Scared

[Anx]

Hi I'm also new to this group, my husband rang me at work last week to say the police had been to our house in regards to a accusation of a sexual nature against my 17 year old son, they took his phone and rang my husband, we had to go to the police station later that day and my son had to give a statement with my husband present.
The detective was then going on leave but then said we had to inform our other children (as they have children of their own) and she would inform social services.
Don't think we've slept since can't concentrate don't know what to do where to go or anything totally confused and frightened

[YearsOfHell]

Sorry to welcome you to the forum, but welcome.
We remember the initial shock and worry so well!!!!
Firstly, this feeling does pass but be patient.
Secondly, try really hard to keep to a "normal" routine, the world keeps turning and no matter how much you want it to stop, it won't.

Check out this link to a page on this forum that will help.
http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...at-happens-now

Hang in there, you will get through this!
YoH

[Franticwithworry]

Hello there. I'm sorry you've had to find us.

First, please don't panic. This is the start of a slow process, so there is time for you to get your heads straight(er). I'm assuming that you and your husband have talked to your son in addition to the police, and heard his side of things. Please get your son to write everything he remembers about the incident down, it will be useful later.

Did he have a solicitor present as well as his Dad when he was questioned. If he hasn't been charged, it would still be worth talking to a specialist solicitor for advice on the process. There's not much a solicitor can do before charge except explain the process, but knowing what to expect from a professional as well as all we amateurs will doubtless help alleviate some of the panic and confusion.

If your son had a duty solicitor you don't have to stick with them or their firm. There's a thread on here with recommendations of solicitors all over the country with experience of false accusations, private and those who work with legal aid.

Come back here often too. There are lots of parents whose sons are going through the same thing. Sadly, it's something of an epidemic.

[determinedmum]

Thanks for sharing your story. While it's a nightmare it's good to know you're not alone. My son was arrested after an FA in March but not charged. After the initial shock we were able to get on with normal life, as you will too. Enjoy this time and hopefully the police and CPS will not find grounds to progress. But be prepared for the opposite - after my son's arrest we all became a lot more mindful of how he used the internet, how he socialised, how he interacted with female friends as it was always in the back of our minds that anything he did, wrote, viewed or said while the investigation was underway may be used against him.

Unfortunately, more than seven months later, we've now been informed that the CPS believe they have grounds to proceed which has plunged us into a darker much more complex reality.

I really hope your circumstances are different, but in the meantime some subtle changes may help your son get on safely without letting this define him. And look after your own mental health because, if you're anything like me as a mum, then there will be days and nights of mental torture ahead. This forum is the best place to turn, and to your solicitor.

Deep breath, be strong.

[Anx]

Thank you so much for this we've since found out that this girl was sending naked photos of herself to my son which my sons girlfriend at the time deleted, but unfortunately that was over a year ago which was she said the first incident took place she is also alleging that he did it again in june this year.
I hope and pray everything comes right for you and unfortunately it's good to know we are not the only ones going through this nightmare

[Mr B]

Ask the girlfriend if there is itemised billing on the mobile.... Also if the phone is still available. You can have the images recovered...forensically & privately if required. Worth a question...
M

[Anx]

Thanks but unfortunately the phone was stolen and never recovered.

[Anx]

Finding it really hard to go to work and carry on as normal without bursting into tears, how on earth do you cope

[sqounk]

You've had a massive shock to the system. Give yourself some time to recover. It's surprising how much inner strength you will find as you go on and you will find support here. You are not alone.

[determinedmum]

Finding it really hard to go to work and carry on as normal without bursting into tears, how on earth do you cope

Some days you don't cope, and that's ok. It's all part of processing what's happening and your fears for your son. Tomorrow will be easier I hope.

[Franticwithworry]

One day at a time. Good days and bad days are normal through this.

I hope tomorrow is a good day for you.

[myheartisbroken]

I am also a mum whose son has been FA. It's an awful shock give yourself time and as the days go on things do become easier, it never leaves your head but the first few days are the worst. We are 17 months down the line and we've been at our lowest at times feeling totally overwhelmed. It's the hardest thing you will ever go through but life must go on and you all must stick together and be strong for your son. My son is the same age as yours. You know your son is innocent as I do. Allow yourself to process these horrendous allegations, try and keep busy that's how we have coped. Loads of luck to you

[Anx]

Still waiting

Well it's now been over 6 weeks since my son was questioned and still no further 'progress', we've had to ring the detective in charge who said she was snowed under with work and was trying to get the accuser to go to the station to make a statement but the accuser has said she won't go till after Xmas so we've had this hanging over us all holidays not an ideal situation.

[Franticwithworry]

Hang in there. It's not uncommon, it seems for false accusers to take their time in making a formal statement. My man's solicitor raised all sorts of eyebrows regarding the time the complaint was made and how long it took the police to track down the complainant to get a formal statement. It's hellish waiting, but this may well go in your son's favour.

Now it's the new year she has no more excuses to delay, so hopefully there will be some progress for you all soon.

[can it get worse]

Sorry to hear of this awful situation.

This is only my opinion but surely someone who has been requested by the police to be interviewed would go in straight away. May be this conduct could indicate she is having reservations about her allegation??

As a mum, you must be in turmoil. I know how it felt when my partner was FA'd.

The waiting process is dreadful to endure and the worry and continuous analysing.

I hope this gets resolved quickly but unfortunately, you my have to accept that it can become a long process.

There are many people on here who are going through it or been through it. Keep posting and you will receive support.