Sister accusing Brother - a mother in need of support

[hangingontohope]

I've been lurking for a while since finding this amazingly supportive forum, still in shock that I've even had to look for a place of refuge such as this! The basic picture is that my 18 yo daughter has accused my 20 yo son of persistent sexual abuse over several years growing up. My daughter is hugely troubled despite having a very normal, stable upbringing and I have no doubt that she is lying about this. She has always been an attention seeker, and I'm sure has no comprehension of the gravity of what she has done.

My son has never displayed any behaviours that would be remotely suggestive of what she is claiming, and as I was home with them 24-7 during their childhood this would never have gone on unnoticed. I fear she is doing this to drag the whole family down, because she is unhappy. She wants to control everyone. She is getting all the attention she craves now, and is happy to accept it despite the negative impact on everyone else. Not to mention the possibility of her brother going to prison for something he hasn't done.

I cannot believe I'm actually having to write this! She is obsessed with social media and the internet in general, and from what I can see is carrying on as if nothing is happening. I am not able to view everything she is putting online but I've managed to keep track of her movements and am horrified that she could act so nonchalantly. It fills me with anger to think she cares not one jot for the fallout of her FA's.

I don't want to divulge too much right now, just to say I could really do with any words of support from anyone having dealt with similar (sibling accusations). As you can appreciate this is beyond a nightmare for me as their mother, there are no winners in this scenario. I am beyond devastated that my daughter could do this to my son, and the rest of the family. Neither of them live with me, my daughter is now living in a hostel and my son is working away (doing very well to maintain his job whilst this is hanging over him). He has been on bail 9 months so far, hoping to get a decision in July.

There is so much I'd like to say, but don't want to overshare. Thank you for taking the time to read, I appreciate it.

[farmer42]

Sorry to hear you have found yourself here, I thought I would reply as I have been accused of historic rape by my sister I say historic she says it happened 2 years ago. This is the second time an allegation has been made against me by her the first being sexual assault which was NFA. Sadly this one I have been charged for after 13 months on bail, she has accused so many people over the years including her husband twice he went to trial got found not guilty now they are living together again its bloody crazy the way the police and CPS treat people all because they couldn’t do there job properly years ago with the real predators.

One thing I have taken comfort in is when I was charged I received all the statements she made and I have discovered so many lies so many that are proven lies. I literally Google dates she is saying it took place just to see what was going on then go through phone records look through photos on your phone or camera etc try and remember holidays appointments anything because one thing for sure is no one can cover every single track in a false allegation you will uncover lies.

Well done for standing by your son he’s a lucky lad sadly my Mum is a very evil women and did a statement against me just because we have not spoken for years. Basic statement saying ye he would probably do this.

Always remember this is not forever it will end somehow some way.

[hangingontohope]

Thank you for taking the time to reach out and respond farmer42. The system is truly flawed and I am so sorry for the horrendous journey you have been on. It is indeed crazy that people can make multiple accusations and the police still go through the process of investigating. No wonder it takes so long to get a decision.

Obviously I pray my son gets an NFA, but I am prepared for the worst believe me. I am so sure my daughter is lying that I will not rest until she is exposed. I am in an awful position being their parent, but I am an honest woman and will not allow my daughter to destroy her brother for no other reason than spite. I would not be a responsible parent if I didn't do everything possible to help prove my son's innocence. After all I know them both best, and I am confident in my judgement. It's the worst possible situation when you are forced to take one side over another, especially when they are your own children. There is nothing worse.

I return the sentiments you have shown me, and wish you well moving forward!

[AmandaF]

Although our case is no way similar to yours, my heart goes out to you- what an awful position to be in.

If you do see anything on her facebook or any other page which may help your son, as in the way she behaves etc or anything that seems to be about the allegation, screenshot and save it but was many will tell you on here - DO NOT give any evidence to the cops which supports your son's innocence.
They have targets to meet, they simply don't care who they destroy.
Well done to your son for coping so well through this trauma- and to you for supporting him

[carrot tops]

My daughter accused my son and we ended up in court but got not guilty within an hour.

I hope it doesn't go that far with you. Sadly our daughter was able to totally manipulate the idiot social workers involved and had always had a victim mentality since she came to live with us. Some girls thrive on the drama an attention without realising they are destroying relationships with people who love them.

Really feel for you . I felt so torn between my children . The truth will out though and I hope that happens soo for you. Build up your defence.

[Staystrong1]

Hi what a truly awful situation you have been put in. Thankfully You have posted and will find lots of support from members. Luckily you were there 24/7 and so will be in a good position to help your son. Just to reiterate other comments really screenshot facebook and try and get through the awful waiting limbo land you are in. Hopefully cps will see through the FA and it will be NFAd, if. ACharge were to come then you Would get full disclosure of what she has said and any evidence she is putting forward. It would be then that you could dissect the FAs claims and do a timeline of any discrepancies and get any evidence to prove lies, until you know full extent of what she is saying its frustrating to try and deal with it all. Very important to look after yourself too as Im sure you must be devestated to find yourself in this position. But you can get through this as hard as it must be. Glad you have posted and found the site as it was invaluable to me when my OH was accused of FA. Thankfully we are out the other side, sending you a huge hug as im sure you need it x

[KB19]

Hi Hangingontohope

I am so sorry to hear of your situation , as a mother too I can only send out my heartfelt feeling for you and your son. Hopefully it will all sort out and he will get the NFA he should have , I am sure you also feel angry and sad st the same time for the daughter who obviously needs some sort of medical intervention , and sounds quite unstable, it is good that you were around when they were both younger and hopefully will if there were ( hopefully not! ) any further actions as dates and tunes I am sure will come flooding back to you when you write the timeline.

You have found this site and s others have said it is a great support any time of day or night for those times even we just need a bit of reassurance or advice . Keep
Posting I know I do find it helps lots of pixie dust being sent from me .

[hangingontohope]

Thank you so so much AmandaF, carrot tops and Staystrong1. It means a great deal to know you are out there and can sympathise. After reading various threads on this forum I'm horrified to find out the devious nature of the police, and how there's no point putting your faith in them being impartial. I am screen-shotting everything I can find, and I have something that strongly indicates a motive for her actions that should be compelling enough should we have to go all the way.

It took the police 8 months to interview me! I thought my statement would've been one of the first they sought as the mother of the FA and Accused?! Clearly not deemed important enough. They are yet to interview my eldest son whom shared a room with his younger brother throughout the whole time this supposed abuse took place. I have grave fears the police think I have some misguided loyalty to my son, but the truth is I have no reason to doubt my son, whereas my daughter is a compulsive liar, and will go to great lengths to be heard. She lives in a fantasy world, and has several alter egos. She is very dangerous, and cannot be trusted. I am of the opinion that she will go on to accuse others in the future, and will not discriminate. She's like a puppeteer, controlling everyone on a string. I never would've believed a teenager could be so vindictive and malicious to this degree!

our daughter was able to totally manipulate the idiot social workers involved and had always had a victim mentality since she came to live with us. Some girls thrive on the drama an attention without realising they are destroying relationships with people who love them.

Yes, yes, yes carrot tops! I TOTALLY agree with every single word. My daughter is extremely intelligent and can articulate herself so well, enough to suck anyone in, especially once she turns the waterworks on. I gave her everything and she has sought to destroy us. The worst thing for me as her mother is that I protected her from harm throughout her life, and now she's insinuating that the enemy was under the same roof! We always had an open dialogue, and she knew she could always talk to me about anything that was troubling her. She chose to wait until she was living elsewhere to drop this bombshell.

She thrives on the attention to the point of obsession. She gravitates towards negative people all the time. I can't tell you how many times I've had to deal with her getting involved in other people's dramas, always thinking she can solve them, when she hasn't got the maturity. I have literally banged my head off a brick wall with her. She just won't listen to reason, and always thinks she knows best. I know she's completely incapable of dealing with adulthood, and thinks she will be treated with kid gloves forever. She would rather take this all the way to save face, than admit to lying. Her brother's life has already been ruined, regardless of the outcome.

Not to sound selfish, but I feel absolutely humiliated by this. I am so embarrassed that my own daughter could say this of her brother. It's absolutely abhorrent, and something I would NEVER have allowed to happen. She has brought untold shame to my family, and I am just about coping.

Your advice and support is gratefully received. Heartfelt thanks.

[hangingontohope]

Hi Hangingontohope

I am so sorry to hear of your situation , as a mother too I can only send out my heartfelt feeling for you and your son. Hopefully it will all sort out and he will get the NFA he should have , I am sure you also feel angry and sad st the same time for the daughter who obviously needs some sort of medical intervention , and sounds quite unstable, it is good that you were around when they were both younger and hopefully will if there were ( hopefully not! ) any further actions as dates and tunes I am sure will come flooding back to you when you write the timeline.

You have found this site and s others have said it is a great support any time of day or night for those times even we just need a bit of reassurance or advice . Keep
Posting I know I do find it helps lots of pixie dust being sent from me .

Thank you KB19, I am taking it one day at a time, one step at a time. I am so grateful to be here, and to have found others who understand. Makes such a difference! You have hit the nail on the head, my daughter is seriously unstable and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't intervene as much as I'd like to. I know she is not willing to accept any responsibility for her actions. The DC handling the case expressed that my daughter now has a team of key workers trying to support her, since she is no longer deemed a child. She had a social worker assigned to her when this all came to light in the summer of last year, but is now being treated as the adult that she is being 18. I would love nothing more than to be able to see my daughter, but as the mother of both involved I cannot say or do anything without there being a potential impact on the case.

I can't even ask her why? why would you do this? to implore her to come clean as the police would see that as potentially intimidating or coercive. I'm in an impossible position. I can only hope the relevant authorities are keeping a close eye on her, as I believe she is open to receiving unwanted attention online from real predators. That is my fear. She has no filter, and will not think twice about talking to anyone. She is socially naive, and would put her faith and trust in any stranger. How do you save a person from themselves?

[hangingontohope]

Still waiting....

So July's bail hearing date came and went, and has been put back again till November. Just over a year now since this hell took over our lives. The delay is killing us, but we hold on to hope that this is because they have nothing to really go on. Although I'm not naive to think that this won't go to charge, regardless of there being absolutely zero evidence. My son is being extremely strong, and still maintains a dignified silence. My daughter on the other hand is still seeking the attention wherever she can get it. It sickens me to my core.

Just touching base with everyone. Sending my love to all in the same mess

[surplusyew]

I feel for you. I really do.

Im in the exact same situation but havent got to my first bail date yet. And Im the brother in the whole situation. Feel free to message me privately if you want to talk

[Lilyput]

Same situation that year date is fast approaching really not coping and giving up hope things are getting worse not better. Hugs rotten situation for a mother to be in

[Jan11]

I don't really have any advice, but really do feel for you. Bad times seem never ending, but they do end eventually. This limbo and waiting is torture, but keep strong. You have done incredibly well to get this far.

[Staystrong1]

Sending hugs

Hi there hangingontohope

Thanks for update.so glad you are getting through this impossible sutuation you are in. You Are doing well so give yourself well earned credit. This limboland you find yourself in is truly an endurance test that I remember all to well. But as we did you can get through this with a positive result for your son what ever it brings in the interim, one day at a time, hard not to keep second guessing but it really doesnt help. Sending you positive vibes, to both you and your son. Keep strong as you are doing. Everything has an end date and you can get through this xx

[KB19]

So July's bail hearing date came and went, and has been put back again till November. Just over a year now since this hell took over our lives. The delay is killing us, but we hold on to hope that this is because they have nothing to really go on. Although I'm not naive to think that this won't go to charge, regardless of there being absolutely zero evidence. My son is being extremely strong, and still maintains a dignified silence. My daughter on the other hand is still seeking the attention wherever she can get it. It sickens me to my core.

Just touching base with everyone. Sending my love to all in the same mess

Hi there hangingontohooe
I am sorry to hear that bail
Has been extended for such a long period , I cannot believe that the ' them' not worthy of the title police in my opinion , have yet again delayed another family from trying to live a daily life with all this hanging over you . It beggars brief really that it has dragged on so
Long for you and your son, hoping that you are able to do some 'normal ' things too to take your mind off it for a hour or two .

OH situation was bail as now gone on since end last Oct , it just takes its toll on everything , we have decided though to ignore Most of it and try snd
And enjoy the time we have hopefully a forever time , but in the back of your mind there is always that doubt .
I do hope your daughter can come clean she'll we say and put it right for her brother as I am sure you go too. Is there anyone she was close too that she may confide in other than yourself as she may over time have regretted her FA maybe a small thought I know , but is it worth a try if someone talking to her to find out why she had the terrible thoughts is she covering up something else and blaming her brother as an easy target for example . Anyway keep
On posting thanks for update too .
Thinking of you both