I feel Completely lost

[KB19]

Hi Surplusyew, so sorry to hear of yet another person being put through absolute hell.
Reading your thread and especially the bit about re-interviewing I would imagine they certainly would have to reinterview if this is being alleged and give you an opportunity to reply, I expect as usual they will do this in 'there own time' and in our case initial interview and second interview timeiwse was 3 months.

Try (yes I know impossible in some ways) to do other things to take your mind off the situation for a while, the whole thing can make you feel so pent up and it jst whilrs around in your head, it is also a possibility that nothing at all will happen at all.

Take care

[surplusyew]

Hi Surplusyew, so sorry to hear of yet another person being put through absolute hell.
Reading your thread and especially the bit about re-interviewing I would imagine they certainly would have to reinterview if this is being alleged and give you an opportunity to reply, I expect as usual they will do this in 'there own time' and in our case initial interview and second interview timeiwse was 3 months.

Try (yes I know impossible in some ways) to do other things to take your mind off the situation for a while, the whole thing can make you feel so pent up and it jst whilrs around in your head, it is also a possibility that nothing at all will happen at all.

Take care

I know that's what I need to do, but it so hard. This whole situation feels like it spiralling out of control.

Its so hard to imagine that my sister and her partner and her friend have all concoted this story out of no where for seemingly no reason at all.

It feels like it adds weight to their story the because theres 3 of them and it spans a long period

sister 2002-2006

friend 2009

partner 2015

But thank you for replying and I hope that any trouble your dealing with is resolved asap

[surplusyew]

I'm so tired of all of this bail is approaching and still no mention of anything from the police,

I now have evidence to suggest the partner is a compulsive liar who has 3 aliases,

My support network disappeared for a little while, they had the inevitable doubts about my innocence but they have mostly come around now.

I cant help but think this will end badly, I know I haven't been charged or anything but I genuinely don't see an end to this anytime soon. I just cant get my head around why they are doing this to me and just want it all to be over so I can go home

[Broken-hearted]

Can empathise with how you must feel as that bail date approaches, partners next one is in October after allegations were made in May imagine we will start getting twitchy again as it approaches.

I haven't read through entire thread now but just reread initial post are you still not having contact with your children? If not have social services completed an assessment on you and your partner? Have you discussed with them about arranging supervised contact for your children? Something to consider if it hasn't been done/discussed.

Partner has wobbly days. We were out last night and he'd had a fair amount to drink was talking about holidays planned next year and he said he needed to enjoy himself before he went to prison so I think what I'm trying to say is everyone worries about the worst happening but it's important (granted it's not easy) to try and keep positive and if a decision does come to charge then fight like you have never fought before. You won't think you can do it but you will find an inner strength.

Just keep taking one day at a time and keep busy. I know you have lost so much already job etc but there is still so much to fight for x

[surplusyew]

Yeah contact with the kids was sorted by social services within a week I'm basically aloud unlimited visits as long as my wifes mum is there and its not at the family home and due to various circumstances with the kids and school, their hobbies etc I get to see them 2 days a week,

But I do find it difficult seeing them so upset and just wanting their dad home, Prison is a worry to me but only because of the effect it will have on my wife and kids I don't care what happens to me.

I'm trying to remain positive but as the bail date gets nearer the more I worry about it, I expect it will be a rebail though.

Just for anybody who may be following silently or not this thread will be updated so you can all see the timescales and outcome if your in a similar position.

Ive been having counciling sessions through my GP which is a big help its nice to be able to unload everything on somebody in confidence.

[hello88]

just reading this thread a phrase comes to mind....

the bigger the lies the more the cracks show

so keep strong, and take note of the social services positiveness (is that the right grammar??)

also search through her social media for drug references or proof of her drug habit, and then the other accusers to see about any reference of drugs their, and screenshot my sol said with my OH's case that because we had so much proof of 'witnesses' drugs links to each other (people do anything for drugs these days including lie for their drug supplier) that they would be stupid to take it to court.

keep strong t xxx

[Jan11]

You are bound to have stronger feelings as bail approaches. The whole process is scary and intimidating. Don't be hard on yourself.

My OH and I fell apart around the first rebail , me beforehand and him in the days after. But you will feel stronger again I promise.

[surplusyew]

just a quick update, Ive been rebailed until January, Which I expected but I'm really upset about it as I'm going to be away from my kids at Christmas.

Apparently they are just waiting on some medical records for my sister which I don't believe. My impression is they have nothing on me and they are clutching at straws hoping something will come up

I will update more later on when I have time and feel a bit better

[Broken-hearted]

Sorry to hear about the rebailed until January. My partners was start of October and he was rebailed until December "enquiries are still ongoing" apparently.

I know you won't get the Christmas that you want with the kids but you have been having contact and it's in the children's interest to see their dad especially at Christmas so something should get sorted. I know it's not what you want but it will be better than nothing. You are not alone in dreading Christmas.

Thinking of you

[Franticwithworry]

I'm sorry to hear that you will still be on bail over Christmas.

You could ask your social worker to moderate their requirements a bit over the holidays, especially as the children won't have school or other extra-curricular activities. It sounds as though she is quite an enlightened and supportive, who will understand that it's in your children's best interests to have as normal a Christmas as is possible under the circumstances, and help you achieve that.

I hope too, that you get a decision on the accusation soon. So many of us are left dangling with the endless 'ongoing enquiries'.

[Mr B]

Thinking of you SurplusYew. A lot of experienced members appreciate the hollowness of the time whilst awaiting a decision. However may I wish that you find a pursuit you enjoy & can execute so it passes a little easier until you are free of this hideous configuration of circumstances.

I am taking time to repair things that others throw out. Sums up my situation. So there is some Behavioural Therapy there for me (keeping it simple & physical). Perhaps something might work for you too.

Kindest regards to a swift & just resolution.
Mr B

[surplusyew]

So a couple more months on and its time for an update. This ones going to be a long one so I apologise in advance.

Well a lot has changed since my rebail. I managed to get myself back into full time work which is great for me but its an added stress knowing that it could be taken from me again if I get charged or convicted of something I didn't do. This is a good job and will be a great career for me long term so fingers crossed I manage to keep it. In terms of my general mood I'm starting to feel a lot better day to day. I think this is mainly because Ive come to terms with the allegation made against me and I now know no matter what I do its not going to make it go away any quicker. So I guess there's an element of just accepting the process for what it is regardless of whether its fit for purpose or not. The police haven't done a great deal from where I'm sat. I phone every few days for an update.

This was something I didn't want to do at first for fear of them thinking I was panicking and trying to get information from them. However this has been ongoing for 6 months now and I feel that I deserve some sort of explanation of why this is still ongoing. So if this ultimately ends up in court I will make sure that the jury knows that's why ive been calling. The other side to it being Ive installed recording software to my phone so I have a record incase they try to make out ive said something which I haven't. So in terms of what I'm getting from the police is usually that the OIC is off duty or off sick. True? Maybe but I think I may be getting fobbed off as she doesn't want to talk to me. But I did manage to speak with her the other day and she said that she has a few lines of enquirey left to pursue and she would try to have it with the gatekeeper by the end of last week. Well I phoned again today and shes off sick again but I managed to speak with her SGT and she said that its not yet with the gatekeeper as they need to interview a witness still. This has dashed my hopes of this being over by Christmas and makes me think a rebail in January is inevitable. I mean 6 months in and she needs to interview a witness still, god help us. However they have told me again they want to try and get this resolved before my next bail date which makes me think there may be an NFA lurking somewhere as there is no way the CPS would be looking at it by then.

The allegation has stayed pretty much the same as far as I can tell and the police only seem to be pursuing that my sister has accused me of raping her 3 times and sexually assaulting her over a 4 year period. I mean what a load of rubbish. Surely my parents would of noticed, a teacher? a doctor? a social worker? (They were involved with us then because we are both adopted). So if they have missed everything then go knows. On another note Ive found a psychiatric assessment done on my sister lurking in her rubbish from when she moved out of my mums place; oh yeah I battled the police for like 3 weeks to get a variation on my bail conditions to allow me to move back in with my parents as my sister moved out. At least that's some normality back for me. Anyway on this assessment done just 6 months before the allegation she goes into detail about her life and I mean deep deep detail. She talks about her self harm, eating disorders, drug use, ex girl friends that dealt drugs, literally everything that's happened in her life so far (you literally wouldn't believe the detail) she says that I bullied her and she was used to me fighting with my parents and the police bringing me home after misbehaving. But oddly enough theres no mention of the serious sexual abuse that she suffered for years at my hands (allegedy). I mean if you were seeing someone and going into that much detail about your life why not mention it? Its not like that doctor would of gone to the police or broken confidentiality in the circumstances. In my eyes theres only one reason.

Because she wasn't with her controlling girlfriend that's trying to ruin my life and I didn't have loads of money then but when those two things changed all of a sudden she reports this to the police on my daughters birthday because shes jealous of my life and the attention my kids get from my parents.

Speaking of kids a lot has changed there for the better,

At first my parents weren't allowed to supervise access only my wife. Then the police decided they wouldn't object to my parents supervising and they did for a bit. Which was great we could finially get out and do things without needing to rely on my incredibly unreliable inlaws. Then one day out of the blue social services called and said that they have had a very long indepth discussion with the OIC and her SGT and they feel it would be ok for me to visit the kids in my own home with my wife supervising. And we are allowed to go out with them just as a family now which is great and this also kind of makes me feel like the police may have seen the truth through the lies as I doubt social services would let me back in after 5 months if nothing had changed. So I'm allowed home with the kids at Christmas yay!!!!

So lets use the last part of this to recap on the evidence we have to prove this is a lie;

1) other allegations made by her friends (Not the best but true, and the police don't seem to be following this line of enquirey. But I could be wrong there)

2) An admission from my sister that she lied about what she said to my mum (tape recording of my mother admitting this to me on the phone)

3) Clear cut evidence from social media that she is jealous of my kids. and reported this on my daughters birthday

4)Clear cut evidence by the way of photos and social media that she has no money and a serious drug problem (she knows if I get convicted she gets compensation)

5)She said in her statement to the police that she had no friends and I was her only friend (yet I was never at home as a teenager and I have 100's of photos from the same period of her and her friends, showing this is a lie)

6) medical statement taken 6 months prior to allegation with full life history in detail but no mention of this allegation

7) constantly missing councilling appts, and refusing to comply with the police. Not sending backs forms allowing them to get records from schools and gp's

8) she thinks my bail conditions are histerical. When I could get my sons toy from mums house due to my bail condtions she was laughing histerically about it. She does not take this seriously, she admits regret about making allegations to my father. The list goes on and on.

The worst part about this is that over this 4 year period I would have had the opportunity at some point to commit this horrific crime and due to this fact its impossible to prove I didn't do it literally. But her story has changed, some of the facts are actually laughable. I have loads of evidence to disprove her and yet I'm the one who is on bail and my life was in ruins. I'm now starting to rebuild on what I had before and starting to feel better. I don't take the tablets from the doctor anymore and Ive mostly stopped drinking like I was.

I try to look forward to the future, I really do but everytime I try its like this grabs me by the neck and drags me back.

I'm here for you guys particuallary if your ordeal has just begun. I know what your going through I really do. But we need to fight and show the world that this sort of injustice is going on and that it needs to stop. I will never stop fighting this not ever and I cant wait to show the world that she lied.

Sure Ive lost friends, sure people look at me like **** (not in the public domain yet but everybody knows because shes been spreading rumours (yes the police have been informed)) but I will keep holding my head high. I'm not scared of them or ashamed of this I'm innocent and we need to remember that.

I promised this thread will stay updated and it will keep getting updates.

Surplus

[sqounk]

I love your fighting spirit surplus. I know many of us are in similar positions regarding re-bails etc. To be fair though, I think there is a ridiculous amount of pressure on the police and I get the strong sense they are just overwhelmed with the amount of cases they have. I know some people have had bad experiences. Some have had good experiences too, I hasten to add (well, as good as it can be in this kind of situation). The advantage of the pre-charge bail system is there is a definite end - prosecution or NFA. Time limiting pre-charge bail in the future (which is being discussed at the moment) might mean investigations could be open ended which would be even more unsettling; bail would end but the investigation doesn't. At least with this, there is a definite end to it. But you're right - I am thinking 6months is a significant thing for the police because in the data I am sure they would have to account for pre-charge bail that exceeds 6 months. It potentially doesn't look good for them to have a mass of waiting customers as it were & I'm sure the data would be counted in chunks in the annual reports i.e. pre-charge bail that ended before and after 6, 12, 18 months etc. With Cliff's case and the media about pre-charge bail, I think they maybe are trying to get on top of it as they know it does not look great to have extended pre-charge bail periods.

I was having the conversation you mention last night; there does need to be an awareness of the level of false accusations made; because we're in it we see it; those outside of it don't. But I suppose the good news is that the report into Operation Midland mentions the level of false allegations and the judge who wrote it said he would do separate work to bring this to light. I think it's also been mentioned in the House of Lords in March this year. The trouble is these accusations carry such stigma it can potentially do damage to your reputation and career if you stand up and are counted, so it is difficult for us to shout about it. So it's a catch 22 really. It could be though that false accusations have become such an epidemic that greater public awareness is inevitable. Let's hope so.

[Franticwithworry]

I'm so glad to hear that you are doing well, surplusyew, and a lot has changed for the good in the last little while for you, that's for sure.

Just a couple of things I'd like to point out in the hope that you don't get too frustrated with a potential lack of continuing progress.

1 police officers work a weird shift system, so it's entirely possible that when you call, the OIC is actually not on duty. I wouldn't read too much into what you're told about that or assume you're being fobbed off. You might be but there's nothing you can do about it. This follows into the hope of getting an update every few days. There is the likelihood that you will really irritate her by calling so often. Now, Sir Richard Henriques has recommended that police forces keep the accused up to date with developments, but at present there is no obligation on them to do so. It's worth bearing that in mind. Additionally, the police are as overworked and underfunded as everyone else and probably snowed-under with cases. Lack progress is a problem for everyone. I know some cases are dealt with swiftly, but not all by any means. Which leads me to -

2 6 months is not long I'm afraid. You will probably have an easier time of it if you settle in for the long haul. Many on here get to 12 months and beyond. We are past 12 months and have been told to expect rebailes that will take us many more. If it's any sooner than that we will be set to be pleasantly surprised which we have decided is the preferable option rather than drumming our fingers itching for progress. You may be different of course. You must do what you feel best, but with the increasing number of reports, things only look set to get worse not better. The new law regarding bail simply means that the police will likely allow the accused to remain unbailed so that there is no recourse when things drag on.

So, I don't mean to put a downer on you, just to suggest that if you resign yourself to things taking a long time, you'll have more energy to get on with life in the meantime.

Congratulations on doing as well as you have so far.

[surplusyew]

Thanks for your kind comments,

however I cant say I agree with whats been said about the police. Although your correct in everything you say and theres nothing I can do about it. I feel that the police shouldn't be employing part time SODAIT officers who IMO will pursue the cases that they feel have the greatest chance of conviction first. Lets face it my case is most likely at the bottom of their pile and when a better case comes along that's the one they look into first. It shouldn't be taking 6 months to interview witnesses. Particulary when evidence that the accuser has lied and admitted it is in front of them,

We need bail reforms urgently to stop this from happening. My life is on hold and it shouldn't be. I cant enjoy anything because the impending doom is almost constantly over my head whenever I get comfortable or start to not worry about this case so much.

All I can do is hope that this is resolved soon and cling to the hope that social services letting me back home and the general impression from the police is they haven't got enough to charge is correct. I mean if they could of charged me by now I'm sure they would of.

Surplus