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**Franticwithworry** · 29 April 2016, 03:39 PM

Hi there. I'm so sorry you've had to find us, but so glad you have found us, if you know what I mean.

First of all, please, keep calm. Much easier said than done I know, bit it will likely be a long uncertain road ahead and endless worry over things you cannot control will quickly make you I'll if you let them get the better of you.

I don't have small children in my home so I can't help with dealing with Social Services in that respect, but others here do and I'm sure some will step in with useful and helpful advice. If they are talking about arranging things so your husband still gas access to his children, that sounds good and it certainly does sound as though the accusations are motivated by jealousy.

My man also was interviewed without a solicitor present, but he talked to a solicitor later and told him the full story. Of course, the solicitor couldn't tell him what would happen, but it did help him - and me - get things into a better perspective, get to grips with what the process is, (once you're in the system there's no getting out until it has run its course, and it can take months), and work out what we need to do if he does eventually get charged.

It boggles my mind that people can end up on trial with little idea of the date, time or place where a crime is supposed to have been committed, but that seems to be the madness we are dealing with these days.

Hang in there. The first few days or even weeks leave the pair of you dealing with shock; the same kind of shock that any other trauma leaves in its wake. Don't be afraid to ask for medical help if you need it, and there are always people here who are able to offer support too. This forum really can be a lifeline.

**KB19** · 29 April 2016, 04:16 PM

Hi

Welcome and sorry you have had to find us too. As your OH has not been arrested this leads me to think that maybe there's doubts to their (girls) story , however with anything police we very quickly learnt do not trust them they play games and are not to he trusted with what they say/do. Your solicitor is the best for information currently . Re SS re also do not have young children we do have grandchildren and OH can only see them if supervised ( ridiculous but that's what they do ) so for you and OH I hope that it is just a formality and that no extra pressures are put on you both however have a read on here of the different cases and you will see the things that can happen. All in all I am afraid like many it's a case of waiting for the next step and this can be a long haul best to be forewarned and try in the meantime to have as normal days you can.

I think it sounds like a jealousy thing , do you think she had ideas in your husband to be maybe ? In the meantime sending you :hug: I d hope you have family and friends around to support you both too.
Others will be along who are a lot better at this this and advice so keep looking .

**janjoe10** · 29 April 2016, 06:16 PM

Hi so sorry you are here. My son was arrested March 2015 was charged in the November and we go to trial in 4 weeks. By the time this nightmare is over it would of been 15 months. Although it will never be over. I have a 6 year old and had social services right from the start. They did a section 47 o think it was etc but all agreed my son was no risk to his younger brother. Didn't really hear off them again till he was charged.

They assesed the situation again and found the same thing . They did tell me not to leave him alone with him which I agreed to just play ball. My son who was arrested has his own social worker now because he is high risk of suicide and mental health issues. They also have my younger son on the file just because they don't normally have just 1 on file. We have a family meeting every 6 weeks and she visits just before this but there is no major concerns or worries. I hope this doesn't change if the worst happens and he's found guilty. On the whole they have been good and helpful, I know though this isn't always the case .

**Rights Fighter** · 30 April 2016, 01:00 PM

Please someone help and tell us what to expect and what we can do to fight this.

At the moment there isn't a fat lot you can do. If you find any form of alibi evidnce the general advice here is to NOT give it to the police. They may well go back to the accuser who will then change her story to fit.

**Mrs Forgetful** · 30 April 2016, 01:16 PM

I can add to that, please be very careful who you speak with in your panic to get help. There are some that pretend to be experts but actually do nothing or they do as little as possible. They pretend they have all the right contacts, pretend they have a "team" when in reality they are a one man band raking in the money and doing nothing for it. My family was seriously stung by one person and since then I've found more people who were taken in by the same person.

Be guided by what people say on here - I've seen a lot of really good advice on here.

**hello88** · 4 May 2016, 06:12 PM

sorry to see you here. My first advice is work and comply (sorry is that the right spelling) with social services throughout. It does pay of! My OH was only allowed supervised contact throughout and at the end because we followed through it meant the cases with social services is on the way to being closed without any hassle! On a practical note, when have you booked your wedding for?? These things can take months (ours 11) so it might be worth prosponing it. Also try and look for anything you can in social media (even on his half sisters not just the accuser) and screenshot anything that might be important. Do they know the date mentioned was the one you and OH met, if not keep that quite for now as all they will do is change the date. Write down a timeline and also be careful what information you pass on to ss as it goes straight to the police.

Most importantly though, keep strong xxx

**Pleasehelpus** · 4 May 2016, 09:16 PM

Thank you all for posting. The initial meeting with social worker went well, they seemed to be completely satisfied with what they saw and said that everything will be reviewed in 6 weeks and the arrangements may be lifted. They are in the process of speaking to my daughters school which is going to be awful, and have spoken to our health visitor who has expressed her shock and assured them that she doesn't feel our children have ever been at risk. As for the wedding, I really don't see how we can continue to plan, luckily (!) we have only paid for the venue deposit and haven't sent invitations etc.
I have scrolled back through the last few years on Facebook and have found some comments to show that we have been on friendly terms with this girl, things that she surely wouldn't voluntarily post to someone who has supposedly done these horrific things she's claiming. I have kept in mind what everyone has said with regards to passing on this new evidence at this stage so thank you for that, I wouldn't have considered that she could change her story.
Just trying to carry on as normal, like you said this nightmare could go on for months. Just wish I could stop feeling sick all the time.

**Lucky** · 5 May 2016, 12:53 PM

Keep in close contact with your solicitor too, as they are familiar with the situation your partner finds himself in.

The sick feeling will not go until its all over, but it gets easier to cope with.

best of luck

**hello88** · 5 May 2016, 01:24 PM

Originally posted by Pleasehelpus View Post

Thank you all for posting. The initial meeting with social worker went well, they seemed to be completely satisfied with what they saw and said that everything will be reviewed in 6 weeks and the arrangements may be lifted. They are in the process of speaking to my daughters school which is going to be awful, and have spoken to our health visitor who has expressed her shock and assured them that she doesn't feel our children have ever been at risk. As for the wedding, I really don't see how we can continue to plan, luckily (!) we have only paid for the venue deposit and haven't sent invitations etc.
I have scrolled back through the last few years on Facebook and have found some comments to show that we have been on friendly terms with this girl, things that she surely wouldn't voluntarily post to someone who has supposedly done these horrific things she's claiming. I have kept in mind what everyone has said with regards to passing on this new evidence at this stage so thank you for that, I wouldn't have considered that she could change her story.
Just trying to carry on as normal, like you said this nightmare could go on for months. Just wish I could stop feeling sick all the time.

i suggest you also arrange a meeting with the school, all they would get from the social worker is "so and so has been accused of historic child abuse..." and that one liner doesn't always sound so good. When i went in and spoke to school and pre-school i did start with "now obviously i'm going to say he is innocent and we are working closely with the police and social services to prove his innocence in this malicious allegation... but, the main reason i'm here is because i want to work with you to ensure that ____ education and emotional wellbeing is affected as least as possible." also, do not question your child in what was asked by ss, i will be hard but you can't go down that road,it wont help and if your child misquotes something to you it will be awful. Its hard, as i wanted to ask my children 50 questions but regretted it when i started asking. Also it would'nt be nice for them either to keep bringing it up will stress them out.

Sorry, lots there but hopefully useful advice.. sounds like you have a good sw though which really really helps,

keep strong xx

**Rights Fighter** · 5 May 2016, 02:39 PM

He hasn't been officially arrested but has given a statement without a solicitor present. We are able to pay for a good solicitor but have no idea what the next steps may be.

So he has been interviewed then? Did he go "no comment" and just give a written statement or maybe no actual interview as such?

I ask, as it's unusual for somebody to present the police with a pre-prepared statement in this situation, without being advised to by a solicitor. Does he work in the police or legal services?

**Pleasehelpus** · 5 May 2016, 04:19 PM

Originally posted by hello88 View Post

i suggest you also arrange a meeting with the school, all they would get from the social worker is "so and so has been accused of historic child abuse..." and that one liner doesn't always sound so good. When i went in and spoke to school and pre-school i did start with "now obviously i'm going to say he is innocent and we are working closely with the police and social services to prove his innocence in this malicious allegation... but, the main reason i'm here is because i want to work with you to ensure that ____ education and emotional wellbeing is affected as least as possible." also, do not question your child in what was asked by ss, i will be hard but you can't go down that road,it wont help and if your child misquotes something to you it will be awful. Its hard, as i wanted to ask my children 50 questions but regretted it when i started asking. Also it would'nt be nice for them either to keep bringing it up will stress them out.

Sorry, lots there but hopefully useful advice.. sounds like you have a good sw though which really really helps,

keep strong xx

Thank you, I have made a meeting to see her teacher in the morning. Luckily the SW allowed me to be present while she spoke to my daughter, who happily sat on my knee and answered all her questions. Thank you for your advice X

**Pleasehelpus** · 5 May 2016, 04:21 PM

Originally posted by Rights Fighter View Post

So he has been interviewed then? Did he go "no comment" and just give a written statement or maybe no actual interview as such?

I ask, as it's unusual for somebody to present the police with a pre-prepared statement in this situation, without being advised to by a solicitor. Does he work in the police or legal services?

Yes, he has been interviewed but not yet arrested (that's what I meant by given a statement- I have had no dealings with the police so completely unfamiliar with the process, I now realise it's not the same thing!)

**Rights Fighter** · 5 May 2016, 05:05 PM

He should have been offered the use of a free solicitor. Was he?

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