Beyond frightened

[Franticwithworry]

Yes, accepting a caution is admitting guilt and if you have not committed the offence it's not in your interests to admit guilt. It won't necessarily go to court if you refuse because a caution is sometimes offered when there isn't enough evidence to convict but the police want a result.

If you're offered a caution and want to consider it you really need to talk to a specialist solicitor, but basically, if you're innocent don't plead guilty and don't accept a caution. If you do either you'll be a self-confessed sex offender. Not the conclusion you want when you haven't done anything wrong.

[Franticwithworry]

Just to add - there are lots of accusations that don't get as far as court. All the police and CPS are interested in for the most part is whether or not they can get a conviction and they look for evidence of guilt not innocence. I, personally, don't think they pay much attention to the potential of false accusations. The policeman who arrested my man said that so far as he was concerned that if he had done nothing wrong the risk of jail time was virtually nil. It seemed to escape him that if no crime had been committed that the accusation was false.

[Dal75]

Yes, accepting a caution is admitting guilt and if you have not committed the offence it's not in your interests to admit guilt. It won't necessarily go to court if you refuse because a caution is sometimes offered when there isn't enough evidence to convict but the police want a result.

If you're offered a caution and want to consider it you really need to talk to a specialist solicitor, but basically, if you're innocent don't plead guilty and don't accept a caution. If you do either you'll be a self-confessed sex offender. Not the conclusion you want when you haven't done anything wrong.

OK thanks. So there is no way in hell I'd accept a caution then. I'd rather go to court and take my chances.

[Dal75]

Just to add - there are lots of accusations that don't get as far as court. All the police and CPS are interested in for the most part is whether or not they can get a conviction and they look for evidence of guilt not innocence. I, personally, don't think they pay much attention to the potential of false accusations. The policeman who arrested my man said that so far as he was concerned that if he had done nothing wrong the risk of jail time was virtually nil. It seemed to escape him that if no crime had been committed that the accusation was false.

Thankyou. I KNOW I've done nothing wrong so your words are of comfort to me.
All I'm hoping for now is a nfa so I can get on with my life. As I'm sure you all know, it's like your life literally comes to a standstill while this hangs over you.
I don't really have anyone else to talk to about it apart from on here. My wife just gets upset whenever I bring the topic up so I'm trying to avoid talking about it with her.
If and when I get my nfa i intend to remain part of this community so that maybe I can help others as I have been helped.

[Franticwithworry]

Not to put a damper on things but please don't panic if a charge comes - its not the end of the world. There's just no telling what will happen so being as emotionally prepared as you can be for all eventualities will pay dividends. That said, it will still be something of a shock and knock you back a bit. There's not much you can do for now except jot down everything you can think of relating to the time of the accusation, (don't give it to the police whatever you do), and perhaps talk to a specialist solicitor on the basis you 'might' need them. Knowing who to call is better than having to scrabble for someone at short notice .

I'm sorry that your wife is so distressed but its not surprising. As time goes on she might find it a liitle easier to think about but at the moment she's probably as traumatized as you are. It does get easier as time

In the meantime please come here as much as you want. It's a wonderfully supportive community.

[Dal75]

Not to put a damper on things but please don't panic if a charge comes - its not the end of the world. There's just no telling what will happen so being as emotionally prepared as you can be for all eventualities will pay dividends. That said, it will still be something of a shock and knock you back a bit. There's not much you can do for now except jot down everything you can think of relating to the time of the accusation, (don't give it to the police whatever you do), and perhaps talk to a specialist solicitor on the basis you 'might' need them. Knowing who to call is better than having to scrabble for someone at short notice .

I'm sorry that your wife is so distressed but its not surprising. As time goes on she might find it a liitle easier to think about but at the moment she's probably as traumatized as you are. It does get easier as time

In the meantime please come here as much as you want. It's a wonderfully supportive community.

Yes, I have and am trying to prepare for worst case scenario but at the same time trying to be cautiously optimistic.
I'm a firm believer in positive mental attitude but as I'm sure you all know that when faced with something like this, it's very hard to remain optimistic and I find myself dwelling on what to expect when I go to prison. Which is silly I know being as I've not even been charged with anything.
But at the same time it's kinda helpful as at least I'll have a rough idea of how things will play out should the worst happen.

In an ideal world nobody would go to prison for something they have not done but I'm not as nieve as to think it won't happen to me.

Hope the best, prepare for the worst is my mindset at the moment.

[Franticwithworry]

Thats a good mindset to have. Being prepared is always a good idea, but don't worry too much about preparing your wife for the worst yet. It may be that prospect that is terrifying her. Both of you being positive while preparing a strong defence in case you need it is a good option for now.

Statistically you are less likely to end up in court and even less likely than that to end up in jail if you are well prepared and have a good legal team if you need it. My man ended up facing trial after a year. He's still waiting for a decision on another accuser. After a few months we were able to relax a bit as we had a whole file of evidence relating to the accusations as we understood them and when it came to getting the charge, saw the accusers statement and we met with a lawyer, lots of the work was done and we hit the ground running as it were. Being prepared went a long way to stopping the worst happening.

[Dal75]

Thats a good mindset to have. Being prepared is always a good idea, but don't worry too much about preparing your wife for the worst yet. It may be that prospect that is terrifying her. Both of you being positive while preparing a strong defence in case you need it is a good option for now.

Statistically you are less likely to end up in court and even less likely than that to end up in jail if you are well prepared and have a good legal team if you need it. My man ended up facing trial after a year. He's still waiting for a decision on another accuser. After a few months we were able to relax a bit as we had a whole file of evidence relating to the accusations as we understood them and when it came to getting the charge, saw the accusers statement and we met with a lawyer, lots of the work was done and we hit the ground running as it were. Being prepared went a long way to stopping the worst happening.

Thankyou for the advice. I have already written down anything I can remember of the time frame of the alleged incident and my solicitor has it.(the police did try and get me to give it to them on two separate occasions while I was custody though!) However I've not looked into contacting a specialist solicitor or barrister for advice so that will be on the agenda for this week. I'm wondering if it's worth my wife doing a similar written statement (although the police have already taken a statement from her) and giving that to my solicitor too.

Any proactive steps I can take makes me feel better. I can't stand all the sitting around waiting while people that have never met me decide my fate. It's tortuous.

[Franticwithworry]

It would be good if your wife wrote down what she can remember, whether she gives it to a solicitor now or later. It would be good, when she is ready, if you keep a little notebook in a safe place with it all written in too. You can each add things as they occur to you, and even a year on, it surprises us what snippets keep occurring to us.

I have a to-do list in the back of it as well, so whatever happens, I don't forget any of the tips I've come across on this forum. Tips for dealing with each of the possible outcomes will I hope, help us through whatever life throws at us at that point.

[Dal75]

I've had a letter from my solicitor this morning, just confirming they have accepted my request to represent me etc, but in it they say they can confirm that someone from their company will be there with me on my bail date of the 20th of February.
Is that normal practice or do they know something I don't know? As in, they are expecting a charge.

Bit worried now.

[Franticwithworry]

Give them a call and ask them. Different solicitor firms work differently so they may just be willing to go with you no matter what. You won't know unless you ask. Don't forget that, ultimately, they work for you, so although it achieves nothing to pester them, asking reasonable questions to alleviate worry is quite reasonable.

The last thing you need is another reason for sleepless nights.

[Dal75]

Give them a call and ask them. Different solicitor firms work differently so they may just be willing to go with you no matter what. You won't know unless you ask. Don't forget that, ultimately, they work for you, so although it achieves nothing to pester them, asking reasonable questions to alleviate worry is quite reasonable.

The last thing you need is another reason for sleepless nights.

Yeah I guess that would be the most sensible course of action.

Sat here thinking about it, it does kind of make sense for them to want to be there as if there was to be a charge (which I assume the police would do there and then) then the sol can do their best to make sure I am rebailed back to my home and not put on remand or whatever other options there are.

I'm going to compose an email to send off to a specialist solicitor that's fairly local to me and see if they can offer any advice or even suggest they take over my case for me. A call would probably be better but I find I can articulate myself better via email where as I tend to stutter, babble and generally forget things I wanted to ask or say over the phone.

It's not that I don't trust my solicitor, I just feel I may be doing myself no favours by not trying to utilise the services of someone who specialises in historic accusations.

[Franticwithworry]

I think using a specialist solicitor to deal with historical accusations is always the wisest course of action and thats no reflection on any other solicitor. They all have their own areas of expertise. After all you wouldn't ask a brain surgeon to do a hip replacement would you? :-)

And I quite understand the 'articulate email thing'. When my man called a solicitor he soon asked that he talk to me and I explain the situation to him. He too found it hard to explain everything without stuttering and stammering and so on. Its one of the most stressful things to have to deal with and I don't think anyone can fully understand the trauma of being accused of something this serious when you have done nothing wrong.

[Dal75]

I think using a specialist solicitor to deal with historical accusations is always the wisest course of action and thats no reflection on any other solicitor. They all have their own areas of expertise. After all you wouldn't ask a brain surgeon to do a hip replacement would you? :-)

And I quite understand the 'articulate email thing'. When my man called a solicitor he soon asked that he talk to me and I explain the situation to him. He too found it hard to explain everything without stuttering and stammering and so on. Its one of the most stressful things to have to deal with and I don't think anyone can fully understand the trauma of being accused of something this serious when you have done nothing wrong.

Thanks for the reply.
So how does it work? Do I ask the new sol of they will support me and then they contact my current one and they sort it out between themselves or do I have to tell my current sol I don't want them to help me anymore because I've chosen someone else to help me.
I'd feel very rude and uncomfortable doing that to be honest!

[Franticwithworry]

It really depends how far you've got with the original solicitor and why you chose them in the first place.

If it's a duty solicitor who helped you when you were first questioned or the guy who did your conveyancing, or will or something and you went to him because it was the first name that came into your head, there's no shame in picking a specialist and then going back to the first guy and saying something like - 'I really appreciate you accepting my case and I've thought about it and really think that I need a specialist. I'm sure you understand.'

They will if they're good. They will understand that you need the best representation possible. If they don't, they're not good. I'd find out first though, if there's some reason that they've agreed to accompany you. If there's no reason given at this point, then they don't need to. My man has had several rebail dated and he hasn't had to even attend for any of them.

There are recommendations on the specialist solicitors thread on this forum, private and legal aid, if you need some pointers.