Falsely accused of rape and need help....

[Logan7]

Hi......
I am new to all of this.
Basically i caught my girlfriend of 7 months(who i met online) sex texting multiple guys on her phone and looks like she was cheating.
After i told her to get out of my house the next day and never to contact me again,3 days later i got stopped leaving my house for work at 6am. She was accusing me of sex without consent.
I was arrested for questioning where i didnt ask for a solicitor at the time of the interview(felt i didnt need one) as well as my phone and laptop being taking.A DNA test was done in my bedroom as well.
I was arrested for 12 hours and released without charge.I got back my laptop a few days later but they still have my phone!!
For the first few months i was ringing and calling to the police station and they kept saying "no news" "no news"
Its been just over a year now and in the last few months the police are not even returning my calls and they are avoiding me??
I rang a solicitor for advice and he told me to hold tough "innocent until proven guilty"
I have been out of work with stress etc and feel like i want to end it all now........
Please help............

[Silver]

Hi Logan,
Am new to the group too,
Strongly advise you get a solicitor involved, so that they can negotiate with the police to confirm their next intended step(if any)
Have they put you on bail at all ??

[Silver]

Please Please
try to talk with someone,your GP or anyone you can trust in confidence about the way you are feeling, I believe it is sometimes the anxiety of not knowing that causes all these depressive thoughts and I think once you can get a clearer picture as to what is happening you should feel better.
When you have been a member for about10 days you can use the Private messenger and you are welcome to PM me xx

[Franticwithworry]

Hello Logan7, I'm glad you found us and sorry that you've struggled alone for so long.

It's a long hard wait, but please try to not let it get to you. If you were released with no charge and no bail, I'm afraid you are low on the list of priorities and the advice of the solicitor was good. This forum can offer you lots of support while you wait and there isn't much option to do anything else.

That said, I have heard of the police forgetting to tell people without bail that their case is closed. Others here might advise differently but I suggest waiting a few more months and then asking the police about your phone. If they don't respond to your call, it might prompt them if you ask a solicitor to enquire for you and to enquire about the case at the same time.

I'm sure others will come in here, with their suggestions, especially those with more relevant experience than I.

In the meantime, as I say, please hang in there. You've come such a long way on your own. We will support you through the rest as best we can. You are not alone in this nightmare.

[Logan7]

Thanks for your support and help.
I have people close and stuff but they have there own lives as well.
Life was great before all this happened and just why does it have to go through another Xmas.
Still cannot believe she done this and shes back on internet dating with not a care in the world!!
Cannot understand why they are not even answering with a simple, "No news"
I did not get bail just got released with no charge.
I mean what is happening with all of this..........

[sqounk]

It does seem odd that they didn't bail you. Can anyone shed any light on this happening to others?
Also - one day you will walk out of your house free as a bird and your ex will know that even though she put you through hell, you were the stronger person. She couldn't break you. You win. She will know forever, in her dark heart that she falsely accused you - an act of cowardice, betrayal and utterly weak mindedness. She loses. She has to live with that every single day of her life. You may not think she thinks about it, but she does and she will. She will try not to, but it will come back to her in her own conscience - stuff like that disfigures personality; twists people. She crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed. Meanwhile you will continue to live. There is an end to this situation and it will be ok. But seriously, get yourself a solicitor and get him or her to phone the cops on your behalf.

[Franticwithworry]

There are lots of people that get questioned and released without charge and without bail. It seems to depend on the nature of the allegation and be up to the police force/police officer concerned. There doesn't seem to be much consistency throughout the country, and when the new law comes in next year, it wouldn't surprise me if many more people get released without bail.

What's going on is that the police are inundated and snowed under with these types of complaints and they just don't have the time or the people to deal with them expeditiously. That's not to excuse them, just to explain. There's no excuse for bad manners. Ignoring you when your life us on hold and your mental health is shot is inexcusable, but too many people think that having this hanging over your head when you're innocent is no big deal. It's huge.

I'm posting at this time of night because my man is approaching his second Christmas of being on bail and I can't sleep for fretting. Other nights, it's him staring at the walls for hours.

Please, look after your mental health and see your doctor if need be. There's no shame in that and though you don't have to divulge all the details, doctors are unlikely to be shocked by anything. A solicitor may be able to get you your phone back, but they won't be able to hurry the process, but be careful whom you instruct. You really need an expert in dealing with this stuff. There's a thread with recommendations on the forum, but you won't be able to get legal aid pre-charge. Whatever a solicitor does for you at this stage you need to be prepared to pay for.

I'm glad that you have the support of family and friends, but you need more and that's what we are here for. Please, go and see your doctor and come back here as often as you need for moral support. There are many in the same boat and you needn't struggle through this alone.

[Logan7]

Thanks....
Awhile back I was in contact with the police and I asked them from the start has the file been sent away to the CPS and they never gave me an honest answer so and they said they can't get in contact with her?? what am I waiting for?? I don't even know if I'm waiting on them or are they covering up a different story? I heard recently that her ex boyfriend killed himself after a fight with her!! So I think this is all gone abit crazy!! Am I better off to hold off for a solicitor now after this long ?? Would they be thinking I'm guilty as I've only got one now and worried? They are making me feel like a criminal before anything has happened!!
I'm trying to ge on with life but it's hard sometimes and every morning I wake up wondering was it all a bad dream....

[Casehardened]

Prior to charge a solicitor can only claim legal aid on your behalf for attending interviews with you so if you wished to consult anyone this would almost certainly have to be on a paid-for basis (though you might find a firm who offer a free initial consultation)

TBH in your position the accumulated wisdom on this forum will tell you as much as a solicitor can at this stage; for instance complainants now have the right of appeal against NFA decisions so the police's apparent prevarication may be simply a case of not knowing if she is going to do this (you mentioned they can't get in touch with her)

[Franticwithworry]

We were told by a very experienced and respected solicitor that the police knowing of their involvement would send the message that my man was taking the allegation seriously and was prepared to fight and defend himself to the utmost extent possible, and that that was a good thing. He didn't say that to get payment from us.

He didn't charge us for asking for an update, but now the police have told us that things will not be resolved for a long time yet, we have gone back to dealing with them ourselves. We won't ask the solicitor to make any more enquiries for us unless the 'long time' becomes more than that, and he has agreed to act if a charge is forthcoming. But the police now know that a solicitor is involved and have volunteered a little more information.

[Logan7]

I'm stuck on the fence with getting a solicitor involved?
I have no problem in paying for one to defend myself but at this stage what can I do ?
Really thought this would all be over by now and going into my 2nd Xmas like this isn't a nice feeling.
It just sounds abit strange that they aren't even giving me an answer a year down the road.....

[Franticwithworry]

Unfortunately, yes. There's nothing to defend unless and until the CPS decide to charge because it's only then that you get to see the accuser's statement and what you've actually been accused of in detail. There's no point in building a defence in any great detail until you know what you're defending against. For the most part, telling the police your defence and evidence just gives the accuser the chance to change her story.

I'm so sorry not to be more encouraging. I know that the wait is debilitating, but there's not much that can be done about it. The wheels turn as slowly as they turn. While you've been waiting as long as many others there's not a lot you can do about it. It's only if you've been waiting longer than most that anyone can get answers for the delay. Up til then you'll simply get told that you're in the same boat as many, many others and it's a waiting game. . As I said, it's our second Christmas too, and there are so many like us. They've had our electronics for over a year and no sign of getting them back. Mine too, and I haven't been accused of anything!

It's not fair I know, but until the system changes........

[Logan7]

The system is a joke! ! !
I don't even know if my file has being sent to the CPS? They wouldn't give me an answer....
I mean what is happening to her the last year ?
Is she being questioned all the time ? Is she even onto them to hurry ut up ?

[Ladyscot]

Hi logan,

Its a absolute disgrace whats happening to you. Hopefully getting support here makes you feel even a tiny bit better.

Im in scotland so its a different system and things do seem to move quicker here. But from what ive read here i think id get a solicitor. Just so they can chase up the police or the cps on your behalf. Ive read threads before where the case has actually been nfa'd but the police never bothered to inform the falsely accused!

Hopefully a solicitor could get you some answers....

Is there not something about having to charge within 12 months?

It is so awful you are facing a second chrismas with this hanging over you. I hope you get a positive conclusion soon

[TBG1]

Hey Logan - A sad welcome to you.


Firstly, please let me state the obvious...DO NOT think about "ending it"....You will no doubt have had some close friends and/or family supporting you up to now.....and now you have us. All of us want to see you walk away from this with nothing more than a "really crappy experience" to show for it. So please want that for yourself.


On this forum, there is a diverse cross-section of people and offences that they have been falsely accused of. In my (unqualified) experience, it is the 'historic' cases that can take well over a year to come to a head and yet still end up with a charge. For me, the fact that the offence(s) alleged against you were "fresh" enough to be worth collecting electronics & DNA etc., suggests that none of that has "borne any fruit" (for obvious reasons....nothing happened).


So (in my opinion), for your case to progress to charge the authorities have to decide whether or not they are more likely to gain a conviction with no evidence than not. That shouldn't be a tough decision...but they like to make it so.


The Police have no interest in de-stressing a "suspect" and it is my guess that as the likelihood of a charge diminishes, the length of time it takes to publish that decision increases...simply because they can.


Whatever the case, you didn't do anything other than "ditch" someone you believed to be cheating on you...and that's not a criminal offence. So (sadly) your solicitor was right - all you can do is stay strong and wait it out.


The good news now is ... we will wait with you.


Best Wishes


TBG1