Falsely accused and i cant bare it

[Youngscared]

Saturday night i met a girl for the first time at a club, in the nicest way we were drinking responsibly and fully aware. She was all over me snogging me very intimately and we had left the club. We continued to get intimate and had sex. CONSENTUAL sex. It turns out she had a boyfriend he found out and shes then made rape allegations. Its destroyed me i cannot bare to go through it. Ive been arrested and bailed for 3 months pending further investigation. The police were very nice and understanding that there is two sides to every story. Im only 20 ive came along way through some tough years i need urgent advice what can i do. Whats the process, can i even be charged for a false claim?

[Casehardened]

[post moved to separate thread so that any replies will be relevant to OP]

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

A rape allegation as a defence against an angry boyfriend finding out about infidelity is one the police will have heard many times before so you can take some comfort in that.

It is a situation that quite a few forum members have found themselves in and doubtless they will be able to offer support and advice but in the meantime you may find this link answers some of your queries:


http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

[Bob1234]

Hey brother,

Sorry about ure situation you find yourself in. I myself am in a very very similar situation from the week previous and I can feel your pain. You will be thinking the worst etc. I'm still getting my head around it and I am with the 12 weeks too.

The best thing I can say is to try and continue with some normality. From points I've read on here... write down what happened that night in detail etc. Speak to someone and get some support. Family friends. I did this and went to see a counsellor as my world is crashing before me.

Ultimately it is in the hands of someone else now. And unfortunately you have to carry on as normal until the time. I hope and wish you all the best too. We both need it

[Franticwithworry]

Hi there! It bothers me no end to hear when people so young have been lied about in this way, and there are so many!

Life has been tough enough for you without this, but hang in there. Your biggest task right now is to be patient and remember that the police are not your friends. It's good if they are polite and friendly, but don't be lulled into giving them any information they don't need.

Casehardened is right, they've heard all this many, many times before, and hopefully it won't be long before they make an official decision not to proceed. Sometimes that decision comes quickly, sometimes not. It's a waiting game right now.

Keep yourself as busy as you can with work and/or hobbies. Find a friend you trust to confide in for moral support. If that's not possible, log in here and let us know your worries. There is often someone here to help.

On a practical note, bob1234 is right, in that you need to jot down everything you can think of about the occasion and keep it in a safe place. Don't give it to the police and add to it if you remember anything. Keep looking on this site - there's lots of information about the process, but like I say, it's mainly waiting just now. If you feel up to it, look on the site for a lawyer with experience in sexual offences and false accusations in your area. If you had a duty solicitor he might be good with these cases, he might not. You can change and choose an expert in this field if you need and want to. There are good ones who deal with legal aid too. Call one or even two up for a chat and they will be able to reassure you about things, even if it's just coming to terms with the wait.

Above all, don't panic. More times than not these lies are exposed for exactly what they are - lies. Don't worry about the alternative for now.

[Youngscared]

I've emailed screen shots from the angry boyfriend messaging me about her accusations with my replies to them about what really happened to the police officer who interviewed, was that a mistake/bad idea? Is there any chance I can be charged over a false accusation? I can't go through this and especially not publicly I'm a honest hard working lad and quite popular in my home town. I've had to take two days off work I'm literally depressed already and it's been two days. I will continue to work tomorrow and try resume my life.

[Bob1234]

I am not an expert but give screenshots any evident to your legal aid / lawyer?

As the franticwithworry rightly said. Do not trust the police even though they seem friendly.

As mentioned I am in the same situation with my bail until end of April. The hardest thing I had to do in my life so far was tell my parents. But I did and they are fully behind me which is helpful. You will need someone to talk to and a core group of supporting friends that can help. Even if it is you venting so please do that.

One thing the counsellor said to me was - don't look to far into the future (aprils date ) as you cannot control that. Tackle that problem when you come closer to it. Currently focus on you. Job family etc. You can't be at point A and go straight to point D for example. You have to go through B and C.

Sure you may want to think about worst case measures and do so. But don't dwell on it too much.

For me it sounds weird giving advice as only yesterday I was breaking down. But I know what you feel so hang in there. The wait is the worst bit especially as you know you haven't done anything wrong

[Franticwithworry]

That may well not have been a bad thing but I wouldn't send them anything else without the sayso of a solicitor. Yes, they can charge on a false accusation, it does happen BUT but they would only do that if they thought that there was a good chance of a conviction.

You've got a great defense by the sound of things, so don't panic about being charged just yet. Keep calm, occupied and your mind elsewhere if you can manage it and let the police do their job, for now at least. Lots and lots of complaints go nowhere because they are false and because they are false theres no evidence. It takes time for the authorities to reach that conclusion - more time than most people think is reasonable, but they get there, most of the time.

You have every chance of being in the 'most' category.

[Youngscared]

One thing is my legal aid advised me not to bother giving DNA swabs to police as there is no point due to me already saying to having consensual sex because my DNA is going to be present. My mum and dad and brother are aware of my situation I had to tell them as soon as I was aware there was going to be an allegation made (the boyfriend contacted me prior to arrest). My mum is worried about me and my father and brother is barely talking to me.

[Franticwithworry]

I'm not surprised your Mum is worried and I'm sorry that your Dad and brother are barely talking to you. You know them better than I do but it's possible that they are concerned for you but don't know what to say.

Many men are becoming scared that they could be accused of a crime out of the blue over nothing. It's potentially frightening for them too.

[lazy lass]

My son went through the same thing two years ago, it was a terrible time. We know there was no way he would do anything to anyone. We supported him throughout the nine months he was on bail, being 're bailed 3 times but didn't have to report to police station. You feel your whole world is ending. Please find a very good friend or family member to talk to, even to sit and let all your fear and anger out. Your life will be in limbo for a while try and carry on as normal as you can it is hard sometimes but keep calm if you can think back to that night and write down anything that will help you. My son was nfa. You will get there hold on,keep strong and keep your chin up.

[farmer42]

Hi mate I was found not guilty a week ago trust me when I say it gets better you just have to try and get on with life I’ve been there I know it’s easier said than done but trust that the truth will prevail and this is not forever.

[Youngscared]

I'm hoping it doesn't go as far to being charged let alone court. I wouldn't be able to cope and make it that far, if I'm charged there will be an article in the local papers with my name instantly. I'd have to quit my job and go off the map. Just praying the allegation is seen through and goes nowhere

[Franticwithworry]

Don't worry about newspapers. Not everything gets into the press. Just focus on now, for now, as fretting about all the 'what-if's' will drive you crazy.

[Youngscared]

Bail day

Don't worry about newspapers. Not everything gets into the press. Just focus on now, for now, as fretting about all the 'what-if's' will drive you crazy.

Today is the day I answer bail for the horrible accused crime which has put a hold on my life. I'm feeling blessed and confident but yet so nervous. I woke up and prayed for this nightmare to be over. May god be on my side.