my story help pleasse

[ronuk99]

Hello everyone and thanks for finding time to read my story.Im now 66 years old and married with 2 young boys . Life as been good to me for the last few years since meeting my wife in the Philippines.I worked at the British embassy following 21 years in the British Army. For me life as not been easy. At age 1 my father brutually abused me .As i got older (aged 6)he would take my cloths off to display me naked in front of is friends. They would laugh and today i still feel that.i also suffered fear of darkness as dad would play ghost, hiding under my bed. Often locking me in the attic and destroying my toys. At 12 i became a nervous wreck. I was transfered to a specialist school for kids with learning difficulties.Id avoid school meals as my hands would shake so much. I would tell the teacher 'its ok i have packed lunch' when in fact was not true. At 13 i was being sexually abused by my sister and friends of the family. At 18 i decided to join the army,thinking life might be better. I was soon to find out it was hellish nightmare waiting to happen. Due to childhood memories i was unable to shower with other men or even get undressed in front of anyone . Things got worse and other soldiers would tease me . twice i was also sexually assaulted by a soldier who thought it was a joke to get in bed with me . Later in my career i realised i had no friends and no one to talk to . For 21 years, by senior ranks, verbally abusing me only made things worse.

After serving 5 years in military i met my first girlfriend .i was feeling great, confident and for first time i felt real love at last. Until one day she said ' You must beat me if i don't listen... Just beat me ok' after that i was more and more confused and thought is love also about beating someone.Over the years the effect of this and everything soon took its toll on me . i would destroy everything around me and also in the end my marriage.

In 1987 i left forces and was immediately diagnosed with PTSD. The psychiatrist stated he felt the abuse etc and army life both had terrible effects on me. Eventually it took 60 years of my life to get things in order.

I still have no close friends..... but i do have a wonderful wife and 2 children aged 4 and 9 , then one day we had new neighbors move in next door . Seemed friendly. i instantly wanted to help them as they had 6 kids and no furniture or tv, radio so i gave them a 40 inch tv ,table and chairs, radio,pc , carpets .In the end my wife had to stop me as she could see things were getting out of hand.

After 3 months our neighbor told me she had split up with her husband. She said he had tried to rape her.It was soon after ,one morning she said can u look at my kitchen unit as it as a bad leak. After speaking to my wife about it i agreed to go and take a quick look. As soon as i got there i noticed she started joking and laughing and making comments how much she liked me........i was beginning to get nervous and my hands started shaking when she said 'oh dfid you know my husband alsowanted to **** you' i was now rather disturbed,confused and feelings of anger . i recall putting my hand on her knee and said is that ok for you.she replied 'Yes' Inside i was angry and very shaky. i then kissed her and touched her breast . After that i quickly left the house, still shaking . Was this what she wanted me to do? . i was utterly confused, as if all my childhood memories were coming back .

2 hours later the police arrived and i was charged with sexual assault.Now on November 16th i go court and will plead guilty to get this over with. My life a mess again .what will happen to me. im so scared and worried for my wife and kids . How will they cope if i goto jail .Please someone help me

the woman next door as said i forced myself on her and no consent.Completely untrue

please excuse my spelling


R*****

[Casehardened]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

I'm sorry to read of your dreadful childhood & you have done well to come through that. Nevertheless that is bye-the-bye in relation to this incident which is stand-alone (incidentally many years ago I worked as a domestic appliance engineer so was usually alone in houses with women, so I can understand the situation!) though of course if the worst came to the worst your solicitor could use this in mitigation.

Now to practicalities:

recall putting my hand on her knee and said is that ok for you.she replied 'Yes' Inside i was angry and very shaky. i then kissed her and touched her breast .
2 hours later the police arrived and i was charged with sexual assault.Now on November 16th i go court and will plead guilty to get this over with. My life a mess again .what will happen to me. im so scared and worried for my wife and kids . How will they cope if i goto jail .Please someone help me

the woman next door as said i forced myself on her and no consent.Completely untrue

I don't believe a knee is considered a sexual part so this would be common assault but did you touch her breast over her clothing? If so this would be considered at the lower end of the scale and so would probably by tried by the Magistrates who could impose a maximum sentence of 6 months if you pleaded guilty.

The advice from members here over and over will be do not plead guilty unless you are (you will be a self-confessed offender and will probably have to sign the Sexual Offenders Register....this will be a worse punishment than jail..just google it!)

Plead not guilty and explain to the court that because you had consent to touch her knee you thought that you had deemed consent to touch her breast. I presume you have admitted to the touching during the police interview so you can't alter this, and I guess you want to tell the truth anyway, but the Mags may have some sympathy and hand down a lesser sentence.

Edit to add that if you had a duty solicitor for your police interview it will be worth consulting a specialist firm to represent you at the Mags. Please don't give your locality as this might identify you but have a look in this thread for recommendations for a firm local to you:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...ist-solicitors

[terrifieddad]

I don't understand how come you were charged straight away. Did you admit the offence to the police?

[ronuk99]

yes i was charged about 10days ago with sexual assault and appear in court on the 16th november. The neighbour .We put upa 8 foot fence now .Seems she was annoyed with this and started throwing her garden rubbish over into our garden . We are just carrying on as normal and hope it works out in my favor.

thanks for your replys too much appreciated.


Rodney

[ronuk99]

yES i admitted as she had her sister there who testified against me

[terrifieddad]

Did you tell the police she consented? And was the interview tape recorded?

[ronuk99]

Did you tell the police she consented? And was the interview tape recorded?

oh yes i repeated several times that she consented and even quoted if my wife says no then No means NO . It was all recorded on tape. My solicitor tells me he still has not received any prosecution statements and says they normally given on the 1st day of court.

[terrifieddad]

So you admitted sexual contact but denied sexual assault? I don't get how you were charged so quickly. Absolutely plead not guilty if you had consent. If you didn't have consent, then plead guilty and throw yourself at the mercy of the courts and show remorse, then you will get a just and fair sentence.

[Casehardened]

Pablito's recent post is quite relevant:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...-No-conviction

[pablito]

Not guilty

Hello everyone and thanks for finding time to read my story.Im now 66 years old and married with 2 young boys . Life as been good to me for the last few years since meeting my wife in the Philippines.I worked at the British embassy following 21 years in the British Army. For me life as not been easy. At age 1 my father brutually abused me .As i got older (aged 6)he would take my cloths off to display me naked in front of is friends. They would laugh and today i still feel that.i also suffered fear of darkness as dad would play ghost, hiding under my bed. Often locking me in the attic and destroying my toys. At 12 i became a nervous wreck. I was transfered to a specialist school for kids with learning difficulties.Id avoid school meals as my hands would shake so much. I would tell the teacher 'its ok i have packed lunch' when in fact was not true. At 13 i was being sexually abused by my sister and friends of the family. At 18 i decided to join the army,thinking life might be better. I was soon to find out it was hellish nightmare waiting to happen. Due to childhood memories i was unable to shower with other men or even get undressed in front of anyone . Things got worse and other soldiers would tease me . twice i was also sexually assaulted by a soldier who thought it was a joke to get in bed with me . Later in my career i realised i had no friends and no one to talk to . For 21 years, by senior ranks, verbally abusing me only made things worse.

After serving 5 years in military i met my first girlfriend .i was feeling great, confident and for first time i felt real love at last. Until one day she said ' You must beat me if i don't listen... Just beat me ok' after that i was more and more confused and thought is love also about beating someone.Over the years the effect of this and everything soon took its toll on me . i would destroy everything around me and also in the end my marriage.

In 1987 i left forces and was immediately diagnosed with PTSD. The psychiatrist stated he felt the abuse etc and army life both had terrible effects on me. Eventually it took 60 years of my life to get things in order.

I still have no close friends..... but i do have a wonderful wife and 2 children aged 4 and 9 , then one day we had new neighbors move in next door . Seemed friendly. i instantly wanted to help them as they had 6 kids and no furniture or tv, radio so i gave them a 40 inch tv ,table and chairs, radio,pc , carpets .In the end my wife had to stop me as she could see things were getting out of hand.

After 3 months our neighbor told me she had split up with her husband. She said he had tried to rape her.It was soon after ,one morning she said can u look at my kitchen unit as it as a bad leak. After speaking to my wife about it i agreed to go and take a quick look. As soon as i got there i noticed she started joking and laughing and making comments how much she liked me........i was beginning to get nervous and my hands started shaking when she said 'oh dfid you know my husband alsowanted to **** you' i was now rather disturbed,confused and feelings of anger . i recall putting my hand on her knee and said is that ok for you.she replied 'Yes' Inside i was angry and very shaky. i then kissed her and touched her breast . After that i quickly left the house, still shaking . Was this what she wanted me to do? . i was utterly confused, as if all my childhood memories were coming back .

2 hours later the police arrived and i was charged with sexual assault.Now on November 16th i go court and will plead guilty to get this over with. My life a mess again .what will happen to me. im so scared and worried for my wife and kids . How will they cope if i goto jail .Please someone help me

the woman next door as said i forced myself on her and no consent.Completely untrue

please excuse my spelling

I have read the above link and would like to say to the gentleman to plead not guilty if you thought that there was reasonable consent. i do not want to say too much about my case, but I believe that some false accusers when faced with the scenario of a trial and the truth to be told under oath may have second thoughts about lying to people who can tell a liar from someone who is telling the truth, and also a good wife helps, if you believe you are not guilty of sexual assault then please plead not guilty. I almost pleaded guilty to make it go away, but the sex offenders register will not go away and the people that can intrude into your life from being on it, not to mention the people that will be notified in your locale. Best wishes from pablito

[ronuk99]

well ...almost 2 weeks to go before i appear before the Magistrates Court. Sadly all this got too much for me and suddenly had heart attack last sunday night. Today is thursday and imhome with my wife. My wife tells me she is on anti-depressants. Hope it cannot get worse than this.

At 5pm having just got out of hospital i immediately rang my solicitor it went like this......hello Mr Grant let u know i m now home..................oh yes you've had a rough week i hear.......i then said Have you received any of the prosecution statements yet...........he replied.....Yes i received but havent had chance to read them yet??????.........................Do you want me to send u copy.


At this stage im wondering is he interested and is it normal for my solicitor to say ill send you copy. i always thought its is job to do that. Next he saiys oh iwill ring you tomorrow so we can make an appointment sometime next week

[Franticwithworry]

I'm so sorry to hear about your health issues - and your wife's. It's impossible to overestimate the damage FA's can do. Please be gentle with yourselves - you deserve it.

I know it might seem that your solicitor isn't interested enough to read the information he is sent, but bear in mind that he has a number of clients and there are only limited working hours in a day. What matters more is your overall impression of him. Is he familiar with your case when you speak to him? Does he remember what you tell him? Or do you have to keep reminding him of things?

He might have offered to send you copies because some people don't want them, they just want to read them with there solicitor present. Who knows? You'll only know if you ask him and I don't think that there's any question you shouldn't ask your solicitor.

If you want to know why he does what he does, ask. You are new to this situation and he is not. You can't be expected to know why he does what he does and solicitors are a bit like doctors - experienced ones have heard it all before and are surprised by nothing. Our solicitor was endlessly patient with us and you deserve no less. Please don't be afraid to ask.

That said, they are used to dry legal facts, and a lot of them aren't good at the emotional stuff. That's a gross generalisation I know, but it explains why his reaction to your heart attack was a little matter-of-fact. He just might not 'do' personal support. That's what we do. to you both.

[ronuk99]

Its been a sad week . Some people say the heart attack was brought on with worry. I can only say its not made it any easier. i just dont know the state of mind i will be in on the day. I know as a christain i told the whole truth .....i wasnt going to lie behind the truth.I remember saying to the police on my statement saying'ifmy wife says No to sex then NO is the answer too.....i want to plead NOT GUILTY .......and surely i give my word that i am Innocent. After i slapped my hand on her leg she said Ok.i REPEATED is it ok .....she smiled and yes ok....Those words meant everything.Only if i could read into her mind wondering why she is putting me through this. All the help we gave for her family.

My solicitor did say if i plead GUILTY then the case may be over very quickly. Is it possible for me to write to the Judge to explain the effect this is having on me and further outline the truth as i believe

[Franticwithworry]

Your solicitor has a duty to tell you ALL your options. Pleading guilty for a quick result is one of them. That's all.

You know the truth and you know what you can cope with, even though the worry has likely brought on the heart attack.

Let me just tell you this - we are all stronger than we think, and our experience was that we somehow got stronger as the trial approached. It was terrifying, but it did not kill us.

And finally - you say you tell the truth. Please don't spoil that by pleading guilty for an easy out. That would be a lie and I'm sure you would find that hard to live with. You would have to live with the fact that you lied for the rest of your life.

Knowing her motivation might help you at some point, but please don't worry yourself into a corner over that just now. Concentrate on getting well. It takes a lot longer than a week to get over a heart attack. Before you know it, it will be two weeks gone and you will be in the magistrates court. That, by the way, if the solicitor hasn't told you already, is a short hearing that is little more tan a formality. It's nerve-wracking but only a formality for you to enter your plea. It's after that when the real work starts in preparing your defence.

[ronuk99]

Thanks for the reply Yes you are right i wont plead GUILTY because that would be lying and i dont want to live with a lie no matter what . thank you again