Up-date. Falsely accused of child abuse

[GB16]

Hi all. Haven’t posted for a while now so thought I’d write about my horrid ordeal so far. I had my original post deleted as there was a bit too much detail so to re-cap......

I was originally arrested in early May when a family member reported me as sexually assorting her 20 plus years ago over a 9 year period. The allegations amount to grooming, sexual activity with a minor, imprisonment and rape. Her motives? Well the rest of the family and I have disowned her and her immediate family over an ongoing feud a few years ago so I am guessing revenge, money or both. I’m sure stories in the news and TV soaps put idea’s in some people’s heads. She would be in her 30’s now. I am a hard working middle aged man who wouldn’t hurt a fly.

My wife has also had health problems for the last few years and back in Feb she was finally diagnosed with a muscle wasting disease with no known cure, so to say I was depressed is a huge understatement. I gotta say for the first few weeks I have been in the darkest place. I was feeling sick, betrayed, could not eat or sleep, so worried about my wife and so ashamed that she was supporting me when it should be the other way round. I requested a full write up of my life insurance and planned my own death. I know this sounds selfish but I was so low and all i wanted was to know my wife was financially secure if I’m not around. (By the way life insurance does not cover suicide)

With help from this site and support from friends and family I found some strength to pull myself together. I don’t like to talk about my problems but I forced myself to do the following. I called the Samaritans regarding my suicidal thoughts. For me this was no help at all so next an urgent trip to my doctor. I was put on a course of sleeping tablets and anti depressants. The AD’s made me feel even worse so after 3 days I stopped taking them but the sleeping tablets did help a little. My GP also suggested counselling but after my experience with the Samaritans didn’t want to go there. For me the greatest strength comes from my wife. I try to get her out walking every day to keep her muscles going and in turn helps me clear my mind. I have to work to support her and it is true what others here say that you need to TRY and get back to routine and normal life. Talking to trusted friends and family will also give you some strength. Anyone out there going through the same thing please give yourself time. When you are traumatized like this your brain, like an injury, needs time to mend.

I have my first bail date in a couple of weeks and have heard absolutely nothing and from what I’ve read on here, probably nothing for a while yet. I have been feeling a little anxious the last few days but don’t know why. I am now thinking maybe some counselling will do me good but really not comfortable with it. I do read the stories on here daily and it’s great to see a lot of NFA’s but some of you have had me in tears especially “Devasteted16” my heart really goes out to you. My worse fear is that I am sent down and my poor sick wife will have to fend for herself. This terrifies me and brings back dark thoughts so I try to remain positive and keep my faith in the police investigations and pray for that NFA so that we can try to get back our lives.

I just want to thank the people who have written to me (franticwithworry & Broken-hearted) with their words of wisdom and comfort and especially to “Rights fighter” for helping me and those in need in this horrid subject that most would avoid like the plague.

[Franticwithworry]

Hello there! Thank you for the update. I've been thinking of you and your wife. It's good to hear how you're coping and your kindness in posting it here will help new people at the beginning if this nightmare I'm sure.

I would just like to say that I'm sorry that the Samaritans wasn't helpful for you. It is a bit of a hit-and-miss affair depending on who you get on the day, and some people just 'click' and find the organisation incredibly helpful. That said, I would encourage you to think again about counselling and finding someone who is trained. Even then, be prepared to shop around if you can to find someone who is a good 'fit' with you.

It sounds as though you are doing all the right things. You are so right when you say this trauma is an injury from which your brain needs time to recover. It's not surprising that you are feeling anxious with a bail date in the near future. Impending bail dates get both me and my man on edge, anxious and in something of a panic even though it's the 4th one coming up soon. The first one was the worst though.

Very best wishes to you and your wife. I understand all your fears for her; my mans are the same for me, even though I'm not ill . I hope her illness progresses as slowly as possible.

[Staystrong1]

Hi GB16

Just a message to,say well done for getting through the ordeal to date. You are doing remarkably well to have recovered from the initial,horrific shock and your wifes illness. Your experience and FA is remarkably similar to my OHs. We to suffered total devestation when FA made. The impact of it was awful. Both went off sick from work. Had to take medication for a while and counselling was actually very helpful. My GP was fantastic. It does take a long time to unfold and hopefully you will get NFA. In OHs case though it did go to court and he was found unanimously NG last year. The main advice I can offer is that it is to keep,strong and take it one day at a time. Have days where you can try and bOx it off and not think about it. IF a charge were to come then this is where full disclosure comes and you can really build your defence. IM sure RF and others have already told you that you would need to build a timeline and try and obtain evidence to prove the lies. It is difficult from 20 years ago but it can and in OH case was done. The FA hasnt even been questioned yet and I do beleive the truth will out. IM glad you have found this forum as it was invaluable to me. Keep strong and strength to you both. You can get through this but its a slow processxx

[Broken-hearted]

Hello there! Thanks for your update. Just seen that I didn't Sen my last reply to you so I am going to go and do that now. You are doing so well and have come such a long way since we started messaging and I thank you too for your kind words when messaging me as they have bought me comfort and made me think about things.

Keep us updated after the bail hearing and keep fighting x