False accusation-How can I protect myself ?

[Worried71]

I know you're worried sick and you feel your life has been turned upside down, and you can probably think of nothing else, but please take note of Right Fighters advice and do not under any circumstances make contact.

Unfortunately all you can do is wait to see if anything happens. Make sure you write down anything you can remember, hopefully nothing will come of this, fingers crossed.

I have an idea which might work. I plan on taking a polygraph with a reputable company addressing the 3 things she is supposed to be upset with, and once I get the test results proving I never tried to sleep with her while she was asleep/unconscious, there was never any bet with friends for me to get her virginity, there was no laughing at the bed the next day, I want to attach the results to an email which says that I hope this can give you some peace. I want to effectively unload the gun before she pulls the trigger. If these things/uncertainties have plagued her throughout the last 26 years, then what would be better than to have actual scientific proof nothing happened like she thinks ? I know it's no good in a court, but I'm doing it to calm her down, to stop it in its tracks, because if the day comes when decides to go to the Police, then there's really nothing I can do after that.

[Mattie52]

Hi Worried71 - I can totally understand you feel the need to offer some form of proof/defence - however would agree with all of the other lovely people on here and hold fire. You are coming from a rational, logical place and I don't feel the same it true of this young lady - she is still holding a grudge against you - possibly because you ended the relationship??! I think she is wanting to provoke some sort of reaction from you - don't feel it is a good idea to do so. Very hard I know but stay strong and remain detached from her! Don't play her game!
Mattiex

[YearsOfHell]

She may already have made an initial statement to the police.
Our FA was spoken to in October, and my OH wasn't interviewed until the following March.
Any contact between yourself and the complainant could be used against you if she claims you've been trying to get her to "forget" and trying to convince her she's wrong.
If she is adamant she's right then she could say that you're trying to "change the past" how she is remembering it in an attempt to get away with it.
It's really best to avoid any contact at all.
Just my opinion, I obviously can't see in her head!
YoH

[Worried71]

She may already have made an initial statement to the police.
Our FA was spoken to in October, and my OH wasn't interviewed until the following March.
Any contact between yourself and the complainant could be used against you if she claims you've been trying to get her to "forget" and trying to convince her she's wrong.
If she is adamant she's right then she could say that you're trying to "change the past" how she is remembering it in an attempt to get away with it.
It's really best to avoid any contact at all.
Just my opinion, I obviously can't see in her head!
YoH

Well in essence I am trying to change how she remembers it because she remembers it wrong, but I'm not doing it with an email saying hey look don't you remember what really happened....I'm providing hard scientific fact that these things she talks about did not happen. The waking up with me on top is obviously some false/fake story/memory. The rumours, which seem to have upset her the most from what I can gather, are things she would not know for certain and just chose to believe over time. this polygraph can show once and for all that it never happened. It goes against the grain to just sit and wait for the police to maybe come knocking one day.

[Soanxious]

You originally asked "how can I protect myself". I know you want to get things sorted and give your version of events but please listen to the advice you are being given by everybody on this site. The people on this forum have either been through or are still going through their own nightmare situation and are giving you good advice. It is early days and you are still in shock, taking polygraph tests and/or making contact will not help you if the police do get involved. This could actually be used against you.

The best way to protect yourself is to ignore her, even if that is hard to do. Just hang on to any information you have and write down anything you remember.

It is very hard to just sit back and do nothing but unfortunately that is the best thing you can do. Stay strong there are lots of people on this forum who will give you support.

[Worried71]

You originally asked "how can I protect myself". I know you want to get things sorted and give your version of events but please listen to the advice you are being given by everybody on this site. The people on this forum have either been through or are still going through their own nightmare situation and are giving you good advice. It is early days and you are still in shock, taking polygraph tests and/or making contact will not help you if the police do get involved. This could actually be used against you.

The best way to protect yourself is to ignore her, even if that is hard to do. Just hang on to any information you have and write down anything you remember.

It is very hard to just sit back and do nothing but unfortunately that is the best thing you can do. Stay strong there are lots of people on this forum who will give you support.

Thanks you, and yes I'm doing my best to stay calm and listen. How could a 3 question polygraph be used against me if it shows I am telling the truth ? Obviously it's not used in court, but wouldn't it give any Police I deal with the mindset that maybe this guy didn't do it ...wouldn't that help out along the way, even just with attitude ? I am getting the polygraph done regardless, if for nothing else, to reassure my fiance I'm not some past monster, not that she gave the impression of believing it, but you how people think deep down and wonder.

[YearsOfHell]

There's no harm in having the test done.
You need to do what's necessary for your own sanity!
But the issue really is in contacting the complainant.
The police aren't interested in whether you are innocent or not, only whether or not they have a good case.
There's no "feelings" involved at all.
They may think you are completely innocent because you seem to them to be genuine but if they think the case against you is strong enough, then it will go to trial.
The jury will decide.
And it will be her word against yours and who is more believable on the day.
If the polygraph test can't be used in court then it's unnecessary to do it for that reason, but for your own personal wellbeing, and your partners, then you need to do what you need to do.
But please, be very careful about any contact with the complainant!!
We really do know how you feel.
It's torturous!
Best of luck
YoH

[Worried71]

There's no harm in having the test done.
You need to do what's necessary for your own sanity!
But the issue really is in contacting the complainant.
The police aren't interested in whether you are innocent or not, only whether or not they have a good case.
There's no "feelings" involved at all.
They may think you are completely innocent because you seem to them to be genuine but if they think the case against you is strong enough, then it will go to trial.
The jury will decide.
And it will be her word against yours and who is more believable on the day.
If the polygraph test can't be used in court then it's unnecessary to do it for that reason, but for your own personal wellbeing, and your partners, then you need to do what you need to do.
But please, be very careful about any contact with the complainant!!
We really do know how you feel.
It's torturous!
Best of luck
YoH

Thank you ! I appreciate the support.You read about these cases and I always imagine how terrible it must be for the person wrongly accused ....the imagined part doesn't even come close.

[Rights Fighter]

Polygraph tests are not admissible in trial. You know that. Why do you need to take one then? The police won't take any notice of it whatsoever, as some guilty people can fly through them and innocents can appear to be guilty.

Sending her a copy of it may well prompt her into going to the police. People who lie do not always think logically and it could have the opposite effect. Many have told you already that contact with her is not a good idea. If you go against that then whatever happens later on will be down to you.

I appreciate you are desperate, but you may well will be more so if you make any further contact with her.

[Worried71]

Polygraph tests are not admissible in trial. You know that. Why do you need to take one then? The police won't take any notice of it whatsoever, as some guilty people can fly through them and innocents can appear to be guilty.

Sending her a copy of it may well prompt her into going to the police. People who lie do not always think logically and it could have the opposite effect. Many have told you already that contact with her is not a good idea. If you go against that then whatever happens later on will be down to you.

I appreciate you are desperate, but you may well will be more so if you make any further contact with her.

I wont be contacting her at all. The polygraph I'm doing for the sake of my fiance. I don't want her to have the slightest of doubts. I dunno, I'd feel better just having that with me if anything happened, if the police choose to ignore it completely then at least I tried something.

[Rights Fighter]

I plan on taking a polygraph with a reputable company addressing the 3 things she is supposed to be upset with, and once I get the test results proving I never tried to sleep with her while she was asleep/unconscious, there was never any bet with friends for me to get her virginity, there was no laughing at the bed the next day, I want to attach the results to an email which says that I hope this can give you some peace. I want to effectively unload the gun before she pulls the trigger.

I wont be contacting her at all. The polygraph I'm doing for the sake of my fiance. I don't want her to have the slightest of doubts. I dunno, I'd feel better just having that with me if anything happened, if the police choose to ignore it completely then at least I tried something.

I hope you don't contact her with it, otherwise it could turn out very nasty and complicated.

[can it get worse]

Hi - I know you have already received advice not to contact her and I fully understand your point of view. But please remain mindful of the fact that individuals who lie & have mental problems can behave very irrationally.

She may be trying to use her 'false memory' as a way to scapegoat you in order to lay blame on someone else for her mental issues. To engage in contact with her could have a worse effect.

Check out false memory syndrome - There is a support group for people who are falsely accused.

I understand your predicament and your inner need to do a lie detector test - I hope this assists your partner. It is a tough time for all involved.

Take care and keep posting.

[Worried71]

Hi - I know you have already received advice not to contact her and I fully understand your point of view. But please remain mindful of the fact that individuals who lie & have mental problems can behave very irrationally.

She may be trying to use her 'false memory' as a way to scapegoat you in order to lay blame on someone else for her mental issues. To engage in contact with her could have a worse effect.

Check out false memory syndrome - There is a support group for people who are falsely accused.

I understand your predicament and your inner need to do a lie detector test - I hope this assists your partner. It is a tough time for all involved.

Take care and keep posting.

You're right, the more I think about it, the more I realise she is in no way rational. The email mentioned that at the time she "boxed it all away" which sounds to me like some kind of in therapy phrase. My gut says it's not just a 'face your demons and tell them you're better' type email, but some kind of attempt to plant her story in my mind before the Police come calling. The lie detector I will take anyway purely to ease the mind of family and friends, I don't want any of them having a second of doubt about me.