Waking nightmare

[determinedmum]

Hello - I am new to this forum but have spent some time reading the threads and feel like this is the right place to seek some support and advice.

My 18-year-old son was arrested in March, accused of raping a girl at a party 18-months earlier when they were both 16. He wasn't charged immediately, the ensuing investigation seemed very low-key and we thought it would be dropped. But we had notification a couple of weeks ago that the CPS feel there are grounds to proceed and are now facing a magistrates hearing in two-weeks time when I believe it will be referred to the Crown Court.

My son is in his first year of university. He is not a rapist. I am desperate on his behalf, not able to talk to anyone as we want to protect him as much as possible from the stigma of this dreadful accusation. But it's so hard carrying this without reaching out to family and friends. There are support groups for victims of crime, families of drug users - but is there anything for us outside forums such as this?

I am working so hard to be strong for him, but inside alongside my determination to protect him and see him through to the other end of this is an emotional soup of anxiety, panic, anger, bewilderment, shock, frustration.

I'm anticipating that we will find out more about what's ahead after the magistrates hearing, including how and when a barrister will be appointed. Does anyone have any recommendations for barristers from direct experience in a case like this? We are in Devon.

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome to the forum (but sorry that you have needed to find us!)

There is no harm in researching a barrister but you really need a soliciitor first to prepare a defence case for the barrister to present in court and there may be some advantage in finding a team who have previously worked together with successful outcomes.

There are some recommendations from members in this thread, but note that not all will undertake legally-aided cases:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ist-solicitors

PS you will get a great deal of support here as many members are or have been in a similar situation to yourself

[Rights Fighter]

http://nunnrickard.co.uk/criminal-law/

If possible get Stephen Nunn himself or Katrina Harris-Byrne

[carrot tops]

My son was falsely accused so I know what it feels like to be trying to support him and reassure, whilst feeling devastated and panic stricken. As mums we would do all we can to take away the suffering our kids face. Nothing in my life ever prepared me for going through a false allegation and the legal process. You really do hit the ground running.

Whilst I would not wish a false allegation on my worst enemy I would encourage you to focus on the many not guilty verdicts that come through. High profile cases, e.g. Harvey Proctor, Cliff Richard and " Nick" are hopefully changing public perceptions.

Our jury found son unanimously not guilty within an hour. You may have to accept that the police and CPS are a bunch of utter prats but your peers with average intelligence can separate fact from fiction. Our sons boss was very supportive as he had worked with troubled teens and son was able to keep his job.

My biggest difficulty was I didn't want to worry my son ( his accuser was our adopted daughter who we had put into care ) and he didn't want to worry me. We were both in such pain that an emotional gulf opened up between us but we are repairing that now.

Good diet and exercise helps. There are people here who will understand your feelings. Just get through one day at a time.

[determinedmum]

http://nunnrickard.co.uk/criminal-law/

If possible get Stephen Nunn himself or Katrina Harris-Byrne

This is reassuring. Our duty solicitor was from Nunn Rickard and we have stuck with them. Waiting to hear which of their senior partners will represent my son at the Magistrates hearing. Now I know who to request, many thanks.

[determinedmum]

My son was falsely accused so I know what it feels like to be trying to support him and reassure, whilst feeling devastated and panic stricken. As mums we would do all we can to take away the suffering our kids face. Nothing in my life ever prepared me for going through a false allegation and the legal process. You really do hit the ground running.

Whilst I would not wish a false allegation on my worst enemy I would encourage you to focus on the many not guilty verdicts that come through. High profile cases, e.g. Harvey Proctor, Cliff Richard and " Nick" are hopefully changing public perceptions.

Our jury found son unanimously not guilty within an hour. You may have to accept that the police and CPS are a bunch of utter prats but your peers with average intelligence can separate fact from fiction. Our sons boss was very supportive as he had worked with troubled teens and son was able to keep his job.

My biggest difficulty was I didn't want to worry my son ( his accuser was our adopted daughter who we had put into care ) and he didn't want to worry me. We were both in such pain that an emotional gulf opened up between us but we are repairing that now.

Good diet and exercise helps. There are people here who will understand your feelings. Just get through one day at a time.

Thank you so much, I keep telling myself 'one day at a time' but some days are darker than others. It's good to know we're not alone, despite our self-imposed isolation (ie not sharing what we are going through with family and friends).

I still can't believe they are actually prosecuting. It's a surreal place to be, and the fear is that no matter how credible my son and his evidence are that the system and legal guidance are stacked against him. We haven't seen the prosecution evidence yet, but when this is disclosed we'll have a better idea of what we're up against and be able to get on with getting his defence together. Right now it's a nightmare limbo.

Good diet and exercise - check!

[carrot tops]

Do you atleast have a partner or older children to support you ?

[myheartisbroken]

I totally know how you feel it's indescribable. My son has also been FA when he was 11 years old he is now 18. Trial is set for early 2017. My son would never do such awful things let alone when he was 11.
I have had days where I feel I just can't go on but I dig deep and find the courage and determination to try and cope for my sons sake. We will never be the same people we were. To think someone can lie and destroy your life like this is unbelievable, there are truly some wicked people in this world. Try and stay positive and strong for your son, I know how hard that it but it's the only way. As a mum you know he's innocent.

[justanotherday]

Hi Determinedmum

We are also in Devon and so pleased to hear of a recommendation here as been struggling to find one for this type of thing. my husband has been FA and his next bail date is looming having already been rebailed twice. Our case is currently with CPS awaiting a decision.

Ours has been ongoing since May this year, really is one day at a time, there will be good and bad days, keep strong xx

[sqounk]

Hi justanotherday - sorry to hear of your situation. I'd be interested to know how long your case has been with the cps - did he police let you know when the files were handed over?

[justanotherday]

hi Sqounk

yes I have been in email contact with the OIC all the way through, they had our laptop / tablets for months and she kept emailing me updates.

She emailed me a week before the last bail date to say hubby would be rebailed and file is being submitted to CPS that day - that was only the last week in October but she said she expects to have an answer from them by the next bail date in 2 weeks - so only about 6 weeks if thats the case.

I dont expect to have an answer by then but we'll see xx

[determinedmum]

Do you atleast have a partner or older children to support you ?

Hi, yes I'm very lucky to have a loving and incredibly supportive husband - not my son's father, but he's helping us both hold it together.

[Mr B]

Sorry you had to join us but pleased you found us. please read standing advice on the forum.

All I can offer of relevance is to find out the reason why. I needed the "wisdom of crowds" & suggest you consider doing the same IF you have trustworthy friends / family.
Thereafter - screenshot all social media. Print it off. Back it up.
Automatic call recorded on the his phone inbound & outbound mailed when on WiFi to you (ACR (Automatic Call Recorder) 5 GBP for Android). Back it up.
No calls to FA or to its friends...
No posts on social media in any manner whatsoever.
Write it all down in a journal & review it. Find the motivation. Reduce the stress www.shrink4men.com seems to describe my FA (the wife), it may yours. It is a psychopathology hence it is recognisable once experienced...
As he is at University I take it he is remote. If local to your home/FA home be mindful.
Police - you are just a number. They are NOT your friends. Duty Solicitor at all times.
CPS - Police wag the CPS dog here - just a numbers game. Again.
Nerve racking all the same though...

I would strongly suggest considering confiding in a trusted resource. I did - the local Vicar was worth his weight in Gold Frankinsense etc. A God's send literally. I cannot thank that guy enough. By way of light relief he confirmed there is no "St Judas, the Patron Saint of False Accusers" when I was having a particularly bad day. I urge you not to take it all on alone. The British Public do not care what you say - they care how you say it. So if you have the gut to spill honesty & do it in a manner than is delivered with passion, then they will not harm you.

FWIW
We are here. Come back often.
Kindest regards to you & yours.
Mr B

[determinedmum]

Sorry you had to join us but pleased you found us. please read standing advice on the forum.

All I can offer of relevance is to find out the reason why. I needed the "wisdom of crowds" & suggest you consider doing the same IF you have trustworthy friends / family.
Thereafter - screenshot all social media. Print it off. Back it up.
Automatic call recorded on the his phone inbound & outbound mailed when on WiFi to you (ACR (Automatic Call Recorder) 5 GBP for Android). Back it up.
No calls to FA or to its friends...
No posts on social media in any manner whatsoever.
Write it all down in a journal & review it. Find the motivation. Reduce the stress www.shrink4men.com seems to describe my FA (the wife), it may yours. It is a psychopathology hence it is recognisable once experienced...
As he is at University I take it he is remote. If local to your home/FA home be mindful.
Police - you are just a number. They are NOT your friends. Duty Solicitor at all times.
CPS - Police wag the CPS dog here - just a numbers game. Again.
Nerve racking all the same though...

I would strongly suggest considering confiding in a trusted resource. I did - the local Vicar was worth his weight in Gold Frankinsense etc. A God's send literally. I cannot thank that guy enough. By way of light relief he confirmed there is no "St Judas, the Patron Saint of False Accusers" when I was having a particularly bad day. I urge you not to take it all on alone. The British Public do not care what you say - they care how you say it. So if you have the gut to spill honesty & do it in a manner than is delivered with passion, then they will not harm you.

FWIW
We are here. Come back often.
Kindest regards to you & yours.
Mr B

Mr B - and everyone else who has responded since I posted yesterday - thank you. I am really moved by your compassion and grateful for your support.

My son has had no contact with the FA since the original rape allegation two years ago, which was via a friend of hers to a Group Chat on Messenger. He left the Messenger group and deleted the thread, so we have no record of the original accusation. There has been nothing on social media since that he or we are aware of, and no direct contact either. He is in a university 'bubble' well away from it all for now.

I confided in my boss this week, who is being very supportive. It was a relief to tell someone but surreal that it wasn't a close friend or relative. Believe me, I would prefer to be shouting from the rooftops about the injustice of the situation and the system but this wouldn't help my son right now.

After the first hearing everything may change, if the local media print his name or show an interest we may have no choice but to let our nearest and dearest know what's going on.

What experience do people on here have of media coverage - what should we expect in terms of information being put into the public domain after the Magistrates hearing and then once it goes to Crown Court?

[sqounk]

hi Sqounk

yes I have been in email contact with the OIC all the way through, they had our laptop / tablets for months and she kept emailing me updates.

She emailed me a week before the last bail date to say hubby would be rebailed and file is being submitted to CPS that day - that was only the last week in October but she said she expects to have an answer from them by the next bail date in 2 weeks - so only about 6 weeks if thats the case.

I dont expect to have an answer by then but we'll see xx

Your OIC sounds pretty conscientious. There is something darkly comic about taking all your laptops and tablets and then emailing you with updates! I am into month 5 now myself and my case has not gone to the CPS yet, but is due to 'soon'. I've heard so many reports on how long these things take, I think like all of us, I am trying to get a sense of where I am in terms of progress and when this thing will be resolved. Like you, I've given up expecting any urgency and will just continue to plod along, filling my days as best I can. x