Beyond frightened

[YearsOfHell]

My OH was re bailed by phone the day before he was due to attend, they said they weren't ready and needed a few more weeks.
He was then told NFA on the morning he was due back at the police station, again on the phone!
The important thing is when you do attend (if they haven't phoned you) that you don't answer any more questions without a solicitor.
If necessary wait for one.
It may take longer and the police will take their time, but in the long run it'll be best.
We really thought our case was going all the way to court but it didn't.
You really just never know!
Hang in there
YoH

[Dal75]

From what I can tell there's no way of telling. Some get contacted before the bail date and NFA'd or charged, some get NFA'd or charged at bail, some are required to answer to bail and yet others are contacted beforehand, even the day before, with a new date. There's no hard and fast rule and no way of telling.

Sorry I can't be more positive or concrete.

No that's fine, thanks for answering.
I was just concerned that if I'd heard nothing before the bail date then that would mean it was almost a dead cert that I could expect a charge when I do answer bail.
It still amazes me that people can be convicted of historic abuse when there is nothing more than one person's word against another's as evidence.

Something I read in one of the older thread posts has me a little worried. It was about character witnesses.
Mainly because ill have nobody I can call on. Where as my fa will have at least 2 people that I know of that will be on her side.

As I said in an earlier post, my life revolves around caring for my wife and bringing up my kids so I don't have any friends or family I can call on to provide any sort of testimonial as to what I'm like as a person. I'm not even sure my wife would do it for me as she is so intent on keeping the relationship between her and my daughter on track, I'm honestly starting to think she would rather see me go down for something I didn't do than risk that.

I know that sounds crazy, but that's the impression I'm getting. She is definitely distancing herself from me at the moment. I tried to talk to her yesterday about my fears and she bit my head off saying I've got no right to be worried about what may happen to me as 'it's not all about me and she has her daughter to worry about'.

Starting to feel increasingly alone in this and it all seems to of turned into some sort of witch hunt. Firstly with my sister in law turning her back on me after offering support and now what my wife said yesterday.

With false sexual allegations, s*it definitely does stick the moment you are accused and the people I thought I could count on certainly seem to tried and convicted me already.

[Dal75]

My OH was re bailed by phone the day before he was due to attend, they said they weren't ready and needed a few more weeks.
He was then told NFA on the morning he was due back at the police station, again on the phone!
The important thing is when you do attend (if they haven't phoned you) that you don't answer any more questions without a solicitor.
If necessary wait for one.
It may take longer and the police will take their time, but in the long run it'll be best.
We really thought our case was going all the way to court but it didn't.
You really just never know!
Hang in there
YoH

Thank you. I can only hope the same happens for me. I'm not sure how much more I can cope with at the moment.
My sol said she will come with me on my bail date so if the worst does happen, at least she will be there straight away and I won't have to go sit in one of the God awful cells again until she arrives.

[Dal75]

Police have just turned up at my door and I'm being taken to the police station now. I'm scared and I don't know what's happening

[Franticwithworry]

Police have just turned up at my door and I'm being taken to the police station now. I'm scared and I don't know what's happening

I hope you're able to get hold of your solicitor and she can meet you there. Thinking of you and hoping all is as well as it can be.

[sqounk]

Hope you're ok.

[SurrealLife]

Hi Dal75 - hope you're ok

[sqounk]

Anyone heard from dal?

[Dal75]

Anyone heard from dal?

Hi all,

Just to update you, this is Mel, Dal's wife. I know he's found great advice and comfort from you all and wanted to update you on the current situation.

Unfortunately, when the police turned up Friday and took him away, they charged him. Because no alternative address could be found they had no choice but to remand him into custody, and at the moment, some 5 days later, he is still there.

I didn't even know where he was until Sunday lunchtime when I received a call from the Chaplain to say he was ok and that he sends his love.

I finally heard from him today; a letter arrived during our first phone call!!I could lie and say he's ok, but basically, he's not doing too well, and I can't help but worry and feel completely useless as I can't even get any clothes or anything to him until he manages to book in a visit, which hopefully will be soon!

I've made contact with a local specialist solicitor as I think his current one is a waste of space!

Thank you to all who have asked after him, I shall pass on your kind support when I speak to him next.

Best of luck to all going through this nightmare xx

[sqounk]

Hi Mel. That's awful. I hope you are doing ok - what a terrible nightmare for both of you. I wonder whether anyone in the know on here would be able to advise about bail hostels? Isn't there a statutory obligation to offer this if accommodation can't be found by the suspect? It sounds almost Dickensian to remand someone if there is no real need to. What grim news. I suspect they might hurry the case along if he is in custody though, which might be one silver lining.
Stay strong and do come back here for support, Mel.

[Dal75]

Hi Mel. That's awful. I hope you are doing ok - what a terrible nightmare for both of you. I wonder whether anyone in the know on here would be able to advise about bail hostels? Isn't there a statutory obligation to offer this if accommodation can't be found by the suspect? It sounds almost Dickensian to remand someone if there is no real need to. What grim news. I suspect they might hurry the case along if he is in custody though, which might be one silver lining.
Stay strong and do come back here for support, Mel.

Hi Sqounk

Thanks ever so much. This seems to have been ongoing for such a long time, and I am completely caught in the middle. On one hand I have my daughter, who I love with all my heart, and on the other, I have my husband of nearly 19 years! Either way, there is no happy ending is there, I'm going to lose one of them, it just remains to be seen as to which one, but I am trying to minimise the damage to the relationship with my daughter without actually calling her a liar, because that, as a mother, just seems too cruel, especially with other issues ongoing, yet I can't stand by while she accuses the man I love, and have trusted with my most precious things i.e. my children. of such a heinous crime when I honestly don't believe he has done anything wrong.

With regards to bail accommodation, the police are supposed to have secured a place but they have failed to do this, same with the solicitor. She told me Monday night to rent somewhere privately! With the £1.50 I have in my purse, I suspect this may be impossible. If anyone on here can offer advice on this, I really would appreciate it. It just seems so ridiculous to place him in there, alone, with only the clothes on his back, purely because he doesn't have anywhere to live!

Thanks again xx

[Franticwithworry]

I'm so sorry to learn of this, Mel. The whole thing seems so unreasonable. You'd think that if they remand someone in custody that there'd be something in place to let family know immediately what had happened. Telling you to rent private accommodation is pretty nonsensical too. Few of us have the hundreds of pounds necessary sitting idle so we can make that happen at a moment's notice.

I have no advice to offer on that I'm afraid, though someone else will hopefully come in with something useful to offer you.

I do have a little to offer on the child/husband scenario though - your loyalties are definitely divided and you are between a rock and a hard place. That said, you say that you are 100% sure that your husband is innocent, so it becomes an issue of not believing your daughter but not being willing to say that out loud. Have I got that right?

From what I understand from previous posts, your daughter is an adult, and living away from home so you don't have to negotiate day-to-day life with her. Now, I can only tell you how things have worked out from my perspective and in my situation, but I discovered that there was no 'treading the middle ground'. The fact is that I brought my children up not to lie, as did my man in relation to his own children. When it becomes clear that they are lying, there could be no pretending that they were not. I had to either support the children in the family who were lying, or my man, who was not.

Our adult children are living away from home, so I've never needed to say outright that I don't believe anyone in particular. I have just supported my man to the hilt, attended solicitor's appointments and court hearings with our heads held high, and we have confidence that truth will out in the end. We intend to simply cross each bridge as we get to it, whatever the bridge might be.

The hard part is coming to terms with the fact that there are people in the family with whom we can no longer have contact - the false accusers and their supporters. No information about us must get back to them so that they have ammunition for another false accusation. If they've done it once, whatever the motive they can do it again. The risk is too great. The effect on my man, me and the people who know the truth has been too devastating; we cannot risk it happening again and the lawyers tell us that even those accusations deemed 'no crime' aren't recorded as such and can be resurrected at any time, even though it's not likely. Who wants that sword of Damocles as an ever-present threat? We have a responsibility to minimise the possibility, even if it means choosing one family member over another.

I came to terms with having to make that choice when I asked myself what I would do if a friend of mine accused another friend falsely and I realised that I would distance myself from the accusing friend in case they accused me or mine. When one knows that lies are being told and the terrible effects that they are having, keeping a distance us the only sensible option, I think, for self preservation. Forgiveness or otherwise doesn't come into it. I can 'forgive' a dog for biting me, but I won't get near enough to risk it happening again. :-)

Getting another solicitor, a specialist in whom you can have more confidence, is a great idea. There are recommendations on here, Legal Aid and private if you need them. A solicitor can probably help with the bail address situation, come to think of it. Also, it might be a good idea to get your husband to give any new solicitor written permission to talk to you too if necessary. It might help keep practical communication issues to a minimum.

Don't forget your own well-being too. This forum is here to support anyone affected by false accusations, not just the falsely accused themselves. You must be worried out of your mind, so come back here as often as you need.

Please pass in my best wishes to your husband and here's a hug for you all -

[sqounk]

I think you should speak to your new solicitor and perhaps phone the police again - maybe go a bit further up the chain if you can. Contacting your MP might be an idea also if you have no luck and also citizens advice bureau if there is no result. As for who you believe. What a terrible position to be in. I cannot imagine what it must be like to be in that position. I'm hoping you have enough money to eat etc at the moment? I think you could probably get emergency loans from he state possibly if you're in hardship? Try not to get involved in those awful loan shark companies if you can help it.

[Franticwithworry]

It occurred to me too - your husband was home while on bail and awaiting a decision, was he not? Perhaps a new solicitor can sort out and explain what on earth had happened so that not only was he charged but he was charged and his bail revoked.

That seems unusual and not right. Was his last solicitor a waste of space because she couldn't/wouldn't attend the police station with him last week, and so left him in the lurch? Squonk is right - keep calling and asking questions until you get the answers if you can.

I'm thinking of you and hoping for a very quick resolution to this for you. No-one should be left high and dry in this manner. Even those who get an unwarranted guilty verdict at the end of a trial have had time to prepare for the possibility. It's beyond belief that he wasn't allowed to call you from the police station and presumably didn't have a solicitor with him who could call you. More -