Life in turmoil

[Stressed out mother]

Life as we knew it is over! A girl who we made welcome in our home, who we actually clothed as well as fed for over two years has now accused my son of rape.
They first got to gether about three years ago. She arrived with the c!others she stood up in saying she had been thrown out of her home and if she was unable to stay would be on streets!

Then she would self harm, she said how she had been abused by family members.my son and her have had a on and off relationship. When she got fed up of being with him she would go off and hook up with another lad. He,t thing she would be begging to be brought back as she was being hit etc.
Like a fool son would go and get her.

In September she once again contacted him asking to be picked up so she could stay the night as she was leaving the current partner and moving into another house with friends the following day.
So at2.00am he ended up fetching her. She insisted on getting alcohol so they called into asda o n way home. At home son went to bed. She ends up joining him, although spare bed and mega big couches where she could have slept.
Yes they ended up having sex......fool!!

Next day she refused to get up, son was in work in the afternoon. Eventually she got up and insisted he take her home. By this time he had realised his wages were missing and questioned her. She denied taking them and told him to search her,which he did. (He later found his brother had moved them the previous night) however she was still insisting he took her home before going to work. As there was only a hour before hews due in work he refused and as he was unable to find the missing money was not prepared for her to stay in the house on her own.
It resulted in her leaving saying that he would regret it!!

When he returned from work police arrived, apparently they had already gained access and removed bedding and searched the house. They add gained access through an open back door, a door that is always kept locked!
Anyway she accused him of rape.

A duty solicitor arrived at station, both him and police told son that it would most likely gono further! At next interview solicitor didn't turn up and one from another practice attended! At this point he was questioned over further accusations from three years previous. Between the alleged dates she had been back and to living with him, each time her asking him to take her back.

We have now got a another solicitor. Son was due at police station this Friday but has now been told sent to CPS.
We are beside ourselves. He has a young son who he has a couple of days a week, relations between mother are difficult so obviously not told her as she would stop access.

He is thinking his life is over, even though he knows it's yet another fabrication she seems to be believed no question. What if anything can we do to get our lives back?

[sqounk]

Life as we knew it is over! A girl who we made welcome in our home, who we actually clothed as well as fed for over two years has now accused my son of rape.
They first got to gether about three years ago. She arrived with the c!others she stood up in saying she had been thrown out of her home and if she was unable to stay would be on streets!
Then she would self harm, she said how she had been abused by family members.my son and her have had a on and off relationship. When she got fed up of being with him she would go off and hook up with another lad. He,t thing she would be begging to be brought back as she was being hit etc.
Like a fool son would go and get her.
In September she once again contacted him asking to be picked up so she could stay the night as she was leaving the current partner and moving into another house with friends the following day.
So at2.00am he ended up fetching her. She insisted on getting alcohol so they called into asda o n way home. At home son went to bed. She ends up joining him, although spare bed and mega big couches where she could have slept.
Yes they ended up having sex......fool!!
Next day she refused to get up, son was in work in the afternoon. Eventually she got up and insisted he take her home. By this time he had realised his wages were missing and questioned her. She denied taking them and told him to search her,which he did. (He later found his brother had moved them the previous night) however she was still insisting he took her home before going to work. As there was only a hour before hews due in work he refused and as he was unable to find the missing money was not prepared for her to stay in the house on her own.
It resulted in her leaving saying that he would regret it!!
When he returned from work police arrived, apparently they had already gained access and removed bedding and searched the house. They add gained access through an open back door, a door that is always kept locked!
Anyway she accused him of rape.
A duty solicitor arrived at station, both him and police told son that it would most likely gono further! At next interview solicitor didn't turn up and one from another practice attended! At this point he was questioned over further accusations from three years previous. Between the alleged dates she had been back and to living with him, each time her asking him to take her back.
We have now got a another solicitor. Son was due at police station this Friday but has now been told sent to CPS.
We are beside ourselves. He has a young son who he has a couple of days a week, relations between mother are difficult so obviously not told her as she would stop access.
He is thinking his life is over, even though he knows it's yet another fabrication she seems to be believed no question. What if anything can we do to get our lives back?

Hello Stressed Out Mother

Welcome and firstly; you are not alone. Many of us here have undergone or are undergoing exactly the sort of scenario you describe. There are people here who are far more qualified than me to comment on your situation, but I would question a couple of things. It's great if you can prove that there was illegal entry and how it happened, but if it were me I'd be a bit careful about that because proving innocence is one thing, going up against the police is another - they don't take kindly to it and if it's not going to help you, personally I wouldn't dwell unless it helped the case in court, which you should of course talk to a solicitor about.

Talking of which find a specialist solicitor. If you let Rights Fighter know which region you are in she will no doubt be able to recommend a good, legal aid solicitor. She's good like that. Revenge is a big motivator in these claims, as I know all too well myself so it will not be something new to the CPS in terms of reasoning. At this point I would suggest a calm approach and work to respectfully dismantle the prosecutions argument without hurling accusations etc. Sadly, previous sexual behaviour is rarely allowed to be discussed in court as I understand, but I think her general behaviour is and how she leads your son on/dumps him etc. I would gather as much evidence as possible - letters, photos, witnesses - anything. Also track her social media and take screen shots of what you may consider to be any contentious postings. Do not delete texts etc that might help prove your case.

If your son is charged, steel yourself. It may well happen. But it is not the end - it's just the beginning of the fight back. People are stronger than they think as is proven day after day on this forum. What is needed to arrest someone is small. What is needed to charge someone is higher but still small - a 51% chance of a conviction by the CPS. However, a conviction must be beyond reasonable doubt in a crown court, which is a high threshold - and put to 12 men and women from a jury and a judge. Also don't forget some cases don't really meet the 51% chance of conviction, as we have read many times on this forum - sometimes very little evidence is presented and money, time and resources wasted in an effort to drive up the statistics, sometimes hoping that evidence will emerge between conviction and trial.
I wish you the best and don't panic. It ain't over 'til the portly man raps.

[Franticwithworry]

Hello and welcome, though I'm sorry you need us.

First of all, please don't panic - once in this horrible system, things take their course regardless, so keeping as calm and 'straight-headed' as you can is important and helpful. Not sharing this with anyone who doesn't need to know is a sensible first step - it only adds to the stress - and presumably your son doesn't have bail conditions that keep him from children. How's he coping?

Your son isn't a fool - just young and not very worldly-wise in this political climate. Many young men are learning too late to stay away from emotionally unstable women, and vice versa, not realising how rampant false sexual allegations are. Please don't believe what the police tell you, and I say that not to scare you but to point out that the police are not your friends. Many will say anything to 'keep your son sweet' and get information that they can use for a prosecution. That's their only goal. CPS make the charging decisions, not them.

If your son hasn't done it already, he needs to make notes, as detailed as he can, of his whole relationship with this girl, and keep them safely. He doesn't really need a solicitor at this point, so work on finding one who is a specialist in these matters would be good. He doesn't have to stay with the one who asissted at interview if he doesn't want to and there is a sticky on this forum with recommendations, both Legal aid and private.

Please don't be angry with him if you can help it. You must be beside yourself with worry, as must he, and supporting each other through this trauma - and trauma it is - will help you all. He is NOT responsible for her lies, nor could any of you reasonably expected that she would do this. Hind-sight is a wonderful thing.

It might be more months before CPS make their decision, so hang in there. Your lives will not return to the 'normal' it was before, but it will be a new 'normal' with strengths you all never new you had. Your son may well be told that no further action is being taken, (be NFA'd), but if he ends up charged, that isn't the end of the world. Cross that bridge when you get to it though.

For now, work on a timeline and whatever evidence you can muster, keep that close to your chests, and get a specialist solicitor lined up in case you need one. Shop around and talk to several. You need someone who isn't all wine and roses but isn't doom and gloom either; someone realistic that your son feels comfortable with. I also suggest asking your son if he will agree to take you or a friend with him whenever he meets one, and providing written permission for the lawyer to talk to his chosen 'other person' too. My man and I found that two pairs of eyes and ears remembered more than one, and it's horrible coming back from an appointment and not remembering everything/enough. Moral support is priceless too.

That's enough for now. I'm sure others will chip in. Please come back as often as you need, for support or just to browse. It's immeasurably helpful to know that others are going through this nightmare.

for all the family.

[Stressed out mother]

Thank you for your replies. I approached our best man ffrom yrs ago who is a solicitor to put us in contact with a decent lawyer. Whilst we havent seen him much over the past thirty plus years we still hold him in respect and he has high standing in his field of legal work. Bth me and my son went to see the recommended solicitor and both feel happier with him.

Apparently at her first nterview she tried to imply she did not know my son, then at the second she had come back with accusations dating further back. But on her facebook there are still pictures of them both from years ago, right down to comments about how in love she is! Of course now there are new comments about her new bf and how things are wonderful.

I feel like a stalker in the fact i have open a new fb account in my maiden name so i can keep an eye on what she is posting, just in case she starts putting my sons name on posts!

I realised fighting with the police over entrance to the house was a waste of time. It took over a week to get our keys back! It was only mentioned to son that the keys had been taken when he was dropped off at home. The policeman also told him that the missing money was in the piano!!! The house where my son lives belongs to me as was my mothers home prior to her death the other year. I found it hard to understand how police are able to search a premise without a search warrant, but now having changed all the locks (sorry i dodnt trust either ex or police not to have a key), i have realised that we have bigger fights to contend with, althou we did mention this all to the new solicitor!

What i really dont understand is how the police put together a case without interviewing people from the past when this was supposed to have happened.

i have to admit my faith in the legal system of the police force has taken a total nose dive, thenonly good thing coming out of any of this is my weight is dropping rapidly!

Btw typo on heading, should say "life in turmoil"

[sqounk]

Thank you for your replies. I approached our best man ffrom yrs ago who is a solicitor to put us in contact with a decent lawyer. Whilst we havent seen him much over the past thirty plus years we still hold him in respect and he has high standing in his field of legal work. Bth me and my son went to see the recommended solicitor and both feel happier with him.
Apparently at her first nterview she tried to imply she did not know my son, then at the second she had come back with accusations dating further back. But on her facebook there are still pictures of them both from years ago, right down to comments about how in love she is! Of course now there are new comments about her new bf and how things are wonderful.
I feel like a stalker in the fact i have open a new fb account in my maiden name so i can keep an eye on what she is posting, just in case she starts putting my sons name on posts!
I realised fighting with the police over entrance to the house was a waste of time. It took over a week to get our keys back! It was only mentioned to son that the keys had been taken when he was dropped off at home. The policeman also told him that the missing money was in the piano!!! The house where my son lives belongs to me as was my mothers home prior to her death the other year. I found it hard to understand how police are able to search a premise without a search warrant, but now having changed all the locks (sorry i dodnt trust either ex or police not to have a key), i have realised that we have bigger fights to contend with, althou we did mention this all to the new solicitor!
What i really dont understand is how the police put together a case without interviewing people from the past when this was supposed to have happened.
i have to admit my faith in the legal system of the police force has taken a total nose dive, thenonly good thing coming out of any of this is my weight is dropping rapidly!

Btw typo on heading, should say "life in turmoil"

I would strongly advise you to take a screen shot and store it of the pictures making sure that the dates they were posted can be seen and whose facebook account they belong to can be seen. I would do this now so that you have permanent record - she can't delete your record, but she can delete those pictures and deny they were ever there! I think they only need reasonable suspicion to enter a property, but I'm not sure how that could be justified in this case. Which police force was it?

[Franticwithworry]

You certainly seem to be on top of things, which is good.

I may be wrong, but it's my understanding that if they have a search warrant and no-one is home when they call, it's legal for them to break the door down or enter by any means possible. That's what I was told when the police woke us up at the crack of dawn with one but it took a little time for us to wake and get downstairs to answer the door. Look what happened with Cliff Richard - he wasn't even in the country when his home was searched.

That said, so many people are told conflicting things by different forces, even different officers within the same force, it's difficult to know what's correct. Certainly, if a complaint has been made, the police are not of a mind to treat the one complained about, or their family, as anything but criminals.

This girl certainly seems to have started off with a pack of lies to the police, which doesn't bode well for her complaint. Monitoring social media is a good idea. Screenshots and emails have helped us greatly. Just one thing - don't respond to anything, ever, no matter how galling. Just monitor quietly, take screen shots of posts that are old enough to have dates on, and pass them on to no-one but your son's solicitor.

But I'm sure you knew that.

PS - I've edited the heading for you.

[Lucky]

You appear to be doing all the right things. Keep in touch with your solicitor and keep positive !!

[sqounk]

Just one thing - don't respond to anything, ever, no matter how galling. Just monitor quietly, take screen shots of posts that are old enough to have dates on, and pass them on to no-one but your son's solicitor.

Totally agree with that as it can interfere with the investigation or/and you can be accused of this which would hamper your case. I'd imagine, if your son is bailed that one of his conditions of bail is that he has no contact with the complainant. I have read quite a few complainants have tried to speak to the accused after the court case is done and they've lost, trying to seek forgiveness/understanding after they've tried to ruin someone's life. It would be sensible to still have no contact at all with Crazy McCrazyface.

[Stressed out mother]

Oh i do realise that contact is not the clever way, although like many others i have had those happy little daydreams of revenge and her getting her come uppance!
Does the police have to take everything to CPS in order to decide whether to continue or not? Ie is it the CPS who make the final decision or could the police have decided beforhand that there was no case to answer?

My computer is now full of screen shots, taken before she removed all the family from her friends!! Unfortunately due to various girlfriends along he way who enjoy wiping past girl friends info off computers and unfriending them, my son has lost many private messages, but what he has, including the last one where she was begging for him to collect her, were given to the police at the start and also to his new solicitor. Family members have also dug throu their timelines to find mention of when she lived with him/us etc.

The police force concerned is Chester. I did speak with someone there when i was attempting to get back my keys and was told in serious cases they did not have to issue a search warrant!! That seems to go against everything we were ever made aware of, but hey ho thats now a done deal. I did find it also surprising that searching the house for proof of rape involved lifting the cover over the keys of a piano!! But it seems there are blurred edges to the rules when convienent. Maybe it is a good thing that being male he hadn't decided to wash the bedding. Plus the fact that he actually admitted to having sex.

The next interview is Feb 8th. In the experience of everyone, is this likely to be moved back and would we in fact have a decision made by then as to whether this is going to proceed?

[Pond31]

were given to the police at the start and also to his new solicitor. ?

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It does seem amazing that one person can walk into a police station and make a false accusation turning someone else's life upside down. I would like to say that you should NOT give the police any more screen shots or information apart from answering direct questions at interviews. If you give them information that they did not ask for and that you plan to use in your sons defense they will then take it, go back to the FA with it, which then gives the FA time to makeup something to refute it. "Keep your powder dry" Keep evidence between you an your legal team. Unfortunately from my experience the police are not looking for evidence of innocence or even evidence a crime has actually been committed just evidence to convict.

[Franticwithworry]

It's my understanding that all serious cases, and sexual offences are serious, go to CPS for a charging decision. CPS can also return the file to the police with instructions for further investigation and it's not uncommon for them to not want to interview anyone who can provide a defence.

The focus is prosecutions and targets.

So, the file staying with the CPS can take months more. Or not. Has your son been called for another interview in February or is it simply a return for bail? It's unusual for people to be interviewed more than once and they need new evidence to question on anyway.

He might find that he's told that the date has been changed and that he doesn't have to attend the police station at all but that's a decision for the OIC. Some make people attend every time and others don't.

[Stressed out mother]

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It does seem amazing that one person can walk into a police station and make a false accusation turning someone else's life upside down. I would like to say that you should NOT give the police any more screen shots or information apart from answering direct questions at interviews. If you give them information that they did not ask for and that you plan to use in your sons defense they will then take it, go back to the FA with it, which then gives the FA time to makeup something to refute it. "Keep your powder dry" Keep evidence between you an your legal team. Unfortunately from my experience the police are not looking for evidence of innocence or even evidence a crime has actually been committed just evidence to convict.

Son gave this to police at initial interview, all further stuff we have found we have kept and passed to solicitor. I think the fact that they were being "friendly" and saying this case wont go anywhere pushed him into passing stuff over. Plus the supplied legal aid at the time did not advise him not to pass stuff over!! Considering that same legal aid put the second interview sate in his diary and told son to contact day before,nat which point son was informed solicitor was on day off and someone else would attend! Which did not happen, and instead a solicitor from a different practice attended who apparently said nothing at all throughout the interview, as he said he had no knowledge of information regarding the case! Hence our change of legal representation!

[Stressed out mother]

It's my understanding that all serious cases, and sexual offences are serious, go to CPS for a charging decision. CPS can also return the file to the police with instructions for further investigation and it's not uncommon for them to not want to interview anyone who can provide a defence.

The focus is prosecutions and targets.

So, the file staying with the CPS can take months more. Or not. Has your son been called for another interview in February or is it simply a return for bail? It's unusual for people to be interviewed more than once and they need new evidence to question on anyway.

He might find that he's told that the date has been changed and that he doesn't have to attend the police station at all but that's a decision for the OIC. Some make people attend every time and others don't.

Presume its return for bail.

[Stressed out mother]

Have to wonder what's happening!

So the date for December was changed because evidence had been sent to CPS. Son due to go 8 Feb for next meeting. Have been in contact with new solicitors as obviously once bitten twice shy with a solicitor not attending! They have been in touch with police and well they said theres been no notes put on the case and waiting for the officer in charge who is in at 8am so its waiting for tomorrow, thatbei g the re!!
Is it the usual practice to just dangle the defendants in the hope that they will go insane with the pressure? Part of me hopes that it keeps being extended, whilst the other part of me !ongs for something to happen so that we can either get on with our lives, or start to fight in earnest!

[Stressed out mother]

Whats happening?

Today is tuesday, tomorrow is the next bail appointment.
well got a email saying solicitors yet again contacted police to confirm that appointment still taking place, they were told there was no information on the case files and the officer in charge isnt in till friday so police are looking into it!!
So lost faith in the workings of ourbpolice force and legal system! If rape is supposed to be such a serious crime, why on earth does it take our system so long to come back with decisions?