Social services check...

[Worriedman1]

Hi all. Around 5 years ago my then gf (aged 17) falsely accused me of rape when i was 21. She withdrew the allegation. I was arrested questioned and then given Nfa.

Roll on 5 years just started a new relationship with a women who has a young child. A routine SS visit to her house while I wasnt there resulted in them asking about me and stating they were going to run a background check on me.

Having thought these allegations were a thing of the past are SS likely to bring this up and end my relationship?

Thanks in advance

[Franticwithworry]

Wow! No wonder your worried. That seems a bit heavy handed, well more than a bit. Are you sure that it's Social Services? They usually have a reason for visiting and don't make 'routine' visits so far as I know. Someone with young children might come in with better knowledge as mine are all grown up though.

As for this ending your relationship, that really depends on you and your girlfriend, and what the authorities expect of you. Have they already been provided with the information to run the check?

[Rights Fighter]

I think it would only be routine if the family are already under SS "care"

[Worriedman1]

Thanks for the replies.

She has given them my name, address and date of birth. They have not contacted me for any information. So I havent agreed to any sort of check. I am finding it all a bit sneaky and underhand.

As far as I am aware she isnt on any sort regular plan. After googling around these checks are usually done on child protection plans where there is high risk, that doesnt appear to be the case. I havent really delved into what the "routine" visit was for. This is also a fairly new relationship so I could be wrong of course but not as far as I know.

My main worry really is SS making a big deal of my false allegation and revealing it. This would cause a great deal of upset and having to explain to my gf and potentially her family which is likely to go down as well as a lead balloon.

Just when you start to move on from things mentally the system drags you back for a reminder

I guess I have no choice but to wait and see what SS say about me but it has brought back all the worry and anxiety over what are people going to say / think of me

[experience3]

I can understand why you would want to "wait and see" what SS say and I can easily make arguments for you to take this strategy, not least that they are so useless they might not even do any checks however.....

....that said, it is worth noting that (and it is just my view) SS are evil. It is very unlikely they they just rocked up without a tipoff/ulterior motive. They may already know about your previous investigation, and may just be looking for a way to tell her about you. Bear in mind if they do tell her, they are likely to do so in absolutely the worst possible way. Many people on these forums who have had experience of SS view them as anti-family at worst and anti-men at best.

The alternative to "waiting and seeing" is of course to tell her yourself. That way you get to tell her exactly what happened. Though I did not have to tell my girlfriend as she was aware anyway, I took the decision to tell pretty much everybody right from the get go, family, friends, work colleagues neighbours etc. There is in fact barely anybody who knows me who I haven't told.

I took the decision based upon the the thoughts that I hadn't done anything wrong and that since in my view the police (and at the time SS) were acting so disgracefully I ought to get out there and tell people how these organisations actually work. I have to say it has worked out great. At the beginning I genuinely though I might lose a good proportion of my friends etc as a result but actually I haven't.

It is worth remembering that some of the things we complain about on here (for example FAs not getting charged with perverting the course of justice) actually work for us to some degree in the long run. Several friends have commented to me that though there seems to have been lots of high profile FA's there doesnt seem to have been any cases of the FA's having to stand trial. The point being that this is not lost on people.

Anyway you know you situation best and will need to decide if you want to wait and see or take the bull by the horns but it is worth remembering there are potential benefits of taking the latter path. If you have not previously disclosed to a wide circle you might well be surprised as to how positive their reaction is (after the initial incredulity dissipates).

GL with it

Ex

[Worriedman1]

Great reply experience3 and a view I never really thought of taking but I guess if considering long term relationships to save untold situations like this from coming out of the woodwork it makes a lot of sense.

Something I will have to mull over.

A close friend of mine who I did tell about the fa and now this situation, thinks its an early warning from fate. That being someone elses child, maybe further down the line there might be a bruise and with a fa on my file ill be right back in the firing line with police wanting to make an allegation stick. His advise regardless of good or bad info from ss, cut loses and run for the hills and steer clear from anyone with children but my own. I'm starting to feel that way inclined so far..

[soulbug]

Okay just to play devils advocate here, but have you seen any proof of the visit from the SS? Or is perhaps your GF just trying to sound you out? If so, it would not be such a bad tactic on her behalf in some respects as of course anyone with a past history of allegations of sexual abuse against a child or similar sexual type conviction such as picture collecting etc, would of course about turn and leave.

[Worriedman1]

Interesting theory! Haven't seen proof but I would say pretty confidently that wont be the case. I do really think some sort of check is being done, whether that be an enhanced crb or perhaps some kind of internal ss check hard to know.

[Franticwithworry]

The other thought I had, again Devil's Advocate-ish, is the question of why Social Services are making a 'routine' visit to her? Why are they involved in her and her child's lives?

Is there someting in her situation that you don't know about that makes them question her choice in men? This may not be about you at all and it's just an unfortunate happenstance that means you have a previous false accusation there.

My point in suggesting this is that there are enough variables to tie yourself up in knots wondering and worrying. The simplest solution is to ask her how Social Services came to be visiting. Is that a viable option for you?

[Worriedman1]

Ok folks seems you have all hit most nails on the head already.

After a recent discussion...
Firstly it wasn't a routine visit, I dont want to state exactly why they visited her in the first place on a public forum but ill cut it short at a incident between her and the child was questioned and found by them to be completly innocent and important to note nothing at all to do with me or connected with me in any way.

Now the check they have confirmed they completed was an internal social services check which has come back clear.

Great you might think but now "to satisfy themselves I am no danger given the age of the child and to close the case of the initial visit" ss now want my permission to carry out a DBS check (i presume will be enhanced).

I have asked why am I subject to scrutiny and the answer issue was raised over us meeting on line and her not being fully knowledgeable about my life.

At this point I feel like saying pi55 off. What are your thoughts at this point..

[Franticwithworry]

Oh dear. I'm so glad that the visit was over something that was innocent, but it seems that Social Workers - some of them anyway - can't help widening their remit and finding i's to dot and t's to cross where they don't exist.

No-one knows anything much about people they first meet. 'Meeting' online is no greater a danger unless people present themselves as something they are not, which presumably you have not done.

Of course, no-one here can tell you what to do, but to be honest, my first thought here is that if you refuse the check, it will look as though you have something to hide. I know of someone who went through this kind of thing and his take was, 'ok, do the check. You might find x,y,z. I'm being totally upfront with you and hiding nothing.' They did the check, found only x and were satisfied. The honesty went a long way, though I have to say it didn't involve a sexual allegation.

It's an option. Only you can decide if this girl and her child are worth it or if you'd rather walk away.

[Peter1975]

The following is a copy and paste from another forum, solicitor HF:



It is rare but not unheard of for acquittals to be included on an enhanced DBS check. I would try to pre-empt the issue by applying yourself for an enhanced record which will afford you the opportunity of challenging its inclusion. Alternative when the special guardianship checks are made, DBS will give you the opportunity to challenge its inclusion before it is disclosed.