My son has been falsely accused of rape and I'm devastated

[Worriedsickmum]

Hi
I'm so glad I have found this forum. My son is 24 and was taken in for questioning last week after an accusation of rape was made against him.
He went on a night out with friends and after a lot of alcohol was consumed by the whole group they very stupidly also took drugs. At this point they were all in the girls flat. Everyone either went to bed or left around 10 am next morning. It is believed at this point my son was still very much out of it at one end of sofa whilst the girl was curled up the other end.
My son arrived home at approximately 4pm that afternoon and went straight to bed. At 8pm the police were at the door. My son was placed in a cell where he was deemed still under the influence and slept for 16 hours!! He was then questioned with a duty solicitor present. Swabs were taken but not his phone? Not his underwear? Anyway he has been bailed until April. He is devastated and a broken boy.
This girl has been his friend for years.
He does not have any memory of the whole day as they took a powerful cocktail of drugs.
He has been honest and compliant and I have been informed that this is not a violent act he has supposedly committed.
I suppose my questions are if sex took place and was something consensual and then she changed her mind where does he stand as he cannot even remember any type if physical contact. And as they were both under heavy influence of alcohol and drugs including hallucinogenics how is this ever going to be fair.
I know people will say of course you won't believe that he has done this as you are his mum but my son is a true gentleman as many would vouch.
I'm so angry that he chose to take drugs and end up in this horrendous situation but I also know he is not capable of this awful accusation.
I'm extremely worried about my sons mental health and don't know where to turn or what to do.

[Peter1975]

Hi
I'm so glad I have found this forum. My son is 24 and was taken in for questioning last week after an accusation of rape was made against him.
He went on a night out with friends and after a lot of alcohol was consumed by the whole group they very stupidly also took drugs. At this point they were all in the girls flat. Everyone either went to bed or left around 10 am next morning. It is believed at this point my son was still very much out of it at one end of sofa whilst the girl was curled up the other end.
My son arrived home at approximately 4pm that afternoon and went straight to bed. At 8pm the police were at the door. My son was placed in a cell where he was deemed still under the influence and slept for 16 hours!! He was then questioned with a duty solicitor present. Swabs were taken but not his phone? Not his underwear? Anyway he has been bailed until April. He is devastated and a broken boy.
This girl has been his friend for years.
He does not have any memory of the whole day as they took a powerful cocktail of drugs.
He has been honest and compliant and I have been informed that this is not a violent act he has supposedly committed.
I suppose my questions are if sex took place and was something consensual and then she changed her mind where does he stand as he cannot even remember any type if physical contact. And as they were both under heavy influence of alcohol and drugs including hallucinogenics how is this ever going to be fair.
I know people will say of course you won't believe that he has done this as you are his mum but my son is a true gentleman as many would vouch.
I'm so angry that he chose to take drugs and end up in this horrendous situation but I also know he is not capable of this awful accusation.
I'm extremely worried about my sons mental health and don't know where to turn or what to do.

Hi,

First of all, don't panic. I can't tell you not to worry unfortunately but most of these cases go nowhere and eventually get NFA'd.

As there were other people in the flat there will be witnesses that need to be interviewed. The fact that he has no memory of anything happening is the reason for the swabs as this will establish a dna link to the complainant. It does seem like poor work by the police in not taking other evidence but if she has been examined with a rape kit and there were fluids then his dna will be enough.

The question of consent is a thorny one, obviously no means no but false allegations often happen when consent is withdrawn either half way through or after the event, sometimes months and years after the end of a relationship.

Whilst it is early days and you should prepare for several months of bail, there is always hope that this will get dropped sooner. Your own detective work can start right away and I suggest you spy on this girls FB and other social media or get friends of friends to spy and take screenshots. Tell your son to write down everything he can remember, not just about the night but any arguments or reasons she may have to hold a grudge.

See this link for more information:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

[YearsOfHell]

Hi welcome
Sorry you've found us, but I'm glad you did.
We've all been in this nightmare for various reasons and we will help as much as we can.
In your sons situation it is an issue of consent.
This is a difficult one to prove either way.
It's also a lottery as to whether it's taken all the way to court.
The simple answer is that we just don't know.
All we can say is hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
This link is helpful:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

You might also want to look at this page on the CPS website as this is the issue in your sons case.
https://www.cps.gov.uk/publications/...consent_v2.pdf

Try not to panic.
If you're concerned about your sons mental health then get him to his GP asap.
There's usually a waiting list and any medication prescribed will take time to work, so get him assessed asap.

Hang in there!
YoH

[Worriedsickmum]

Hi,

First of all, don't panic. I can't tell you not to worry unfortunately but most of these cases go nowhere and eventually get NFA'd.

As there were other people in the flat there will be witnesses that need to be interviewed. The fact that he has no memory of anything happening is the reason for the swabs as this will establish a dna link to the complainant. It does seem like poor work by the police in not taking other evidence but if she has been examined with a rape kit and there were fluids then his dna will be enough.

The question of consent is a thorny one, obviously no means no but false allegations often happen when consent is withdrawn either half way through or after the event, sometimes months and years after the end of a relationship.

Whilst it is early days and you should prepare for several months of bail, there is always hope that this will get dropped sooner. Your own detective work can start right away and I suggest you spy on this girls FB and other social media or get friends of friends to spy and take screenshots. Tell your son to write down everything he can remember, not just about the night but any arguments or reasons she may have to hold a grudge.

See this link for more information:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

Thank you for reply.. already on the social media side of
things. No fall out or grudges. Have found out she is a
regular heavy drug user with mental health issues.
You have made me feel slightly easier about things and
for that I truly thank you.

[Worriedsickmum]

Hi welcome
Sorry you've found us, but I'm glad you did.
We've all been in this nightmare for various reasons and we will help as much as we can.
In your sons situation it is an issue of consent.
This is a difficult one to prove either way.
It's also a lottery as to whether it's taken all the way to court.
The simple answer is that we just don't know.
All we can say is hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
This link is helpful:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

You might also want to look at this page on the CPS website as this is the issue in your sons case.
https://www.cps.gov.uk/publications/...consent_v2.pdf

Try not to panic.
If you're concerned about your sons mental health then get him to his GP asap.
There's usually a waiting list and any medication prescribed will take time to work, so get him assessed asap.

Hang in there!
YoH

Thank you for your reply. I really appreciate it. So so glad I have found you all. X
Doctors this week.

[Franticwithworry]

I just wanted to say welcome. I'm glad you've found us but sorry you need to. Couldn't we just shake our children for the nonsensical things they do sometimes? And hug them tighter than tight?

I can't really add to what Peter1975 and YearsofHell have said so far, their advice is always spot on, but as one Mum to another, I just wanted to say hi, and reassure you that you - and your son if he wants to be here - are in good hands.

There are many good people on this site who will help you and your son through this.

[Worriedsickmum]

I just wanted to say welcome. I'm glad you've found us but sorry you need to. Couldn't we just shake our children for the nonsensical things they do sometimes? And hug them tighter than tight?

I can't really add to what Peter1975 and YearsofHell have said so far, their advice is always spot on, but as one Mum to another, I just wanted to say hi, and reassure you that you - and your son if he wants to be here - are in good hands.

There are many good people on this site who will help you and your son through this.

Thank you so much. Everyone is so kind. I'm sorry that there is even a need for this and shocked at how many people this kind of thing.
I hope you all get the outcome you deserve. We are in a bad place that I never in a million years would imagine being in. X

[Lucky]

Let your son know that he has lots of support he can turn to.

Firstly, get yourself a decent solicitor, local to where you are based. There are lots of highly recommended solicitors you can find on these forums ( check my signature ).

Secondly, you need to know that although your son can't remember anything, I don't think that helps him. He may have been to drunk, or high to remember what he was doing, so he could have done anything....

the best way for him to protect himself now, is to ensure he does NOT get involved in a social media spat with anyone, and also see if any of his close friends who were there can recall what happened. don't go into detail here, but speak to the solicitor you choose, and they can really be helpful in letting your son what to, or not to expect.

good luck !!!

[Rights Fighter]

Hi
.............................

He was then questioned with a duty solicitor present. Swabs were taken but not his phone? Not his underwear? Anyway he has been bailed until April. ....................

Roughly, where in the UK are you? I ask as, should this go further, you will definitely need a solicitor who is experienced in defending false allegations, as opposed to somebody who has experience in defending allegations. There is a noticeable difference between the two.

If you can let us know where you are (just the county will do) maybe we can direct you to a suitable solicitor and barrister.

Hold on in there

[Worriedsickmum]

Hi
We are in Worcestershire. One week today till he answers bail. It's been a very long and emotional few weeks.

[Rights Fighter]

Birmingham side?

[Worriedsickmum]

Yes fairly close. About 40 mins away.

[Rights Fighter]

http://www.glaisyers.co.uk/criminal-...h-astbury.aspx