Having an anxious day

[can it get worse]

Hi
hope your weekend has been ok?

x

[Jan11]

Hi
hope your weekend has been ok?

x

Can it get worse I'm so touched for your response. We've had the best weekend since all this started. Kept ourselves extremely busy by demolishing a conservatory. Who knew sledgehammering could be so therapeutic.

This forum and the people on it weren't ever far from my thoughts though.

[can it get worse]

That's good - maintaining dignity (as you mention in one of your previous posts) is a necessity. But the sledgehammer business must have been good therapy for you.

I hope this good weekend is one of many. And that your situation is resolved positively and soon.

Best Wishes.

[Jan11]

First bail date

First bail date this week. Just waiting for an update from duty solicitor. Just complete lost it at work over something trivial and now balling in the toilet at work. I just want all this to go away.

[Broken-hearted]

Hi Jan I'm not sure how far through the process you are. I remember the first bail date well and we both felt physically ill, tempers were frayed and emotions ran high. Got notified a couple of days before that he was being rebailed until October. Both feeling ok at the moment but know we will feel the same again as the date approaches.

Think what I'm trying to say is that how you are feeling is an expected and normal (if there is such a thing) reaction to a most awful situation. I would imagine that feeling of anxiety dread fear never goes away no matter how many bail dates come and go (hopefully not many but forum proves otherwise). However you have found as have we that in between these horrible dates we can all go short periods of time without it being in every waking thought and from what I read on here that does get better even more than this.

I hope that things have settled down since the email incident. Look after each other and just keep breathing. Hugs x

[Franticwithworry]

I wish I could offer you a hug in person, but I hope those help. What you're feeling is perfectly normal. The stress felt in these matters is indescribable and I'm sure that it's worse than being prosecuted if you've actually committed a crime. At least then you know that you deserve to be punished. This roller coaster is traumatic and beyond description. Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself these feelings. They are perfectly natural and to be expected, unfortunately. They will come and go as bail dates come and go and for other inexplicable reasons instead.

I have never wished more that I had a magic wand to make this all go away for people - including me and my family, but we are at the mercy of the authorities. Hang in there. Better days will come back even if the bad ones rear their head again. This WILL end.

I'm sending you some virtual hugs and virtual fairy dust instead.

[YearsOfHell]

The dreaded bail monster strikes again!
Don't give yourself a hard time, we know exactly what it feels like!
We've been there and it's the worst thing ever!
You'll get up again (you have too) but remember you're not alone.
Lovely supportive messages above!!!

Dust yourself off and move on.
Big big hugs
YoH

[Mr B]

Best of Luck Jan11. Thinking of you & your OH.

Kindest regards
Mr B

[can it get worse]

Just want to add my words of support and acknowledgement that your feelings and emotions are invitable. I know there's nothing we can do to make it go away. I prayed for that many times for myself and my family during our months of hell. Words hardly seem enough to assist you in this desperate situation. But please take some comfort in that we are here for you and will always understand your anguish.

[Jan11]

Thank you all for your replies. Your kind words yesterday were much needed. No one else can truly understand the range of emotions we go through inthis situation (why would they)? I thank you all as yesterday I just seemed to lose the faith. You have reminded me of the good in this world.

OH has been rebailed, paperwork is now with the cps, and OIC thinks they'll hear from the cps before the next bail date. So will ring solicitor when they have something to tell us. I'm feeling bloody angry today. Angry that the FA has been hanging around at the end of our road, angry that the OIC just shrugs and says "not their problem".

But we're in this together and we will come out the other side. Thinking of you all and hoping for some good news for all of you soon. Take care of yourselves.

[Jan11]

Change in reasons for bail

Having a massive panic this morning. Just read the bail paperwork OH was given last week. In the reasons for bail it now refers to prosecution witnesses. And it also says "has been violent to witnesses ".

It feels like they've already decided he's guilty? Has anyone else had a change in bail terminology like this?

[Rights Fighter]

If there is an allegation that he has been violent to prosecution witnesses you need to ask the solicitor to ask the police to clarify this, if your guy is denying violence of any sort, against any person.

[Jan11]

If there is an allegation that he has been violent to prosecution witnesses you need to ask the solicitor to ask the police to clarify this, if your guy is denying violence of any sort, against any person.

Thanks rf, one of the false allegations is that he was violent for four years to FA. Yet this wasn't on first bail sheet. Neither was the wording prosecution witnesses.

[Jan11]

Can't do this any more

Really can't cope with this situation any more. My lovely husband is struggling, my heart is breaking.

Keeping up the pretence that everything is ok to the outside world, wondering what the future holds and if we'll ever be the people we once were.

Feel like we've been burying our heads in the sand since the last bail date and now reality is back. How can someone be so cruel to do this to their own flesh and blood. We are so frightened, yet talking about it is unbearable. Just don't know where to go from here.

[YearsOfHell]

I'm so sorry that you're both struggling with things.
It's such an indescribable nightmare.
All I can tell you is you will get through it.
We did. We still are!
I have literally been down on the floor screaming through the agony of our case.
Things are better now since NFA but things are never the same again.
And the online campaign continues on.
Don't forget that it's out of your hands.
You have no control on where this goes.
Get away from it, have a break.
Change of scenery, day out somewhere nice.
You must look for good things in your life, it's easy to lose focus.
There's always something good happening, find it!
Do something you enjoy (or enjoyed once upon a time)
You deserve to have a good time for a while.
You're innocent. Don't forget that, ever!
Sending huge hugs and lots of super strength to you and your OH.
Hang in there
YoH