feeling down

[beardy]

I was arrested yesterday and falsely accused of touching a boys backside 39 years ago when I worked in a school .I am going out of my mind,i didn't sleep last night, I am paranoid and feel I have no-one to talk to,the only reason I haven't killed myself is because when it came out my family would think I was guilty. I feel so alone and frightened.

[sqounk]

Welcome and firstay, don't do anything stupid. It took me at least 4 days to even eat after my false allegations. You will settle in promise you and you will gain some perspective. People here will support you and you should visit often. There will be a long wait now. You will be fine.

[Franticwithworry]

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I'm glad that you found us so soon. It's important to know that you are not alone.

First things first - these feelings of panic and desperation are normal in these circumstances. You have suffered a severe shock and it will take time to recover and get to grips with what is happening. Please don't do anything that you can't undo. There is help available from your GP if needed and support here too.

Its not surprising that you can't sleep, but that will improve if you give it time. Spend some time browsing this site. You will find lots of advice on how to cope and lots of encouraging posts from people who have come through this nightmare.

It's important to keep as positive a mind-set as you can but visit here often and we will help you. You dont say if you were bailed, but now you've been questioned it will be a while before anything more happens. Take a bit of time to gather yourself. It feels like the end of the world, but I promise you it's not. You will get through it.

Im sure others will respond with support. As I said you don't have to deal with this on your own.

[beardy]

thankyou frantic, yes I am bailed until june when I have to go to a police station 300 miles away, I don't know whether to book/talk to a solicitor now,the one they provided me with didn't seem that great . I am also going for an interview next week and will have to get a new DBS,i am thinking this will come up and not only will I not get the job but people in that workplace will find out and word will spread to the village I live in.

[beardy]

Welcome and firstay, don't do anything stupid. It took me at least 4 days to even eat after my false allegations. You will settle in promise you and you will gain some perspective. People here will support you and you should visit often. There will be a long wait now. You will be fine.

thankyou sqounk ,I cant do anything stupid because it will make me look guilty but I feel like I just want to scream to everybody I DID NOT DO ANYTHING,i think I am going mad.

[Silver]

So sorry to hear Beardy

Not that I laughed ,but what a stupid allegation to arrest you on.

The police obviously do not do any investigative work before they arrest. They just seem like robots not thinking if there is any credible evidence. I trust you were allowed to have the on call duty solicitor in your interview. We have been so lucky with ours as she has provided much support always keeping us updated.
Sometimes I think its best only to tell people you can really trust and then when you feel ready to tell.

My hubby has 3 brothers he could only inform the brother he gets on best with first then 3months latter he felt more confident to tell the other 2.Surprisingly they just laughed at how ludicrous the allegation was, considering he had lost contact and living 300 miles away from the accusers.As for myself still have not felt able to tell my family with their conservative views.

Last thing you need before Christmas, but as others have said we are all in similar boat and I think its the initial shock thats the worse, you just want to hide away to avoid any more hurt. You have done well to share this on the forum, still cannot get my hubby to sign in .trust you get some valued advise, and remember you are not alone xx

[Franticwithworry]

thankyou frantic, yes I am bailed until june when I have to go to a police station 300 miles away, I don't know whether to book/talk to a solicitor now,the one they provided me with didn't seem that great . I am also going for an interview next week and will have to get a new DBS,i am thinking this will come up and not only will I not get the job but people in that workplace will find out and word will spread to the village I live in.

You're not going mad. Your exhibiting a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. That's a really long bail time and i hope you get a decision by then. If it's any consolation my man is bailed to a station hundreds of miles away and has been rebailed several times. He hasn't had to attend yet, though he generally only finds out the day before. Chances are you'll not have to make that journey in june though it's not guaranteed of course.

If you're not happy with the duty solicitor you had by all means look for another. There's not a lot they can do at this point but it's good to have one primed and ready. We talked to one early on and found it/him very reassuring. There's a thread on here with recommendations and you really need a specialist. Private or legal aid there are excellent people to be found.

It may not show on the DBS yet. General advice seems to be to answer interview questions honestly but you don't need to volunteer information. I don't know if that's different if the job involves working with children. As for the whole village knowing, many people are surprised where support comes from and in fact, how few people end up knowing. Imagination is usually worse than actuality and you might be pleasantly surprised - we were.

I hope you get some sleep tonight - these first few days are the most exhausting.

[Mr B]

Dear Beardy

A sad welcome to the site. Read the forum in depth & always have a solicitor with you. The Police are not you friends & are not impartial. Reading the forum will back that comment up.
I was literally unable to focus for 3 weeks after. So your reaction is understandable.
Wife libelled & slandered me in home town, nationally & internationally. So privacy went out the window.
Once I had worked out the reason why - took me 6 months or so (www.shrink4men.com NPD & BPD but I now understand the logic behind it), I countered & was so painfully honest with those I met. So far no fights etc. Why? Well being blunt why would anyone lie about something about this? If you are falsely & maliciously accused you are innocent. The British Public pick up on how you say your side, rather than what you say. There is a feeling of honestly & in my case literally crying in the street. Why else would I end up sitting in Church talking to a vicar who was worth his weight in gold. Trust me I am far from religious.

Find yourself 4-6 super solid friends & alternate then so you see them every other week etc. Spreading the burden so to speak. It will take a lot out of them.

Come back here often. You are not alone.

Kindest regards
Mr B

[beardy]

Dear Beardy

A sad welcome to the site. Read the forum in depth & always have a solicitor with you. The Police are not you friends & are not impartial. Reading the forum will back that comment up.
I was literally unable to focus for 3 weeks after. So your reaction is understandable.
Wife libelled & slandered me in home town, nationally & internationally. So privacy went out the window.
Once I had worked out the reason why - took me 6 months or so (www.shrink4men.com NPD & BPD but I now understand the logic behind it), I countered & was so painfully honest with those I met. So far no fights etc. Why? Well being blunt why would anyone lie about something about this? If you are falsely & maliciously accused you are innocent. The British Public pick up on how you say your side, rather than what you say. There is a feeling of honestly & in my case literally crying in the street. Why else would I end up sitting in Church talking to a vicar who was worth his weight in gold. Trust me I am far from religious.

Find yourself 4-6 super solid friends & alternate then so you see them every other week etc. Spreading the burden so to speak. It will take a lot out of them.

Come back here often. You are not alone.

Kindest regards
Mr B

Thank you so much Mr B I have told 1 person and received great support,I have also spoken to an online counselling service who are open 24/7. I went back to work and that gave me short spells of not thinking about this nightmare !

[beardy]

You're not going mad. Your exhibiting a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. That's a really long bail time and i hope you get a decision by then. If it's any consolation my man is bailed to a station hundreds of miles away and has been rebailed several times. He hasn't had to attend yet, though he generally only finds out the day before. Chances are you'll not have to make that journey in june though it's not guaranteed of course.

If you're not happy with the duty solicitor you had by all means look for another. There's not a lot they can do at this point but it's good to have one primed and ready. We talked to one early on and found it/him very reassuring. There's a thread on here with recommendations and you really need a specialist. Private or legal aid there are excellent people to be found.

It may not show on the DBS yet. General advice seems to be to answer interview questions honestly but you don't need to volunteer information. I don't know if that's different if the job involves working with children. As for the whole village knowing, many people are surprised where support comes from and in fact, how few people end up knowing. Imagination is usually worse than actuality and you might be pleasantly surprised - we were.

I hope you get some sleep tonight - these first few days are the most exhausting.

Thanks for that,I took a sleeping tablet and got 7 hours,then as soon as I woke it was filling my head again. The DRB is not to work with children,the year I spent working at the school while training at college was the only time I have worked with kids.Now I am terrified to look at children, I was in a shop yesterday with the 1 person I have told and there was a child at the checkout with an elf hat ,I told her I was guilty about smiling at the hat,so paranoid.

[beardy]

computer

So it has been a few months since my arrest. I called the police station a couple of weeks ago to ask when I could expect my computer back as my accounts are on there and my year end is coming up. They said it keeps moving down the list as 'bigger fish' are being investigated. This made me feel happier that they did not consider me one ! I got a call today saying they had finished with my computer and I could call at the station for it when I like....the police station is 400 miles away! I asked if they could courier it and the woman said they don't do this ....unbelievable! anyone had experience of this? know my rights?

[Franticwithworry]

Some police forces return items by registered post or courier. It seems to vary from force to force and nothing is standard nationally.

It might be worth contacting a more senior officer and asking that it be returned to you and you not be ade to collect it because of the distance. It's worth asking, I would think.

[beardy]

Thanks Frantic,I will try that.

[Rights Fighter]

Have you contacted FACT: Falsely Accused Carers and Teachers? http://www.factuk.org/

With regards to your computer, do you have friends or family in the area who could collect it for you and then courier to you?

[beardy]

Unfortunately not, I am not from there and haven't lived there for 39 years, since the alleged incident.