Accused of rape & bailed, but the girl has decided not to go any further

[Toffee]

Hi all..

So just this weekend I decided to get drunk and go back to a hotel with a girl I sort know.
I left the hote and then go arrested for rape.. locked up for the night etc.
My solicitor turned up in the afternoon and she advised that the girl has decided not to go through with the complaint...

However I was still interviewd for my side of the story, after I was interviewed they advised that I will be bailed, my solicitor also advised before the interview that this is what will happen..

I am due to go back in 4 weeks, but I'm currently lying in bed unable to sleep due to over thinking, why was I bailed although there is no longer a complaint? It doesn't help that I suffer from really bad anxiety, my mind is working overtime. My Sol also said that I will probably get a call in the next week or two to say there is no need to appear for my bail..

She openly admitted that she went back to the hotel for sex, but half way through she decided she didn't want to continue, at which point I left.

I look forward to some advice on this as I'm really confused at the moment.

Thank you.

[Casehardened]

My solicitor turned up in the afternoon and she advised that the girl has decided not to go through with the complaint...

I look forward to some advice on this as I'm really confused at the moment.

Hello and welcome to the forum,

The girl has now changed her mind about the allegation she has made, probably realising, or been informed, about how serious a matter this is likely to be.

Nevertheless she must have initially made the allegation formally to the police for you to have been arrested and interviewed and therefore the police will have opened a case and will so need to go through the motions (after all there is nothing to stop her changing her mind yet again!)

In theory the CPS can proceed with a prosecution regardless but in practice, as your solicitor says, if the only witness apart from yourself declines to give evidence, the case is not going anywhere (several forum members have recounted being in similar situations to yourself and they have been NFA'd)

I am afraid all you can for the moment is sweat it out but the following link might answer some of your questions.


http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

[Toffee]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

The girl has now changed her mind about the allegation she has made, probably realising, or been informed, about how serious a matter this is likely to be.

Nevertheless she must have initially made the allegation formally to the police for you to have been arrested and interviewed and therefore the police will have opened a case and will so need to go through the motions (after all there is nothing to stop her changing her mind yet again!)

In theory the CPS can proceed with a prosecution regardless but in practice, as your solicitor says, if the only witness apart from yourself declines to give evidence, the case is not going anywhere (several forum members have recounted being in similar situations to yourself and they have been NFA'd)

I am afraid all you can for the moment is sweat it out but the following link might answer some of your questions.


http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

Thank you very much for your reply. I have spoken to my solicitor again, and they're pretty much happy it's not going to go any further. Without going in to details, my sol said that the police officer who interviewed reckons the same.

It doesn't help with the old anxiety etc, until I get told either way then I am unable to do anything. This is the worse thing I've ever been through, I am unable to speak to anyone either which doesn't help.

Thank you again!

[Franticwithworry]

'It doesn't help with the old anxiety etc, until I get told either way then I am unable to do anything. This is the worse thing I've ever been through, I am unable to speak to anyone either which doesn't help.'

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this on your own. Is there no-one you can confide in? I certainly hope you get confirmation as soon as possible so that you can begin to put this behind you. Please let us know when you hear for sure.

[Toffee]

'
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this on your own. Is there no-one you can confide in? I certainly hope you get confirmation as soon as possible so that you can begin to put this behind you. Please let us know when you hear for sure.

Unfortunately not, I do have a partner but I've not told her what's gone on. The girl who I went to the hotel with was a one night stand.. The first and last time I have cheated on my partner (not that I'm proud of this, far from it and so out of character for me)

I don't want anyone to find out about what's gone on and what I have been accused for. If the girl decided she now wants to go ahead and make the complaint again and I was charged and will then have to tell my partner everything. (Doesn't help that I've just bought an engagement ring!)

I just wish I could turn back the time, and none of this would have happened. These next four weeks can't go quick enough, the thought of then being life changing is killing me inside. I'm slowly losing the plot.

[Toffee]

Something I didn't add, the girl said the following day when the police went to see here was, she was giving me oral sex and it was hurting her, so she bite down for me to stop.. which isn't true. Other than that everything was consensual she said and she doesn't want to take it further.
I can't help but worry that the CPS will want to take it further or if she decides to go ahead again and make this FA.

I'm out of my mind with worry.

[YearsOfHell]

Unfortunately there are consequences when people cheat on their partners.
This is an exceptionally harsh consequence however.
No one deserves to be falsely accused.
In my opinion it is best just to be honest.
Your partner is going to be justifiably hurt.
You know your situation best so it's your call.
I don't like the "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" way, but only you can make that decision.
If it goes no further with prosecution, can you live with the secret?
If you're charged you will need support.
Only you can decide.
Whatever happens, trust your innocence.
You'll get through this.
YoH

[Franticwithworry]

Oh my! As YearsofHell says, there are usually consequences for cheating, but not as harsh as this. You've been bailed for only a short time, so it's my guess, and it's only a guess, the the police thought that this would reach a conclusion quite quickly anyway. That said, there's no guarantee that it will all be done and dusted in 4 weeks, it might take longer, and it's not outside the bounds of possibility that you will be charged.

I say that, not to frighten you, but to address the question of your anxiety and your current relationship. In not telling your girlfriend - the woman you want to be your wife - you are not trusting her with a lot of things. To know why you're so anxious, to help you with that anxiety, to know when you've made a mistake and to help you with getting through the consequences of that mistake. Only you know her well enough to know if your relationship can cope with an episode of cheating, but the alternative is that you live with this deception for the rest of your life. There's also the possibility that if anything does come of this, you will have to explain why you didn't tell her straight away, and the extra hurt that might cause her.

To be honest, I really think that you should consider telling your girlfriend/would-be-fiancée what's going on. This situation is much bigger than a single one-night-stand episode of cheating, and many relationships survive that. This might be very much more - a lifetime's secret at best, (don't forget that if the episode goes away now, the arrest record may not), and even more hurt and a lost relationship at worst. Your girlfriend may worry that you'll keep big secrets like this when your married.

Again, you are worried enough and I'm not trying to terrorise you, but I am asking you to think over all the possibilities in detail. I'm spelling it out because it's difficult to think of everything when you're worried and anxious.

Obviously, you know your girlfriend best, but if you really can't confide in her and have her support, think about having a chat with your doctor. Sharing this with someone will help with the anxiety, and if you don't want your girlfriend to guess there's something badly wrong and start imagining that it's her fault, you need to keep the anxiety in check.

I hope it all works out for you.

[Toffee]

Thank you all again for some very sound advice.

I am so torn on what to do and I understand it's only me who can make a decision on how to go forward. What I do know is that this would destroy her and that's why at the moment I have not said anything.

There is so much at steak either way which doesn't help.

I really do appreciate all the advice given to me up to now, it means so much to me.

I have everything crossed that this is sorted asap and I can get on with my "normal" life again