare of your children is at stake here so feel free to make sure you talk to someone and don't be put off with failure to call back.

I'm astounded that, as the injured party, you're just expected to sit back and wait for Social Services to get it's act together and get in touch at their convenience. I hope that someone else with more experience of abducted children - for this is what yours are - will come in soon with more experience and practical help than I can offer.

As I said though, please try to keep as calm as you can through this as panic can make you ill and unable to think and that won't help you.

PS Do you have friends or family that you can confide in with all this as well? Of course, we are here for as long as you need, but a 'real' person to talk to who knows you well is priceless.

[Nosleepforweeks]

Try not to fret too much - it will make you ill and you need all your strength to fight for your children. The Social Worker in your area has to send the information they have to the new area because there is background. They are supposed to work together but you may have to be 'on their backs' to get things done. I've never heard of a GP being asked to fill in a form in relation to DV but I don't know everything. All I can suggest is that you ask and if you get refused, ask why and get back to the solicitor who gave you the advice, or ask another. Unfortunately, poor advice in this area is rife and you just have to keep going. To the best of my knowledge, this is a family law matter, there is domestic violence involved with you as the injured party so you will get legal aid. If the first solicitor you have called isn't being helpful, and you're feeling fobbed off, call another. There's nothing wrong with calling another anyway, for a second opinion on your situation. The law is so complex that different solicitors have different ideas on how to handle the same situation.

If the OIC is not returning your calls, it's ok to go up the chain and ask to speak to a more senior officer. The welfare of your children is at stake here so feel free to make sure you talk to someone and don't be put off with failure to call back.

I'm astounded that, as the injured party, you're just expected to sit back and wait for Social Services to get it's act together and get in touch at their convenience. I hope that someone else with more experience of abducted children - for this is what yours are - will come in soon with more experience and practical help than I can offer.

As I said though, please try to keep as calm as you can through this as panic can make you ill and unable to think and that won't help you.

PS Do you have friends or family that you can confide in with all this as well? Of course, we are here for as long as you need, but a 'real' person to talk to who knows you well is priceless.

I've got some family that I can talk to, yes. I've also found a solicitor that is willing to take my case on but I need a signature from a GP. Even getting a signature from a GP at my practice can be difficult. they want it all to go through admin. This is for a domestic violence form for legal aid.

My kids have moved quite far away. I have a feeling about where they are. They have been taken away from their routine. And even if I get my kids, there's these false allegations looming over my head, even though I wasn't charged or bailed.

[Franticwithworry]

Progress, however little, is progress, focus on that and that will make the time go with less stress. I'm glad that you have someone in the real world to talk to as well as all of us behind the keyboards, and that you have an idea where your children have been taken.

It's clear from what you say that your children's mother can't cope with them properly, so, awful as this sounds, it might simply be a matter of time before these little ones also find themselves the subject of a care order. Take little steps in getting everything in place and you stand a good chance of getting them returned to you. The authorities are always keen for children to remain or be returned to their families. It's better for them in the long run more often than not. Children are more resilient than you think. Yours are little but it's possible that they will be returned to you before too much time has passed. I have everything crossed for you.

[Nosleepforweeks]

Progress, however little, is progress, focus on that and that will make the time go with less stress. I'm glad that you have someone in the real world to talk to as well as all of us behind the keyboards, and that you have an idea where your children have been taken.

It's clear from what you say that your children's mother can't cope with them properly, so, awful as this sounds, it might simply be a matter of time before these little ones also find themselves the subject of a care order. Take little steps in getting everything in place and you stand a good chance of getting them returned to you. The authorities are always keen for children to remain or be returned to their families. It's better for them in the long run more often than not. Children are more resilient than you think. Yours are little but it's possible that they will be returned to you before too much time has passed. I have everything crossed for you.

Thanks.

With the false allegations, they have destroyed my chances of returning to work surely? my field of work requires an enhanced DBS check. What a horrible thing to do to someone who just wanted the best for their kids.

[Franticwithworry]

What happens about work depends on a number of factors. If you are wanting to go back to work with your original employer, they know you and may well make different decisions from someone new. It's hard to answer with a definitive yes or no here because there are often so many variables. It depends for instance if you are working with vulnerable children or adults. The accusations relate to an adult, so if you work with children, it might not cause a problem.

Not every employer takes the 'guilty until proved innocent' or 'no smoke without fire' approach. It also depends when you were planning to go back to work anyway and if you were looking for new employment. I'm sorry I can't be more exact for you, but I hope it helps to know that not all is lost necessarily. It really depends on a lot of things.

[Nosleepforweeks]

My line of work involved working with vulnerable adults. She's hit me where she knew it would hurt me, cluster bombed me so to speak. I'm trying to take things one day at a time. I never expected her to go for the throat with allegations like this.

What a way to destroy a mans life. Just make one allegation then you lose your kids, job, home (probably) and not one iota of truth to the allegations. I've had to pick myself up from being crushed before, for different reasons. And now this will be the hardest one of them all, as I've lost my kids.

[Franticwithworry]

Keep positive as much as you can. There's every chance that these lies will be exposed and your children will be returned to you. Yes it's all a terrible blow, and yes it will take time to resolve, but it's not unresolvable. Hang in there.

[Nosleepforweeks]

Just discovered today that the original GBH towards me by my ex partner, where there were clear bruises on my body from where she hit me, was NFA'd by the police. Great.

So I go to the police with clear injuries from her assaults on me, photos were taken, and she's let off the hook. Not enough for the CPS to prosecute. Who done the bruises then, the kids?

Meanwhile the false accusations against me she made are still under investigation, and she's got the kids, also moved out of the area but they won't tell me where.

That's the last time I ever go to the police, unless they decide to charge me with no evidence apart from her fabricated statement.

I've got a family and criminal solicitor though. Seeing the criminal one tomorrow (even though I wasn't charged or bailed) and the family one on Thursday.

That's what you get for going to the police and telling the truth.

[Franticwithworry]

It's a crazy system that we have. I know of a small child who was assaulted by his Dad, twice, hospital visits, SS involved, the lot, and though he was arrested and charged, the charges were dropped because 'it's his word against a child's and he denies it, so it's one word against another'. So he's free to assault the child again but if it's a sexual matter, one word against another is good enough.

I hope you get some good advice and reassurance from your solicitor visits.

[Nosleepforweeks]

It's a crazy system that we have. I know of a small child who was assaulted by his Dad, twice, hospital visits, SS involved, the lot, and though he was arrested and charged, the charges were dropped because 'it's his word against a child's and he denies it, so it's one word against another'. So he's free to assault the child again but if it's a sexual matter, one word against another is good enough.

I hope you get some good advice and reassurance from your solicitor visits.

Wow that is crazy.

I saw the criminal solicitor today, he's going to ask for a reconsideration into the NFA on my ex's assault on me considering there was evidence of 2 10cm bruises and my GP's notes confirmed the wounds. My ex would binge drink at times, to the point where she couldn't look after the kids and I sent video evidence to the solicitor of her in a drunken state, after around 3 bottles of wine, saying she's going out to get more in the middle of the night, and I was trying to stop her. My solicitor said that the video was 'hugely significant evidence in both cases, namely the false allegations case against me and the custody battle that will happen at some point. She also has previous for walking out on her other son from her previous marriage, and solicitors can see that her ex husband got residence of her other son.

He said he can't guarantee me that I won't be charged, but the fact I wasn't bailed is a good sign, and it's more unlikely than likely that I'll be charged, but he can't give any guarantees as to what the CPS decide. It's her word against mine, and her word is completely fabricated.

So now it's the family solicitor tomorrow, and then I need to sort out this flat. It's local authority, 3 bed, family home but with just me in it as my ex and my kids have fled to a 'confidential address' because the social services thought I was a perpetrator. Family solicitor begs to differ though. I stopped work for a while as I needed to be there for the babies 24/7 due to my ex's bad parenting.

[Franticwithworry]

That all sounds really reassuring. I hope it's giving you a bit of confidence. I'd think that you'd be able to stay in your house for the time being at least too, because you have to have somewhere for your children if you get custody, as seems entirely possible.

I hope that your appointment with the family solicitor goes well tomorrow too. Hang in there!

[lazy lass]

Hi, it's sounding very positive for you and hopefully it's putting a spring in your step.
You sound like your a very good loving dad to your children and they have been through hell as you have too, but hopefully things are on the up for you and the mess won't be too long until it's behind you then you and your children can start afresh and a brilliant future awaits you.

[Nosleepforweeks]

Hi, it's sounding very positive for you and hopefully it's putting a spring in your step.
You sound like your a very good loving dad to your children and they have been through hell as you have too, but hopefully things are on the up for you and the mess won't be too long until it's behind you then you and your children can start afresh and a brilliant future awaits you.

Thanks guys. All I can do is take it day by day. But you never know what can happen. Still a long way to go yet. But the support here is great. Can't thank you guys enough.

That's the dream, getting the kids and NFA on the lies she told. I know I can raise these kids better than her.

[Nosleepforweeks]

That all sounds really reassuring. I hope it's giving you a bit of confidence. I'd think that you'd be able to stay in your house for the time being at least too, because you have to have somewhere for your children if you get custody, as seems entirely possible.

I hope that your appointment with the family solicitor goes well tomorrow too. Hang in there!

Another small step made today.

I am going to attend the Royal Courts of Justice tomorrow with my family solicitor to try and get whereabouts of my kids, and seek for my kids to be returned to me. I have evidence, which is regarded as significant and shows the risk of the kids being around their mother. Not really sure if it's wise to say what evidence I have on a public forum, but there's evidence of previous child abandonment by my ex during her other marriage, I have video evidence of her being unable to stand let alone parent our kids due to being highly intoxicated with alcohol (she would go on binges and take all sorts of pills) and I have a supporting letter from my son's nursery saying that my ex never dropped off or picked up my son, never went to any of my son's keyworker reviews, and never engaged in any stay and play groups.

Lots more evidence that can be obtained via the police too.

Praying for tomorrow.

But I can't help but fear the CPS will make a crazy decision and charge just based on my ex's statement, which she all of a sudden made up while she was in custody for attempted GBH to save her skin and take the kids. Which she has done, and she can't be located however, my solicitor seems confident that the courts can locate her. Again, so far on the criminal front I've still not been charged and I wasn't bailed after my interview with the police.

Not sure what to make of it all. Since all of this I find it hard to draw positives from anything. And reading the stories about how the CPS can charge on just her false allegation alone, I'm still on edge. Surely they can connect the dots and see she made this up as she knew she beat me on more than one occasion, and she never made any false allegations before she was arrested for GBH. Surely it's clear the motive was to counter as I had evidence of 2 10cm bruises, also confirmed by my GP that they looked like they were from a blow. She turned this 360 to save her skin and take the kids away. If they can't see that then I don't know what the worlds come to.