Scared and suicidal - Somebody help (FA sexual assault)

[Fusiondoe]

Hi mate,

Sorry to hear your news, with my limited experience it sounds more positive than many cases that this will have the just outcome given the information you've provided.

I was also inexplicably accused of sexual assault this year. In my case the accuser's background (she had made other FA's), my interview and crucially social media messages made it very clear to the police this was false. In your case I should imagine the FA's background, your initial interview and the messages you mention along with your GF's witness statement will be pivotal.

It wasn't until this happened to me that I started looking at things like this in the way they should be. Just know that I believe you. I know you didn't do it. Only those of us this happen to can really understand.

Obviously every case is different, and there are far more learned experienced posters on this forum than myself - but yours really spoke to me. You reminded me of the way I felt and the circumstances are vaguely similar.

My advice would be: don't give up. Fight. It can feel like the world is out to get you and your mind runs away with worst case scenarios. This is normal. Let them run their course. Don't try to figure out why she has done this - she probably doesn't even know. Don't even think about contacting her or writing on social media about the case but DO passively screenshot open source social media profiles she has. Once you hopefully receive your NFA this sort of information can be used to prosecute the FA and/or have the details removed from your Enhanced Criminal Record check (though this is frightfully rare).

In short: chin up, you'll win this and come out a better man on the other side.

If you need someone to talk to please PM me.

Thank you... I'm not particularly religious but god bless you! Doing my best to get through it all

[Fusiondoe]

Struggling guys! Really struggling

[sqounk]

Struggling guys! Really struggling

Dude. Chill out. Big shock to the system to be FA. Get a good night's sleep. The worst that can happen...is not as bad as you think it might be. The best that can happen is also possible. We're all struggling together. We are victims but we are going to fight, right? Steel yourself. Get a good nights rest. There is a way forward but you won't find it this late on a Friday night! Tomotrow is new day. You will find details lots of support here. You are not alone.

[YearsOfHell]

Struggling guys! Really struggling

Hi
It's early days so try not to panic.
What you're feeling is completely normal!!!
This is not something we are designed to deal with so it's going to be extremely painful.
Unfortunately no one can tell you the outcome or even likely outcome because every single case is different.
All you can do is trust your innocence.
When you are adamant that there's absolutely no substance to the allegations then this will come across to those investigating.
However, if (and it's only an if!!) you find yourself in court - you then have the opportunity to put your side over.
This may all end in NFA!
So write everything down that you remember from the incident and then put it away.
Use it for your defence in court if you need it.
But try and put it away for now.
At least for a while.
Stop over thinking, trust me it doesn't help!
Stop thinking "what if"??
This situation is out of your hands and there is quite literally nothing you can do to stop the process.
Most importantly - Hang In There!!
You will get through it, you will!
Prepare for the worst - Hope for the best!!!
Big big hugs
YoH

[Franticwithworry]

Struggling guys! Really struggling

Please, hang in there!

Often, when people do really well in the first few days as you did, the trauma hits them like an express train a little while later. Make no mistake, this is a trauma you have suffered and it takes time to recover. There will also likely be steps forward and steps back, - aka good days and bad days.

Try to keep busy with the people who matter to you, your girlfriend and daughters, and do things that make you thing about other things, perhaps a hobby that requires concentration if you have one.

Honestly, this too will pass and if you can just ride it out, you will start to feel better. If not, don't let it overtake you. Go and ask your doctor for help. There is help of that sort available and more people than you think need it. There's no shame in needing some medical help to get through this, as you have suffered a genuine brain injury, and your mental health is as important as your physical health.

I hope that you are feeling a bit more on an even keel by Christmas and can enjoy it as much as possible with your family.

[Fusiondoe]

Guys I have a question that's been bugging me just recently.

I was bailed without charge so they can 'investigate' .... what exactly does that investigation consist of? There were no witnesses except my partner who the Police have not bothered to contact.

The accuser said I did not touch her vagina but only touched under her trousers at the top (pubic bone)

As this is a case of her word against mine I struggle to see what the police are investigating?

Can somebody shed some light

[Casehardened]

As you mentioned, there can be no physical evidence; as it's not a 'stranger' allegation but a close family member DNA traces on clothing are to be expected (so I don't suppose any testing was done?)

I imagine that the investigation will come down to considering who might be the most credible witness in court (bearing in mind that whoever makes this decision won't be aware of any reasons for her to make this allegation)

As FWW mentioned earlier in the thread, your partner's statement won't be of interest to the prosecution so hasn't been taken but undoubtedly the fact that she will testify for the defence will be taken into account in the decision of how to dispose of the case.

[Fusiondoe]

As you mentioned, there can be no physical evidence; as it's not a 'stranger' allegation but a close family member DNA traces on clothing are to be expected (so I don't suppose any testing was done?)

I imagine that the investigation will come down to considering who might be the most credible witness in court (bearing in mind that whoever makes this decision won't be aware of any reasons for her to make this allegation)

As FWW mentioned earlier in the thread, your partner's statement won't be of interest to the prosecution so hasn't been taken but undoubtedly the fact that she will testify for the defence will be taken into account in the decision of how to dispose of the case.

Thanks! Much like I thought.

However my partner has written a character reference for me and a statement and sent it to my solicitor to be used if needs be!

I am actually rather p!$$#% off that the police have not contacted her when I made it quite clear that she was a witness. Her statement will more or less disprove everything the accuser says almost instantly.

[Pond31]

As FWW mentioned earlier in the thread, your partner's statement won't be of interest to the prosecution so hasn't been taken but undoubtedly the fact that she will testify for the defence will be taken into account in the decision of how to dispose of the case.

I am sorry but I thought the job of the police is to investigate a crime and if there is any truth in the allegations. However it seems from your comments that they are only interested in gathering evidence to convict. They are not doing their job. In my personal experience I found that they took my phone but not the accusers. I want to point out to them that there could be evidence on her phone i.e. messages to third parties reference the false allegations but I suspect if I do then I will piss them off.

I do not know why they call it the "justice system" as there appears to be very little "justice" in it.

[Fusiondoe]

I am sorry but I thought the job of the police is to investigate a crime and if there is any truth in the allegations. However it seems from your comments that they are only interested in gathering evidence to convict. They are not doing their job. In my personal experience I found that they took my phone but not the accusers. I want to point out to them that there could be evidence on her phone i.e. messages to third parties reference the false allegations but I suspect if I do then I will piss them off.

I do not know why they call it the "justice system" as there appears to be very little "justice" in it.

^^^^ This ^^^^

Disgusting isn't it

[Casehardened]

I do not know why they call it the "justice system" as there appears to be very little "justice" in it.

Sexual offences are investigated differently to other crimes; I often use the analogy of someone walking into a police station to say that they were burgled X years ago by ****** (insert any likely number and name) can you imagine the desk clerk's reactions and comments! Yet substitute rape or abuse for burglary and it will be quite a different matter.

Why this should be so is open to speculation but I suspect the bottom line is the wish to increase the conviction rate for rape by (a) broadening the definition of rape through legislation in the 2003 SOA act, (b) skewing the investigation by setting targets and issuing directives to the police via the Chief Constables of the various forces (i.e. always assume the victim (my italics) is telling the truth) and (c) encouraging the CPS to prosecute more SO cases.

So who is it that is actually driving the wish to increase the rape conviction rate?.....answers on a postcard as I've no idea...

[Franticwithworry]

So who is it that is actually driving the wish to increase the rape conviction rate?.....answers on a postcard as I've no idea...

It's my guess - and it only a guess - that it's a question of guilt. Institutional guilt that so many accusations were ignored and dealt with poorly in the past. As often happens, the pendulum swung in the right direction but ideology and zealotry took over and it swung too far. Of course, because so many different individuals are involved in decision making, each wanting to be seen to be 'tougher on crime' than the next guy and develop their careers quickest, it's easy for the whole thing to get out of hand.

Add into that the current witchunt we have regarding historical abuse in which we are effectively policing the past on the basis of present day manners, as well as prosecuting genuine crimes, plus the possibility of compensation, and the system is ripe for abuses of all kinds.

Few are willing to throw any kind of sexual complaint out, no matter how ridiculous it seems, and I'm constantly surprised, though pleased, that there any NFA's at all.

One of our cases got to the morning of the trial and the judge ruled that no crime had been committed before anyone had got into the courtroom. Why the police or the prosecuting counsel couldn't make that decision and save everyone a lot of anguish and expense is beyond me. Except that perhaps they thought they'd get a quick guilty verdict even though there was no crime to bolster their figures.

They certainly didn't investigate anything or want to talk to anyone who could purified a defence. My man didn't even get questioned by the police about the supposed 'incident'.

[Fusiondoe]

It's my guess - and it only a guess - that it's a question of guilt. Institutional guilt that so many accusations were ignored and dealt with poorly in the past. As often happens, the pendulum swung in the right direction but ideology and zealotry took over and it swung too far. Of course, because so many different individuals are involved in decision making, each wanting to be seen to be 'tougher on crime' than the next guy and develop their careers quickest, it's easy for the whole thing to get out of hand.

Add into that the current witchunt we have regarding historical abuse in which we are effectively policing the past on the basis of present day manners, as well as prosecuting genuine crimes, plus the possibility of compensation, and the system is ripe for abuses of all kinds.

Few are willing to throw any kind of sexual complaint out, no matter how ridiculous it seems, and I'm constantly surprised, though pleased, that there any NFA's at all.

One of our cases got to the morning of the trial and the judge ruled that no crime had been committed before anyone had got into the courtroom. Why the police or the prosecuting counsel couldn't make that decision and save everyone a lot of anguish and expense is beyond me. Except that perhaps they thought they'd get a quick guilty verdict even though there was no crime to bolster their figures.

They certainly didn't investigate anything or want to talk to anyone who could purified a defence. My man didn't even get questioned by the police about the supposed 'incident'.

That is disgusting! You were told just before you got into the court room!

Makes me so angry

[Pond31]

My man didn't even get questioned by the police about the supposed 'incident'.

Would the innocent man not have a case for miscellaneous prosecution if that a real thing or just something I saw on TV. When my case is all over, I am certainly going to speak to my local political parties about how cases are handle.

I am from Northern Ireland and many years ago we used to have types or cases called "Supergrass Trials". This was when a terrorist who got caught turned states evidence as you would say and "grass" on other members of his particular crime syndicate. Well at these trials it was quiet normal for 20+ people to be sent to prison on the word of one person. Of course after a few years and a number of appeals later the cases all fell apart as it was one criminals word against another. The point I am trying to make is that the justice system does not care about truth but convictions.

[Franticwithworry]

Yes, convictions are the goal, not the truth.

An annoying thing for us was that even though the judge decides that there was no crime committed - 'even if the incident took place, it wasn't in and of itself a crime' was what we were told - the whole thing stays on file and can be ressurected if 'new evidence' is presented. We were assured that this is unlikely, but it's outrageous that someone can invent a pack of lies that someone else has to prepare a defence against, and even though there was no prosecution in the end, the slate doesn't get wiped clean. The stain of an accusation is there forever.

It's so unreasonable and unjust.