Please help

[Rights Fighter]

Very pleased to see that you seem to have a decent and caring solicitor.

Many cases get to trial that should never have done so. Many get the correct NG verdicts too and often in that situation the judge may well comment about it.

The police may interrogate your phones / computers etc before charge or after. There is no rule of law from what I understand.

Not all cases end up going the full course to verdicts. Some are dropped pre trial and some are dropped during the course of the trial. However, it is better really to assume it will go the whole way and prepare for that.

At this stage you could quietly (but not voraciously!) look for evidence that might help your case. If you find any, please do not take that to the police before asking legal advice about that. Too many people have gone to the police with alibi evidence, for instance, so the police have toddled off to the complainant who then changes his or her story to fit the accused's evidence.......

[Shocked777]

Ok thanks for your advice. I read in other posts about people preparing for trial instead of just hoping no charges are brought. The problem I see is that a trial alone is the end of my life regardless of the NG verdict that would follow if it got that far so I want to do everything I can to stop charges being brought. But as I understand it this could allow the FA to change story and affect the strength of my defence.

[Rights Fighter]

I've been doing this for 14 years. Many people who have gone through the trial and come out the other side, found guilty and not guilty have lived to tell the tale and gone on to live good productive lives.

Your life will not be over although you may think that now. Honestly

[Shocked777]

I'm losing my mind. Is there anyone I can speak to on a 1-1 level either message, chat or phonecall?

I haven't told anyone and I'm totally alone.

[Casehardened]

I'm losing my mind. Is there anyone I can speak to on a 1-1 level either message, chat or phonecall?

Until you have been a member of the forum for 10 days you won't be able to send or receive pm's so it will be difficult for you to chat privately.

I certainly wouldn't recommend displaying your phone number on the open forum, however you could make your email address visible on your profile and folks could contact you via this method.

[Mattie52]

Might it be a good idea to try and talk to trusted friend or family member - good to thrash things out - will help you to gain a sense of perspective. You will drive yourself batty if you try and deal with this alone - if your don't feel comfortable talking to people you know then perhaps you could talk to your GP about counselling? You will feel better if you are able to 'get it out,' - as the good people on here will also tell you jotting everything down that you can remember of the event is also useful. You can and will get through this!
Mattiex

[Shocked777]

Thanks so much for your replies.

I managed to speak to a friend who has been through a much more extreme story than me or most of the posters on here and didn't even make it to trial. He's been such a help and with all his experience with that and other matters has confirmed everything that every legal professional has told me thus far.

I feel so much more confident and at ease now.

Thanks for caring and helping everyone on here. X

[Franticwithworry]

I'm so glad to hear that you managed to talk to someone and feel so much better. Perhaps he will be able to support you through this in the longer term. This forum is fabulous but it can't compete with a real, human voice.

If you end up feeling so desperate again and there is no-one, not even your friend to talk to, may I suggest you call the Samaritans? No-one should have to struggle feeling desperate and alone and they are available 24/7 when the rest of the world is often sleeping.

Hopefully, your friend has helped you get a sound perspective on things now, but we can all 'wobble' occasionally and at the most unexpected time. The Samaritans are there for those times.

[Shocked777]

Having a bad day

Felt OK yesterday having spoken to a friend and an expert and everyone trying to convince me there is no case and it won't be taken further. Today though is the worst I've felt. Keep convincing myself they're going to use unrelated things to try and paint me as a bad person and use them to help prosecution evidence. I have never done anything illegal. Never looked at anything that isn't normal porn, never done anything without consent etc etc. But if they take my phone they're going to see I'm very promiscuous and have lots of short term affairs and one night stands.

[Mattie52]

Listen Shocked777 without wanting to sound patronising you are going to have good and bad days! Please don't allow yourself to focus on your promiscuity, you are describing entirely what my son was worried about and am sure shared by a lot of young guys who find themselves in this position. By his own admission he like you enjoyed casual hook ups - not ready to settle etc etc. His situation was exactly as you described yours to be and whilst not wanting to give you false hope - after an agonising wait he received a letter stating that there would be NFA. For him it was a wake up call that not everyone out there is of sound mind and there were warning bells about the FA that he with hindsight admits should have listened to!! Be strong!
Mattiex

[Shocked777]

Thank you so much mattie.

The knowledge that other innocent falsely accused people are concerned that their promiscuity could be used against them is comforting.

This is already a wake up call for me. Naive in thinking that nobody could be so malicious and be willing to ruin an innocent person's life.

I'm new to all this and appreciate how supportive you are all being. If there is a way I can support anyone I would like to do so.

[Rights Fighter]

Listen here! Being promiscuous does not make you a rapist!! Dear me!

They cannot bring that sort of (alleged) bad character into a trial against a complainant (and usually against a defendant), unless the defendant brings it in himself.

[Shocked777]

That's reassuring to hear. Half of me wishes they would as it would show im very upfront about casual sex and very sensitive to consent.

I just want to reiterate how appreciative to everyone for supporting me.

I went out last night for a drink in an attempt to get some normality back into my life. I was shocked at how much this has already changed my life. Without wanting to sound arrogant or big headed some women do find me very attractive and I am approached and flirted with by women. Last night I was like a different man - suspicious of every woman, paranoid that if anything happened they'd make a false accusation. I left early.

I cannot imagine how it must be for those falsely accused and arrested/charged of even more serious offences. It must be even worse than where I am right now. This has already changed my life and I'm starting to think that I want to put real effort into helping those falsely accused in any and every possible way I can.