Does it get better?

[Lilyput]

Been dealing with this since the begining of October. Although i don't feel as bad as I did at the begining I just can't picture life ever being the same again. Any stories of things getting better after a NFA, NG or even a release from prison? Just can't see a better tomorrow I feel like indirectly this thing has taken so much.

[babaelly]

Been dealing with this since the begining of October. Although i don't feel as bad as I did at the begining I just can't picture life ever being the same again. Any stories of things getting better after a NFA, NG or even a release from prison? Just can't see a better tomorrow I feel like indirectly this thing has taken so much.

Hmm, I was also falsely accused in early October. I'm sure we'll both get through this in one piece, get a good lawyer and make sure the lies are exposed. I understand how you feel, I've also gotten used to it. I play video games and keep myself busy at work, and have tried my hardest to shelf this accusation to the back of my mind, its the only way.

I also think about how I will change as a result of going through a trial. I was charged 2 months ago. Her story is full of contradictions, and yet I was charged. Anyhow, I'm hoping I remain mostly the same. I dont want to become some cynic who doesn't trust anyone. I simply intend to become more careful in the future. But who knows, it's out of our hands in a lot of ways. They say you have to be mentally strong. I find it therapeutic to keep yourself busy, work a lot, make money, get two jobs if you have to. Workout, focus on self improvement. Read books.

[janjoe10]

When my son's trial is over next month it would of been 15 months . It's been hell I won't lie but things did get easier after the shock wore off. You kind of get used to it being there. Now the trial is coming up its at the forefront of our minds. There is loads of contradictions in my sons case and I and no one else can understand why he was charged. Even the investigating officer Said if it was his decision he wouldn't of took it this far. My son has tried to kill himself and is constantly tortured by it.

I don't think life will ever be the same or how it used to be but I think you adjust. Never knew how strong we was till we had to be. X

[TotalNightmare]

Well today is around 6 months since I was NFA'd.

It does get better, looking back now that period seemed like a dream. Luckily I kept my employment so that remained as the foundation of normality during those times. I am still in the same property I shared with FA, but finally got round to moving - so will be out of here at the end of next month and leave those bad memories. I gained a few grey hairs along the way - might have to start using Just for Men

Started a new relationship which is going well and helped me get over my loss of trust of women.

It has changed from utter panic and terror whilst on bail to now a clean up exercise.

Tomorrow I am sending off my ACRO Record Deletion Request form along with evidence I used at the Family Court to successfully fight a Non-Molestation Order to try and get this removed from the Police National Computer.

Then the next step is putting in a complaint to the Home Office. The guys over at UK Immigration Marriage Fraud are working hard to fight these cases of false domestic violence and false rape accusations. They submitted a 56 page paper on false accusations to obtain visas to Parliament earlier this month, and it is being taken up and discussed. So at least the issue of false rape claims in order to obtain Indefinite Leave to Remain is being looked at.

There is a named caseworker dealing with our cases in the Home Office - so if anyone else has been falsely accused of rape by a foreign spouse and then NFA'd, I can pass their info over.

The change of roles from being a suspect under investigation to fighting back is refreshing - but still something I wish I didn't have to deal with at all.

[babaelly]

Well today is around 6 months since I was NFA'd.

It does get better, looking back now that period seemed like a dream. Luckily I kept my employment so that remained as the foundation of normality during those times. I am still in the same property I shared with FA, but finally got round to moving - so will be out of here at the end of next month and leave those bad memories. I gained a few grey hairs along the way - might have to start using Just for Men

Started a new relationship which is going well and helped me get over my loss of trust of women.

It has changed from utter panic and terror whilst on bail to now a clean up exercise.

Tomorrow I am sending off my ACRO Record Deletion Request form along with evidence I used at the Family Court to successfully fight a Non-Molestation Order to try and get this removed from the Police National Computer.

Then the next step is putting in a complaint to the Home Office. The guys over at UK Immigration Marriage Fraud are working hard to fight these cases of false domestic violence and false rape accusations. They submitted a 56 page paper on false accusations to obtain visas to Parliament earlier this month, and it is being taken up and discussed. So at least the issue of false rape claims in order to obtain Indefinite Leave to Remain is being looked at.

There is a named caseworker dealing with our cases in the Home Office - so if anyone else has been falsely accused of rape by a foreign spouse and then NFA'd, I can pass their info over.

The change of roles from being a suspect under investigation to fighting back is refreshing - but still something I wish I didn't have to deal with at all.

what is NFA? dont know all the lingo here. I'm from canada, so stuffs a bit different i suppose

[TotalNightmare]

what is NFA? dont know all the lingo here. I'm from canada, so stuffs a bit different i suppose

"No Further Action"

It means the case has been dropped by police or Crown Prosecution Service before going to trial.

[babaelly]

"No Further Action"

It means the case has been dropped by police or Crown Prosecution Service before going to trial.

Ohh it got dropped. I wonder how much worse it is for those that stand trial. In your case, what caused it to be dropped. Did your lawyer end up getting a preliminary hearing with the complainant?

[TotalNightmare]

Ohh it got dropped. I wonder how much worse it is for those that stand trial. In your case, what caused it to be dropped. Did your lawyer end up getting a preliminary hearing with the complainant?

She withdrew her accusation - which is crazy because I was accused of multiple rapes, domestic violence and threatening with weapons.

The police then carried on with the investigation for a while until they realised it would go nowhere and dropped it.

[babaelly]

She withdrew her accusation - which is crazy because I was accused of multiple rapes, domestic violence and threatening with weapons.

The police then carried on with the investigation for a while until they realised it would go nowhere and dropped it.

Wow. You were charged and she withdrew it? Was there any cross examination at all?

[TotalNightmare]

Wow. You were charged and she withdrew it? Was there any cross examination at all?

I wasn't charged.

She was cross examined in the Family Court because of a civil application for a non-molestation order (similar to a restraining order) which she needed to support her application for a visa.

The hearing was a farce and the District Judge gave her a grilling on the definition of rape. He then dropped the application.

[Lilyput]

Good to know it can get better Totalnightmare heartbreaking thing is if it was NFA'd when the OIC suggested all the bad stuff wouldnt have happened. Struggling to cope with that fact if I'm honest.

[TBG1]

Hey Lilly,


I'm really sad to hear that you're struggling today. I think I've said this before, but I do think it's worth repeating.....Take a look at your first 20 (or so) posts. You're a completely different and much stronger person today than you were "yesterday".

You know my situation & that I'm still "waiting" and so what I will say is that I believe that I have already been through the worst bit of this "phase" .... I think you have too. So in that respect, my answer is 'Yes, it does get better'.

However, I know that if my situation (and yours) advances the "next" phase, then there will be a new set of ordeals to go through - and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that's what you're referring to.

All I can say is that you're not there yet....you may never be. So try & embrace the "reletive serenity" that you've found in this phase of proceedings - it's what has kept you going...and what you've experienced so far may well be the "worst of it" - At this point, you've got no reason to think otherwise....

...So until you have, take a deep breath, close your eyes, open them and you'll be "back".

Take a minute to give yourself some credit from time-to-time.....Today you are thinking that you're weak. You couldn't be more wrong.

I (& we) will always be here for you when you feel like you're sinking....I'm a really good swimmer-I'll always try to hold your head above water when you don't feel that you can.


Best Wishes,


TBG1

[slowdown73]

You can get through it but it does take time. It's been very traumatic for me. I resigned from my job after receiving an NFA due to the way my previous employers badly managed the situation which undermined my reputation among my colleagues by sharing concerns with them that there was an issue with my DBS and I was unable to go on home visits on my own. I've taken six months out and had a lot of counselling. I've lost 3.5 stone in weight which was something positive to focus on and I've decorated my flat and been offered a new job today. I've also been offered a place on a Masters degree at University in September to change career direction.

It's been a horrible and traumatic time and there are many times I never thought I would get through this but things are slowly turning my way with the Police arresting my accuser a few days ago following a complaint I made about him perverting the course of justice, extortion and fraud which were all related to the false allegations against me and my parents. It will probably take you some time to heal and even then my life will never be the same again because the experience has changed the way I think and feel about many things in life.

[hello88]

Been dealing with this since the begining of October. Although i don't feel as bad as I did at the begining I just can't picture life ever being the same again. Any stories of things getting better after a NFA, NG or even a release from prison? Just can't see a better tomorrow I feel like indirectly this thing has taken so much.

things do get better... but it's damn hard work! After waiting months and months for someone else to decide your future its suddenly all down to you.. its only up to you to not get down, only up to you to be strong, (oh and expect the comments of "you can move on now" ect.. and just take a deep breath with them.. because of course its easy to 'just move on' when the accusers have taken almost a year out of your life, tried to make you loose your home and family, all on purpose.. and the police not giving two hoots!)

There will be hurdles.. for us its been ss (they tried turning round saying OH can't come home the day before he was due home because they hadn't finished the paperwork for another 3 weeks, we got round it though! thanks to a very angry school headmaster!)

and then their is next week, half term, scheduled is the social worker meeting on thursday where they are hoping to close the case and then friday is a year to the day that the police came round. To work on a fresh start and looking to the future i planned a day out with the family, only for us to be asked yesterday instead on that day if we could play for our friends funeral who died of cancer on saturday.. a friend i couldn't help her very much through her cancer.. although she (being a social worker) gave incredible advice and helped with so much, even insisting that she comes to our final social worker meeting to find out what they are planning to do to protect our children from the neighbours.. ironically (not sure how to word this wthout sounding selfish) but she was are only/strongest witness on what the neighbour said he was going to do on the day that he kicked of.. so a slight sign from God maybe to focus on family and not trying to spend months/years getting justice. So our first half term with hubby home and i'm having to be strong to beat the negative stuff happening to make it a good half term...so hard work.. all due to the allegation..

sorry hijacking thread again lol, but i'm not going to lie, it's hard work but life is better, things get better and most importantly you can focus on the future.. but its all down to strength.. and i can tell that you have heaps of that!! xxxx

[Lilyput]

Thanks so much guys. Feel like im in survival mode right now. I use to think the worse thing in the world would be something happening to my family now I think its living everyday as normal after something has happened to my family.