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Nfa!!!!
NFA on Wednesday after 5 months on bail
Bananas for everyone!
I want to share my experience in the hope that somewhere, some time someone will find this useful. I am also asking questions and anyone with more experience to correct any procedural inaccuracies because I have had the opportunity to question my FA very recently about what happened, how and why.
In November 2015 After 10 months of marriage and 2 miscarriages, my wife and myself had a rocky relationship and after a bad row, she sent some not very flattering naked pictures of me to about a dozen people in revenge for an argument we had. I broke down over it and was obviously utterly distraught, heartbroken and soon after started to be concerned about her mental health.
I went to her family Doctor to try and get her professional help (I thought she might have something like bi-polar) and the family doctor refers her to a perinatal midwife as she is about 8 weeks pregnant at this point. Whatever she said to the perinatal midwife somehow convinced her she was in a sexually and physically abusive relationship and the midwife involved social services which scared the wits out my wife who thought that I was trying to get her other 2 kids put into care. The social worker gets a domestic abuse team involved and my FA's story is fuelled and encouraged that a crime has been committed and she is told she will be under investigation with them the whole time she is living with me.
Anything I did or had ever done was construed as controlling. For example, I told her she could quit work if she wanted to, entirely up to her because she wanted to do charity work. I have a decent job and believe in charitable work. Apparently I was doing and saying this because I wanted to control her and it is a common tactic of abusers!!
Social worker interviewed me for about a week before Christmas for a whole 10 minutes and the interview consisted of her telling me to leave the house I had just put my life savings into 4 months earlier and that I am an abusive husband. She made no effort to listen to a word I had to say and had clearly made her mind up that I was this abusive controlling monster before ever meeting me. Anyone who knows me would laugh at this assessment, I'm one of the most laid back, placid people you could ever meet. The SW scared the wits out my FA by apparently saying I was having a detrimental affect on her other 2 kids - despite her telling the SW we never argued In front of the kids and that I had never laid a finger on her or the children. She apparently told my wife straight after the interview that she "saw right through him" - great detective work in 10 minutes there!!
I got myself a family solicitor shortly after the SW interview and believed I would soon be subject to an occupation order on the house. Family sol prepped me to make sure I got as much evidence to show I was no danger and no threat to anyone and made financial offer for her to rehome herself. I also had to collect info on private rental homes in her price range she could have moved Into as potential evidence, to not enter her living space and restrict myself to the spare rooms in my house, I also started recording all our interactions. Judge me how you will but yes, I made my 3 month pregnant wife and her 2 young children move out of the family home. the occupation order never came but she says she was encouraged by all officials to go down this route in January this year.
She left the family home to stay with friends a couple of days before Christmas and came back a few days after. I was having a conversation with her down stairs and was recording, it was heated but nothing Untowards. She then burst out screaming at me like a crazy person and picks up her phone, calm as you like and dials 999 and asks for the police (I have this recorded!!) police come out, listen to my recording, ask her to leave for a "cool off period" and mark this as 'No Crime Incident' but had no idea the relevance of that at the time.
At the end of January she (supposedly) reported me to the police and gave ABE interview shortly afterwards however this does not stack up to me as I was not arrested until mid April. Feedback here would be interesting as I believed it was a case of arrest ASAP and investigate later because she could be lying to spin me a yarn. She also said that she did not ever use the word rape and has agreed I did not rape her. She says, she did not know what I had been arrested and bailed for until about 3 weeks ago.
The FA also said that as soon as she had reported things to the police, all these agencies, social workers, domestic abuse teams, dropped her like a hot spud after working so hard to get her to make a complaint.
You can read above in the thread for the experience post arrest and confusion from there but I met my son about a month ago, and whilst on bail, saw him with my FA and a chaperone for several hours at a time 5 days out of 7 for the last month and it's been awesome. Never broke bail and did not talk about anything other than my son despite her trying to tell me things like "i'v texted the police and asked them to drop it"
So a few things on the police - I think i got lucky as the OIC was polite and objective and I think when he gave me the NFA it was done in the custody sergeants office, very official and recorded on the day I was due to answer bail. He made it clear that although she withdrew support. I am also told he actually asked her In her retraction statement "so are you saying the incidents did not occur?" Not sure how she withdrew but thought it was important to share that this officer at least tried to ask the question to have her for perverting the course of justice.
She also says she never used the word rape and that she had no clue that was what I was arrested for even after I had been bailed and re-bailed until she saw a letter from my solicitor. That was when she withdrew. She also has spoken to a support person of some description who has said, It is common for them to arrest on serious charge and reduce to less serious charges if it went to CPS. The 2 'incidents' put to me as rape were nothing more than drunken sex with my wife where I had been a bit overzealous and been a bit rough. I'm not proud of it and accept she did not enjoy it but it was NOT rape and was with consent.
I am considering the possibility of reconciliation with my FA. That will shock and enrage some people here and I'd like to know if some of what I have said here is a plausible explanation from her from this in the know. I tonight laid out 3 things as a requirement before I could consider it:-
1. she publicly tells people I did not rape her
2. There is some legal agreement that she cannot ever take our house away by making an accusation (not sure that is even possible)
3. She gets the approval of my close friends and family (virtually impossible)
NFA on Wednesday after 5 months on bail
Bananas for everyone!
I want to share my experience in the hope that somewhere, some time someone will find this useful. I am also asking questions and anyone with more experience to correct any procedural inaccuracies because I have had the opportunity to question my FA very recently about what happened, how and why.
In November 2015 After 10 months of marriage and 2 miscarriages, my wife and myself had a rocky relationship and after a bad row, she sent some not very flattering naked pictures of me to about a dozen people in revenge for an argument we had. I broke down over it and was obviously utterly distraught, heartbroken and soon after started to be concerned about her mental health.
I went to her family Doctor to try and get her professional help (I thought she might have something like bi-polar) and the family doctor refers her to a perinatal midwife as she is about 8 weeks pregnant at this point. Whatever she said to the perinatal midwife somehow convinced her she was in a sexually and physically abusive relationship and the midwife involved social services which scared the wits out my wife who thought that I was trying to get her other 2 kids put into care. The social worker gets a domestic abuse team involved and my FA's story is fuelled and encouraged that a crime has been committed and she is told she will be under investigation with them the whole time she is living with me.
Anything I did or had ever done was construed as controlling. For example, I told her she could quit work if she wanted to, entirely up to her because she wanted to do charity work. I have a decent job and believe in charitable work. Apparently I was doing and saying this because I wanted to control her and it is a common tactic of abusers!!
Social worker interviewed me for about a week before Christmas for a whole 10 minutes and the interview consisted of her telling me to leave the house I had just put my life savings into 4 months earlier and that I am an abusive husband. She made no effort to listen to a word I had to say and had clearly made her mind up that I was this abusive controlling monster before ever meeting me. Anyone who knows me would laugh at this assessment, I'm one of the most laid back, placid people you could ever meet. The SW scared the wits out my FA by apparently saying I was having a detrimental affect on her other 2 kids - despite her telling the SW we never argued In front of the kids and that I had never laid a finger on her or the children. She apparently told my wife straight after the interview that she "saw right through him" - great detective work in 10 minutes there!!
I got myself a family solicitor shortly after the SW interview and believed I would soon be subject to an occupation order on the house. Family sol prepped me to make sure I got as much evidence to show I was no danger and no threat to anyone and made financial offer for her to rehome herself. I also had to collect info on private rental homes in her price range she could have moved Into as potential evidence, to not enter her living space and restrict myself to the spare rooms in my house, I also started recording all our interactions. Judge me how you will but yes, I made my 3 month pregnant wife and her 2 young children move out of the family home. the occupation order never came but she says she was encouraged by all officials to go down this route in January this year.
She left the family home to stay with friends a couple of days before Christmas and came back a few days after. I was having a conversation with her down stairs and was recording, it was heated but nothing Untowards. She then burst out screaming at me like a crazy person and picks up her phone, calm as you like and dials 999 and asks for the police (I have this recorded!!) police come out, listen to my recording, ask her to leave for a "cool off period" and mark this as 'No Crime Incident' but had no idea the relevance of that at the time.
At the end of January she (supposedly) reported me to the police and gave ABE interview shortly afterwards however this does not stack up to me as I was not arrested until mid April. Feedback here would be interesting as I believed it was a case of arrest ASAP and investigate later because she could be lying to spin me a yarn. She also said that she did not ever use the word rape and has agreed I did not rape her. She says, she did not know what I had been arrested and bailed for until about 3 weeks ago.
The FA also said that as soon as she had reported things to the police, all these agencies, social workers, domestic abuse teams, dropped her like a hot spud after working so hard to get her to make a complaint.
You can read above in the thread for the experience post arrest and confusion from there but I met my son about a month ago, and whilst on bail, saw him with my FA and a chaperone for several hours at a time 5 days out of 7 for the last month and it's been awesome. Never broke bail and did not talk about anything other than my son despite her trying to tell me things like "i'v texted the police and asked them to drop it"
So a few things on the police - I think i got lucky as the OIC was polite and objective and I think when he gave me the NFA it was done in the custody sergeants office, very official and recorded on the day I was due to answer bail. He made it clear that although she withdrew support. I am also told he actually asked her In her retraction statement "so are you saying the incidents did not occur?" Not sure how she withdrew but thought it was important to share that this officer at least tried to ask the question to have her for perverting the course of justice.
She also says she never used the word rape and that she had no clue that was what I was arrested for even after I had been bailed and re-bailed until she saw a letter from my solicitor. That was when she withdrew. She also has spoken to a support person of some description who has said, It is common for them to arrest on serious charge and reduce to less serious charges if it went to CPS. The 2 'incidents' put to me as rape were nothing more than drunken sex with my wife where I had been a bit overzealous and been a bit rough. I'm not proud of it and accept she did not enjoy it but it was NOT rape and was with consent.
I am considering the possibility of reconciliation with my FA. That will shock and enrage some people here and I'd like to know if some of what I have said here is a plausible explanation from her from this in the know. I tonight laid out 3 things as a requirement before I could consider it:-
1. she publicly tells people I did not rape her
2. There is some legal agreement that she cannot ever take our house away by making an accusation (not sure that is even possible)
3. She gets the approval of my close friends and family (virtually impossible)
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